The world blinked back to existence.
Ryan hit the ground face-first, dirt cramming up his nose. He spat it out, groaning. "God, could the teleport at least warn me before yeeting me like a ragdoll?
[SpacePunk42]: LMAOOOOO wipeout speedrun
[UwU_Beast]: baby boy didn't even land properly <3
[Bloodaxe77]: bro ain't surviving 10 secs this round
Ryan pushed himself up, coughing. His surroundings had changed. No grassy field this time, he stood in the middle of a ruined village. Crumbling stone walls, burnt-out wooden huts, and eerie silence.
A notification blinked across his vision.
[Event: Infestation Cleanup]
[Objective: Survive swarm encounter. Bonus subs for creative kills.]
Ryan's jaw dropped. "Swarm? What do you mean swarm?"
The avatar popped into view like a smug desktop icon. "Good luck, Contestant! This is a low-level extermination event. Just survive until the timer ends!"
"How long's the timer?" Ryan asked, his voice cracking.
"Twenty minutes!" the avatar chirped.
"TWENTY?!"
A hiss sliced through the air. Then another. From the ruins, skittering shadows emerged, things that looked like a mix between rats and cockroaches, each the size of a damn Labrador. Dozens of glowing red eyes lit up in the dark.
Ryan's stomach flipped. "Nope. Nope nope nope. Hard pass. Send me back."
The swarm surged forward. And the chat went wild.
[QueenOfTentacles]: yessssss bug content
[UwU_Beast]: don't you dare die rn I just made popcorn
[Bloodaxe77]: THIS IS IT BOYS
Ryan bolted, sprinting between ruined huts. His boots slammed the stones, his lungs screamed. The swarm scuttled after him, their claws scraping.
He yelled into the air, his voice cracking. "CHAT! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?!"
Spam.
[SpacePunk42]: kick em lol
[UwU_Beast]: scream louder it's funny
[QueenOfTentacles]: climb smth u idiot
Ryan spotted a half-collapsed tower and scrambled up the rubble. Bugs clawed at the base, clinking their mandibles. He pulled himself onto the ledge, panting.
"Okay. Okay. Safe. Ish."
The chat spazzed emotes of rats and roaches.
Ryan cupped his hands like a mic. "Welcome back to Ryan's Survival Guide! Step one: don't fucking die. Step two: find tall shit. Step three: cry internally!"
[UwU_Beast]: LMFAO <3
[SpacePunk42]: NGL good content
[+250 Subscribers gained.]
Ryan blinked. "Wait, that worked? Just yelling stupid shit works?"
The avatar sparkled beside him, hovering in the air. "Remember, panic comedy is your niche!"
Ryan groaned. "I hate this so much."
The bugs started climbing. Their claws screeched against stone. Ryan's eyes widened. "Oh hell no."
"Okay chat!" he yelled, waving frantically. "This is the part where you, uh, DONATE. Yes, throw space money at me, please! Daddy needs a bug shield!"
The chat exploded in laughing emotes. But then donations raining in, colorful notifications filling his vision.
[Ad Revenue Shield Activated.]
[Durability: 30%.]
A bubble shimmered around him just as the first bug lunged. Its mandibles cracked against the shield, sparks flying.
Ryan laughed hysterically. "YES! PAY-TO-WIN, BABY!"
[SpacePunk42]: streamer privilege strikes again
[Bloodaxe77]: cringe p2w no skill
[UwU_Beast]: shut up and keep donating I need him alive <3
The shield started cracking.
Ryan's voice went shrill. "Okay okay okay, more donations pls?? Look, I'll do a dance! See?"
He flailed his arms like an idiot, hopping side to side. The chat lost their minds.
[+400 Subscribers gained. Shield Durability +20%.]
Ryan wheezed. "This is the dumbest boss fight ever."
The swarm kept coming, piling at the base of the tower. The tower wouldn't last. Ryan's brain scrambled for ideas.
"Okay think… how do streamers farm views? Reaction vids? Pranks? Cooking?" His eyes darted to the huts below, looking at the woods, debris, and old barrels.
A thought hit him. A terrible thought.
He cupped his hands to the stream. "Chat! You want content? You're gonna get content. Today's episode: Bug Barbecue!"
He climbed down carefully, his heart hammering wildly. The swarm surged toward him, but he grabbed a loose torch from the rubble. With shaking hands, he sparked it against a stone wall until it caught fire.
The chat spammed hype emotes.
[QueenOfTentacles]: OH SHIT HE'S DOING SOMETHING
[SpacePunk42]: man boutta speedrun death
[UwU_Beast]: baby pls don't burn urself
Ryan lit one of the huts. Dry wood went up instantly, flames roaring in overwhelming speed. Smoke billowed into the night sky. The bug hissed, agitated.
He waved the torch at them like an idiot. "Come on, you little cockroach bastards! Come to daddy!"
