You head out to your car as your heart pounds rapidly, and you immediately get in, wipe your sweaty hands on your lap, and start driving, not daring to look back.
Your breath finally exits your lungs as your house leaves your rearview mirror.
Well, shit. I'm definitely not going back there anytime soon. Not after that ballsy move I just pulled off.
But... I meant what I said. I want to be with Miyoung, and I won't let Toast drive us apart.
Your thoughts continue swirling as you mindlessly drive down a highway for miles.
But at the same time, I'm sick of us hating each other. Michael and I will hopefully recover from our bad blood soon, but as long as Toast wants Miyoung, I don't see myself ever making up with him.
You finally look around, realizing how far you had driven.
Where should I go? I don't want to go home tonight, that's for sure...
You pull over and think for a minute before deciding.
Maybe... Tina would let me stay over? She's pretty close by, and it's been a little while since we've hung out.
You head to her house, silently mulling over everything that had occurred in the past few days.
...
Was I too rash with the breakups? I mean, I thought them through, but... maybe I should've done them in person? That probably would've been nicer. I hope they didn't mind...
You shiver at the thought of having to go through that process again, but you realize it was inevitable.
There are still too many, aren't there? Shit... But for now, it's ok. I'm making progress.
You pull yourself back to the present as you drive up to Tina's place.
Wait, did I tell her I was coming?
Oh, well. Hopefully she's home...
You ring her doorbell, and, to your great relief, she opens it in just a few seconds.
Her expression curls into a wide grin as she sees you, and she quickly pulls you in for many kisses.
You grin in surprise, not expecting such a warm reception.
"What are you doing here?" She asks, smiling.
"I just... I don't know if I want to go back home today," you sigh, remembering what was going on back home. "I was wondering if I could stay here for a while."
"Of course," she says, crinkling her forehead in concern as she sees your tired, worried look. "Come inside and tell me about it," she says, opening the door wider.
You nod gratefully and step in, letting her wrap an arm around your waist.
"Honestly, I'm not really in the mood to talk about it right now. Wanna do something else first?"
"Of course!" She emphatically nods.
...
"Criminy, Tina, how much do you play this damn game?!?" You cry as Tina crushes you in yet another Speedrunners match.
She laughs out loud. "Uhh... well... It's just really fun, I can't help it!"
You smile and throw your hands up in defeat, then stand up and take off your headphones.
"Besides, I play this game online when I'm alone," Tina continues. "And... I'm alone a lot nowadays."
You prepare to get yourself something to drink, but you pause as you pick up on her tone.
"You're alone a lot nowadays?" You repeat
"Yup. I mean, um... Well, yeah, I am," she sheepishly admits.
"How come?" You ask.
"Well... I live alone," she points out, standing up.
"Oh... But don't you see your friends often?" You ask, inquiring further.
"I do, but..." She tilts her head, not sure how to say what she was thinking. "I get lonely, especially at night. And sometimes, even when I do see my friends, I still feel lonely..."
"Why?"
She awkwardly bites her lip.
"You don't have to tell me, Tina, ut's-"
"Because I have no one to hold me. No one to sleep beside," she mutters in a quieter voice.
You stare at the ground as memories of your past flash through your mind.
I can't believe I've nearly forgotten what that feels like.
It feels like a lifetime ago that I was just as lonely, wishing I had someone to go to bed with every night. And now... I don't quite have that issue anymore.
Understanding what she meant, you walk up to her and reach your arms out for a consoling hug.
"No, I..." She stumbles away from you. The uncertainty that bordered on trepidation in her eyes surprises you greatly, and you remain frozen, unsure of what to do.
"Tina? Why..."
"I don't... think we should..." She mumbles, turning her head away from you.
"Tina... what's wrong?" You ask again, shocked at how distant she had suddenly become.
"Wait..." She suddenly remembers what you had said. "You said you wanted to stay here for a little while, right? How long... did you want to stay?"
You rub the back of your head nervously.
