Selen shut the door to her room.
She flushed, recalling the intense scene of her minotaur elite being taken.
Leaning her back against the door, she drew a deep breath, trying to push the impure thoughts from her mind.
"Alright… I need to find a way to relieve myself without leaving the room," she muttered, rubbing her temple, still annoyed at having been caught by Isyra. Time was not something she could waste.
She stepped over scattered books and empty wine bottles, making her way to the center of the bedroom.
There, a large cooking pot rested atop a set of magic circles.
Between managing the dungeon, Selen procrastinated by studying obscure magic—spells that offered no real strategic advantage in war—while carefully maintaining the illusion that she was diligently advancing her mission.
And the day to test her new theoretical framework finally came.
"Let's finish the secret research," Selen said, pulling up her sleeves and giggling with mischief.
Back when she was hiding in a witch's hut with Isyra, she had taken great pleasure in forcing visiting adventurers to experience her innovative secondary skills, such as "Summon Elemental Cocks(it's male chicken baby😏)", much to their dismay.
Her new spell was a breakthrough in elemental pet summoning. She aimed for an all-purpose design, rather than just useless plushies.
"All these years of random searching are coming to fruition," she whispered, unable to contain her excitement. She poured all kinds of suspicious liquids into the pot: a load of mercury, two massive gemstones, a thick bar of crystal, and a pinch of sul-fuck!
The entire bag of sulfur spilled into the cauldron with a soft puff of smoke. She quickly compensated by increasing the amounts of the other ingredients. Soon, she ran out of supplies.
"I only have one shot at this… Whatever. Let's pray it doesn't turn out completely wrong," she muttered, shrugging as she stirred the boiling mixture.
Pulling the grimoire strapped to her belt, Selen began reciting her own version of a summoning ritual.
"Spirits of distant realms, answer my call..."
She sliced her palm, letting a trickle of blood fall into the cauldron. The liquid inside shivered and bubbled as if alive.
Using principles borrowed from the miraculous formulas of Animate Golem, Earth Guardian Summoning, and Reanimation, she intended to create a small, magical entity that could handle her personal hygiene chores!
A compact, obedient creature designed to manage her needs—practical, efficient, and hopefully a little adorable to keep her company. She imagined it strong enough to handle other tasks too… until her thoughts were interrupted by a mental curse at the shameless minotaur.
The cauldron pulsed as it absorbed her mana.
"Arise, Filth Sprite!" she commanded.
A shockwave rattled the room, followed by a blinding flash of light. Selen carefully lifted the newly formed creature from the cauldron and placed it on the table, eyes wide with anticipation.
The smoke slowly cleared, revealing a round, deep blue blob. It wobbled uncertainly, blinking its tiny, curious eyes. Its body was mostly opaque, but the edges shimmered with translucent light.
"It's… adorable!" Selen gasped.
"I am your Exarch—your sovereign, if you prefer—the one who called you into this world. My name is Selen Alosconne. From this moment on, you shall serve me as a Filth Sprite!"
Huuuuh?! Filth… what the hell? he thought.
"Status open," she said.
A glowing window appeared out of thin air.
Status Window
A separate panel displayed the list of his Personal Skills:
Mana Pull Lv.1 – Siphons nearby magical energy.
Stick & Grab Lv.1 – Clings to objects or surfaces.
Gel Heal Lv.1 – Regenerates its body over time.
Alchemy Lv.1 – Can craft simple magical mixtures.
Shape Shift Lv.1 – Slightly changes its form for use.
Sniff Sense Lv.1 – Detects scents and traces.
Status window? Race: Filth Sprite? he wobbled in panic. "
"Why is this so weird? It doesn't say whether you're a Rook or a Pawn," Selen muttered, scratching her head.
What's that? I only play checkers, the creature thought, wobbling nervously.
"Alright… time for a proper name. From now on, you shall be… Pippin!" Selen declared, pointing at the trembling blob.
Pippin immediately shut his eyes, overwhelmed by a full-blown panic attack.
No, no, no… my name is… Oh no, I forgot! How could this happen? I need to… sort my memories…
After a moment of frantic wobbling, Pippin managed to calm himself and sifted through his fragmented memories.
I was just walking home after work… exhausted, thinking about dinner, nothing else. I never asked to end up like this… and now I'm supposed to obey someone?
While I was crossing the street, a sudden glare of light blinded me…
Blinded!
A truck appeared, barreling straight toward me!
Honk! Honk!
I dodged once, but it skidded and came back…
ISSEKAI DRIFT!
I slammed into it at full speed, smashing against a concrete wall, the creature thought.
"Time for a test run!" Selen said, shoving him into a large chamber pot.
Wha—Wait! Pippin screamed, but no sound came out.
He flailed desperately as a massive, hairy object loomed over him(what hairy object😏)—and then… darkness.
The white-haired woman was sitting squarely on the pot, blocking every sliver of light.
Oh my god, noooooo!
A warm splash drenched the poor creature. Selen's next words struck him like a merciless command.
"Drink it all," she ordered.
An alert pinged inside Pippin's mind.
[Skill: Sticky Absorption activated]
He couldn't resist his sovereign. Pride and dignity evaporated in an instant—Pippin had officially become a full-fledged Filth Sprite.
