CRASHTEST STOPS HEIST—AGAIN! TRUCK AND STORE TOTALLED."
"IS IRONVALE'S IMMORTAL HERO A MENACE OR A MIRACLE?"
Danny Knox. Aka Crashtest. Thirty years old, lean build, dark messy hair, tired eyes. He wore a brown jacket on a faded, black tee with ripped jeans and black boots today. His suit was at the dry cleaners. So…day off.
He sat in the corner of a run-down diner, nursing his third cup of burnt coffee. The same diner the truck crashed into. The large truck sized hole was still in the window.
The waitress had stopped asking if he wanted a refill; she just kept pouring. There were two things that kept Danny going. Coffee, and lots of it, and sitcoms.
Across the room, a group of office workers whispered excitedly, pointing at him like he was some public attraction.
Danny didn't mind. He'd learned to tune out the chatter, the photos, the constant reminders that he was a walking joke to death itself. What bothered him was the paper that the waitress was sliding across the table.
Property damage invoice – $32,000.
He stared at it, then at the waitress.
"Damn. For a cup of coffee? Y'all are pretty expensive"
She glared at him.
"Do I look like I've got thirty-two grand lying around?" he asked.
She shrugged. "You did throw yourself into a truck."
Danny sighed. "Yeah, but for a good cause." He paused, then smirked. "Sort of."
Before he could argue with himself about whether saving a city from criminals was worth his rising debt, his phone buzzed. Unknown number. Probably a reporter. Or a lawyer. Or both.
He answered anyway.
"CrashTest speaking. What's the damage?"
A young voice replied, shaky but excited:
"Uh, hi! Big fan! I—I was wondering… do you need a sidekick?"
Danny groaned, lowering his head to the table.
Here we go.
"Look kid, I'm not looking for any help. I work alone"
"Wait! Sir…." Before the kid could say anything else he ended the call.
"Back to our conversation." He smiled at the waitress.
"Is there maybe any other way I could pay?" He winked.
"You're cute and all. But someone has to pay 32 grand, and my pay check a year isn't even one third of that." She said,
"Damn. That always works in the videos."
"Don't you guys have insurance?"
"We do. But they don't cover superhero collateral damage" she replied nonchalantly.
He sighed and slid a 100 dollar bill on the table.
"For the coffee. I speak with the agency later"
He stepped out of the coffee shop. Basking in the sun on the sidewalk. He checked his watch. It was past noon. Time to get his suit.
He walked down the block to the laundromat. Got his clothes and paid. Then he went to get some groceries. Mostly alcohol but still. He checked his account balance. Dead broke.
He sighed. His phone buzzed the alarm.
'Crash time'.
Oh I almost forgot about that. He hailed a cab.
"Airstrip"
A few hours later he arrived. He changed into his suit and was greeted by a middle aged man.
"Wow I can't believe I'm shaking hands with a real live hero" he said, excited.
"Yea. I get that alot"
"So is this your first time skydiving?" The man asked.
"Yes."Danny lied. Well not actually. It wasn't his first time skydiving. But it was the first time he was doing what he was about to do.
They entered the small private plane and it took off.
When it reached the right altitude it was time for the jump.
"So, take this," the man handed Danny a parachute.
"So remember, when you jump, pull the string when...….."
Danny stood there like a bobble toy, nodding at everything he said. But he didn't listen to anything the man said.
"Is that clear?"
He gave the man a thumbs up and without hesitation or waiting for another word. He dropped the parachute and jumped out the door.
"Holy shit!" The man panicked.
Danny aka Crashtest. Suicide attempt number 474.
He took a free fall and closed his eyes and awaited the impact of the ground. Suddenly he felt an impact but not the kind he was expecting.
He opened his eyes. Plane guy. He wrapped his hands around his waste.
"Don't worry I'm here to save you!" He yelled.
Danny frowned. "Let go dude." He said as he tried to force the man to release him. They struggled for quite some time. Danny noticed they were getting close to the ground. He hit the man in his diaphragm knocking the air out of him and released him.
He dived. The man cut his breath and saw the ground close too and pulled the string engaging his parachute.
Danny slammed hard into the ground with a splat, breaking all the bones in his body, blood and guts everywhere. He looked like a grotesque, Danny sized pancake.
The man landed safely and ran over to Danny.
"Oh my God!Are you ok?" The man asked.
And the answer, unfortunately, was yes. He managed to raise what was left of his hand and gave the man what was meant to be a thumbs up.
"Wow man. You're awesome".
"Another failed attempt to end myself. Yeah. Awesome." He thought sarcastically.