Xie Qingcheng had no way of knowing that, due to the destruction of He Yu's perceived reality and the obliteration of his articles of faith, he had been seized by the urge to overturn his former principles entirely from the inside out. But even so, the moment He Yu pinned him down, without even blinking, Xie Qingcheng still reached out with his unrestrained hand to grab a nearby wine bottle and smash it against the nearest surface.
He Yu's eyes darkened. "What are you doing?"
Xie Qingcheng was already on fire with scalding lust from the Plum Fragrance 59. He felt like the uncontrollable physiological reactions were breaking him down, but he was hardly the type to submit so easily.
He didn't say anything, only continued to pant for breath as he stared up at He Yu with panther-like eyes. Then, he picked up that broken wine bottle and stabbed it into his own forearm without flinching!
Blood gushed from the wound.
Xie Qingcheng squeezed his eyes shut and bit down hard on his pale lower lip. The agonizing pain just barely shocked him out of the quicksand of desire. Chest heaving, Xie Qingcheng slowly set down the bloody weapon and leaned back against the tea table.
He Yu stared at him with an ugly look on his face. He watched as Xie Qingcheng gasped for breath, taking in in the taut stretch of his dress shirt, his wine-stained collar, his bleeding arm.
As He Yu stared, he tightened his grip on Xie Qingcheng's arm. Warm droplets of blood slowly seeped through his fingers.
Silence fell over them both.
In this moment of lucidity, Xie Qingcheng strove to control his breathing as he looked at the youth in front of him through teary eyes.
After a moment's pause, he rasped, "He Yu, let me ask you… You actually are bothered by the things that I said in those old videos, aren't you?"
He Yu didn't say a word. He let Xie Qingcheng's blood drip like tears from his fingers, each drop splashing onto the cold tiled floor.
It wasn't just the old videos, he thought.
He'd seen nearly all the messages Xie Qingcheng had sent during those few years.
In the end, He Yu just sneered. "You've already asked me this question, and I've already told you the answer. I don't care. Who still cares about all that?"
"But you're not very good at lying. If you really didn't care, you wouldn't be acting like this today." Xie Qingcheng was still panting, sweat beading on his face. He knew that his composure wouldn't last. He had to use the brief time he'd bought himself to persuade He Yu to act more rationally, or at least with a little more lucidity.
He Yu was silent.
"Little devil… To be honest, back then…"
It took a lot out of Xie Qingcheng to talk about such things. The drug was too strong—it quickly relaunched its conquest over his blood, flowing to the very tips of his fingers. Xie Qingcheng squeezed his eyes closed, and when he opened them again, they were misted over with pain. But still, he suppressed the agony, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly.
"Back then…the reason I didn't want to stay on as your personal physician wasn't because I found you appalling or frightening. It wasn't because I was worried that you would become the next Yi Beihai to my Qin Ciyan. It wasn't any of those things. You were already fourteen when I left you, He Yu. I could accompany you for seven years, or even another seven, but could I accompany you for a lifetime? Staying by your side after you graduate and start work, after you get married and have children… That's not realistic. I'm only a doctor. Sooner or later, you'll have to depend on yourself to walk out of the shadows in your heart. That's what I believe, and it's why I left."
Xie Qingcheng paused, holding He Yu's silhouette in his eyes.
"He Yu… I think you probably understand this. How many people have it easy in this world? You don't need to look any further than the foyer of a hospital, the doorway of an ICU, or the entrance of a trauma center. I know that you're in pain, but at least you're alive. You shouldn't…"
But right now, He Yu didn't fully understand what Xie Qingcheng meant to say. He was burning up so fiercely that his ice-cold heart was scalding with it; he'd never experienced a rage so fiery before. He viciously grabbed a fistful of Xie Qingcheng's short hair and sharply yanked him up from the floor. "You're saying that I shouldn't what? What shouldn't I do?! Xie Qingcheng… Do you really have any idea how much pain I'm in? Numb and closed-off, with no control over my emotions—during a flare-up, I don't even know who I am! I'm completely hollow, it's like my insides have rusted away or been gnawed empty. Not a moment goes by where I don't think about just ending it all. I've told you this before. Over the course of those seven years, I described it to you countless times…but you still have no idea what it's like.
"Why did you agree to treat me, huh? Since you think that I should go look at a hospital, that my suffering is nothing compared to those patients', why did you agree? Did you think it was interesting? The rarest disorder on Earth, Psychological Ebola, without a single identical case in even the records of Yanzhou's oldest hospitals. How fascinating, Professor Xie. You found this clinical specimen novel enough to add a splash of color to your research portfolio, didn't you?!"