"Maybe overnight...? But only if you were ok with it!" You clarify.
She pauses.
"Would you prefer if I stayed somewhere else, Tina?" You ask slowly.
"No, no! I like being around you. You're fun. It's just that..." Her face contorts into a poorly-hidden grimace.
"Tina, what is it?" You encourage her.
She slowly sits down on her bed, and you crawl beside her, slowly placing a hand on her shoulder. She tenses up, so you quickly pull away and cautiously sit a few inches away.
She remains upright and keeps her hands in her lap, and although she's sitting next to you, you feel like her thoughts are miles away.
Both of you sit in complete silence, breathing slowly.
She absolutely hates silence - I can't imagine what's going on in her mind.
"Tina..." You whisper, making her release a small gasp as she snaps back to reality.
"I just... I can't do this anymore..."
"What?"
"I just... I can't just hug you, I can't just kiss you, I can barely even look at you anymore..." She mumbles out.
"..."
"I'm so sorry, I..." She places her hands in her palms and sinks down into her blankets.
You slowly put your hand on her back, and she lets you gently rub her.
"I don't mean to let this all out on you, but... I can't hook up with you... at all. I know we're just friends with occasional benefits, and we never wanted anything more out of it, but... it isn't just that anymore... not to me. So... I can't hook up with you."
"..."
"Because I... I really like you," she finally admits. "I can't touch you, kiss you, or even hang out with you, apparently, without wanting something deeper. And... I don't want to trick you..."
"Tina..." You let out breathlessly.
"I'm really sorry. If you want to go, I won't stop you. I'm sorry if you wished I wouldn't feel this way..." She squeaks out, as her voice nearly cracks.
You reach out your hand without thinking, and her eyes snap open as she feels your fingers brush her cheek. You tilt her chin toward you and lean in, and you see a flurry of confusion, shock, and desire shine in her eyes in the brief moment before you finally take her lips in yours. She gasps as you caress her with your tongue, and you lean over until she's nearly lying back on the bed sheets.
Her hands cup your cheeks, and she finally pulls away, bewildered.
"Did you... hear what I said?" She whispers.
You nod.
"Then... what does this mean?" She asks, looking up at you with deep, hopeful eyes.
"I-"
"Don't say it unless you mean it. Please," she begs, with a slight worry creasing her forehead.
"I like you too, Tina."
"..."
"..."
"...wow."
She pulls you in again, and you press your lips against hers, letting her push all her tension away through a passionate kiss as your body melts into her warm embrace.
"Woah... this is..." Tina groans out as you gently kiss her jaw.
You two comfortably rest your bodies against each other for a few more seconds before Tina pulls away.
"Are you sure you want this? I mean... I heard you've been breaking up with some of your girlfriends..."
You sigh and sit up again.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up! I just wanted to know if you're sure about this," Tina says, grabbing hold of your hand.
You slowly think it through, and this time, Tina begins squirming in her seat as she nervously awaits your response.
"It's ok if you already have enough to deal with. Really, I get it. You don't need another needy girl like me begging for cuddles all the time..."
You smile and wrap your arms around her, against her protest.
"Hey! What are you-"
You kiss her cheek and whisper,
"I would love it if you asked me for cuddles."
"Wha-? Wait, I don't... hold on a minute..." Tina says, placing her hands on yours and threatening to pull them away.
"Listen. I do have a lot on my plate, and I appreciate you caring about that. But... I'll always have some time for you. Whether it's hanging out when you're feeling lonely or spending a night here instead of at my house, I love being around you," you explain.
"...really?"
"I know our relationship has been a bit... carnal, which is certainly not what I expected. But you're really sweet, Tina, and you don't deserve to feel this way."
"But I thought you wouldn't want any more relationships? Don't do this just because you feel bad for me..."
You shake your head reassuringly. "I know I can't keep all of them up forever, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try some new ones, right? How else will I know which ones might work out...?" You let your words trail off, and they clearly have an effect on Tina, as she starts silently fantasizing about a future with you.
