She missed him.
The longing surged, not overwhelming, but a dull ache arose in her heart. With each breath, those tangled memories, just fragmented snippets, intertwined and mingled, rushed into her mind.
A word, a phrase, there was the first meeting, the wedding candle, the arguments, the tears…
She couldn't differentiate; she just knew it was all about Mu Lianxiao.
All about the scent of Yunluo Flowers.
Tears blurred her eyes, dropping with a patter onto her embroidered shoes.
Gently, someone embraced her shoulders, warm hands slowly prying open her tightly clenched fists, and a soft voice whispered in her ear.
"Don't hurt yourself. If you must cry, wait until she leaves."
Du Yunluo's body went stiff instantly, and she suddenly looked up, astonished.
She saw Du Yunru, her sister tenderly holding her. Under those lovely phoenix eyes, there was a hint of redness, yet she still managed to squeeze out a smile for her.
Du Yunluo blinked forcefully, disregarded the crescent marks in her palms, and tightly hugged Du Yunru's waist, suppressing her sobs: "I'm sorry..."
Why apologize, why say sorry? Du Yunru didn't know, but she felt the endless sadness and guilt from her delicate sister's frame. This pampered little sister, when had she ever been like this?
Du Yunru's heart was in agony, fearing their noise outside might be heard, she could only rub her cheek against Du Yunluo's for comfort.
Du Yunluo cried so hard she almost lost her breath, burying her head against her sister's chest, restraining herself from making a sound.
That moment was too familiar to her.
Previously, after her marriage, her relationship with her maiden family became rigid and distant. Even Du Yunru blamed her for being unreasonable and wouldn't associate with her.
Until that summer in the 25th year of Yong'an.
Mu Lianxiao had only returned to the capital for three months when he was ordered again to prepare for an expedition.
Du Yunluo's heart pounded like a drum, inexplicably filled with a sense of impending doom, fearing he might never return this time.
She cried, she raged, and she struggled, but what else could she do beyond that?
Du Yunru came to see her, which was the first time her sister visited her after her marriage.
She embraced Du Yunru, crying and complaining, blaming them for forcing her into marriage, blaming them for gambling with her whole life.
Du Yunru gently pried open her fists, rubbing the marks on her palms, eyes brimming with tears: "Don't hurt yourself. If you must cry, wait until he leaves."
The exact same words, the exact same actions.
Throwing the past scenes right in front of her.
Like a bucket of ice water poured down her head, or as if drowning and unable to breathe.
Many, many years later, Du Yunluo would know that Du Yunru came only at Mu Lianxiao's request.
Yet she refused to listen, refused to endure, finally angering Du Yunru into leaving with a flick of her sleeve, leaving Mu Lianxiao to march off with worries.
How many people had she wronged?
Du Yunru was also distressed, cradling her sister's face to wipe away her tears.
Du Yunluo gazed at Du Yunru's features; her sister was in her charming sixteen years, even prettier than the few peonies she nurtured.
Sniffling, Du Yunluo forced a smile.
There's still time; she won't wrong those who sincerely care for her anymore. What she owed in the past life, she must repay in this life.
Seeing Du Yunluo regain her composure, Du Yunru was somewhat relieved and went to listen for any movements outside.
Only to hear Mrs. Shi say: "I won't say anything else. The future is unpredictable, and no one can guarantee anything. I voiced this today solely because I like Yunluo girl and am satisfied with the character of the Princely Heir. As sisters, I won't want you to blame me in five or ten years for matching Yunluo girl with a wastrel or someone incapable.
Although it's often said to raise one's head when marrying a daughter and lower it when marrying a daughter-in-law, that's still the Marquis Mansion. They've hinted at it, and we shouldn't delay too long, or resentment may grow, and it would be a disservice to the girl."
Mrs. Zhen nodded repeatedly: "I understand these reasons. Sister, please allow me to think further, and let our Old Lady and Old Master consider it too."