He Yu kept his voice low, but the light in his eyes trembled with fury.
"The patients you talk about—whether they're cancer patients or people with ALS, at least everyone understands the kinds of illness they have and how severe the symptoms are. They can find people who share the same suffering, huddle together for warmth, and encourage each other…but what about me? I'm just a research specimen to you people, an interesting lunatic, a beast in a cage. Is it refreshing, Xie Qingcheng? Leaving once you're done gawking and having fun? You even tried to deceive me with some ridiculous lies as a parting gift! And now you're still trying to tell me what I shouldn't do or what I'm allowed to do. Don't you find it cruel, Xie Qingcheng?!"
A nearly imperceptible flicker of light seemed to flash through Xie Qingcheng's eyes at this cutting interrogation, but as he lowered his lashes, that faint glimmer quickly disappeared without a trace.
"I still feel that way, He Yu," he said. "As long as you're alive and still want to save yourself, no matter how lonely or painful it is, you'll always manage to make it through. That is, unless you choose to give up on yourself even before you die. A human heart can be very strong, He Yu. You shouldn't believe in me. You should always believe in your own heart."
"Easy for you to say." He Yu stared into Xie Qingcheng's eyes. Every word was accompanied by the metallic scent of blood, as though it had been flayed from his hatred. "Easy for you to say…Xie Qingcheng. You're neither sick nor in pain. You're just wagging your tongue and criticizing me for giving up. What do you know? If you were the one suffering the torment of this disease, how much better would you do? Xie Qingcheng, you're the one who loves washing your hands of matters and disappearing without a trace. You're the one who left the He family because you couldn't cure me. You're the one who resigned and switched professions at the first sign of trouble."
Every word was sharpened to pierce through Xie Qingcheng's harsh dignity. "Your hypocrisy disgusts me. You've been pretending for so many years… Even now, you're still pretending!"
One could have said that He Yu had still possessed a shred of rationality before. But at this moment, he was fully consumed by fury.
He grabbed Xie Qingcheng's messy hair with no care for his grimace of pain, then dragged him up and tossed him onto the more spacious of the long sofas beside the marble table. Then, he silently turned and drew out the other yet-unopened bottle of Plum Fragrance 59 and uncorked it without the slightest expression on his face.
Xie Qingcheng's head nearly blew up from rage at the sight of that strong liquor. The heat of desire was already making him fall apart after chugging one bottle of the stuff, but here He Yu was, opening another fucking bottle!
"What the hell do you want…!" At this point, even Xie Qingcheng had a note of fear in his voice. He summoned all the strength in his limp, helpless body to try to pull himself into an upright position.
But before he managed to sit up, He Yu brought over the bottle of liquor. He didn't even bother with wine glasses, he just grabbed Xie Qingcheng by the jaw.
Xie Qingcheng, who was nearing his breaking point, went pale as a sheet at the sight of that Western-style bottle, bigger than his face. Finally giving up on having a proper conversation, he started furiously cursing. "You little bastard, you fucking lunatic, if you don't want this to end up being a murder scene you'd better get the fuck out of here—"
"That's right, I am a lunatic," said He Yu emotionlessly. "Did you only just find out? Well, it's too late." With that, He Yu tipped his head back to take a large gulp from the bottle himself. Then he pried Xie Qingcheng's teeth apart and force-fed the chokingly pungent Plum Fragrance 59 to Xie Qingcheng from his own mouth.
Xie Qingcheng struggled so hard that half the liquor ended up on the floor and most of the rest ended up on his clothes. Even though he didn't drink much of it, it was still strong enough to make him choke. Once He Yu let go of him, Xie Qingcheng slumped across the sofa and started coughing violently, as if trying to force all the oxygen from his lungs.
Liquor mixed with blood, and blood mingled with sweat.
Xie Qingcheng was trembling all over, in part due to rage, but also because of the lust that had begun its frantic, gnawing onslaught on his body again. He felt as if countless insects were biting into his bones, his body tingling and limp as he burned up all over. The sensations were terrifyingly unfamiliar. His face began to flush again, but what shone clearer than the lust was his fury. He was completely livid now. After his coughing fit, he turned and glared viciously at He Yu before he'd even steadied his breathing. He didn't bother to curb the sharpness of his tongue. "What kind of beastly behavior is this? Not even animals could manage what you're doing! He Yu, you've really gone crazy…"
"This is beastly already? Professor Xie, you're inexperienced indeed. There are far beastlier things. Why don't I give you a demonstration right now?"
