First of all, let's clarify one thing: dying is not fun. No matter what people say about "a bright light at the end of the tunnel" or "a beautiful afterlife." What I felt was nothing but the sensation of being hit by a truck—oh wait, I really was hit by a truck. So cliché, right? Seriously? Truck-kun again? Does everyone who reincarnates have to die because of a truck? Can't anyone be a little more creative, like choking on instant noodles or getting electrocuted while fixing the fridge? But oh well, what matters now is that I'm alive again… or so I thought.
The strange thing is, instead of ending up in heaven or hell as religion teaches, I woke up in a small body. Very small. And wet. And naked. Wait a second… this isn't the otaku paradise I imagined! Where's the catgirl? Where's the beautiful goddess who's supposed to greet me with a dazzling smile while saying "Welcome, hero!" in a lovely voice? Instead, what I hear is a woman screaming in pain and…
"AAAAAHHHHH!" screamed a woman who seemed to be giving birth.
Oh. OH! I'M BEING BORN! This is so awkward! I'm a 20-year-old adult man who should know about female anatomy because… uh… educational reasons, but this is truly a traumatic experience! I mean, I did want to know what it feels like to 'enter' a woman, but not like this!
"Keep pushing, My Lady! Just a little more!" shouted a middle-aged woman who seemed to be a midwife. From my strategic position, I could see she was wearing clothes that looked like a medieval costume.
"The baby's head is showing!"
Medieval? Don't tell me I reincarnated into a fantasy world! Wait, this could be my chance to become a strong hero, have a harem, and save the world! But that's for later… first I have to get out of this embarrassing situation.
With quite an effort (and a lot of discomfort), I finally managed to be "born" into this world. Baby cries automatically came out of my mouth, though inside I felt extremely awkward. Okay, this is super weird. My body cries automatically but my mind is still as clear as an adult's. Is this what they call muscle memory? Or baby memory? Whatever, what matters is that I'm alive!
"…Congratulations, Duchess Shalene! Your son is safely born!" exclaimed the midwife happily while cleaning my tiny body.
Duchess? DUCHESS?! Wait, don't tell me I was born as a noble's child? This… this is exactly like the isekai novels I always read! Oh my God, I really won the reincarnation lottery! No more boring life as a student with a meager monthly allowance!
Haha… farewell loser life! Screw the truck driver who killed me! Eh? Should I thank him instead? Aaahhh! Screw all that! He ran me over and it hurt like hell! I hope his Excalibur never rises again!
More importantly, right now I saw a beautiful woman. A beautiful blonde woman with gorgeous green eyes took me from the midwife's hands. Her face was pale with exhaustion, but her smile was so warm and full of love. This must be my new mother.
"Hello, my darling," she whispered softly. "Mama has been waiting for you for so long."
WOAH! My mom is super beautiful! Wait, did I just have lewd thoughts about my own biological mother? That's so wrong! But… objectively speaking, she really is beautiful. And her chest… NO! BAD THOUGHTS! I'm still a baby, for crying out loud!
But as a lover of big breasts… no… I must not!
The door suddenly opened, and a tall man with white hair and a neat mustache rushed in. He wore luxurious clothes that clearly showed his noble status.
"Shalene! How are you? And our child?" he asked, panting.
"I'm fine, Lloyd. And look… our son," my mother replied while showing me to him.
Lloyd and Shalene, huh? Quite western names. And from the way they dress, it really looks like I'm in a fantasy world similar to medieval Europe. Perfect! Now I just need to find out if there's magic in this world, and whether I have a cheat ability or not.
My father—Lloyd—looked at me with teary eyes. He stretched out his index finger, and I reflexively grabbed it with my tiny hand.
"He's very strong," my father said proudly. "Like a true knight. I'm sure he will be the heir of the great Vassaleau family."
Vassaleau? That's my family name now? Sounds pretty cool. But wait… knight? Don't tell me I'm expected to be a muscle-head who only swings a sword? I'm more interested in magic and… well… collecting big-breasted waifus.
A few days passed, and I started to get used to life as a noble baby. And I must admit, my life now is far more comfortable than before. No more waking up early to go to college, no more annoying thesis advisors, and most importantly—I have servants!
Okay, maybe being a baby who can't do anything is a bit boring, but hey! I'm treated like a little king! There are servants who bathe me, change my clothes, and even… feeding time with mama which… NO! I will not have perverted thoughts about that!
I must not change my life's genre into incest!
Our head maid was a middle-aged woman named Martha who always smiled kindly. But the one who caught my attention more was a young maid named Luna who was assigned to clean my room.
Luna… such a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. She must be around 16–17 years old.
The girl had long silvery-white hair flowing neatly down to her waist. Part of it was braided thinly at the side of her head, and her eyes were purple with a calm gaze. She wore a dark blue maid uniform, complete with a white apron decorated with simple lace. The upper part was a blue corset with a row of small buttons in the middle, accentuating her figure. Around her neck was a blue ribbon with a thin chain ornament. Her hands were covered with long white gloves with frills at the wrist. On her head, she wore the typical white maid headpiece. A long dark blue skirt completed her look, falling neatly under the apron.
And more importantly, 118, 70, 105! Perfect! Absolutely perfect! K-cup! Hard to believe she's only 16! Ah, Luna, let me worship those two treasures!