"In any case, I'd always wonder what could have been if we had tried this," you decide.
Tina locks eyes with you once more, and her fingers reach up to your shift. She pulls you by the fabric until you meet her lips, and this time, her kiss is slow and controlled, and she gives you the chance to taste her as you feel her chest rising and falling against yours. You faintly feel her energetic heartbeat, and you let her softly pull you back down to the bed.
"...can we cuddle now?" She asks, with a soft, soothing voice.
"Already?"
"Yeah. Like... a test-run."
Her adorable smile brings you to a quick agreement.
"Of course," you say as you finish lying down. "How do you want t-"
She swiftly wraps you up in a bear hug and lays on top of you, using you as her body pillow. She closes her eyes and snuggles her cheek into your chest, and you gently brush back a few strands of her hair behind her ear.
She looks very comfortable, and her warmth acts as a gentle blanket.
"Tina, you better not fall asleep on me," you whisper. "We still have to eat dinner."
She drowsily grumbles and pouts with her eyes closed, already looking half-asleep.
...
"Wow," she says, dumbfounded. "All of that happened... yesterday? Jeez, your life is crazy..." She comments after you finish telling her everything that happened.
She yawns and considers getting out of bed, but she chooses to stay next to your warmth as the midday sunlight creeps in.
You chuckle and shrug your shoulders, humorously admiring her bedhead.
"And..." She hesitates. "Are you sure you're ok?"
"Yeah. I think I've somehow gotten used to all this by now..."
Tina leans in and closes the inch-wide gap between your lips for a moment.
"And that's why you came here?"
"Yup. That's the story."
"...why'd you choose me?" She asks in a soft voice.
"I... don't know, really. You were pretty close by..."
Her naturally emotive eyes slowly fall to her feet as she considers your answer.
"And because... you're really special to me and I knew I could count on you," you continue.
Her grin returns, and she shakes her head in mock disappointment as you giggle.
You reach for your phone after exchanging a few more kisses, and you quickly scroll through to ensure you hadn't missed anything important.
Jodi: can you come over?
i have very important news
that i need to get off my chest
You frown as you sit up in bed, and your mind quickly starts running through possibilities.
"Is something wrong, baby?" Tina asks, slowly sitting up and putting her arms around you.
"Jodi... wants me to go see her. I guess I should do that soon."
"You're not leaving already, right?"
"I mean, it might be important... maybe I should."
"Nooooo..." Tina grumbles out, making you smile and kiss her cheek. "Please staaaaay..."
Her hand slides down to your crotch, and you gasp as you feel her hand quickly slip inside your shorts.
"Oh, my... you really want me to stay, hm?" You ask, laying back.
She nods and crawls on top of you, picking your phone out of your hand and putting it aside.
"Maybe I'll let you go, but only if you give me your attention first," she giggles. "And... something else too..."
You grin as she bites her lip and leans in.
...
"I promise I'll see you again, Tina."
"I know, I know. Just... come back soon, ok?"
You nod and give her a long parting hug before waving goodbye.
She reluctantly watches you get in your car and leave, and she slowly closes the door after you.
...
I wonder why Jodi's being so cryptic...
Wait, this doesn't have anything to do with my breakups, right?
Your heart sinks in your chest as you consider the worst-case scenarios.
I don't want her to break up with me. She... she means so much to me!
No, I'm overthinking. It's probably not even about me! Maybe she just wants to share something important to her with her boyfriend... that's normal, right?
You park your car outside Jodi's house, as your heart continues nervously beating in your chest. As you eye the car next to you, you feel like you vaguely recognize it, but you can't put your finger on who it belongs to.
You slowly walk up the stone steps of the front porch with heavy steps, and your gaze snaps upward as the door creaks open.
Brooke's eyes open widely as she sees you, and she freezes, unsure of what to do.
"Brooke!" You gasp, remembering the last time you had spoken to her.
She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.
