Johanna awoke to voices all around her, all familiar and much alive, which Johanna thought for sure that she would not be after taking out that demon. Demon. She thought with a panic. Alec.
Johanna arose with a start from the bed in the infirmary to see Jace and Magnus staring intensely back at her.
"Alec?" She cried hoarsely, frantically searching the room, to find him laying peacefully in a bed right next to hers.
"Alec." She said again, this time with a bit more relief, ignoring the pain radiating throughout her body as she tried to make her way towards him.
"Hold it right there angel-face!" Magnus said, grabbing her and pushing her forcefully back into her pillow. "You have no strength to even be walking right now, let alone continue indulging your hero complex. I honestly don't know how you're even still alive, but then again I do take some credit for that." He smiled wryly.
"Alec," She panted, trying to ignore the growing pain in her head. "He's hurt."
"And he'll live, again, thanks to moi. You aren't the only one around here with powers you know, and might I say, I usually don't throw myself into a coma every time I use them."
"How are you feeling?" Jace added taking a seat next to her.
"The usual." She sighed taking another glimpse towards Alec. She had thought he was dead. She could still hear the sound his body made as it hit the wall, causing a cold shiver to radiate down her spine.
She had never hated anything so much before she had met a demon, all she could see at that moment was Emmanuel dangling in its grasp, she couldn't let it happen again, and when she saw Alec, bloodied and broken lying motionless on the floor, something snapped within her.
Tears began to sting her eyes as the thought of losing Alec too crossed her mind. She didn't know when she had come to care so much about him through all of the harshness between the two of them, but she did, and she couldn't imagine trying to adapt this life of a shadowhunter without him.
"Hey." Jace said, gently placing a comforting hand onto her shoulder. "You did good." He smiled.
"Clary, Isabelle." She managed to choke out.
"Their fine too. Just some bumps and bruises, nothing a healing iratze couldn't fix." Jace reassured her.
Johanna let out a relieved sigh. "They know now, don't they?"
"Yeah."
"They probably think I'm some monster." She said gravely.
"No, they don't, they accept you, just as much as they had before."
Johanna let out a light cough that didn't seem to stop, and soon she was doubled over trying to gasp for just a morsel of air.
"Johanna!" Jace gasped, as the bright red blood began spurting out of her mouth and nose.
"I…I…" She tried saying through the violent heaving of her chest.
Magnus let out a deep sigh and slapped her back forcefully, causing Johanna to cough up the remaining blood that had blocked her passageways.
Johanna heaved in a shaky breath, gulping in the air greedily. Jace gave Magnus a quick glare as he continued to rub her back comfortingly.
"About that." Magnus spoke, as if the sight before him hadn't quite affected him. "I managed to find something about your…predicament, however I'm afraid that it wasn't quite what you were looking for."
"Anything is what I'm looking for." Johanna said hoarsely, wiping the remaining blood from her face.
"What did you find Magnus?" Jace asked impatiently.
Magnus sighed. "All I could seem to find was a temporary fix to the problem, but nothing yet on how to separate the two of you."
"I don't have much time left, Magnus, I'll take anything at this point."
"What do you have to do?" added Jace.
"I cannot do anything, it is a rite only those blessed by the angel can perform."
"Shadowhunters?" Jace asked.
"Possibly, although wasn't that specific. A human vessel, shadowhunter or not, can only withstand so much angelic power for so long. The book described Johanna's dilapidation to a tee. First come the headaches, then the nose bleeds, and then the organs begin to shutdown slowly one by one. In order for the vessel to survive, they must ease some of the strain off of their body by sharing the power with someone else." Magnus explained.
"Share the power?" Johanna asked skeptically. "And how could I possibly do that?"
"You would have to connect to someone of heavenly blood, by the same process as the first time the angel connected to you, It would have to be someone who could handle their share of the strain, someone preferably that you have connected to before."
"But I don't know how I connected with Ithuriel, it just happened, he touched my head and then…" Johanna trailed off, trying hard to remember that day, but her last memory without Ithuriel connected to her, stopped there.
"Even if this does work," Jace added, "How would the connection even work? How would it help Johanna?"
Magnus scratched the chipped black polish from his nails as if the conversation was uninteresting to him. "That person would be bound to Ithuriel as well, which means any sort of power increase would be divided between the two of them, instead of just Johanna."
"That doesn't make any sense." Jace stated dryly.
"Well that's angels for you." Magnus sighed.
"How would it affect the other person?" Johanna asked.
"As long as the bond between the two hosts is strong enough to share the angel's subconscious between the two of them, then there shouldn't be a problem."
"And what if it's not?"
"Then there is a slight possibility of that person going insane." Magnus shrugged nonchalantly.
Jace scrunched his face for a moment in deep contemplation, before saying, "I'll do it."
"Jace." Johanna said in surprise. "Are…are you sure?"
"No." Alec's voice came from his spot on the bed, drawing everyone's attention as he slowly sat himself up. "I'll do it."
Magnus let out a small scoff in disbelief. "You must be joking. You're in no shape to do anything of the sort."
"We've connected before, so I'm assuming I have a better chance." He stated flatly.
"Have you now?" Magnus questioned as shadows clouded his golden eyes.
"She's healed me Magnus." Alec rolled his eyes, wincing as he threw his feet over the side of the bed. "I would be dead if it wasn't for her, so I intend to do the same."
Alec's gaze fell onto Johanna. She looked back at him, uncertainty in her deep blue eyes.
"I…I can't let you do this." She managed to say, her eyes never leaving his.
"I'm glad you didn't have the same reservations with me." Jace replied sarcastically.
"It's not your decision to make." He said, ignoring Jace's comment.
