"I'm so fucking tired of it. I feel like I need to reset everything. Start fresh."
"I get that. It must be really overwhelming."
"But I can't. That's not an option anymore."
...
"I need to do something. I keep putting it off because I'm afraid."
"Why are you afraid?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
...
"I don't know if I can take this anymore."
"Maybe you should slow down. You already told me what you're planning on doing, and I'd recommend you start soon."
"...ok. I guess that's my only option."
Your eyes softly flutter open, and a delicate sense of calm floats over you.
You slowly stand up, feeling soft as a feather, and quietly walk along the carpet to your door.
As you walk, pieces of your late-night conversation come back to you, and you slowly recall the hours and hours of conversation with Hyoon last night, where you had spilled every word of doubt and pain in your mind to her while she did the same, leaving you both with no secrets unturned.
Your legs slowly carry you throughout the house and to the living room, where you watch rays of golden sunlight pouring through the window onto the tiles beneath your feet.
Your hands reach out and gently slide up the pane to let the cool summer breeze wash over you.
You close your eyes, and you see nothing.
You open them again, and you're still there.
Looking out of a small gap in your window at your backyard, from the home you called yours.
...
You continue reminiscing the tear-filled frenzy you had had the night before, that left you in a strangely ataraxic state in the early morning. As you return to the present moment, the ethereal peace of the day is broken as a door swings open.
"Hey! What are you doing up so early?"
You open your mouth to speak.
"..."
"...hmm? Is everything ok? I haven't seen you in a while," Poki says, tilting her head to the side.
"How have your last few days been?" You finally ask, surprising yourself with the question.
"Oh! Um... they've been pretty normal, actually. Nothing spectacular, mostly just streaming and taking care of Beau and Mimi. How about you?" She inquires as she starts to make herself a coffee.
"Not really."
"Not really...?"
"Things haven't been normal."
"Ah. But... are you ok?"
"I don't know."
"..."
"..."
"...is this about... Kimi?" She tentatively asks, lowering her voice. "Rae told me what happened. I can't imagine..." She lets her words trail off.
"It's everything. Everything that's happened recently. From having a lawsuit against me to having my relationships publicly exposed, to... Kimi's attempt, and... I got kidnapped yesterday... and then I slept with someone I shouldn't have..." You admit, frowning as you realize how many of those events were still unresolved.
She nearly spits out her coffee mid-way through.
"K-kidnapped?"
You sigh and lower your head.
"I'm gonna do something about all this," you say as you squeeze your fist, fighting the renewing sense of building panic and mustering your resolve.
Still reeling from your admission, she comes up and places her hand on your shoulder.
"I want a break from everything. But I also want everything to be cleared out. I want everything to be revealed. I want Kimi to be ok. I want Hafu to be ok. And I want... to figure out exactly what I'm going to do about my relationships."
Imane sets her mug down, sensing your fear.
"Do you remember what you did for me? When I was overwhelmed about everything."
"I... distracted you for a day. I don't see how that'll help here."
"I'm not telling you to distract yourself. I'm saying... cancel everything you have to do and spend today resolving those things. As hard as it might be to do it."
You nod, agreeing that it was pointless and harmful to push it off any longer.
"Also... you said you're going to do something about your relationships? I'm assuming you mean... end some?"
"Yeah..." You sigh.
"Am I one of them?" She genuinely asks.
"No, I would never-" You freeze, then put your face in your hands and grimace. "I mean... I don't know yet," you answer honestly, though it hurts you to say it. "I want to say no, but that's what I would say to every girl who would ask me. So... I don't know."
Poki sympathetically nods, then slowly up to give you a gentle hug.
"Do what feels right," she whispers into your ear. "I feel like you know, deep down, what you really want. Even if you don't think you know it yet."
You wrap your arms back around her.
"How about you go to that empty room in the basement, where you can be alone with no distractions, and then do everything you need to do," she suggests.
"Yeah. I'll... do that."
...
"Kimi?"
"Hey!" She says, seeming genuinely excited.
"What's up? How are you feeling?" You speak into the phone.
