The days passed, and the child seated on the high chair gradually grew into a handsome young man, just entering his twenties.
(Image)
Throughout this time, Doma oversaw the slow but steady expansion of his church in the region, across various economic sectors.
Proof of his success stood before his altar at this very moment.
It was a new believer, come, like so many others, to seek help from his sect after a misfortune.
He was weeping, lamenting that he had fallen victim to a scam and lost his entire fortune in an… outdated venture.
Unfortunately for him, his family only bickered and tore itself apart during this miserable period.
No one in his circle showed any understanding for his pitiful situation, nor did they curse the thieves who had taken all his possessions.
He bore the blame alone.
Doma sat upright on the plush cushion of the altar, dressed in the solemn attire befitting the leader of the Eternal Paradise Faith.
His platinum blonde hair and pale skin seemed to glow faintly under the light.
He resembled an exquisite sculpture, radiating a divine aura from head to toe.
The compassionate expression on his face, as he looked at the crying man, only heightened the ethereal glow he exuded.
Yet, behind this splendor, there was darkness and a void hidden within his magnificent, multicolored eyes.
"I understand the suffering you have endured, and I know you have not yet decided to go to Paradise (suicide)…" he said in a tone filled with wisdom.
A trait he had developed through years of interacting with fanatical believers and mimicking various lines drawn from manga like *Bleach*.
'Tch, another fool consumed by desire,'he thought, having fully grasped the poor man's situation.
"Go to the town at the foot of the mountain; you will receive help from the 'Faith'…"
And then reveal your insatiable true nature~—he did not voice the second part of his thought.
"After all, God is benevolent, and He sent me to spread as much happiness as possible, equally," he continued, maintaining his upright demeanor.
'God? Ridiculous. If one exists, He's certainly not benevolent, given the state of things,' he thought.
As usual, he kept his true opinion to himself.
The man wept tears of joy after receiving confirmation of financial aid from Doma's sect.
The great wooden door echoed as he left.
A soul had been saved… at least, in theory.
No one knows if it would fall back into the desires of the flesh or seize this chance to become better.
As for Doma's opinion?
He judged the man irredeemable, like so many others who came to him.
He simply gave him the benefit of the doubt.
After all, he had often been pleasantly surprised.
The human will is an incredible thing, something Doma never underestimated.
…
Doma instantly dropped his compassionate demeanor after the believer's departure.
He stared blankly at the patches of sunlight cast on the floor through the window.
"My emotional fluctuations have been happening less and less lately…" he murmured in an exhausted voice.
His face displayed a superficial sadness, though his heart remained utterly unmoved.
A situation he had anticipated, but one that reality made difficult to accept.
"The last time I felt a shred of emotion… it was nineteen days ago. But it faded quickly, like a snowflake under scorching heat."
This exquisite, perfect shell seemed incapable of holding onto the slightest emotion, like a vase that constantly leaked.
Sooner or later, he would become an empty soul.
He would lose his humanity without even becoming a demon—a silent tragedy.
Ever since he noticed this decline, Doma had been trying to preserve his emotions.
He refused to revert to that indifferent, emotionless puppet depicted in the manga.
So, he took up numerous hobbies, even indulging in activities he despised, like sports.
Unfortunately, nothing could halt the process.
The joy of sculpting his body, the pleasure of running a small local business, or even having fun with his servants… all of it quickly lost its appeal in his eyes.
He could only abandon these activities or continue them in hopes of some future gain or stimulus.
This latter approach was merely Doma's way of compensating for the loss of his feelings through food, carnal pleasure, or physical exertion.
Yet, he couldn't help but recall his past, rich with emotions, back at the hospital.
'A life of wealth and pleasure without emotion, or a life of suffering with feelings… If a god exists, then I am hated, and the feeling is mutual.'
A thought he never imagined he'd have, but one that spoke to his… broken state of mind.
Little by little, nothing from his past could make his heart stir as it once did.
He wouldn't even understand the decisions he made back at the hospital.
He would likely view humans from a detached, cold perspective, like a robot or an AI.
"But… I must admit, I was pretty foolish back then too, haha~ There were clearly better decisions to be made."
Yes, Doma judged himself with the same indifference he applied to his believers.
"In any case, emotions always push people to do incredibly stupid things."
An attempt to reassure himself? Possibly. But Doma was merely analyzing with cold, clear logic.
He felt his former self slowly dying within this body, leaving behind only pale, uninspired memories.
The only real gain he saw from his past life as Jay was the knowledge of the future.
Due to his little misfortune, he lacked the time and energy to directly manage the Eternal Paradise Faith.
He contented himself with listening to his disciples' confessions day after day, hoping to extract some emotion and monitor the progress of business affairs.
He had even begun to hope he might feel disgust toward his situation… but nothing.
Oddly, there was a silver lining in his misfortune.
Perhaps because he had already experienced all sorts of emotions and felt the desires of a normal person, he increasingly understood the minds of his disciples.
Something the old Doma lacked.
His rainbow-colored eyes seemed capable of peering deep into human hearts, discerning the hidden "selves" beneath the surface.
He still had work to do to fully understand the "heart," but thanks to Jay, he already had a clear picture of emotions.
He could hope to replicate them, just as he mimicked the gestures and expressions of ordinary people.
All this was made possible by the cold logic that his mind naturally wielded.
The human heart is unpredictable. Even as he struggled more and more to empathize with people, Doma still seemed somewhat fascinated by their hearts.
He "loved" the human will.
Thanks to this, he had amassed considerable wealth and begun helping his unfortunate disciples.
If it had been purely Jay, he would have used all that wealth for himself alone.
But for Doma, with his sharp mind capable of memorizing everything at a glance and his advanced foresight, money was a tool.
A tool to manage humans, greedy by nature.
Making money was simple, and using it allowed him to better "control" the human will and, perhaps, one day recover his emotions.
He simply needed to understand the human heart well enough to mimic it convincingly… to fool even himself.
A small wish… one he knew was difficult.