I don't know where it started—the intriguing thoughts of him sprouting in my mind. I hate it. I hate that I always search for his gaze, how I always walk on eggshells, afraid I'll mess up, how everything needs to be perfect when he's around. I hate it, at the same time, I don't. It's a conflicting matter that always drowns me in thoughts. "What is this?" I asked myself. Is this love, or is it just an honest appeal to be notice by someone? Either way, I despise it. I despise it so much that I consider it a fleeting fixation. Hoping it would stop I considered it as such.
So? How did I like him? The answer is, I never did or never did I know—either way it had already ended up like this. Maybe it's because his loud, loud yet people take his words above all else. Maybe it's how, no matter how boastful he becomes, he has evidence to back up his claims (which by the way, he never is—boastful). Or maybe the way he never filters his words when it comes to giving advise. Either way, it matters not! The only things that matter is: How does it stop?