The funeral bells were still ringing in my head, the same old rhythmic sound that always escapes from cathedrals. Yet here I was, being the person they was destined for.
How did I know? Let's just say that I was halfway through my very own funeral when I noticed that the body in the casket bore a strange resemblance to me. The only difference between us was that the corpse had its makeup done, and was wearing my favorite dress, the one that I had kept for only the best of occasions… too bad I couldn't wear it in my lifetime.
I am pretty sure I've been officially unemployed by life. As for how? Well, let's say that a speeding truck flying all the way to the twenty-sixth floor of an office building is a truly physics-defying occurrence.
At the very least the mortuary cosmetologist did a great job with my body. I give them ten out of ten, truly full marks; they made me look like Snow White incarnate, even though I was literally reduced to some sort of pudding inside a puddle of blood. I never thought I'd ever catch myself looking this pretty.
"Why are they so gloomy?" I thought out loud while looking at my family members mourning my death. "It's not like I ever did anything nice for them." I felt a strange flutter in my heart. This was the first time I had felt this way. It was so close to happiness, yet here I was, wanting to cry but unable to produce tears.
"I love you all." I didn't know what would happen to me, but I knew one thing for certain: I didn't want to see my family sad. So, I decided to let the currents carry me away from the cathedral.
Thinking about it now, I realize that I was only 23 when I died. Gosh, I didn't even manage to get laid. Well, it wasn't for lack of men, but gross. I wanted a pretty girl to notice me. Maybe we could have had our "happily ever after" while I pursued my career.
Sigh. I should probably just stop dwelling on those things. The feeling of wanting to cry despite not having any tears really brings back bad memories.
"I wonder what I should do now," I said, wandering through the city. Looking at it now, there seemed to be a lot of people like me—ghosts, I mean. Some of them looked happy, strolling with their families or partners. Gosh, I wish I could do that. Too bad my family is currently stuck in that damned funeral.
Just as I was about to lay my floating body down for a rest—not that I needed it—inside a park, a sudden voice rang out in my mind.
[System allocation finished. Welcome, master.]
At first, I was confused. "What the hell was that?" Then, it all became clear to me—literally, because a blinding flash of light engulfed my whole body in a second. Despite having no actual physical sensation, it felt like it hurt like hell.
Thankfully, the blinding light faded as quickly as it had appeared, taking with it all the light from the world around me.
I was now in a completely dark space and could barely move. I felt a strange sensation of pressure and compression all over my body as if I were being squeezed through something far too small for me.
This time, it actually hurt. It wasn't the simple feeling that came with the blinding light but an actual feeling of pain, as if I had my body back.
It went on for far too long. I almost felt like the pain was driving me crazy. Thankfully, the light came back. I could see again, but wait... Why is my vision so blurry?
I felt something cold touch my face. It was shaped like a hand, but why did it feel so huge?
Then I heard a voice—a woman's voice. She seemed, judging by her tone, worried and utterly tired and completely drained, yet there she was, furiously asking questions in a language I didn't understand.
[Rebirth Protocol complete. Congratulations, Master! You're alive again. Try not to die this time; it was inconvenient for everyone involved.]
"What the—?"
[Language! You're a newborn; your vocabulary should be limited to crying and bodily functions. I am doing you a favor by translating for you. I will give you the eyesight of a normal adult so you can get accustomed to your environment. Know that this is the only gift you will receive from me. I won't give you quests. I'll simply exist so you can check your stats and/or talk to me when you're lonely. With that being said, please enjoy your life, Master.]
The synthetic voice faded, and with it, my blurry eyesight disappeared too. I saw a face—maybe the most beautiful thing I had ever seen—a woman so pretty that I don't even have the words to describe her. She looked exhausted, yet she stared at me as if I were the most precious thing in the world.
"Oh, look at you," she said in a language I could now understand, probably thanks to the system. "My brave, precious daughter."
I guess she must be my mother. I tried to look around the room but couldn't. I suppose neck control isn't included in the newborn starter pack provided by the system.
[Basic motor functions will develop in due time. Please be patient. Or don't. I don't care. It's not like I can stop you from being impatient.]
'So, can we talk? I'm basically stuck right now.'
[Of course. It is one of my sole purposes, after all.]
'Could you please explain all this to me?'
—+—
A/N : this is just something I'm trying out because I have nothing to do :p also I'm French so errors may occur at times, don't mind them and please do tell me so I can correct them !
Also, I don't know if it's obvious but I really like Terry Pratchett, so the narration may be a bit similar to his.