I slid open one of the drawers in my vanity table and reached out for an item I hadn't touched in many months. At first glance, it could be mistaken for lipstick, but it wasn't. It was the little vibrator that I had shoved to the back of the drawers a long time ago — back when I finally accepted that Kayden could no longer satisfy me.
Clutching it, I made my way into the bathroom and locked the door behind me.
For a moment, I just stood in front of the mirror and stared at myself. The woman gazing back at me looked tired, drained and hungry; not for food, but something deeper. Something I had been starving for.
Slowly, I took off my blouse, then my bra, freeing my breast from the restraint of the fabric. I cupped my breasts and started caressing them gently. I let the warmth of my own touch wake a part of me I had nearly forgotten. I was so stimulated, that I barely managed to unzip my trousers and quickly slipped out my panties.
I flicked the vibrator on, the hum filling the bathroom like the sound of a bee. I pressed it against my clitoris, and grabbed my breast with my other hand, a sharp moan escaped before I could stop it. My body responded instantly, toes curling, breath hitching, hips arching.
Reaching the point of climax, I let go of my breast, grasped the edge of the sink firmly. My eyes fluttered shut, my legs began to shake, my mouth parted as waves of pleasure rolled through me.
'Heyy! Would you like me to go pick up the kids?' Kayden's voice suddenly called from outside. 'I thought you'd need some time to yourself.'
I panicked, my heart pounded as I quickly turned the vibrator off. 'It's fine, I'll.. I'll go pick them up. I already promised.' I responded hurriedly.
I rushed to put on my clothes, flushed the toilet and pretended like I had been taking a leak. When I finally opened the door, I found Kayden seated on the edge of the bed, staring at me with concern.
'Babe, are you okay?' He asked softly.
'Yeah yeah, I'm fine.' I lied, forcing a smile. 'I just had an upset stomach, I'm good.'
Of course I wasn't fine. I missed him, I missed us — I missed sex. But I couldn't bring myself to say it, I didn't want to be insensitive. I know he's trying really hard. He was attending therapy sessions, taking his medications. His doctor said there was progress, but it felt otherwise.
'I know it's been hard on you.' He said with pain in his voice. 'and I hate myself for putting you through this. I'm trying, I'm seriou..'
'I know' I cut in, forcing steadiness in my voice. 'Don't mind me, just focus on getting better'.
I moved close to him and gave him a hug. His body was warm, safe, familiar. As his head pressed against my stomach, the pain inside me only grew sharper. I wished he would just hold me, push me to the bed and make love to me like he used to — I wished.
'Oops, it's almost closing time,' I said, glancing at the clock. 'I should be on my way already.'
Cupped the back of Kayden's head to the back, leaned down and gave him a kiss on his lips.
I stretched to reach for my purse on the bedside table, picked it up and made my way to the stairs while Kayden followed.
'I learned a new recipe by the way, or would you like your favorite for dinner?' He said as we descended.
A smile tugged at my lips. 'Hmmm.. New recipe? That sounds like some sort of science experiment.'
We both burst out into laughter. The sound of our laughter filled the house, and for a brief second, it felt like the old times. 'I'd rather you make my favorite, you've been making it for years, so I think I'm safe.' I teased.
Downstairs, Kayden made his way to the kitchen, while I grabbed the car keys from the dining table.
'Love you.' He called out just as I opened the door, ready to leave.
'I love you too.' I replied as I stepped outside and closed the door behind me.
The strong wind blew my hair, causing it to cover my face. I struggled to get my hair out of my face as I ran to the car and finally made an exit.