He Yu tossed the glass bottle, swirling with the final dregs of liquor, onto the floor, then stood up and stepped forward. Xie Qingcheng was just about to sit up, but He Yu pinned him back against the sofa's soft cushions and clamped his wrists together. He Yu's bangs hung down as he stared at Xie Qingcheng, who'd been completely soaked through by the alcohol. There was a hint of hair-raising viciousness in his gaze.
Xie Qingcheng gasped for breath. "He Yu…"
Hearing Xie Qingcheng call his name like that, with a hint of fear seeping into his voice, He Yu felt a surge of pleasure in the pit of his belly. Scarlet light gleamed in the dark, terrifying pits of his eyes.
He kept Xie Qingcheng pinned with his own body as he cooed at him softly, sounding gentle yet deranged. "Don't be afraid, hm?" There was still a trace of Plum Fragrance 59 between his lips. He licked them and smiled, as if savoring the taste. "Do you know why I had to drink some of this too? Because I despise you, and I despise men. If it weren't for this liquor, I'm afraid I wouldn't be of much help in certain matters, nor would I be able to provide satisfactory service."
He Yu patted Xie Qingcheng on the cheek. "Xie-ge, I've always been filial and respectful to you. You came here just for me, but I didn't treat you with enough hospitality. If that gets out, what would happen to my reputation? So, if you don't like those people, then I won't force you. But aren't you uncomfortable because you got yourself too drunk?"
After a few seconds of dumbfounded shock, Xie Qingcheng's gaze finally began to show some terror as he watched He Yu yank open his collar. The tightly fastened buttons came undone, exposing the flushed skin underneath.
"In that case, I'll give you a hand."
By now, He Yu had been provoked so far that he'd lost any interest in slowly enticing Xie Qingcheng. Xie Qingcheng would not hesitate to mutilate himself to maintain lucidity, so He Yu realized that relying on drugs alone would be useless. He had fully taken leave of his senses now; all he wanted was to savagely tear apart all the disguises covering Xie Qingcheng, and the more he thought about it, the more of his reservations he lost.
Grabbing Xie Qingcheng by the neck, he said deliberately, word by word, "Today, I can personally give you relief. I'll bring you to the peak of pleasure myself."
Xie Qingcheng lost it. "He Yu! What are you trying to do?!"
"What am I trying to do? As a formerly married man, do you have to ask?" He Yu pinned down the madly struggling man underneath him. After a cup of Plum Fragrance 59, He Yu's own senses had become significantly more sensitive. Tearing Xie Qingcheng's facade apart was thrilling enough, but now that this man was twisting and turning beneath him, burning hot all over, with his clothes in disarray and stained with blood, his struggling movements actually stoked He Yu's flames even higher.
He Yu stared at him with the eyes of a predator, as if he planned to gouge holes into his flesh.
"Ge…" His breath was searing as it puffed gently over Xie Qingcheng's face and intermingled with his. "What do you think I want to do…"
Xie Qingcheng was straight from head to toe and apathetic to sex to begin with—and he knew that He Yu was a straight man too, and homophobic to boot. How could he have possibly let his thoughts roam in such an outrageous, insane direction?
It was only when He Yu wrenched Xie Qingcheng's wrists up over his head with one hand and began undoing the buttons of his dress shirt that realization crashed down on him like lightning. His peach-blossom eyes flew wide open, and his face blanched as he stared at He Yu in utter disbelief. For a moment, he couldn't even be sure that this was reality.
But he could see He Yu's youthful face—fearless, bloodthirsty, sickly, perverse, and crazed—the face that held a single-minded desire to devour all of Xie Qingcheng's dignity.
Xie Qingcheng knew that He Yu had really lost it. He began to struggle beneath He Yu's hands, even though struggling had long since become futile. He shouted hoarsely, "He Yu, you… You fucking… I'm fine… I don't need your help! Get lost! You'd better get fucking lost! What the hell do you want!"
On Xie Qingcheng's habitually composed face, He Yu saw terror, pallor, and ruination… These emotions burst like delicacies across He Yu's tongue, causing his desire to swell even more greedily. He restrained Xie Qingcheng, who'd slumped down onto the sofa, with fingertips that were like blades moving to slice Xie Qingcheng open bit by bit as he lay beneath him.
