"Could you stop picking random stuff up from the ocean?" came an exasperated voice from the deck.
Mario turned his head. A young woman with orange hair and a killer glare stepped out from behind the mast, her hands on her hips. She was dressed in a blue tank top and jeans, and looked like she was already fed up.
"Whew, it's not a dead person," Usopp muttered. "Thank god it's not a dead person… Not that I'm afraid of dead people! One time I fought 5,000 Marine soldiers, defeated them without killing a single one— I dislike seeing blood, you know—"
Mario blinked.
Luffy's eyes practically exploded out of his head.
"5,000?!?!?!"
"5,000!!!"
Yosaku and Johnny echoed in unison from the side of the ship, their jaws unhinged in awe.
Smack!
Zoro's fist came down hard on both their heads.
"Shut up, you two. He's obviously lying."
Nami sighed loudly. "First these two morons," she pointed a thumb at Johnny and Yosaku, "and now a third one. Oi!" Her sharp eyes locked onto him. "Are you a normalo, or are you crazy like my captain here?"
Mario opened his mouth. Then closed it. He looked at Luffy, who was now picking his nose with total serenity, and then back at Nami.
"...That's a complicated question."
"Uh-oh," Usopp muttered, popping out from the cabin doorway, eyes squinting suspiciously. "That means he's crazy."
"I am not crazy!" Mario snapped.
Nami crossed her arms, unimpressed. "Then explain how you ended up floating in the middle of the ocean with no ship, no supplies, and no idea where you are."
Mario hesitated. A real explanation wasn't an option. He couldn't exactly say: "Well, I'm from a world where all of you are fictional characters and I fell off my balcony after reading a terrible ending to your story."
So he did what anyone in his situation would do.
He lied.
"I, uh… I was attacked. By pirates," he said, eyes darting. "Shipwrecked. Lost everything."
Zoro raised an eyebrow. "You don't talk like someone from the East Blue."
Mario's stomach flipped. Shit. I forgot about the world geography.
"I'm from...the Far North Blue," he said quickly. "Very far."
"Never heard of it," Zoro muttered.
"Neither have I," said Usopp, suddenly looking like a detective.
But Nami didn't press further. She just sighed again, rubbing her temples like she was already regretting this.
"Well, whatever. If he's not dead and not a threat, then he's your problem, Luffy."
"Sweet!" Luffy grinned. "You can be part of my crew!"
"Wait—what?!" Mario blinked. "Just like that?! You don't even know who I am!"
Luffy shrugged. "Doesn't matter. You're funny. And you didn't die."
"That's the bar?!"
"You got a name?" Zoro asked, crossing his arms.
Mario hesitated again. Was there any point hiding it?
"…Mario," he said finally. "Mario Richter."
Yosaku scratched his head. "Weird name."
"It's foreign!" Johnny added helpfully, like that explained anything.
"Well, Mario," Nami said, turning back toward the cabin, "if you're gonna be on this ship, you're pulling your weight. Otherwise, we drop you off at the next port."
"That's fair," Mario muttered, still trying to absorb the fact that he was here. On the Going Merry. With the Straw Hats. And they had just… accepted him?
"What do you do, anyway?" Usopp asked, hands on his hips.
"Yeah!" Luffy beamed. "What kind of skills you got? Can you fight?"
Mario hesitated, then shook his head. "No, not really. I mean… I can organize things. I used to work in logistics."
The crew blinked.
"Like… delivery?" Usopp said.
"Kind of. Inventory, planning, ordering stuff. Making sure things don't run out."
Nami's ears perked up.
"Wait… you know how to manage supplies?"
"Yeah, I—wait, you guys don't?"
She stomped over, grabbing him by the shoulders.
"Do you know how many times we've almost starved because Luffy ate a week's worth of rations in one day?!"
"I was hungry!" Luffy yelled defensively.
Nami's eyes gleamed like treasure. "You're hired."
"What? Hired as what?!"
She grinned.
"Straw Hat's Quartermaster."
"What's a quartermaster?" Luffy asked, his head tilted so far to the side it looked like it might fall off. His eyes were wide with innocent curiosity.
Mario blinked. "Wait—you seriously don't know?"
Luffy grinned. "Nope!"
"Not a clue," Usopp chimed in, shaking his head.
Johnny and Yosaku were nodding solemnly like sages who had just received sacred new vocabulary.
Zoro shrugged. "Sounds like a job. Not my business."
Nami rolled her eyes. "Of course you don't know. Because you never read anything."
