"Thirty-two, unmarried, of Germanic descent, logic-driven, despises all forms of irrational behavior." I casually filled out the most stereotypical requirements on a dating profile, only to receive an email that very evening matching all the criteria. "Richter von Hasslinger, Professor of Logic at the University of Munich, never married, meets all your requirements." On our first date, he brought a PowerPoint presentation explaining his algorithmic model for marriage. I pretended to faint, disrupting his perfect formula. Expecting him to storm off in anger, I was surprised to hear his calm voice falter for the first time: "Please wake up, Miss Anna. My model has just added 72 emotional variables for you—"
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When the glaring "Get Married Now" pop-up appeared on the dating website for the third time, Anna was stuffing the last bite of cold pizza into her mouth. Grease from her fingertips smeared onto the mouse, and she let out an annoyed "tsk," eager to close the damn thing.
"Thirty-two, unmarried, of Germanic descent, logic-driven, despises all forms of irrational behavior."
Staring at the sparse blank fields of the matchmaking criteria, a wave of self-destructive defiance washed over her. Fine. You want to rush me? You want stereotypes? Almost with a sense of spiteful satisfaction, her fingers clattered across the keyboard, typing out the most likely-to-repel-normal-humans criteria she could think of—preferably summoning a walking encyclopedia or an AI come to life, capable of suffocating any matchmaker with absolute rationality.
Click. Send. Peace and quiet returned. She completely forgot about it until late that night, after finishing overtime work and returning to her apartment. A new email sat quietly in her inbox, the sender's address a string of meticulous letters: [email protected].
Subject: "In Response to Your Matchmaking Requirements: Richter von Hasslinger"
Anna raised an eyebrow and opened it.
"Dear Miss Anna,
I have taken note of the matchmaking parameters you posted on the 'Bridge of Reason' platform. After verification, I confirm that I fully meet your specified criteria: 32 years old, of Germanic descent (traceable over seven generations), Professor of Logic at the University of Munich, uphold the principle of logic supremacy, and hold a negative stance toward irrational behavior. Never married, in excellent health, with no unhealthy habits.
Attached please find the detailed documents you requested: proof of identity, certified genealogical records, a list of academic publications, and recent medical reports.
If everything is in order, please reply to schedule our initial meeting. Suggested venue: 'Chain of Logic' Café, southeast of the town square (ambient decibel level meets standards for rational conversation).
Sincerely,
Richter von Hasslinger"
Anna stared at the screen, the cold white light reflecting off her bewildered face. Her mouth hung open for a moment before she let out a short, stunned whisper: "...Damn."
There really was someone—no, really was such a...creature? And with certified genealogical records to boot?
As the absurdity faded, a sharp curiosity emerged. She had to meet him. She simply had to see what kind of rare specimen this was.
She replied to the email and set a time. Saturday afternoon, exactly three o'clock.