Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
A roaring hum pulsed against my eardrums, like I was submerged at the bottom of a deep blue lake. The faint, chaotic noises rippled above the water's surface, sending subtle tremors through the stillness. My vision blurred, leaving me to rely only on sound and touch to make sense of things.
My steps felt weightless, floating through soft lake water, one deep, one shallow, as I groped my way forward. My exhausted body had lost all control, swaying with the waves. Darkness swallowed everything—direction, position, all of it muddled beyond recognition. I drifted aimlessly toward some unknown depth, mysterious and dangerous.
Pop.
A sliver of light tore through the darkness, spilling down like a bubble bursting. Air rushed in, and suddenly, sound and light sharpened into focus.
"Absolutely incredible!"
"Amazing! Seriously amazing!"
"I knew it!"
"The most perfect performance ever!"
"Awesome! So awesome! Beyond awesome!"
"Unbelievable! Ronan, you're the king!"
Chattering voices swirled around my ears, and a dizzying parade of faces spun before my eyes. I couldn't make them out at first. Stunned for a moment, I steadied myself on my heels, and my vision finally cleared. There they were—the faces of my bandmates.
Maxim grabbed his hair in disbelief, his drenched head a total mess, like a bird's nest gone wild. Normally so obsessed with his appearance, he didn't care one bit now. His face was a mix of shock and ecstatic joy, practically turning into a living emoji to express what words couldn't.
Cliff stood beside me, his right hand gripping my shoulder. He didn't say a thing, exuding a calm steadiness. But a warm smile spilled from his eyes and the corners of his mouth, completely unlike his usual serious demeanor. He looked like a goofy, happy fool.
And Ollie?
All that howling and shrieking I'd heard—it was all him, single-handedly filling every inch of sound space like a one-man comedy show.
Then Ollie charged at me, wrapping me in a tight hug, his face lit up with wild excitement. "I knew it! I knew you could do it! I knew this was the right call! I knew you're the kind of singer who shines live! I knew you'd light up the stage like a freaking star!"
"Unbelievable! Unbelievable!"
"Ronan, Ronan, Ronan! Did you see it? Our stage was perfection—it blew everyone away! We finally showed them what we've got! Did you hear the crowd? Did you see it? Huh? Did you see it? They were screaming and cheering for us!"
Even a random passerby could feel the joy and happiness bursting out of Ollie, let alone the rest of us who'd lived through the whole performance. It wasn't just me—"Born This Way" was special to every single band member, a song that hit us right in the softest part of our hearts.
Choosing to perform it tonight at the Full Moon Party was a gamble, a last-ditch, all-or-nothing move. It was do or die, our final shot. We'd pushed ourselves to the brink, stepping onto that stage with a resolve to either make it or break it. Our bodies and minds, worn thin from no rest, were in a fragile state. But in the darkest hour before dawn, that performance tapped into something raw and soul-deep, waiting for the light to break through.
And in the end?
We did it!
A performance so immersive it felt flawless, one that truly moved the crowd. The unbelievable applause and cheers rolled over us like a tidal wave of heat—honest, undeniable proof of what we'd pulled off. It showed us a whole new kind of magic that only a live stage can bring.
Stepping off that stage, a mix of excitement and emotion hit us so hard we couldn't stop trembling. Was it the backlash of going too long without sleep? Or the release of all that pent-up despair from being trapped in the dark with no way out? We couldn't tell. But every one of us was drained—physically, emotionally—letting those tangled feelings spill out without holding back.
Showing our truest selves.
"Ronan… Ronan! We did it!"
Ollie clung to me, shouting with joy one second, then sobbing uncontrollably the next. His whole body shook as he broke down. At 185 centimeters tall, this big guy crumpled into a wrinkled, teary mess.
It started with our last-ditch bar tour attempt—striking out at auditions in Chicago and New Orleans. Then came Tristan's betrayal, not just walking away but scheming to take every penny we had. Maxim and Cliff hit rock bottom, erupting under the pressure, while I hovered on the edge of life and death with a relentless fever.
It really felt like the end of the road for the band.
We all started doubting ourselves. Were we cut out for this? Should we keep chasing this music dream? Could we ever get our songs out to more people? And… were we just not working hard enough? Or was it that no amount of effort would matter? Were we doomed to stay stuck in the dark, suffocating, with no escape?
We were teetering on a cliff, barely holding on. Worse than despair was the helplessness, the powerlessness.
But tonight, we pulled it off. From the brink of collapse, we rose again. On that Full Moon Party stage, "Born This Way" gave us back our courage and faith.
"Thank you. Thank you… thank you…"
Ollie's emotions completely unraveled. He was a sobbing wreck, tears streaming nonstop. He didn't even know what he was saying anymore, just mumbling through his grievances. "I knew it… we should've… we could keep going… sob…"
Even though he couldn't get the words out clearly, the pain and struggle in his voice said it all. We understood.
Maxim's shoulders slumped too. Tears fell like they were free, and he stubbornly wiped at them with his hand, but they wouldn't stop. He bowed his head to hide the mess, but his shaking shoulders gave him away.
Even Cliff quietly tilted his chin up to the sky, brushing away the tears seeping from his eyes. A thousand words churned in his chest, but none came out.
It wasn't just about the Full Moon Party stage. It was "Born This Way"—that performance poured out every ounce of our hearts. Then, at dawn, when reason lost its grip, all those suppressed emotions broke free, uncontrollable.
Maybe outsiders wouldn't get it, but for us in the band, we'd been through too much. We needed this release, even just a little.
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