"Okay," Mario said, rubbing his temples, already feeling the exhaustion that would come with managing this crew. "A quartermaster is basically the person who keeps everything organized on a ship. Supplies, food, maintenance, rationing, navigation backups, spare parts, cleaning schedules—"
"Cleaning?!" Luffy made a face.
Mario held up a finger. "Yes. Cleaning. Especially if one of you keeps leaving fish guts in the storage room."
"That was ONE time!" Usopp protested. "And it was for science!"
Nami looked like she might kiss Mario then and there.
"Finally. Someone with common sense. Do you have any idea how many days I've spent trying to stretch dried potatoes and rotten bread into a 'meal'? Maybe now we'll stop living like seagulls in a dumpster."
"Aw, come on, Nami," Luffy said. "Dumpster seagull stew is tasty!"
Mario stared at him in disbelief.
Nami ignored the comment. "You're in charge of the inventory from now on. And don't let them trick you. Especially him." She jabbed a thumb toward Luffy. "If he says he only wants one snack, it means ten. If he says he'll save some for later, it means it's already gone."
Mario nodded slowly. "Got it. So… assume he's lying at all times?"
"Pretty much," Zoro grunted. "Welcome to the crew."
Luffy clapped Mario on the back so hard he almost flew overboard again. "This is gonna be great! A guy who knows stuff! Now we don't have to worry about running out of meat ever again!"
"No," Mario corrected. "Now you'll know when you're about to run out of meat. So you can plan."
Luffy blinked. "...I don't get it."
"You will."
Usopp leaned in, squinting. "So, Mario, you're not a swordsman, or a sniper, or a navigator... What were you before?"
Mario hesitated.
This was the part he hadn't figured out yet. What was he in this world?
"I was…" He paused. "Just a guy. Nothing special."
Johnny gave him a thumbs up. "That's the best kind of pirate, bro!"
Yosaku nodded with deep wisdom. "Yeah, the quiet ones are always hiding something terrifying."
Mario wasn't sure if that was a compliment or a warning.
Suddenly, the Going Merry rocked slightly as a wave passed beneath it. Mario instinctively grabbed a railing to steady himself — still not used to how the ship moved in this world. It felt alive, somehow more real than anything he'd known back home.
He took a deep breath, the sea breeze filling his lungs.
This was happening.
He was here.
Not just as a spectator or a reader—but as someone inside the story.
Maybe he couldn't fight with a sword. Maybe he didn't have a Devil Fruit. But he knew these people. He understood them. And maybe, just maybe, that was worth something.
"Alright," he said. "I'll do it. I'll be your quartermaster."
"YOSHAAAAA!" Luffy shouted, throwing his fists into the air. "WE GOT A NEW CREW MEMBER!"
Mario cracked a smile.
This wasn't how the story was supposed to go. But maybe… it's better this way.
"Let's party!!!" Luffy shouted, already tossing his arms in the air like they were on a festival island.
SLAP!
Nami's hand cracked across the back of his head like a whip.
"Absolutely not."
Luffy froze in mid-celebration pose, eyes blank like someone had yanked his plug out of the wall.
"We're running low on supplies, remember?!" Nami snapped, glaring. "Didn't you say we were heading to the Baratie — the restaurant on the sea — to restock?"
"But I just wanted to celebrate the new crew member…" Luffy pouted, rubbing the back of his head.
"Celebration can wait, meathead." Nami turned to Mario, completely bypassing her captain. "Since our fearless leader can't give a normal order, I'll do it for him."
Mario straightened up. "Uh… okay?"
"I want you to take a full walk around the Going Merry," she said, hands on hips. "Check every storage room, pantry, weapon locker, food barrel, water tank — all of it. Make a list of what we're running low on and the general condition of the ship."
Mario blinked. "You want me to inspect the whole ship… right now?"
"Exactly. Quartermaster job starts now." She narrowed her eyes. "Think you can handle that?"
He nodded. "Yeah, I… I think I can."
Nami gave a sharp nod of approval. "Good. I'll give you some parchment and a pen. You bring me back a proper inventory."
Luffy raised a hand like a student in a classroom.
"Can he at least write?"
"Yes, I can write," Mario said through gritted teeth.
"Just checking!" Luffy grinned.
Zoro gave a lazy wave from where he was lying on the upper deck. "Don't fall overboard again."
Usopp leaned in with mock seriousness. "If you find any secret stashes of gold or legendary pirate weapons hidden on board, I definitely put them there."
"Riiight," Mario muttered.
Johnny and Yosaku both gave him thumbs up. "Do your best, Quartermaster-dono!"