And the way she moves is so… graceful. Wait, did I just become a predator stalking a maid from inside a baby crib? That's super creepy! But technically I'm still a baby, so… technically not illegal?
One day, while Luna was cleaning my room, she suddenly approached my crib and smiled.
"Hello, Young Master Zel," she greeted gently. "How are you today?"
Zelaris, or Zel for short! That's my name now! Zelaris Vassaleau… sounds pretty cool for a protagonist! And the way Luna calls me 'Young Master'… for some reason it sounds so exciting. Is this what they call awakening a new fetish?
I tried to smile at her, which probably looked like a normal baby gurgle, but Luna seemed delighted.
"Aww, he's smiling! Young Master Zel is so sweet!" she exclaimed while tickling my belly lightly.
She touched me! Okay, it's just an innocent belly tickle, but somehow my heart is racing! I'm supposed to be a baby, so I shouldn't be feeling… oh wait, maybe this is a side effect of retaining an adult mind in a baby's body?
Weeks passed, and I began developing a daily routine that was quite interesting. Mornings were usually spent with "breakfast" with mama (which still made me blush internally), afternoons for observing and trying to understand this world better, and nights for planning my future.
*Okay, after a few weeks of observation, I've confirmed a few important things:
This really is a fantasy world with a medieval era. The Vassaleau family seems quite wealthy and influential. There's a high chance magic exists in this world, since I often hear people mentioning "mana" and "enchantment." Luna is getting prettier every day, and I'm starting to worry about my indecent thoughts.*
One night, while I was lying in my crib staring at the ceiling painted with two angels (which ironically only made my mind less holy), my father and mother entered the room whispering softly.
"Shalene, I'm worried about Zelaris's behavior lately," said my father in a confused tone.
"What do you mean, Lloyd? Isn't he just a normal baby?"
"Normal? Shalene, you have to hear this. This morning when Martha changed his diaper, he deliberately… uh… 'sprayed' at a very strategic angle."
Hehe, my psychological warfare tactic worked! Well yeah, as an adult trapped in a baby's body, I have to find ways to entertain myself. And honestly, seeing Martha's shocked expression when she got hit by my 'golden shower' yesterday was truly priceless!
No, no, don't worry. I'm not interested in Martha. I also heard she already has a husband. I did that purely for fun. So don't think too much about it.
My mother chuckled softly while gently stroking my head.
"Lloyd, he's still a baby. Maybe you're just too paranoid. Besides, isn't it good if our son is clever?"
Good point, Mama! Defend your brilliant son! Though if they knew I was actually planning how to approach Luna without looking like a pervert… well, that's another story.
In response, I made the most innocent "ba ba ba" sound while smiling widely at them.
"See? He's just a cheerful baby," my mother said proudly. "Maybe it's true what they say, a child who smiles a lot will grow up to be kind-hearted."
Kind-hearted? Well, I do plan to be a good person… with a slight tendency to collect waifus. But that's normal for an isekai protagonist, right?
A few days later, an incident almost blew my cover. Luna was cleaning the window of my room when a strong wind lifted her skirt slightly…
HOLY SHIT! That's… that's… Okay, breathe Zelaris, breathe! You're still a baby, technically this can't be categorized as voyeurism! But… damn, Luna has really nice legs… NO! Bad thoughts! Think about something else! Math! Math is safe! 1+1=2, 2+2=4…
Unfortunately, my excitement was too obvious. I accidentally let out a "kyaa!" sound like an otaku fanboy seeing a panty shot in anime.
"Eh? What's wrong, Young Master Zel?" asked Luna, turning toward me with a confused look.
SHIT SHIT SHIT! I'm busted! Quick, act like a normal baby! Cry! Babies cry when they're confused!
I immediately let out the most dramatic cry I could muster, waving my hands as if frightened.
"Aww, maybe he was startled by the strong wind just now," said Luna as she came closer to calm me down. "There, there, Luna is here."
She's coming closer! Luna's coming closer! And now she's holding me! I can feel… uh… the warmth of her body and… K-cup! FOCUS Zelaris! You're still a baby! Control yourself!
As Luna carried me while humming softly, I felt an intense internal conflict between my adult side that appreciated a woman's beauty and my rational side that reminded me this situation was extremely inappropriate.
Okay, new rule: from now on I must be more careful with my bodily reactions. Being a baby with an adult mind is actually more complicated than what I imagined in light novels! And why the hell does Luna smell this good? Is she using natural perfume or something?
The following weeks, I developed various strategies to survive as a baby without raising suspicion. And honestly, the biggest life hack was exploiting the status of being a "cute baby" to get special treatment.
Turns out being a baby has its perks too! I can sleep anytime, eat for free, and most importantly—everyone treats me like a precious little prince! Plus, I have an excuse to stare at Luna without being considered creepy. Win-win situation!
While gazing at the moon (which for some reason there were two of them) through the bedroom window, I reflected on my strange but delightful new life.
Zelaris Vassaleau, the once boring college student and virgin who is now living the dream as a spoiled noble baby. Life really is unpredictable. Even though I still don't know the magic system of this world, at least I have a loving family, caring servants, and… well, Luna who is eye-catching. For now, this slice of life isn't so bad!
With my mind filled with plans for the future (and slightly perverted fantasies), I finally fell asleep.