"WELCOME! YOU HAVE MADE IT TO THE AFTERLIFE!"
'What the hell is that yelling? My head is ringing. I wish those annoying neighbors in unit C would keep it down.' I thought, rubbing my head groggily.
"Helloooo? You alive? Haha just kidding, you aren't." the voice rang out again. "Ugh, shut up already! I have a hell of a hang over." I retorted. "Wait a minute..."
My eyes shot open wide, looking from my left to my right, I sat up to find myself in a void with a...cubical? "Ah, yes, yes, now you are awake." the persistent person echoed over the sound of typing. I made my way over to the 1980's styled office space to see an androgynous person typing away on what looked like a cube of a computer connected to a fax machine spilling paper everywhere. There seated was a tall and slender individual with dark honey-wheat colored skin. Moving from the monitor to reading a document that just faxed over with such a graceful and practiced movement, they began clicking their pen in their hand, elbow lounging on the chairs arm rest.
'Though they look quite disheveled and exhausted, they are still very pretty... or handsome?' At that moment, they blew a piece of their fallen dark mahogany hair from their face, and glanced in my direction over their reading glasses and went back to fiddling on their desktop. 'Uhhhh, I swear I just caught a proverbial chill!'
"Finally, I've got things to do. My name is Aubrey, and you have been accepted to be a participant in the new realm 09102013. It is the latest of realms, just built within the last hundred years or so and the ecosystem is stable enough to introduce the human species. Would you like to aid in this endeavor?" the monotone voice said drained.
"Ahh - sorry, I shouldn't even be here; I am only 34 years old!" I exclaimed, terror now setting in. I started awkwardly laughing as a rush of hysteria hit me.
"Ahh" they exhaled, stopped typing, and turned to look at me with those exasperated dark lavender eyes. They sat their contemplating then turned to the side of the cubical where they picked up a phone mounted to the wall. "Hey, Gene, I'm going to take my five... Yeah, me too... Ha - I know that's right. I was supposed to be on vacation - Alright, well. Talk to you later." They said to this Gene on the other side of the line. As they hung it back up on the receiver, their face immediately went from a smile to a not so slight frown, pushing their rollie chair back and faced toward me.
I began shifting on my feet as the mood suddenly changed.
"Now, it is quite unfortunate ('for me' thought the worker) to be the one to tell you, but, yes, you are dead, and no you can't go back."
I stared at them blankly, not showing my inner turmoil. "But how did I die?" I asked, "I remember I was streaming then I heard a zap."
"Good you remember some, that zap you heard was the virtual headset short circuiting from your juice that you knocked over when you hit your desk." They replied disinterested.
"Oh, so I died from electric shock? Man, I should have gotten the insurance."
"No, you didn't die from shock, you died from a blood clot that released in your leg and made its way to your lungs from sitting too long." Aubrey scoffed, but their glare showed more amusement than before.
".... Well, that's embarrassing." I said dejectedly.
"Yes, I'd have to agree. I've been sitting at this desk for... for fuck's sake, has it really been almost 2 million years. Fuck you, Johnson and your early retirement." they exclaimed, fist raised. "Anyways, yeah. Blood clot from your legs to your lungs, you couldn't breathe, passed out, falling upright in your chair with the headset still on. Haha, you were streaming for a week before anyone noticed."
I just stood jaw dropped. 'How could no one notice?! Fucking mom, I should have known she wouldn't watch, that dead beat!'
"But, hey, look on the bright side, after all that you became a famous streamer." they said with fake optimism.
I covered my face in shame and disappointment. 'If I wasn't already dead, I could just die right now.' I let out a long sigh.
"So back to what I was saying before, new realm, you in? As an incentive I am obliged to say this domain has no mana constraints leading it to a world with the possibility of magic. Are you interested or not, because you have already taken most of my break by now." they groaned as they crossed their ankle over their knee. Then picked what seemed to be lint off the collar of their wrinkled suit.
"A world of magic! That's awesome! Are there like dragons and stuff? Will I be able to keep my memories like one of those web-novels? Will I get a system, too?" I said completely pretending like I didn't hear about the break thing or my distressing death.
'Like I don't already have enough work to do' thought Aubrey. However, in the next second came another thought, followed by a fleeting smirk Mallory missed, engrossed in his own head.
"Yes, all the whimsical and dangerous stuff." Their monotoned voice responded, carrying a little warmer sound to it. "About the memories, normally no, but act now and I might throw in all memories intact for free. Just hurry up and choose or I'll send you back to realm 04232020 as a dumpster baby."
'Shit, I don't know if they are joking or not, but if I'm going to be reborn it might as well be an adventure with magic.' I reflected.
I shifted my weight and stood up taller. "Ok. I have decided. I'll take the magic realm, please!"
"Wonderful. Splendid choice." They said as they got up with a menacing grin, then hit me right in the forehead, blinding me with a flash of white light.