"I'm feeling great. I'm back at home now. The neck cast will stay on for a while, but I'll be ok."
"Good. Did anyone else come by while I was gone?" You ask.
"Yeah, actually. A lot of our friends did. Apparently, Rae told them what happened to me. I was... well, scared to death, to be honest. I think I stayed hidden under the blanket the entire day. But... they all apologized. Some of their apologies seemed more forced than others, which I can't blame them for... but they still apologized."
You smile, grateful that things were starting to turn around.
"Thank you," she whispers. "I don't know what I'd be without you."
"Thank you, Kimi... for giving this another chance."
"You know, one of these days, I'm gonna get you to actually accept a thank-you."
"Hmm, not likely," you say, giggling.
"Maybe one day. Can I see you again soon? No rush."
"Of course. I'll come by sometime."
You exchange parting words, and you hang up, feeling relieved.
Next... Hafu. Fuck, this could go in any direction.
You dial her number, then sit in nervous anticipation as it rings.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Hafu..."
"Oh, hey," she says, with a neutral tone. "I'm glad you called. I need to update you on some things."
You listen closely.
"Those kidnappers... they'd been tracking you for weeks to try to get to you. It wasn't a spontaneous event. And the police found where they kept you, but they were long gone by then."
You feel your stomach twist into knots as you realize they were on the run, and you consider that they might still be after you.
"But don't worry. They left some traces, and the police are investigating them now. I'm sure they'll be caught."
You nod, feeling a little better, but not much.
"...hafu?"
"Yes?"
"I appreciate the update, but... that's not the main reason I called."
She releases a long sigh.
"Yeah, I know. I told David."
"...and?"
"He's always been the biggest sweetheart I know, and it hurt me so much to see his face after I told him. But... he knew how fucked up we all were that night, so... he forgave you. I still have to do some work for him to forgive me, but... that's what it means to be committed to someone. When trust gets knocked down, you do your best to build it back up. And it's not easy, but we love each other enough to do our best," she wisely says.
You slowly nod, letting her words hang in the air.
"I'm sorry I asked for drinks back then," you say.
"And I'm sorry I got them. This wasn't just your fault," she responds.
"...does this mean that we're over?"
"...I suppose. It was fun being with you, but it was never going to last. I'm planning on quitting streaming at some point, and then David and I would be together enough for us to not have to see anyone else."
You feel a strange sense of loss grow upon you, despite expecting this outcome.
"I see. Well... I wish you the best, Hafu."
"Hey! Don't ask like we're never gonna see each other again!" She yells, breaking the serious mood.
"Ha, sorry, sorry! I mean... since we won't be together anymore... I hope you and David have a nice, long life together."
"Thanks. I hope you and your... uh... oh, wait..."
"Yeah... I'm still working on that," you say, making her chuckle.
"Well, no matter what happens, I hope everything works out... no matter how many or few girls it's with."
"Thank you. That means a lot."
"Alright. Goodbye!"
"Bye, Hafu."
One relationship... gone. And not even by my choice. Wow, this is gonna be harder than I thought.
...
You stare down at the piece of paper in front of you, laying on a dusty table with nothing else other than your phone and the pencil you had used to write out five names, carefully chosen over the last hour.
Wow. I can't believe I actually did it. This feels so wrong... picking and choosing. But it has to be done.
Alright, focus. Just go down the list. It's as easy as that.
You look at the first name, written at the top.
Ok. Kyedae first. She'll be the easiest since it was her idea after all.
Your trembling hand tries to move to pick up your phone and call her, but it doesn't budge. You take a shaky breath and stand up from your desk.
Shit, this is not going to work. If I'm gonna do this, I need help.
But not just from anyone. I need it from someone I know I can trust, but who I have no... conflicting relationship with.
Ah, I know just who to call over...
...
"Oh. Yeah, I'll be there," she says.
"You don't have to come right now, I-"
"No, I'm free. And besides, this is important for you. I'm glad you're taking action."
"...thanks, Hyoon."
"Of course."
