For the last two fucking weeks I've been in secure. It's still the hellhole of Well Hole high. I hate it to the core of my being! I'm basically starved, unclean and isolated. It's a living nightmare! And that's putting things lightly.
My school work still sits on the desk, untouched. Security pretty much gave up after the fifth day of delivering the work and coming in to collect blank worksheets. Even John had enough of the complaints about my lack of work ethic. I couldn't be bothered to begin with but then my head became a whirlpool of thoughts and feelings which made school work off limits.
When grumpy Dave had seen enough he shouted at me. I stayed calm while he ranted and raved but when he called me an 'insolent delinquent' I lost my shit and attacked him. It was too much. I'd had enough!
John had to get eight officers to pin me down and then he had to cuff me as he couldn't calm me down. I was erratic! Wild!
The reason behind my outbursts is because I'm unstable. Completely mentally unstable.
My medication has been brought in every morning by John but I've refused to take any since being put in here. Why should I? I'm in a hellhole box fucking locked in.
Without my meds I'm so angry, violent and unpredictable. Nobody steps in here now, apart from John. The officers don't even open the door when I'm kicking off, they leave me to it, watching on their little fucking screen in the hallway. Safely away from me.
Unless I take my meds today I won't be allowed out. John has made it explicitly clear that Mr Tiz will not allow me out mentally unstable. He clearly remembers when I first arrived here. I don't blame him to be fair, I'd end up hurting someone within an hour.
I've lost a little bit of weight since being locked up in here and my tan has disappeared. My skin once a bronze has now gone pale, it sucks! Where I've been laying down and not being allowed out of the cell my hairs a knotted mass and I'm dying for a shower. I'd take any sort of wash I can get right now, my skin feels rough and disgusting.
As soon as I hear footsteps echoing outside in the hallway my heart's pounding in my chest, I'm alert! Ready for anything.
There's a knock on my cell door. I stay silent. Waiting. Listening closely for what's said next.
'Lay on the bench Hope, face down, hands on your head' John calls out. I roll my eyes at the stupid request but I do as he says. My body is weak so it takes me longer than usual. The joys of two weeks of fucking soup! Mr Tiz said in assembly that the meals were changing in secure but Ming and Dave see to my meals so I doubt anyone knows how badly they've been feeding me. Half of the bowls I send back, screaming at them to give me proper food. Tommy and max must think I'm totally bonkers by now.
As soon as I'm in position I call out to John.
'Done' then the door is unlocked and pulled open.
I watch as John hovers by the door.
'Are you going to take your medication today Hope?' John questions. I snap at him. 'Fine'. My body is too weak to argue with him and I want to get out of this hellhole.
John steps in and walks to the desk. I watch as he places a bottle of water and my meds down on the desk. He then turns and leaves. Shutting and locking the cell door behind him.
As soon as John has gone I climb off the bench and walk over to the table to take my meds. Once I've washed them down a tray is posted through the door.
I walk over to the door and grab the tray then sit down at the desk to eat. I'm starving. They've fed me soup because I wouldn't take my meds now I've taken them I can see I get a bowl of porridge. Maybe one good thing for today.
I scoop mouthful after mouthful down like a gannet before I'm completely stuffed to the brim. The porridge is feeling heavy on my stomach, much heavier than soup. I want to take back my thoughts! The porridge is a bad thing. I gag and run to the toilet, violently puking up the porridge, remaining soup then green frothy bile.
My body feels so weak as I tumble onto the floor. My head hanging precariously over the toilet bowl. This is fucking horrible! It's absolute hell. HELL!!
I don't know how long it's been but I hear the cell door unlock then I can hear footsteps. I don't have the energy to move.
The footsteps get closer then my hair is grabbed roughly. My head is yanked backwards. I moan in protest. It hurts! that's when I come face to face with Ming. His eyes scan my face quickly before he roughly drops my head back into the toilet bowl and walks out swiftly.
Then he shouts loudly, his voice echoing, causing my head to pound continuously.
'Someone get John!'