I… I just want to go home…
Panicked and confused, Pippin thrashed wildly, searching for an escape. He leapt with all his strength—but slammed directly into the immovable barrier of Selen's seated form.
"Hey! It tickles! Are you cleaning my butt?" Selen giggled.
Wait—what is this sensation!?
Pippin felt an unexpected surge of energy from interacting with that disgusting woman.
[Skill: Mana Pull has leveled up]
His mind reeled in shock.
If she's making me handle that… what's next? Is she going to do the same with… everything else?!
Selen stood up, her bladder finally empty.
"It worked! Everything's gone!" she exclaimed, poking the spotless interior of the pot.
NOOOOOOOOO!
Pippin leapt out of the chamber pot and scrambled away at top speed.
"Wawawawa—stop moving!" Selen shouted, sprinting after him with alarming determination.
Damn it… my body isn't obeying me!
Selen scooped up the immobilized Pippin.
"Naughty boy, did you try to run away?" she teased.
Pippin sagged in her hands, melting with frustration and helplessness.
"Judging by how jumpy you are, you must be an Elite. Perfect! Don't worry, I'll take extra special care of you," she added, overly cheerful and disturbingly affectionate.
The smelly, messy woman hugged him tightly and patted his head.
Wait… what the hell is this?! Pippin's eyes widened as he felt the overwhelming weight pressing against him. Her… her rack is enormous!
Her tattered rags had hidden most of her body, but now the full absurdity hit him—and then…
And her face… oh no… WOAAAH!
He dared a peek under her hood—and nearly fainted at the wrinkled, weathered visage of the white-haired woman.
There was a very good reason she hid that… hideous face.
Pippin's body deflated, along with what little will to resist remained.
"Oh my, you must be exhausted. Let's take a nap—but don't leave the bed," Selen said, plopping onto the filthy sheets with a dramatic thud.
She covered her eyes with a blindfold, since the crystals in the underground room constantly glimmered and hurt her sensitive eyes.
Pippin squirmed helplessly as she hugged him like a stuffed toy. He only managed to wriggle free once he stopped struggling and let the sovereign drift off into sleep.
The bed was… gross. An oily sheen, the pungent smell of sweat lingering in the air.
What is this? A barn? How can anyone sleep on this?!
He padded across the sheets, trying to make sense of his surroundings. Random parchments were scattered everywhere, adding to the chaos of the room.
Neat! These letters weren't from Earth… but somehow, I could understand them.
…and that's terrifying.
[Four Reasons Manticore Elites Aren't Worth the Points]
What is this garbage? Pippin thought, flicking the parchment across the messy bed.
[Dungeon Management for Absolute Idiots — Free Preview]
Only a sneak peek, apparently.
[Thieves' Guild Weekly Report: World Domination Rankings 03-658]
Ah… so this is a peek at how screwed up this world is.
Castle of the Light: Humans still bickering over… something. Apparently "bodybuilding contests" boost confidence and testosterone levels.
Fortress: Living creatures here are terrifyingly strong. Beastmasters are apparently having a blast.
Inferno: Aggressive human hiring with "great benefits" — dental coverage, but you give up your soul. Yeah, seems legit.
Conflux: Busy with sparkling mushrooms… somehow still thriving.
Necropolis: Introverts killing everything that moves. Social skills: zero. Stealth game: maxed.
Factory: Big environmental disaster. Smells awful.
Cove: Humans busy stealing from each other… like, nonstop.
Rempart: Promises of a socialist utopia broken because dwarves hoard literally everything.
Tower: Scientific publishers are hated for charging for research. Scholars are running for the hills.
Dungeon: Mostly underground because everyone here has crippling social anxiety. Perfect… my kind of place.
Pippin rubbed his eyes with his stubby little arms.
Seriously… what kind of report is this? A travel brochure for insane people?
Sifting through the chaotic pile of documents, Pippin realized he was trapped in a Dungeon, apparently the faction farthest from world domination.
He flopped the remaining useless papers onto the bed. Great… nothing else to do but clean, I guess. Because that's my life now.
He wobbled across the sheets.
[Skill: Stick & Grab activated] — he tried to latch onto the stubborn stains.
Ugh… no, these stains are mocking me.
[Stick & Grab failed — skill level too low]
Even the dirt is stronger than me?!
Frustrated, Pippin rolled helplessly.
If I'm a slime, I should at least have some… corrosive goo or something.
He drooled a bit across the sheets.
[Skill: Alchemy activated] — he accidentally brewed a foamy, oddly alkaline cleaning solution.
Shaking his gelatinous body, foam spread and bubbled over the stains.
[Skill: Stick & Grab activated — You defeated "Stubborn Stain"! +14 XP. Alchemy leveled up.]
Yes! I did it! I'm the best sli—CRAP. I'm still a human!
Eventually, the bed looked spotless, though the acrid stench lingered.
Wait… were these sheets ever white? Seriously, what kind of nightmare is this?
With nothing else to do, Pippin's attention drifted to the quietly sleeping woman sprawled on the bed.
Wait a second… if I just—take her down… maybe I can finally get out of this hell?!