Her warm tone makes it hard to remember how you two had felt toward each other merely 24 hours earlier, as your late-night conversation had turned you two into the faithful bearers of each other's deepest secrets.
...
"You ready?" She asks, standing behind you and massaging your shoulders like a boxer before a fight.
"Yeah, I think so. I'm just... kinda scared."
"Fine, then! I'll do it!"
"Hyoon, what are you-!"
She reaches in front of you and presses the call button, and you have no choice but to watch it ring until the faint sound of a voice on the other end snaps you into action.
"Hey, Kyedae..." You blurt out.
"Hi."
"I, um... want to break up with you."
You physically slap your forehead, probably loud enough for her to hear.
"Good, good!" Hyoon whispers from behind.
"..."
"..."
"Attaboy. I'm glad you finally got around to it."
You sigh in relief, and Hyoon nods in approval.
"Are you sure you're ok?"
"Of course. I already knew it would happen, and honestly, I'm already prepared to move forward."
Hyoon smiles as she sees another level of tension lift from your body, and as you finally end the call after a few more minutes of conversing, she pumps her fist cutely.
"Who's next?" She asks, grabbing your pencil and crossing out Kyedae's name.
"You're crossing out her name?"You ask.
"Yeah! Like a to-do list!"
"That feels... a bit weird."
"Hey, this isn't Death Note..." She snickers. "Anyway, let's see who's next...
Her eyes widen, and she suddenly looks much more timid.
"...Brooke?"
"...yup. I just thought... my relationship with her is similar to Kyedae's. I don't really think... we'll work out."
"Oh... ok."
Her expressive face reveals exactly what she was thinking, and you realize that this would be the real test of whether you were capable of doing this or not.
...
"...what? Are you... serious?"
You squeeze your eyelids and feel the urge to take back everything, but Hyoon's hand presses your shoulder and reminds you of your goal.
"Yes. I'm serious."
"What did I do?"
"Nothing. It's not your fault. You're amazing, Brooke, and you deserve to be with someone amazing, who can have the time for you."
Her painful silence is broken by a few sniffles, and you look to Hyoon. Her steadfast gaze keeps you on track, and you keep going.
"I'm sorry, Brooke. But... I think this might be best for both of us."
"...ok..." She says, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "Bye."
"Wait, I-"
You sit back as the phone beeps, and you hear Hyoon sigh.
"She'll be alright. It's just a lot to take in."
"But... that was so quick! I should call her back, right?"
"Maybe you should wait for now. If she wants to talk again soon, let her call you," Hyoon says, resting her forearms on your shoulders.
"...alright..."
"Are you ok? Can we keep going?"
"Yeah, yeah. I can."
...
You call Leslie and Daph over the next few minutes, feeling a little more confident in your ability to go through with it. They both take it relatively well, and as you eventually hang up the phone, you look toward Hyoon in confusion.
"Kyedae said that she was expecting it, which makes sense... but both Leslie and Daph said kind of the same thing! I didn't know... so many of them felt this way."
"I mean, it's not too difficult to realize why. You've taken on a lot more than you can handle, and I think they're starting to realize."
"Hmm..." You think over her words, wondering what that could mean for your future.
"There's one more on the list, right? Who is it again?"
"...Miyoung."
As you say her name, your mind flashes back to the day that felt like a lifetime ago.
"Shh. I know. You're not mine to keep, I know that. But I don't care. I can't just... leave you."
"It's ok, Miyoung. We'll figure something out. I'll be by your side."
How can I break up with her after that? She...
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"I don't know... I don't know if I can do this..."
You start to panic a little, letting the uncertainty get to you.
"Hey," her soothing voice says from behind you, bringing you back to Earth. "Why don't we take a break? You've done really well so far."
You gratefully accept and stand up, leaving one name still uncrossed on the paper.
...
"It's been a long time since I've been on a walk," Hyoon says as she walks beside you. Her necklace gently sways back and forth as she walks, and the metal glints occasionally in the light.
"I think I'll start going on them more often," you reply, looking down at your feet as you slowly put one in front of the other.
"Any reason why?"
"Yeah. I just feel like I need to take the time to clear my head more."