Instead, her eyes squint angrily as her lips curl into silent disgust, and she quickly clutches her purse to her side and breaks eye contact with you as she walks past.
Oh, no. I fucked up.
"Hey! Wait!"
She continues speed-walking, ignoring you.
"Brooke! I'm sorry!" You blurt out.
She pulls open the door to her car, and you finally run up to her and place your hand on hers.
"Brooke, please!"
"Please, what?" She rolls her eyes.
"I... I'm sorry...?"
She shakes her head in disgust.
"No, you're not."
"I should've done it in person, I know. I'm really sorry..."
You grimace, wondering why you ever thought the phone breakup was a good idea.
"But you didn't. You decided to call me over the phone, end everything we had, and never even call me again. You're not fucking sorry."
"I know, I know. I should've called back. I'm really sorry..."
"Stop saying that," she mutters out.
"..."
You stare at the floor, expecting her to get in and quickly drive away. But instead, she hesitates and keeps her sharp gaze on you. Eventually, she sighs, and her anger gently begins tapering off as she sees your dejected posture.
"It's not really about the phone call..." She mumbles. "I don't care about how you broke up with me, I just... didn't believe you would."
"..."
"I can't believe that I was so dumb... to think that you wouldn't do that to me. That you'd actually want to be with me."
Tears start to well up in her eyes as she gets lost in her thoughts, and you try to interject, but she continues speaking.
"I'm not enough for you..." She lets a tear loose and pulls her hands up to her face.
"NO. DON'T SAY THAT," you sternly demand as you walk to her side.
"Wha-?" She hesitates. She finally looks up, taken aback by your harsh tone and determined gaze.
"If you want to hate me for breaking up with you, that's fine. Hate me," you begin, speaking slowly and carefully. "But DO NOT think that it was your fault, understand? I won't let you do that. Because it wasn't."
"Then... why?" She timidly mutters.
"Because I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't maintain as many relationships as I had."
"But... why me?"
You shake your head, not knowing how to answer. "It wasn't only you. But... I just... I..."
Her eyes crinkle as a few more tears come to the surface, and you lean forward and wrap her in a hug.
She gently holds you back and manages to hold in the rest of her tears.
"I'm sorry, Brooke... I don't know what to say..." You whisper.
"It's ok... it's ok."
"Are you sure?"
"...no. But if you think this is the best for you, then... I'll be ok."
Her sweetness makes you clutch her tighter, and you only loosen your grip when she gently lets you go and steps into her car.
Her slightly trembling hands slowly insert the key, and you step back as the engine sputters into a gentle hum.
She gives you a brief glance before pulling out of the driveway, and you watch her until she turns the block.
You bring yourself out of your dazed thoughts, and you finally walk toward the front door again, remembering why you had come.
You knock three times, and Jodi opens the door, smiling nervously as she sees you.
"Did you hear all of that?" You ask.
"Hear all of what?" She asks as she lets you in and guides you to the kitchen.
"Oh. Uh... nothing."
She raises an eyebrow, but doesn't ask.
"So..." She says, puckering her lips awkwardly. "I... asked you to come over here..."
"Mmhmm..." You say, going to sit down next to her.
"And... I need to tell you something..." She says, nodding very slowly.
"Yeah..."
"So..." She begins speaking even slower. "I should probably tell you what is..."
"Jodi... what is it?" You ask, getting impatient with her dallying.
"...well, you see, um... I, uh... I mean, it's not like a really big thing, it's kinda just a super big thing that I don't know how you'll react to, and I'm scared and-"
"Spit it out!" You interrupt her rambling.
"FINE! I'm dating Sydney!" She bursts, throwing her hands up.
"..."
"..."
"...what?"
She takes a deep breath and raises her head again.
"...Sydney and I... are dating..."
You purse your lips and look down, not knowing what to say.
"Wow. I didn't know you two..." You start.
"Yeah... me neither. I don't even know how it happened, we were just... watching a movie together, and then... we kissed. And... I really liked it," she says as she starts reminiscing.