Mrs. Shi agreed, remembering Du Yunru was still hiding in the green gauze cabinet, and didn't stay long, taking her leave.
After Mrs. Shi left Qinghui Garden, Mrs. Zhen glanced towards where her daughters were hidden.
Du Yunluo wiped her face with the back of her hand, just about to go out, but was stopped by Du Yunru. She looked at her sister in confusion.
"Dingyuan Marquis Mansion..." Du Yunru murmured, pausing, and seeming to make a decision, looked up and said seriously, "You cried just now, does that mean you don't want it?"
Du Yunluo was startled.
"If you don't want, tell me. I'll plead with our grandfather and grandmother, I'll..." Du Yunru said, her voice trembling.
The tears Du Yunluo had held back nearly fell again.
How blind had she been before, to think her family was trading her for the family's future?
Clearly, clearly, they were considering her well-being.
She only had herself to blame for being swayed by Du Yunying and Du Yunnuo's few provocations, rushing to Lianfu Garden to make a scene, embarrassing Du Gongfu and Mrs. Xia, and causing Mrs. Zhen to lose her stance.
"Sister," Du Yunluo smiled, "I don't mind, Mrs. Shi was right, the Princely Heir really is a very good person, someone beyond our reach."
Du Yunru pursed her lips, closely observing Du Yunluo's expressions, trying to see if there was any hidden meaning: "It's just the two of us here, tell me the truth."
Du Yunluo arched her eyes, gentle as a spring breeze: "The truth is, I want to marry him."
"You…" Du Yunru opened her mouth, reconsidered her words several times, but in the end swallowed them back.
She believed what Du Yunluo said, detecting the tenderness in her sister's eyes when mentioning the Princely Heir couldn't be faked. If her heart weren't set upon him, how could she have such a reaction? But...
But if she really was willing, why had she cried so sorrowfully just now?
Also, when did Du Yunluo get to know the Heir of Duke Dingyuan so well that her heart was set on him?
Du Yunru couldn't figure it out; indeed, these days, everyone felt Du Yunluo was acting oddly.
Crying bitterly beside their mother's bed that day, then behaving docilely these following days, and today yet again...
Her sister had changed, become more understanding, and more heartbreaking.
Du Yunru's fair fingers adjusted Du Yunluo's fringe, she remembered Jin Ling mentioning Du Yunluo had a nightmare. What kind of nightmare could change a person so drastically?
"Let's go out, Mother is waiting for us." Du Yunluo took her sister's hand and pushed open the door of the green gauze cabinet.
Mrs. Zhen, upon hearing them, turned to look, seeing her two daughters with red-rimmed eyes and quickly called Shui Yue to bring water.
After Shui Yue helped the sisters wash their faces, she retreated, leaving the inner room to the masters.
Mrs. Zhen gestured for Du Yunru to sit on the embroidered stool, then pulled Du Yunluo to sit closely beside her on the bed, "Why did you cry so hard?"
Before Du Yunluo could speak, Du Yunru quickly interjected: "Mother, is it true that you plan to marry Yunluo to Dingyuan Marquis Mansion?"
Mrs. Zhen's hand holding Du Yunluo's tightened slightly, looking into her eldest daughter's eyes: "What do you think?"
Du Yunru took a deep breath: "Mrs. Shi said one thing right; no one can guarantee the future holds. But judging the present, the Princely Heir is quite wonderful."
Mrs. Zhen secretly sighed.
After Mrs. Shi left, the two sisters had dawdled inside for a while, certainly discussing these matters.
Given Du Yunru's current remarks, it was clear this was Du Yunluo's sentiment.
Looking deeply at her youngest daughter's beautiful face, Mrs. Zhen continuously questioned herself, was it merely due to others' laudatory words about Mu Lianxiao that Du Yunluo developed a crush, naïve to evaluate the future, or had she already developed an obsession unbeknownst to her own mother?