The great army marched north, and wherever it went, not a blade of grass grew and not even animals were spared.
An eight-bearer red bridal palanquin sat at the center of the formation, as big as a boat. Red lanterns hung all around it, beaming with festivity, a scene of family joy and prosperity.
Kairen lay on the couch inside the palanquin, on his side, tilting his head to look at the cold-faced Kurotsuchi.
Kairen pointed to his side and motioned. "Come here!"
Kurotsuchi turned her head away and ignored him.
Kairen raised a hand and released a Universal Pull.
At once, Kurotsuchi was pulled over against her will and tightly wrapped against Kairen's side.
"Damn pervert!"
Kurotsuchi's temper was stubborn. She refused to yield, pounding Kairen's chest with her small fists, scolding him nonstop.
Kairen didn't care about her little punches at all. Instead, he looked with interest at the little tantrum on her face.
"Didn't expect you to be so unique when you get mad!"
Kurotsuchi glared at Kairen. "Stinking pervert, give it up already! I will never submit to you."
Kairen hooked up her chin and gently kneaded it, saying softly,
"I, Moku Kairen, have always liked it when women submit with their mouths but not their hearts."
Kurotsuchi gritted her teeth and replied, "Keep dreaming for the rest of your life. Be careful, I'll crush you."
Kairen smiled. "Looks like you know quite a lot!"
Seeing that punching him for so long didn't even make Kairen frown, Kurotsuchi immediately changed tactics.
"Tyrant, I'll bite you to death!"
Kurotsuchi's eyes sharpened, and she took a bite at Kairen's chest.
Even with Kurotsuchi's astonishing bite force, Kairen's brows didn't crease at all.
He followed the smooth line of Kurotsuchi's black hair and said lightly,
"I don't have milk. No matter how much you squeeze, you won't get any out."
Kurotsuchi still didn't speak. She refused to believe she couldn't bite out blood.
"Ah…"
Kairen yawned, cupped both hands behind his head, and looked leisurely at Kurotsuchi's futile effort.
"I'll give you a suggestion—go lower."
Kurotsuchi still said nothing, dead set on biting Kairen until he bled.
Kairen smiled mischievously, and chakra began to circulate rapidly through his body.
Kurotsuchi's tongue tasted a hint of saltiness. Her face lit up—she'd finally bitten Kairen until he bled.
She kept gnawing hard, taking big mouthfuls, trying to suck Kairen dry into a mummy.
But the more she sucked, the more something felt off.
Kairen's blood tasted a bit sweet.
Kurotsuchi hurriedly let go and was shocked to find that what flowed from Kairen's chest wasn't blood, but milk.
Kurotsuchi was stunned and pointed at Kairen. "You have milk! You're a woman!"
Kairen burst into triumphant laughter.
"Hahaha… you silly girl, that's coconut milk formed by chakra taking shape!"
Kurotsuchi's anger flared at once. "You're messing with me again!"
Kairen smiled. "Since I let you drink my milk, then you should let me taste your coconut milk too!"
Kurotsuchi turned her head away and cursed him under her breath, calling him a hooligan.
From outside the dragon palanquin came a soft, respectful voice:
"Your Majesty, Iwagakure Village has arrived!"
"Got it!"
Kairen nodded, slowly stood up, glanced at Kurotsuchi, cleared his throat, and shifted his voice into an imperial tone.
"My beloved consort, dress me!"
"Get lost!"
...
After bustling about for a while, Kairen came out wearing a set of clothes.
It was a black-and-red han-style outfit, full of imperial majesty and the flamboyant elegance.
A eunuch at his side tactfully handed over a cigarette and even lit it.
Kairen took a deep drag and exhaled, blowing out a gray, smoke-shaped heart that slowly drifted toward Kurotsuchi.
Kurotsuchi slapped the smoke Kairen blew out, dispersing it, and continued to stand there with her arms folded and chest out.
She asked in a muffled voice, "Moku Kairen, invading another country out of thin air—are you really that overbearing?"
Kairen flicked the ash and sneered while pointing at a desolate stretch of the Land of Earth.
"Look—everything around here is lousy land. Even animals would shake their heads at it."
"Do you think I, Moku Kairen, am that bored, to come all this way to invade you?"
Kurotsuchi retorted, "Nonsense. What do you mean even animals would shake their heads?"
Kairen turned and swept his finger around, pointing at the shadow-clone animalfighting squad in the formation.
"Look!"
Kurotsuchi looked in the direction Kairen pointed. That group of animals was shaking their heads at the Land of Earth—this place was so shabby they wouldn't even want it as an animalhouse.
Kurotsuchi pouted and turned her head away, ignoring Kairen.
Kairen waved a hand toward the sky, and at once the army of shadow clones responded in unison.
"Surround the village… knock on widows' doors!"
From above, the huge flow of people split into two streams and quickly encircled the entire Iwagakure Village.
Iwagakure Village was ringed by mountains and rocks, its colors monotonous, so poor it was almost nothing but rocks.
This place wasn't just somewhere animals would shake their heads at—birds wouldn't even want to poop here.
With a glance from Kairen, a shadow clone walked out of the formation, took a loudspeaker, and shouted.
"Ōnoki, you're surrounded. If you know what's good for you, surrender at once and obediently hand over your wives and children."
...
Ōnoki was hopping mad in the Tsuchikage's office. He'd only just arrived back at the village, and Kairen's army had followed right behind.
"What should I do? What should I do?"
Ōnoki thought bitterly.
Relying on himself, he was no match for Kairen at all. Going out to fight would only be throwing his life away, but as Tsuchikage he couldn't just surrender like a coward.
With no other choice, Ōnoki could only look for a solution in the light curtain of the sky outside the window.
[Ōnoki: Kage, come save me!]
[Fourth Raikage: I can't get away! I still have to capture the Two-Tails! Wait—Uchiha Sasuke and Obito have appeared. They're trying to snatch the Two-Tails.]
[Mei Terumi: I can't do anything either. The entire Kirigakure is looking for the Three-Tails. Once this turtle swam into the sea, no one knows where it went.]
Now Ōnoki could only ask the Hokage. He said anxiously: [Hokage, only your village is still at ease. Hurry and send troops to save our Iwagakure.]
Tsunade sat in the Hokage's office, and now she was truly in a bind. Kairen's vast army was all ninjas.
Unless she was truly big-chested and brainless, there was no way she could send Konoha's ninjas out to die.
But as an excellent politician, Tsunade also understood the principle that when the lips are gone, the teeth are cold.
Once Kairen took the Land of Earth, he would basically complete a half-encirclement of the Land of Fire, and their destruction wouldn't be far off.
"What should we do?"
At this moment, a man in green stepped forward to volunteer.
"Lady Tsunade, let me go!"
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