You don't need to justify why, as you had already explained everything to her the night before.
"Is it working? Do you feel better now?"
"Definitely. Although, I think that's mostly because of you."
"Ah. Well, I'm glad I could help," she says with a grin, as she stops and sits on a nearby bench.
You sit down beside her and look around.
"So... I'm curious," she starts. "I was going to ask this last night, but I didn't want to make you panic even more..."
You nod, encouraging her to continue.
"For whoever you do choose to remain with... are you going to be exclusive with them? Or will you allow non-romantic flings with other girls?"
"Why, wanna get in on the action?" You jest, smiling.
She dramatically rolls her eyes and playfully slaps you on the shoulder.
"Well? Will you?" She asks again, keeping her elbow resting on you.
"I don't know. It'll be up to the girls I'm with."
"But you'd definitely want to, right? Come on, what guy wouldn't?" She says, leaning in closer.
"Well... I mean, you're not wrong. The only thing is, sometimes what I think are flings... somehow turn into more."
"Wooooow..." She lets out. "I get it. You're a hopeless romantic."
"Really?" You ask, squinting in disbelief.
"Oh, yes, you are. No wonder the ladies love you. And... no wonder it hurts you so much to leave them."
You laugh. "Eh, maybe you have a point..."
She giggles and mutters to herself, "...well... you're not alone..."
...
"Wow... that was nice," Hyoon remarks, as she sinks down onto your comfortable bedroom carpet.
"It was... In fact, I-"
Your phone rings loudly, and you quickly fish through your pocket to retrieve it.
"Leena?" You confirm, making Hyoon turn her head to listen in.
"Are you busy?"
"No, I can talk. What's up?"
"You haven't been streaming much the past week. What's up?"
"...yeah, yeah, sorry. I'll make up for it," you say, not willing to divulge.
"What's going on? You even missed out on a sponsored stream! I had to beg them to reschedule last-minute after you didn't respond to my calls!" She whines.
Hyoon frowns, not liking her tone.
"I'm really Leena. I've been facing some... personal issues lately."
"I'm sorry about that, but you need to focus a little more on streaming. It's a big responsibility, and you need to stick to your schedule."
"I know, I know." You sigh.
"Alright, well, I hope I see some improvement soon. Bye."
Leena hangs up the phone, and Hyoon quickly mutters under her breath.
"Bitch..."
"Hey!"
"What do you mean? Look at how she's talking to you!" Hyoon cries.
"She's not usually like that. Maybe she's just stressed, or something..."
She shakes her head and lays down, propping her head up against your thigh.
"Maybe, but... you shouldn't just take that. No one should ever speak to you that way."
"Didn't you use to speak to me that way?" You earnestly ask.
"...yeah. I'm still really sorry about that," she bashfully whispers, looking up at you.
"It's alright. I didn't mean to bring it up again - I know it hurts to think about it," you say with an apologetic sigh.
She slides further onto you, now fully laying her head on your comfortable lap and looking up into your eyes upside-down.
"So? Are you gonna talk to her and get her to apologize? Or should I?" She seriously asks.
You chuckle.
"You'd really do that?" You ask, amused.
"Of course! I'd march right up to her house and demand her to say sorry!"
"Wow. I appreciate it, but really, I'll be fine," you say, smiling gratefully.
She feigns a pout, then reaches up to gently tussle your hair. You close your eyes for a moment as her slender fingers warm your scalp.
Her hand slides down and around the back of your neck and rests there, and you feel her chest swell as she takes a deep breath.
"How do you feel right now? Are you still overwhelmed?" She asks, gazing at you.
"I feel a lot better. Our talk last night was really helpful, and Imane helped me get started with everything today. I'm glad I got through most of them."
Her other hand reaches around your neck as well, and you feel the weight of her gentle hands pulling you closer.
"I'm really glad to hear that." Her voice becomes smooth and quiet, and the rest of the world drops away as you feel yourself getting closer.
You begin to lose yourself in her deeply-hued eyes, slender nose, contoured cheeks, and small, luscious lips.
