"Don't you think Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn's been overly attentive to you lately?" That evening, Dong Jun felt compelled to warn Xue Nu. Once they returned to Daoism's Tai Yi Mountain, she was counting on cozying up to her.
"Yeah, it does feel a bit off," Xue Nu admitted, sensing something amiss but unable to pinpoint it.
"You haven't wondered why?" Dong Jun was exasperated. You're no fool— you've noticed it yourself, so why not just ask?
"He couldn't have fallen for me, right? Nah, impossible—he's all in on reviving himself now." Xue Nu shook her head, dismissing the wild thought.
"Don't you realize you've put on weight lately? And your master barely glances your way anymore." Dong Jun pressed.
"Have I?" Xue Nu still seemed oblivious, though she'd noticed her growing laziness lately—opting to lounge rather than stand whenever possible. She'd always sat for chess before; now she sprawled out. And that was Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn's doing, too—he'd taught her that reclining better relaxed the mind, deepened insight into all things, and aligned with Daoism's ethos of non-action.
"Didn't he also tell you to link sword forms, then reflect on flaws—only resuming when you've grasped them?" Dong Jun recalled watching Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn coach Xue Nu's swordplay. It had sounded profound at the time; now it reeked of sabotage, a ploy to keep her from burning off the fat he'd so carefully packed on.
"Yeah! And I checked with Master—he said Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn's a swordsmanship master, so his advice holds water." Xue Nu nodded enthusiastically.
Dong Jun pressed her palm to her forehead with a sigh. If Wu Chen Zi learned this was just Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn's twisted excuse to sideline Xue Nu's training, what would he make of it? He'd probably assume Xue Nu had hit a bottleneck and sought the guidance in good faith.
"You're beyond help!" Dong Jun lamented. Heaven-human unity experts were masters of manipulation—one slick pitch after another. She must be the outlier... or maybe a fake heaven-human herself.
"So, why do you think Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn's suddenly so nice to me?" Xue Nu pondered aloud. The mouth that eats grows soft, the hand that takes grows hesitant—surely he wanted a favor but was too shy to ask outright.
"I know, but I'm not telling." Dong Jun had given up on salvaging her.
If Xue Nu paired off too, she'd be stuck watching double the lovey-dovey nonsense. One serving of dog food was tolerable; two? She'd choke. And she wasn't jaded like Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn, weathered by life's blows.
"Come on, big sis—spill it! Worst case, I'll have him whip up one of your favorites tomorrow!" Xue Nu wheedled.
Dong Jun had only meant to tease, but that offer killed her resolve. She wouldn't sabotage Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn's scheme. Otherwise... the allure of his cooking was lethal. Earn his grudge, and it'd be one pig or two—either way, she'd end up penned in with the rest.
"Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn, if there's something you need my help with, just say it—I'll do it, no questions asked!"
The next morning, Xue Nu snuck over to corner him.
Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn gave her a once-over. Mm, another pound—progress. But what was this about? Anything beyond his grasp, and what could she possibly do?
"I've been mooching off your cooking, and it feels awkward. So if you need a hand with anything, spill— I won't breathe a word to Master or the others." Xue Nu whispered, fearing some shameful secret.
Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn got it now: she'd clocked his excess fussing. So what? No one's ever slighted me and walked away unscathed. If they have, I'll make their joy a endless torment—until they beg for the end!
"There is one thing. Heard you're tight with Lord Long Yang?" Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn mused after a pause.
"You mean Dragon Sis? Oh yeah, super close!" Xue Nu beamed. Finally—a real ask. Phew, beats him buttering me up for nothing.
Dragon Sis? Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn mentally slashed a blood-red X over her. Wei's top swordswoman, Yin-Yang School's Water-and-Earth Phases elder, Xiang Jun doubling as Xiang Fu Ren—and she dubs her Dragon Sis? The world had already been too kind; now it owed her a reckoning.
"Rumor has it she has this delicacy—sturgeon, super rare. You know me, a chef through and through, so I'm drooling over the ingredients. You get it." Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn said, smirking inwardly. Called me a chef? Fine—I'll chef so hard you'll burst. If you don't balloon, I ain't heaven-human.
"Got it! I'll have Dragon Sis ship some over—Xin Zheng's not far from Da Liang!" Xue Nu chirped. Easy peasy—and fresh eats incoming!
Dong Jun witnessed the exchange, watching Xue Nu scamper off elated, then eyeing Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn. Big leagues—untouchable.
"You clued her in?" Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn asked abruptly.
Dong Jun shuddered, shaking her head furiously. No way I'm earning that grudge—I'll end up on Xue Nu's treadmill. Worse than oblivious fattening was knowing it was coming and powerless to stop it.
"I wouldn't mind adding to your menu," he added.
"No need—really! I said nothing, won't say a word—swear!" Dong Jun's head wagged in triple denial. Why'd I even poke my nose in? Staying distant was smart.
