To Arch,
Well, well, well, this letter should have been something I've written for you a long time ago. And I guess I just don't know what to say or how to start, but here we are.
It has been a long X0 years of life. You reached incredible peaks and terrible lows, but I think all in all, you've lived a life that can be remembered fondly.
Unfortunately, we both know that this life has been a string of lies, not exactly well-created, but still sturdy enough that it held for decades.
Where did it all began, you ask?
Maybe it was the first memory you had as a child. Where you felt, in order to have friends, you had to be better than who you really are.
You had to create stories, you had to create experiences that never truly happened.
Being a fat, ugly child was never easy, after all. You were smart, yes, but you weren't a genius. Far from it, in fact.
Your parents expectations weighed down on you. You tried hard at first, but then you realized that you would never be as good as the geniuses around you.
And so you put your solace on other things, on friendships, on love, on games, and on so many other things that never really became good at anything.
Just average. Forever.
—
Do you remember your first friend? The guy you chased after on a bike just so he would talk to you?
Yeah. And then you spouted crap at being awesome and being able to do so many different things just so he would become friends with you.
And it turns out, friendship was that easy.
You don't need to be yourself. The less you are toward others, the less likely they'll interact with you. On the contrary, if you create an elaborate lie about a badass existence, or maybe even a pitiful experience in your like that you overcame, then people will take notice of you.
And so you did.
Isn't it funny that all those friendships were based on lies?
Based on things you supposedly did but only imagined. Based on things you supposedly had but always had excuse for them to not actually exist.
Lies. All but lies.
And truth be told, this letter is because all those lies have weighed in way too deep in your heart.
Embarrassment, guilt, fear—
It's a mix of all things.
At 2nd grade, you pretended to be a really smart student. Why? Simply because you had your first love.
And you wanted her to notice you. And you studied really hard, only to come up short against the true geniuses.
Also, you pretended you're good at swimming, good at chess, good at running, and all the other things you were supposed to be good at.
Well, you can barely swim. You know the rules of chess but have never won a game against a human opponent. How can you run fast if you're fat?
I guess the only truth was that you were good at biking. And that was the least interesting to some of them.
At the very least, despite your face and body being dislikeable, you weren't really bullied as much as you were afraid you would be.
You found good few buddies, well playmates, that lasted for years.
But that is all.
And then came the fifth grade. Honestly, I apologize for everything that happened to you during that time.
You got lost in love, got played by a bully, and all the lies you had crumbled in fear. In desperation, you acted like a dog, scarring even your future self to a point of distrusting every single person.
And high school came. You thought it was your chance to turn things around. To become someone more than just you. A fresh start, perhaps.
Unfortunately, you overshot it. You fumbled so hard that instead of just getting ignored or being unpopular, you ended up getting hated. You ended up becoming an eyesore to the people around you.
Family? Broken.
College dreams? You got bored and stopped. You disappointed everyone.
You got lucky and got a taste of power? You wasted it all.
Man, if I had a word for all the thing you've done, then all I can say is "Stupid."
It was catastrophic to the end.
Well, at least you have a wife now. Someone who truly loves you. And your family is still there. And you have a new set of friends who would always have your back.
Unfortunately, despite living the best life. Despite all the good things you now have, you still have a sour feeling in your chest.
Knowing all you had was under an enormous lie, the guilt, it's overwhelming.
The fear that one day the truth would uncover itselt and reveal your deepest, darkest secrets...
You secretly... anticipate it.
Sigh.
I wish I could tell you now to just forget everything and move forward with what you have now.
Unfortunately, the heart wants what it wants. And to get it what it wants, a price is to be paid.
Well, enough of you. Of us. Thank you for all the memories, and I'm sorry for all your suffering you brought upon yourself.
I wish you luck and a smidge of happiness.
Sincerly,
Me