Before the ruins came, there was once a world where every knowledge that there is to know has already been known. An ideal world where everything is just a thing. Day in and day out, I've wandered here and wondered. Why did it have to end like this ? Here i wander in a place that once thought the universe was merely just a pen to write their fates. Here i wander in a place where minds has been ruined. The carried knowledge that was sought for centuries, faded in a matter of seconds. The thought that this wretched road that i stand on, used to be stepped upon by people who wore smiles. "Does it not disturb you, that those corpses used to be people with dreams?" Dozed away from the sweet songs of the wind, my hand lifted itself and pointed at the place where men, women, the elder and children stacked up on eachother. Like torn clothes, none of them had a single limb that was left. Only that remained was their head, a known significance that demons would leave as a reminder of their faces. Opened chests that communicates their feasts. Torn limbs that tells us of their views on us. Toys to be torn apart. "Do not humor this fool, Misha." Angelica's word echoed against my ears. "He is but a sad man. One that you can't help but pity on. Knowing that the world's sake is shouldered upon an unwell child must be as scary as it looks." Her words carried an emotion that only her tone can speak of. I see sadness, frustration, anger, and concern, all in her eyes.
"We've wandered well enough, time has passed, and the night will come." Misha spoke up, gathering both mine and Angelica's arms to drag us along with her. We've wandered through the entirety of this day, and as even a foolish man knows, a small shelter is the holy grail of survival.
-
And so, the night crept closer, and scratches of teeths and fingernails was nearly sounding louder. Behind a building was a tightly cramped room, it was smoky, and webs ruled all over the place. Each minimal sound was heard, each breathless voice sounded like a scream. And one could only wonder how loud a scream would sound. We sat close to eachother, knowing that if one was slightly even farther, it would be far more difficult to catch if a demon might snatch.
-
Angelica's head rested itself against my shoulders, her breathe nonexistent, but i feel a certain warmth towards her touch. "Angelica..?" I asked, leaning her closer. "I won't take my head off, this place is too tight, and each corner is a metal that i would like not to rest my head on." She replied. "That is not what, i was meant to ask." Angelica's head pulled itself away from my shoulders and looked up at me, an eye that is hindered by her curiosity. "Then what is it? Spit it out, while Misha is still sleeping. Only a fool like you would wait for a lonely time to speak of something." Her words meant no harm, atleast I don't believe it does. It speaks the visible truth. Misha wanders in her dreams as i stress the words that i wish to say. Angelica looks closer, for i know her anticipation is closing in.
"Angelica..."
"Yes?"
"Do you think I'm unwell?"
Angelica looked at me, disappointment came to drown her down. Her eyes spoke of resentment, before seeing through the sincerity in my eyes. I feel my tears nearing its close, and i can see her's widening as soon as our eyes locked. Her lips trembled, before her lips parted.
"I.."
No word came out of her mouth. She resisted to speak, and instead pat her own shoulders. Softly smiling at me, she gestured for me to rest this head of mine unto her. Reluctantly, i resisted. Reluctantly, she persisted. Reluctantly, i refused further. In a matter of seconds of so, i feel a warmth wrapping around me. Her eyes closed, and her hair ruffling around my chest. Her body stayed still, allowing for her care to reside. Until her lips finally parted with a purpose.
"You really are a pitiful person, Lucy." She spoke with a low and careful voice. "I understand that i am." I replied, a pitiful voice to follow her statement. "I understand aswell, you told me so. You told me so and never elaborated further." I see my burdened face, slowly nearing it's tears. "So you don't understand me at all." Through her eyes, i can see my self. "Understanding someone else is impossible, you fool.- But that is, aswell, a part of understanding." But something bothers me as i stare deeply. "What is?" My reflection in her eyes made it seem as if i was beautiful. "To misunderstand from time and time. It gives me a reason to pursue understanding you further.
- I might never understand why you always have to act even if it's against your own flesh." Her hands rubbed against my cheek. "I might never understand why you always choose to cry at midnight when no one is looking. I might never understand why you're the way you are." As tears flows across her fingers. "Then why do you try?" I asked with a breathless voice. "God tasked me to accompany you save the world. You're a part of this world. You're a part of those who i want to save." A contrast to her words that boasted with confidence.
....
Once upon a time, there came a confusing tragedy. All that the boy could ever remember was the rain that followed after. Nobody else was there to save him but himself. Nobody else was there to be blamed but himself. He saw corpses. He saw a stain of blood in his arms. And he saw his culprit. He thought to himself, "I killed them." Even though there was nothing else he could have done. He knew the pointlessness of acting against his own flesh, but he thought it was righteous. He thought it was the truth that he had to delude himself into. For he could never live with the fact that he let people die. So he told himself a story. He did not let people die. He killed them. He wanted himself to have a reason to be blamed with. Even knowing to himself, that he and everyone knows, that nobody killed anyone.
He was simply the one that remained.
"I don't deserve to be saved.. It was i who was burdened with the curse of living. I should be the one to save.
-" I feel my voice cracking, and i feel my tears flowing. It drenched my face, letting it drown me. I wanted to be pitiful, and i wanted to cherish my pathetic self. I wanted to make a mockery of myself. I wanted Angelica to laugh at my face as soon as my words ends. "-So when i was given the greatest obligation of being the messiah, i didn't think about how much it weighs. I didn't think about how much of an impossible task it must be for me to accomplish. All I saw was an opportunity for me to pretend like I was not useless. A reason for me to say that I did my best. A pitiful scenario for me to not feel ashamed once my death comes. To know that i died making up for all the lives i believe I took."
But she never laughed. Her eyes continued to stay still. And her arms wrapped around me tighter. "You don't have to say anything anymore, Lucy. I will hug you over and over if it that's what it meant to understand you."
"... I suppose.."
"You like hugs, don't you?"
"I do."
"Then let me do my part as your guardian angel." Her embrace wrapped around me, as i told her the depths of my secrecy. The life that i would have rather stayed as an invisible mark, whose presence remains, but existence is unsure. "We will save Misha's brother. Then we will save another. After so, we will save more, and more beyond. We will save the world until you are satisfied.
-
Do you trust my words, Lucy Forester?"