She closes her eyes as she tilts her chin up to meet you, and you finally gasp as you feel her warm tongue gently caress your lips.
"Wait!" You suddenly sit up, fast enough to rip yourself out of her grip. "What... what are we doing?"
"Hey, hey, relax..." She comfortingly says, staying on your lap. "It's just a kiss."
"Just... a kiss?"
She holds out her hands, and you slowly let her pull you forward into her gentle grip once more.
"Doesn't this feel good?" She whispers into the intimate space between your lips as she slowly rubs the back of your neck.
You slowly nod.
"Then what's wrong?"
"...i'm scared, Hyoon. I don't want this to turn into..."
"It doesn't have to. Just kiss me," she murmurs.
She pulls you in again, and you let her take you further. She gently bites your bottom lip as she intertwines her fingers with your hair, and you sigh into her peaceful hold.
"Mmm... just like that..." She lets out in satisfaction as you kiss back, continuing to brush your lips against hers in a slow, rhythmic motion. You don't go any further, and she seems content to stay there with you, gasping ever-so-slightly from time to time as your hands gently graze her cheek.
"Wow..." She breathlessly sighs, finally taking in air after pulling away.
She stops as she sees the lingering look of uncertainty in your eyes, and she sits up, scoots beside you, and turns your head to face her.
"I want to be here for you. And... yes, I want to kiss you too. But I don't want anything more. I don't like seeing you scared, so... I just want you to know that you don't need to be."
You slowly take in her words as she clutches your hands.
"Ok. I... also like kissing you," you shyly admit, making her smile. "I am a little scared, but... if you promise me it won't go further... we can keep doing it. You might have to keep me in check, though. You said it yourself... I'm a hopeless romantic..."
She shivers as your eyes scan over her face while you speak, and her heart flutters in her chest.
"Yeah, yeah... I can do that. We can be... great friends who have fun with each other and share our secrets, and occasionally kiss..."
You let her contagious grin get to you, and you giggle with her.
"So, do you want to go back and finish up your list-MPH!"
You cut her off with another kiss, feeling relieved and secure now that you knew you could enjoy her taste to the fullest.
"In a bit. Let's just... do this a bit longer," you suggest.
She nods, and you surprise her by pulling her onto your lap so she was straddling you. Her necklace sways hypnotically above her cleavage, and the last thing you see before you faithfully close your eyes is her perfect grin and the brilliantly pearly teeth behind them.
But this time, her lips reach your jaw, and you lean back as she gently kisses up your cheekbone and down again.
Your hands grip her small waist, and you lay back onto the side of your bedpost, letting her control the pace as her hands hold you in place.
"Mmm..." You groan in contentment. "We could've been doing this a long time ago..."
She gently nods, and the tip of her nose brushes across your cheek.
"At least we're doing it now. Let's make up for lost time..."
Her delicate voice soothes you even further, and you keep your eyes closed.
She plants her lips on yours once more as she wraps her elbows around your neck. Her hips gently grind on you as she kisses you deeper, and her heartbeat starts to quicken.
Your hands gently rest on her thighs, and they slowly move up to her waist, and then to her head, where you decide to have some fun.
"AHH!" She screams as you push both of your bodies away from the bedside and onto the carpet, where she lays on her back, with you on top of her.
Her eyes light up as you descend your face onto hers, and her hands reach up to hold you once more as you begin kissing her harder.
Your hands explore their way around her body, and she bites back a shiver of pleasure as you reach her sensitive nape.
She leans her head back, and you continue kissing down her jaw, delighting in how her breathing became labored as she starts kissing you back.
"Holy... I need to come over more often..." She groans out.
...
"Are you sure you don't have to be anywhere else? You've been here practically the whole day," you ask Hyoon as you lay on your bed with one arm around her while her hand rests on your chest, continuing your impromptu make-out session with less intensity.
"Eh, maybe, but I'd rather be here," she says with complete honesty, earning another kiss from you.
"Oh! I just remembered something I wanted to ask you," you say, making her fully turn and lay on your chest to look up at you.
"Hmm?"
"What do you think of Celine?"
"Celine? ...why do you ask?"