"I see..." You say, dejected. "That's... nice. I'm happy for you."
"...thank you? Wait... why are you so sad?" She asks.
You look back at her, bewildered.
"Because... we're done, right?" You whisper, not even wanting to say it.
"WHAT? WE'RE DONE?!?"
You cover your ears as her shrieking voice nearly pierces into them.
"Wait, no, I was saying... wait, what?" You ask, now thoroughly confused.
"You're... breaking up with me?" Jodi asks.
"NO! Are you... breaking up with me?" You ask.
"NO! I was just saying that I'm also dating Sydney now."
"Ohhhh..." You sigh in relief as you realize what she meant. "Thank god..."
"Wait, did you think I was gonna break up with you for Sydney?"
You nod, and she laughs out loud and leans forward. She cutely kisses you on the nose and scoots her chair closer.
"I'd never do that..." She whispers as she kisses you again and cups your cheeks. "Not for Sydney..." She sarcastically says as she dramatically rolls her eyes.
"HEY! WHAT THE FUCK!" Sydney yells from the door, trying to hide a smile as she witnesses the cute moment.
"OH! Heyyyyyy, my beautiful, gorgeous, amazing girlfriend..." Jodi says, trying to charm Sydney as the unimpressed girl stands with her arms crossed.
"Hey, Syd!" You wave.
"Hello to you and only you," she emphasizes, sitting beside you and completely ignoring Jodi's outstretched hands. "Not to anyone else, though. Just you."
Jodi pouts and whines, and you can't help but smile at their banter.
"So... how'd you two get together? I'm sure that first kiss must have come from somewhere," you ask curiously.
"Well... we're around each other all the time and we're both open to a relationship. We've kind of been hinting at it for a long time, and the kiss just... sealed it. We want to try it out - maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't," Sydney plainly explains.
"My parents sure hope it works out," Jodi mumbles, rolling her eyes.
"You told your parents already?" You ask.
"Yeah. They were all like 'See Jodi, I knew something was going on between you two!'"
"Ha! Well, I guess they're right..." You chuckle.
"Yeah, they're gonna rub it in my face... but you know what, who cares?!? I get to date two amazing people!" Jodi cheers with an infectious grin.
"Yeah! I can't wait for our first three-way date!" Sydney laughs.
Your smile slowly fades as you think about her words carefully.
"A... three-way date," you mutter, almost to yourself.
"Yeah!"
"But..." You look back and forth between Jodi and Sydney, hoping one of them would realize the problem before you had to say it.
Both of them return blank stares.
"Sydney and I... aren't dating," you awkwardly let out.
"Well... oh..." Jodi says, reconsidering. "Well... I was kinda thinking that you two might want to..."
"Yeah, I... wouldn't mind," Sydney, grinning shyly.
You stare at the floor, not wanting them to know what you were thinking.
I already agreed to be with Tina even though I didn't want any more relationships, but now Sydney's asking too. If I keep this up, things aren't going to end well...
Dammit, what do I do? I don't want to make things awkward, but I don't know if it's worth having another relationship just because it's convenient for Jodi...
Jodi's hand brushes your shoulder, and she empathetically reassures you.
"You don't have to. We won't pressure you into anything."
You think about it for a minute more, and keep your gaze stripped away from Sydney's nervous look.
"...no. I don't want to," you shakily decide.
You close your eyes, not daring to look up.
"That's ok," Sydney says. "No worries."
"Yeah! I can date each of you separately!" Jodi exclaims.
Their words slightly console you, but you feel the atmosphere become quieter as your decision sinks in.
...
You keep your foot resting gently on the gas pedal as you reluctantly head back home.
Well, I can't be out of the house forever. I just hope Toast's anger has cooled off. And if it hasn't, hopefully I can avoid him...
Despite your desire to resolve things and not see him enraged, the memory of what he tried to do to get between you and Miyoung rises in your mind once more, and you shake your head in continued disbelief.