They did. It went too well.
The swarm rushed into the burning hut after him, their bodies scratching and clicking.
Ryan dropped the torch and bolted out the back of the hut, screaming. "WELCOME TO JACKASS!"
The hut collapsed. Fire swallowed the swarm inside. Dozens of screeches cut off all at once.
The chat went berserk.
[+1,200 Subscribers gained.]
[Temporary Buff: Fire Resistance +15% unlocked.]
Ryan doubled over, coughing from smoke but laughing like a lunatic. "HOLY SHIT I'M STILL ALIVE!"
[UwU_Beast]: THIS IS BETTER THAN WEBFIX
[Bloodaxe77]: ok ngl that was sick
[SpacePunk42]: content king??
The celebration lasted two seconds. Then the ground trembled.
A new hiss split the night, deeper than before. From the ruins, something massive crawled out, five times bigger than the others. A beetle the size of a car, its shell glowing faintly red from the firelight.
The System dinged.
[Mini-Boss: Hive Champion.]
Ryan's knees buckled. "No. Nope. Fuck this. I quit."
[QueenOfTentacles]: BOSS TIME BAYBEE
[UwU_Beast]: NOOOOO RUNNNNN
[Bloodaxe77]: finally he dies
Ryan scrambled backward as the beetle charged. He tripped over debris, landing on his ass. His shield was gone, donations drained. There was no escape left.
"Chat! HELP! WHAT DO I DO?"
Spam flew by.
[SpacePunk42]: ride it lol
[QueenOfTentacles]: JUMP ON IT U COWARD
[UwU_Beast]: pls don't omg
Ryan's brain screamed. 'This is a bad idea.'
He did it anyway.
As the beast lunged, Ryan ran forward, screamed at the top of his lungs, and LEAPT, then landing on its back. He clung desperately to the ridges of its shell as it thrashed.
"WELCOME BACK TO RYAN'S WILDLIFE DOCUMENTARY!" he yelled, his voice cracking. "TODAY WE RIDE A BUG THE SIZE OF A FUCKING TRUCK!"
The chat exploded.
[+2,000 Subscribers gained.]
[Skill Unlocked: Improvised Mounting.]
Ryan blinked mid-scream. "...Wait, that's a skill?!"
He grabbed a chunk of broken wood and stabbed it down between the beetle's plates. Sparks flew everywhere. The creature screeched, bucking wildly.
Ryan yelled. "YEE-HAW, MOTHERFUCKERS!"
The beetle slammed into walls, tearing huts apart, flames spreading everywhere. Ryan held on for dear life, laughing hysterically while also crying inside.
The chat spammed nonstop.
[UwU_Beast]: HE'S INSANE
[SpacePunk42]: content GOAT
[Bloodaxe77]: fine I subbed. This is funny af
Ryan jabbed the wood deeper. The beetle screeched, stumbled, then finally collapsed into the flames. Its legs twitched once, then stilled.
The System dinged.
[Mini-Boss Defeated. Event cleared.]
[+3,000 Subscribers. Current Total: 7,084.]
[Reward Unlocked: Starter Loot Crate.]
Ryan rolled off the beetle, coughing, covered in soot and sweat. He lay flat on his back, his chest heaving.
"I…hate…this job."
The chat cheered, spamming alien fireworks and confetti.
The fire died down, and the ruins smoldered. Ryan sat on a rock, trembling, as the avatar floated happily beside him.
"Congratulations, Contestant! You completed your second event! Subscriber count exceeded initial milestone! Isn't that exciting?"
Ryan stared at the avatar blankly. "I almost died riding a big into a bonfire. Exciting isn't the word I'd use."
"Don't worry! Your audience loved it. Your panic comedy niche is performing well above projections. If you keep this up, you might even survive a whole month!"
Ryan laughed bitterly. "A month. Wow. Dream big, huh?"
He pulled up his HUD.
[→ Viewers: 3,200]
[→ Subs: 7,084]
He whistled low. "Okay, chat… I hate all of you, but thanks. For real. You literally kept me alive."
[UwU_Beast]: ur welcome bb <3
[SpacePunk42]: don't get soft on us lol
[Bloodaxe77]: ngl ur growing on me
Ryan rubbed his face. "Gods. I'm building a career out of being scared shitless."
The avatar clapped. "And you're doing great!"
Ryan glared at it. "Next time I die, I'm haunting you."
The avatar just sparkled.
The System dinged again.
[New Event Teaser: Contestant vs Contestant.]
Ryan froze. "Wait. Contestant… as in… other people?"
"Correct!" the avatar said cheerfully. "Your next challenge won't be monsters. It'll be another competitor. Won't that be fun?"
Ryan's stomach dropped. "No. No it will not be fun."
The spam spammed hype emotes, already picking sides.
Ryan buried his head in his hands. "Oh God. I'm cooked."