"I think it's at least half my decision!" She replied angrily.
She didn't know why the thought of Alec sharing something so personal with her sent a wave of anxiety through her body, but it did.
"Because of your feelings for him." Ithuriel finally spoke.
"That's ridiculous!" She spat back.
"I may be an angel, but I do know the ways of human emotion, no matter how odd they may be."
"And what does Ithuriel have to say?" Alec asked, his head halfcocked, giving her a look that said he knew the angel was speaking.
Johanna's whole body burned bright red as her eyes came to meet his once again.
"Nothing, he….he didn't…"
Magnus made a deep throaty groan, drawing the attention away from Johanna, which she was very grateful for.
She didn't know why Ithuriel would think such things, the boy was gay for heaven's sake! And besides, he was controlling, moody, and the king of brooding, it was both physically and mentally exhausting being around him. But she somehow always found herself near him anyways, she sought out his company even when she knew it would probably end badly, and when that archdemon attacked the first person that crossed her mind, the person she feared for the most wasn't her sister Clary, it was Alec. The first person she thought of when she awoke…Alec.
Why? She pleaded with herself as the realization sank in. Why do you have feelings for someone who will never feel the same back? You're so stupid. She growled at herself. You're so stupid that you couldn't even see it until now. You're blind, naive, and stupid!
"I think I've had enough of all this." Magnus sighed once again, pulling Johanna from her mental breakdown. "So if you don't lose all your marbles trying to prove whatever it is you're trying to prove, call me." Magnus winked at Alec, and with a flip of the wrist, disappeared in a plumb of purple smoke.
Jace let out a long sigh. "I'm going to go check on Clary." He said. "You guys please try to get some rest, we will discuss all of this tomorrow, I don't think either of you guys have the strength to be arguing so much right now, I know I don't." He grumbled, giving Johanna one last pat on the shoulder before disappearing behind the door.
The room was filled with silence for an unnerving amount of time before Alec finally spoke up.
"Why don't you want me to do this?" He asked, almost sounding hurt, his piercing eyes fixated on her.
Johanna hesitated for a moment, twisting the soft fabric of her blanket nervously between her fingers.
"I just, I don't want you to have to get hurt again." She finally said.
"But you were perfectly fine with Jace?" Alec let out a small amused laugh.
"We'll yeah…It's just…"
"Please don't say you've somehow developed feelings for him too, because I honestly might vomit, that much drama might just throw me over the top." Alec smiled slightly as if to lighten the mood, but deep down there was something that felt like a twinge of fear and jealousy slowly creeping into his chest.
"God no!" She spat, disgust evident on her face. Alec didn't want to admit it but her reaction caused a wave of relief to wash through him.
Alec scooted slowly over to sit beside Johanna, taking her hand lightly into his, he didn't really know what he was doing as he pushed the small ringlet of hair from her eyes and tucked it gently behind her ear. Johanna's face flushed a bright red as his fingers ran lightly over the tender skin of her hands.
Her reaction to his sudden closeness made Alec feel somewhat accomplished. He knew she didn't understand his actions, and honestly, neither did he, he was never one for fleeting moments of comfort, especially none that were as close and personal as this, but Alec never was very good with words, so he had to show her that no matter how he may have treated her, she was someone important to him, and he would do whatever it took to make sure nothing happened to her.
"Alec." She squeaked out, her hand beginning to tremble slightly in his. It was hard to ignore the satisfaction it gave him to see her this way, it made him wonder if maybe she had begun to feel the same, but he couldn't think like that, he had Magnus, and what he felt for her wasn't fair for either of them. Alec slowly released her hand.
"Johanna, just listen for once." He said, trying to muster up the words to say. Johanna hesitated a moment before nodding her head. Her eyes had become watery, but not full of anger or sadness as they had been once before. To be honest, Alec couldn't really tell what she was thinking, and it didn't really help boost his confidence.
Alec let out a long, drawn out sigh. "Do you remember when I said you weren't my friend?" He asked. This seemed to spark a reaction out of Johanna as she pulled her brows together and squinted her eyes, letting him know she remembered quite well.
"Yeah." She huffed, causing a small smile to form onto Alec's face.
"Well it was the truth."
Johanna scoffed, pulling away from him a bit. "Wow, that didn't go where I was expecting it to."
"Would you just listen!" He groaned, causing Johanna to cross her arms across her chest impatiently.
"I said you weren't my friend because you're not, somehow you're more than that, you've become a part of my family to me, you risked your life to save mine, even though you didn't even know me, and that is more than I could ask of anyone, I don't need to ask you to prove your worth as a shadowhunter because you already have, and now it's my turn to prove the same to you."
The tears that had filled her eyes now spilled down her face like small crystals and before Alec knew what was happening, Johanna had flung herself towards him, enveloping him into a sea of soft ebony hair. This time he didn't hesitate in returning her gesture as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. Her body was soft and supple, but firm and endearing at the same time. Her hair smelled of lavender and soot, it was an odd combination but somehow Alec couldn't quite get enough of it.
The feeling of her body pressed against his own sent jolts of electricity through him, and for a split second he wondered if she had felt it too. The urge to kiss someone had never been greater as she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. He didn't even care that she had been getting his shirt wet again. His heart pounded fiercely in his chest and he feared if he didn't move away from her soon, he would end up losing his self-control. But he couldn't do it, the way she felt wrapped in his arms was too overpowering, and a jolt of fear surged through him.
He thought of how he once loved Jace, of the love he now felt for Magnus, any thought of any man he had even found the slightest bit attracted to, in order to drowned out these feelings for her now. But he couldn't, they were there, and he knew, to his own dismay, that they weren't going anywhere any time soon.