Actions dictated by uncontrolled emotions was tantamount to madness.
Of course, it's not to the degree where I couldn't control it. It kept popping up like mold, interfering with my reason. So long as I stayed focused, I could do just about anything.
However, if I had to focus on several things like I am now, I may end up with a mental disorder someday.
From then on, I will truly become a lunatic. I didn't want to be a psychopath, I would hate it even more if I were ruined by this madness. So unless I wanted to be a beast that lived purely on its instincts, I could not get close to her no matter what.
After I completely organized my thoughts, I asked her a question.
"Um, Lady Edelweiss. Pardon me, but would you allow me to call you by your name?"
"Ah, yes! Of course! Then, can I call you Lord Damian?"
"Yes, go ahead. Although it's not official, we are still engaged. So long as it's not a swear word, it doesn't matter what we call each other."
"E-Engaged… That's right, we are." Remembering their relationship and why she was there, Elena gave a faint reply and bowed her head.
Um, I understand how you feel, but it doesn't feel that great when you're so sullen in front of the person concerned.
Just tie her and put her in a room where she can't…
Grip.
Begone, you devil. Who are you trying to make into an SM player?
This god awful madness truly came out all the time. Thanks to you, my thighs are the only ones suffering.
It's understandable why Elena was so sullen.
Marriage was generally something a person could do only once in a lifetime.
Whether they be a man or a woman, everyone's fantasies on marriage varied from person to person. However, it didn't apply to her now. Unlike ordinary political marriages, she and I had the opportunity to choose.
The option to decide whether to maintain this engagement and make it official or to return to a relationship where we had nothing to do with each other.
Obviously I'd pick the latter, and looking at her reaction just now, I would say she would too. However, due to Elena's personality, she couldn't directly say it to me, so I would have to make her say it first.
"Elena, I understand how you're feeling right now. It's natural that you're reluctant to be engaged to someone like me, who's as good as a stranger."
"Ah. I-It's not like that!"
"You don't have to force yourself to say that. It's the same for me."
"Eh."
I may have hit it on the nail since Elena stiffened.
Your face says it all, do you really expect me to believe it's not like that?
"Um, do you mean to say you do not wish to be engaged to…"
"No, of course not. How could I hate my engagement with you? Marrying a lady like you is what all the men in the empire could dream of."
Of course, I liked it. If this was a world without the original plot, I would have done three somersaults right here and now. Who would hate to have a wife, who has a great personality and is the most beautiful in the world?
The problem was that this was a world in a novel with a fixed plotline. In that story, our separation was a requisite. With such a fate, a normal engagement could not last. All I could do was end this relationship differently from the original.
With the values of marriage in mind, I chose my words as carefully as possible so I wouldn't offend her.
"Rather than a happy marriage for myself, I want one where both me and my partner are happy. Please be honest, Elena Edelweiss. Are you in love with me right now?"
"That's…" She trailed off, unable to answer my blunt question.
It's only natural. It's our first time meeting today, and we've never talked to each other through letters before. Unless she was someone who fell in love at first sight, there's no way she would say she loved me.
"I don't believe marriages must be unhappy and must be between those who don't love one another. My parents did, and other families have done the same, but unlike them, we can make our own decisions."
"What do you mean?"
"It's very difficult to choose a stranger as a partner to be with for the rest of your life. No matter how popular political marriages are among nobles, the relationship between us is not like any other political arrangements. Unlike others who were forced into one by their families, you and I have the right to choose."
You don't have to choose someone you don't know well.
Elena Edelweiss. This engagement is not for someone else to decide, but something that you can decide on your own. So pick the option you want the most. Such were my thoughts.
"No matter what you choose, I will respect it, Lady Edelweiss. Please don't feel pressured and tell me what you think. This meeting may be for us to get to know each other before the engagement, but it is also for us to tell each other what we really think about our engagement." I said.
Despite the answer being set and stone, I pressured the hesitating lady to make a choice.
Soon enough she gave me her response, with a determined look that indicated she had made up her mind.
"Then shall we get engaged? Formally, I mean."
"Pardon?"