"Heard the Yin-Yang School has this special bamboo—tear-spot, or Xiang Fei variety. The shoots are divine." Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn continued.
"I'll send for it—tons! Fresh, dried—all set!" Dong Jun blurted.
"Hold on—not done. Ten pounds each to start. Oh, and those fat white bamboo worms inside? Supposedly a treat—grab a few pounds." Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn pressed.
"Done—plenty where that came from!" Dong Jun rushed.
Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn pondered. Bamboo shoots wouldn't pack on pounds, but worms? Easy. Right—bamboo rats!
"How about bamboo rats raised on Xiang Fei shoots?" he murmured.
"Available—and they fatten like champs!" Dong Jun sold Xue Nu out in a heartbeat. Daoism says it: better a friend perish than I.
"Send a few over, then!" Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn nodded, pleased. Won't plump you? My name ain't Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn.
Lord Long Yang's sturgeon arrived swiftly—exquisitely fresh. Xue Nu devoured it, promptly requesting more.
Li Hai Mo and the others knew this was Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn's petty vendetta but held their tongues. Xue Nu's fate was warning enough: her once-oval face had ballooned to a platter, a double chin blooming.
Dong Jun's Xiang Fei feast followed, but the trio—wise to the ploy—nibbled sparingly, lest addiction set in.
"Xue Nu, come on—treat time!" That night, Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn lured her out on the sly.
Xue Nu perked at "treat," trailing him to a feast of roasted bamboo rat—a gluttonous binge. Late-night eats, of course, stuck hardest.
"Ever notice your Dream Butterfly Escape and Blending with Light and Dust lag behind your master and the rest?" Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn pivoted to non-culinary sabotage.
"Why?" Xue Nu frowned. Not 'cause they're heaven-human?
"You're late to the game, underpracticed. Word is, your master back at Tai Yi Mountain used Blending with Light and Dust for every trip—even one or two steps."
"What's the upside?" Xue Nu asked, baffled.
"Plenty. Daoism kept Blending with Light and Dust post-Dream Butterfly Escape 'cause the latter lets you vanish silently, slip away unseen. But Blending? Instant shifts mid-clash—unblockable. To wield it in battle, start with walking: shrink ten steps to one, then half. That's why your master and the others Blending even short jaunts."
Li Hai Mo bit his tongue. Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn wasn't wrong—it did hone the skill. But mainly, they were lazy. Blending's range bent to will; no need for such drills.
"Master—is that right?" Xue Nu turned to Li Hai Mo and Xiao Meng.
Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn shot them a look. They nodded vigorously. Never cross the cook!
"Heard bear paws are a delicacy, so I felled one special today!" At dinner, Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn announced, sliding the steaming paws before Xue Nu.
And so, under Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn's deliberate plumping, Xue Nu morphed into the very Dang Kang she'd mocked Han Fei for—too hefty even for Riding the Air. Her weight? Unimaginable.
"You know what's scariest for a woman?" Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn finally admired his handiwork, addressing Xue Nu.
Li Hai Mo and the others perked up, listening.
"Fat?" Xue Nu eyed herself, tears welling.
"Wrong! Fat's not the terror—it's lacking the guts to shed it!" Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn declared.
Li Hai Mo and crew nodded sagely. Dieting was the true agony.
"So, starting today, I'll oversee your slim-down!" Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn proclaimed.
"You're a devil, aren't you?" Li Hai Mo and the others had assumed fattening was the endgame. Turns out, it was just setup—the real hell was the purge.
"I..." Xue Nu finally twigged: Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn's "kindness" was pure payback.
"What grudge do we even have?!" Xue Nu wailed, on the verge of tears.
"Who cares? I'm the chef—I do as I please." Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn grinned wickedly. I warned you: slight me, and I'll make joy your undoing. Fat was the opener—you thought that was all? Nah, dieting's my ace.
"You're no human!" Xue Nu realized when she'd crossed him: from hauling Yan Ling Ji back, months ago. This petty?
"Am I human? Hell if I know—ask your master; maybe he has a clue!" Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn chuckled. Am I? Tough call. But inhuman? Spot on.
"Anyway, from dawn's rooster crow: sword drills. Bed only at moon's zenith. No meals from me—don't even dream of sneaking. Snagged the Fasting Pill recipe from your master—one a day, no hunger pangs."
What irks most in this world? First: spoilers, robbing the thrill. Second: braggarts, blind to others' feelings. Third: snide barbs, testing limits endlessly.
Xue Nu tasted the latter two firsthand.
"Tired, Xue Nu? Take a break—your master's lost interest anyway!" During drills, Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn lounged tree-side, sipping tea leisurely.
This is just the start! What's most horrifying post-binge?
"Full, Xue Nu?" Hēi Bái Xuán Jiǎn inquired.
She nodded—Fasting Pill or not, the bloat lingered.
"Then—dinner for all!" Like magic, he unveiled a groaning table: steamed perch, braised bear paw, sizzling shrimp... shy of a Manchu-Han Imperial Feast by a hair.
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