He Yu's handsome face twisted into a smile. "Professor Xie, Doctor Xie, Xie-ge. You must understand everything by now." His low voice blazed, scalding Xie Qingcheng's rapidly heaving chest. "I'm going to fuck you all night. You'd better remember to moan loud enough for me."
His hand slipped leisurely down, and his fingertips caressed Xie Qingcheng's trembling lips.
Xie Qingcheng squeezed his eyes shut, looking on the verge of being driven insane. However, he didn't have an ounce of strength remaining in his body. The longer this went on, the quicker his energy left him.
"If you fucking dare… You psycho…"
Heedless of his words, He Yu began to pull at Xie Qingcheng's clothes with a determined look on his face. No matter how much he shoved at him, Xie Qingcheng failed to fend him off, and in the end, he could only tighten his grip around his belt buckle. But He Yu pounced and began to kiss Xie Qingcheng across his newly bared shoulder, the nape of his neck, his collarbones…all the way down, burying his head of black hair in Xie Qingcheng's chest as he licked the man's pale nipple with his rough tongue, then sucked it viciously.
Xie Qingcheng's eyes widened, and he flailed like a fish out of water, but He Yu only pinned him down with a fresh burst of force. Under the influence of the excessive dosage of aphrodisiac liquor he'd imbibed, lust gnawed at every bit of him, and he truly did feel an instinctive yearning to entangle passionately with another body.
When someone was fully engulfed in lust, it didn't even matter all that much if their partner was of the same sex. This was bestial instinct. But Xie Qingcheng remembered that he was a human, and that he was He Yu's senior and an old friend of He Yu's father. He absolutely shouldn't—absolutely couldn't act like this.
A tormented look crossed his face, intense lust clashing with extreme hatred. Unable to bear it, he turned his head to the side.
He Yu was kissing his chest. Feeling the tremors running through Xie Qingcheng's body, he looked up at him and saw the loathing on his handsome face, covered by a red flush. He Yu felt a powerful thrill unlike any he'd ever experienced before—powerful enough to override the distaste he felt for men's bodies, urging him to toy with Xie Qingcheng no matter the method.
This was a Xie Qingcheng that He Yu had never seen before—a Xie Qingcheng who was paying the price for his lies and deception.
Savage desire flamed in He Yu's eyes. The pleasure of revenge could utterly subsume his disgust, just as the thrill of domination could override his instinctive rejection. He Yu started to regret that he'd come to this realization too late, that he hadn't found this method of shattering Xie Qingcheng earlier.
As they were tussling, He Yu had already completely undone Xie Qingcheng's shirt buttons, exposing the wine-stained skin beneath. Xie Qingcheng's chest was very broad, his muscles firm and powerful without being exaggerated, and the lines of his torso were sharp and clean. It was every bit the body of an adult man. He Yu was a bit put off, but he felt his blood heat up once again at the sight of Xie Qingcheng's current appearance.
Didn't Xie Qingcheng say he couldn't give him anything?
Didn't he believe that He Yu was undeserving of love?
Xie Qingcheng—the one who stood at his lofty height and never took anyone seriously; the one who'd restrained him and disciplined him; the one who had scolded, threatened, and lied to him since he was young; the one who even told He Yu that he couldn't afford to employ him when he left.
Xie Qingcheng—that stern, composed man who stood at the lectern and received the admiration of countless students; that man who seemed omniscient and omnipotent.
A full-grown, adult man.
Purely masculine, mature, formidable, and coolly detached, his aura so stalwart it was more than enough to attract any number of girls, someone who'd once been married to a woman. No one would imagine that he'd submit to anyone, no one could imagine that he too could get fucked—not an overwhelmingly manly man like him.
But now, he had thrown himself into this trap of his own volition. He was being restrained by He Yu, lying under him and trying to refrain from trembling.
The things He Yu wanted and the warmth that he craved—Xie Qingcheng could give it all to him. Xie Qingcheng could give it to him himself!
The young man swallowed thickly, burning with an unbearable heat as his blood came to a boil.
"Doctor Xie, you'd better keep this in mind. What happened tonight was because you drank too much and couldn't take it. You were so pathetic you needed my help. As for me, I'm not weak and cowardly like you. I'm willing to sacrifice myself in order to take good care of you. I don't need your thanks. I'm happy to help."
He Yu pulled Xie Qingcheng's shirt off, then took some black restraints out of the drawer beside him—this place had no shortage of implements like these—and tied Xie Qingcheng's hands tightly together.
"I still remember how you escaped from Jiang Lanpei's knots that day on the roof. Don't worry, this is a robber's knot. You won't be able to undo it.