So, apparently, the universe has a sense of humor.
Not "haha, that's funny" sense, but "you thought death was over, loser?" sense.
Because after I woke up on my fancy moss throne with Cornalis polishing his imaginary silver medals, I didn't have to wait long for local wildlife to introduce it.
Goblins' Perspective -
Zig—our three-foot-tall, green, pointy-eared hero—was sprinting as if his life depended on it.
Which, technically, it did.
He had seen the shadow first.
A dark, purple aura hovering near the strange moss throne.
It wasn't smoke. It wasn't mist. It wasn't one of those cute glowing bugs that try to kill you in 3 seconds.
No. This was pure existential dread wrapped in a humanoid shape.
And then he saw the man beside it.
The taller one. The one dressed like a fancy butler from some human king's nightmares.
Even from ten meters away, Zig felt his knees wobble, his stomach flip, and his spine decide it wanted a vacation.
He didn't know what he was looking at. Could it be a god? A demon? Or worse—a human with a terrifying fashion sense?
"Ahh! Run!" he squeaked.
So he ran.
But of course, Zig wasn't the only goblin in the jungle.
The clan was curious. And food-deprived.
A small horde shuffled after him, sticks and makeshift clubs in hand.
"Zig! What's wrong?"
"We saw… we saw… something evil!"
They crept closer, staying low. Their eyes caught the dark, almost unnatural aura, even from a distance.
"It's… bigger than the forest," one muttered.
"Feels like… the world itself is screaming!" another whispered.
And then their gaze fell on the butler.
Cornalis, calm and composed, simply tilted his head.
For some reason, that made every goblin pee a little in terror.
Zig realized something terrifying: whatever this human and his servant were, they were far above their level.
So, naturally, the goblins did what any rational creature does: stand frozen, staring at impending doom while internally debating which death would be faster—being eaten or being judged.
And yes, readers, you guessed it.
I was watching them, smirking like the absolute legend I am.
From my throne, I could see Zig and the rest of his band. Their tiny green faces twisted in confusion and terror.
Cornalis stood perfectly still beside me, exuding his usual don't-mess-with-this-butler vibe.
I rubbed my chin. "Hmm… so they're scared. Good.
Fear is the first ingredient of kingdom-building."
Yes, dear reader, I already had a plan. And yes, it involved using my inventory, which conveniently contained some leftover fruits and vegetables from… well, game logic.
Don't ask me why a dead gamer-turned-lord carries virtual produce. Just accept it. Suspension of disbelief, my friend.
"Cornalis," I said, pointing at the frozen goblin horde.
"They see you. They see me. And their tiny little goblin brains are about to explode.
Perfect timing. Hand me the fruit basket."
Cornalis produced a basket of glowing fruits (why glowing? Because it's aesthetically pleasing, that's why).
I tossed a few toward the goblins.
The goblins blinked.
"Food?" one asked, cautiously moving forward.
"Yes, little green morsels," I said with a theatrical bow.
"Eat. Consider it… a gift from your new lord."
They hesitated.
One stepped closer, grabbed a fruit. Another picked a carrot.
And just like that, the ice of fear melted slightly, replaced with curiosity and mild greed.
"Readers," I said aloud, because why not talk to you, "pay attention.
This is how diplomacy works in my kingdom.
Step one: scare them. Step two: give them food. Step three: make them sign a lifetime contract to worship me.
Metaphorically, of course… or literally, if you're a goblin."
Now, once they had a mouthful of fruit, I leaned back, folding my arms.
Cornalis stood still, eyes glowing faintly in old-butler mode, exuding intimidation on steroids.
The goblins, though eating, occasionally glanced at him and shivered like wet puppies.
"Soon," I whispered, rubbing my hands together.
"Our first official citizens.
All according to plan. Evil but effective."
I watched as Zig finally came forward, nudging the others.
"Do we… trust them?"
I almost laughed.
Yes, tiny goblin, trust me. Or don't. Either way, it's entertaining.
Ah, yes. Because every good story requires a complication.
A few minutes later, the head priest of the goblins arrived.
And let me tell you, this guy did not read the manual for "how to react when your clan meets a supernatural overlord."