As you pull into your driveway, you eye Toast's window and note that there weren't any lights on.
You walk up to the front porch and slip inside, then slowly walk up to your room, carefully avoiding the creaking steps.
Your phone rings as you walk up the final few stairs, and you cover up the noise as best as you can as you step inside and breathe a sigh of relief.
You hold it up to your ear, now in the safety of your room.
An audible sigh comes from the other side, and you double-check who was calling you.
"Leena?"
"..."
"Leena? Can you hear me?"
"Oh, I can hear you... Can you hear me?"
"Uh... yes?"
"Really?!? Because it sure seems like you didn't hear me last time I called you, or else you would've streamed since then!"
Oh no.
"Leena..."
"Don't 'Leena' me!" She hisses. "I'm your manager, and you're embarrassing both of us. I think I might just leave that position to someone else now."
"No! Please, I'm sorry I haven't been streaming! I just..."
"Don't make any more excuses. I don't think I can-"
"Can we meet and talk this out? I really want this to work out, Leena..." You beg.
I don't want to have to find another manager. I don't know who I can trust enough to handle that.
"You want to... meet?"
"Yes! I want to show you that I'm committed now, and I promise you I'll do my best. Please, have faith in me..."
"Jeez, fine... Come to my place tomorrow at noon and see if you can convince me to stay. The odds aren't good."
She hangs up, and you purse your lips in regret.
Screw it. I have to convince her to stay, so if she wants me to stream, I'll do it.
You immediately hop on your computer, make sure you look presentable, then go live, with no idea of what you planned to do.
Your chat greets you with a mix of welcoming and indignation, and you apologize for your unplanned absence.
"I get that I've been gone for a while, but sheesh, you all really have abandonment issues, huh?"
...
A few hours into playing games and watching a few videos, you inconspicuously check your phone while reacting to a clip, hoping that Leena would have texted you something.
I'm getting pretty tired, but I should probably stream some more. I want her to know I'm devoted.
So you trudge on, trying to keep your energy up with snacks as the clock spins into the early hours of the next morning.
As you finish another terrible Valorant loss, you sit back in your chair and sigh.
"Wow, we SUCK!" Rae yells, juiced up on caffeine.
"Yeah..." You groan out.
"Guys, I think I have to go now," Sykkuno reluctantly says, yawning.
"Aww, ok. Bye, Sykkuno!" Rae says. "You know what? That's actually great timing because I think Toast just got on!"
You snap back to attention, and quickly clear your throat, trying to hide your reaction from your chat.
"Actually, I think I have to go too," you mutter.
"What! So soon?!?" Rae questions.
"Rae, it's 3 in the morning..." You quickly come up with.
"Oh, shit..."
You chuckle as you quickly log off, and then you lean back and cover your eyes.
"Give me a minute, chat, I just want to rest my eyes..." You mumble out.
Your tired, exerted eyeballs beg you for an end to their torture, and you keep them closed for a minute longer, letting your breath gently slow into a steady rhythm...
...
"Huh? Woah, what?" You clear your throat, disoriented.
"Hey, it's ok, relax..."
You can't make anything out in the darkness, but you feel a pair of hands laying your blanket over you.
"What happened?"
"You feel asleep."
"Oh, NO!" You try to sit up, but Lily's hand stops you.
"Don't worry. I took care of everything. You looked like you needed rest," she whispers.
"What about the stream?"
She giggles. "I turned it off after I saw the clip of you falling asleep... with your mouth open."
"Shiiiiiiitttt..." you groan out.
"Don't worry. Everyone just found it funny, and they told me to come find you."
"Wait, are you... tucking me into bed?" You ask, realizing what she had done as your senses adjust.
"Yes."
"How'd you lift me from my chair?"
"Hey, don't underestimate me! I'm strong!"
You chuckle.
"Are you comfortable?" She asks.
"Yeah."
"Good. Sleep well," she says with a motherly tone, as she brushes aside your hair and gently kisses your forehead.