"Just... curious," you cryptically respond.
"She's... such a sweetheart! She's absowutewy my pwecious wittle baby!" She says as she puts on a child-like smile.
"Really? Even after that show she put on a few days ago?"
"Well, she was kind of a natural at being dominant, but I know she's really an innocent sub at heart..."
You silently chuckle to yourself, wondering how she would take your next question.
"Would you ever think of fucking her?"
The color drains from her face, and she opens her mouth to speak a few times before finally remembering how to.
"...what the..." She freezes. "Why would you ask that?!?"
You return her confused gaze with a knowing grin.
"Wait... are you asking because... she told you..."
You nod, making her gasp sharply.
"NO! No way! But she said she only wants you!"
"No, she said the only guy she wants is me. She didn't say anything about girls..."
You start to see Hyoon's pupils dilate, and her heartbeat rises.
She looks really cute when she's horny.
"Sounds like you know where you want to be right now..." You tease her.
"I'll... definitely talk to her about that..." She says, clearing her throat and trying to regain her composure.
"I wouldn't mind joining in..." You whisper, making her imagination run wild.
...
You hold the door open for Hyoon, and she discreetly gives you a little kiss on the nose before heading out with a cute wave and a promise to meet again soon.
Seconds after the door closes, you hear footsteps above you. You look upward and see Miyoung walking barefoot down the stairwell.
"Oh! Hey... Miyoung!" You awkwardly say.
"Hi!" She takes a few steps toward you and leans in for a kiss.
You respond, feeling a wave of guilt wash over you as you feel her smile into your lips for a few seconds.
Her hands gently clutch your sides, and you can't help but take in her sweet taste, letting her pleasant perfume fill your nostrils.
"Were you about to leave?" She asks as she gently holds you, seeing that you were standing next to the front door.
"No, I just let someone else out," you say.
"Ok, good. Then you can help me find something..." She beckons.
She heads down another flight of stairs to the basement, and you follow her.
"Find what exactly?"
"A bigger mousepad. Toast told me that there would be one in the second door on the right after the first left."
"The second door... on the right... after... wait, what?" You try to work it out in your head.
But by the time you remember, she's already opening the door, and your heart freezes as you realize what room it was.
"Hold on... there's nothing even in here! Except..."
Her voice comes to a quick, unnatural halt, and your heart pounds in your chest. You sprint inside after her and step into the sight of Miyoung holding up a piece of paper with trembling fingers.
She looks at you through fallen strands of her hair, and her scarily piercing gaze sends a shiver down your neck.
"What... is this...?" She whispers.
"It's... it's..."
She blinks very slowly, and her heartbroken, angry gaze fills you with an agonizing regret.
"Leslie called me this morning... she told me what happened..." She says, pointing to Leslie's crossed-out name.
"Miyoung, I-"
"I guess this is how you're doing it, huh? Crossing us off, like names on a fucking list?" Her hand quivers even more, and the paper crumples under her grip.
"Please listen to me, I-" You respond, as the sound of a rare curse word escaping her mouth makes your blood pressure skyrocket.
"And you... you have the fucking audacity... to kiss me... even when you know you don't want me..." She continues.
"..."
"I'm done with you and your shit. I should've known... that all this was gonna get to your head. I should've known..."
"...miyoung..." You hopelessly croak out.
"No. I'm done. Not that that matters to you, since you were already done with me anyway! But I guess you wanted to string me along for a few more kisses, right? Maybe fuck me a few more times before you finally decide I'm worthless enough to let me go?" Her voice becomes raspy as she wipes away a tear, and she finishes crumpling the paper between her fingers.
"Miyoung! That's not why I didn't tell you! I-"
"I don't care! If you cared about me, even a little, you would have told me how you really felt about me!"
"I was going to... I just-"
"SHUT UP!" She chucks the paper ball at you, and it softly hits your chest before falling to your feet.
"..."
"I don't want to hear it," she says, dropping down to an eerily quiet volume. "I thought... we could be something..."
She swiftly shoves past you as she stomps out of the room, emanating a passionate disgust.