He was tall for a goblin, robes flowing, staff glowing faintly.
He stopped dead in front of me, eyes narrowing.
"Who… are you?" he asked, voice trembling like my Wi-Fi during online raids.
"Well," I said, leaning forward, "I'm Haru. Lord. King. Ultimate Overlord. Conqueror of titles.
But you can just call me… Lord Haru."
The priest squinted.
"I… I see no proof… you are a king…."
I blinked.
"Uh… thanks for your input, Mr. Priest, really.
You're helping me gauge your stupidity levels, which is useful."
He frowned, muttering incantations.
My butler stepped forward in old-butler mode.
Instantly, the priest's eyes widened.
A visible aura of fear radiated from Cornalis, making even the bravest goblin flinch.
Now, I knew this would happen. Cornalis was basically my livingintimidation cheat code.
The priest took a cautious step back, muttering, "I… feel… the power…"
I nudged Cornalis slightly.
"Do your thing, buddy. Make them beg to join."
Cornalis' crimson eyes glowed brighter. He raised a hand, and I swear, dear reader, the very air around us felt heavier, like the forest itself realized it was in trouble.
The priest's knees wobbled.
The goblins looked between us, mouths full of fruit, understanding quickly that messing with this throne-occupying human was a very, very bad idea.
I sat back and acted casual, tossing a grape into my mouth.
"Now," I said, addressing the priest, "here's the deal.
You and your goblin friends…
join me. Serve me. Be the first citizens of Dravemire.
In return, I provide protection, food, and occasional sarcasm."
The priest stammered.
"I… we… we cannot… our laws… tradition…"
Cornalis sighed politely and moved forward, simply standing closer.
The pressure intensified.
The priest's knees clicked audibly—like some cursed dice roll in real time.
"See?" I whispered to the goblins, "He doesn't even know what he's agreeing to.
But that's diplomacy for you. Shock and awe, followed by… edible bribery."
After a few minutes of Cornalis' intimidating stare and me casually tossing fruits into the priest's robes like a goblin candy dealer,
the priest finally gasped, "We… accept… Lord Haru."
Victory.
The goblins cheered (or squeaked, same thing).
Zig ran to my throne, bowing awkwardly.
"Welcome… my lord," he squeaked.
I waved a hand.
"Congratulations, tiny green ones.
You are now officially my citizens. Welcome to Dravemire.
Population: 6.
Including me.
And Cornalis, obviously, because you can't leave him out.
He's terrifying.
Level Up!
Ah, the sweet reward of a clever plan.
I glanced at my glowing menu:
> LEVEL UP!
Haru Takamine – LV 5
Passive EXP Rate: +15/hour
I grinned at the readers.
"See that? Level five already.
All thanks to a little fear, fruit, and my impeccable sense of humor.
Yes, yes, you can be jealous.
Don't worry, you'll get your turn in chapter twenty… maybe."
Cornalis bowed politely, eyes glowing faintly.
"Your Kingdom System recognizes the expansion of influence, My Lord.
Experience will continue to accumulate automatically."
I gave him a thumbs-up.
"Good job, buddy.
Next step: infrastructure, defenses, and maybe teaching the goblins not to trip over each other.
Priorities, you know."
Now, let's pause a second, readers.
I see your eyes wide, thinking:
"Wait, the priest agreed? That's too easy! Something's going to happen!"
Yes.
You're right.
You're always right.
But not yet.
Because patience is a virtue.
And besides, your suspense levels are deliciously high.
I looked at my growing goblin tribe and Cornalis beside me.
A kingdom in the making.
Level five.
+15 EXP per hour.
And me, still slightly damp from the jungle.
"Don't worry, dear readers," I said, leaning back, tossing another fruit to a tiny goblin, "next chapter I'll introduce more chaos, probably dragons, maybe elves,
and definitely more sarcasm.
Stick around.
Or don't. I don't actually care.
But trust me… things are about to get interesting."
I looked at Cornalis.
"Ready for plan B?"
He inclined his head.
"As always, My Lord."
I grinned.
"Oh, this is going to be fun."
And with that, Dravemire officially had its first citizens.
And me?
Well, I was officially the Lord of a kingdom in a world that doesn't even know what hit it.