My footsteps were heavy as if carrying stones, step by step climbing the stairs leading to the terrace. The hallway was deserted, the lights were dim, the sound of the wind whistling through the window cracks echoed in my head like a lament. I didn't know how long I had been walking, I just felt light-headed, my mind was empty, as if I no longer belonged to this world.
When the last door opened, the cold wind blew in, hitting my face painfully. My hair was messy, my clothes were blown away, but I still kept walking. I went to the highest place, standing in front of a low fence that was not enough to stop someone who wanted to let go of everything. Below was a vast yard, the pale yellow street lights stretched out like faint streaks of light, but in my eyes, everything was just a patch of gray, dull, without a single ray of warmth.
I looked down.
My eyes were lifeless, my hands clenched the iron bars, my palms ached but I didn't want to let go. All the humiliation, the suffering, the times of being trampled, scolded, looked down upon… each piece of memory was like a blunt knife stabbing straight into my chest, tearing to the bottom of my heart. I had endured for too long. People say that time will ease the pain, but for me, time only makes the wound rot, giving off the stench of despair.
But the greatest pain… was not the bullying.
It was the departure of Ta Quan Hanh – the only person who had ever extended his arms to protect me, the person who gave me hope for this life…
The image of that day was like a slow-motion film, appearing every time I closed my eyes:
He fell down in front of me, blood staining his shirt. His breath was weak, his voice was trembling but he still tried to reach up and touch my cheek. His eyes were gentle, as if he wanted to dispel all the fear in me. He forced a smile, the corner of his lips trembled slightly:
"Da Da... don't cry anymore... cough cough... crying will be very ugly..."
I trembled with despair, grabbed his hand, stammered, and held his hand tightly:
"Please... don't leave... don't leave Da Da... please don't close your eyes, just hold on a little longer..."
I spoke in indescribable sobs. Ta Quan Hanh saw that, raised his hand to wipe my warm tears, even though he was exhausted, he still tried to smile and replied:
"It's too late... from now on, you have to live well without me..."
But before he could finish, Ta Quan Hanh couldn't hold on any longer and left, his hand fell limply to the ground, and I was stunned, tears falling more and more, sobbing and saying:
"No... no, don't go..."
My whole world collapsed in that moment.
From that day on, my life was nothing but darkness. No one cared, no one noticed, only laughter, punches, slaps. I had become a redundant person, a hateful shadow trampled by society.
On the rooftop, the wind blew so hard that it almost blew me away. I closed my eyes, vaguely seeing a figure in the distance. Still that familiar figure, still that bright smile like the summer sun, still that arm reaching out to me. I knew it was just an illusion, just the misunderstanding of a desperate person. But… so what? Even if it was just a dream, I still wanted to touch him one more time.
I reached out my hand. My body leaned slightly towards the vast space. Just one more step, and I could reach him.
At that moment, a loud noise came from behind. The rooftop door opened, and a group of people rushed in, including a few policemen. They hurriedly called out:
"Don't do that! Come down! Whatever happens, we can solve it!"
The sound echoed in the air, but to me, it was strange and meaningless. I glanced at the people who had tormented me, now standing crowded behind, pretending to be eager, their eyes filled with sick anticipation - hoping I would jump down, hoping I would end it all so they wouldn't be bothered.
I laughed coldly, my voice choked but cold:
"I... am an orphan. No family, no relatives... what's the point of living?"
As soon as I finished speaking, the whole crowd fell silent. They stood there, panicked, confused, but I didn't care anymore. Since when had I gotten used to being worthless in anyone's eyes?
I turned my back to them. My steps lifted slightly, letting my body fall into the endless void.
The wind tore through my ears. My body fell, my heart pounding, then suddenly quiet, my mind blank. In that moment, I felt free from all ties, no more fear, no more pain. I only longed for one thing - to see him again. The only person who had ever given me a bit of light in the darkness of life.
"If there is an afterlife... I just hope to see you again... Ta Quan Hanh."
Darkness filled the air.
People screaming, chaotic whispers echoed somewhere, then everything gradually sank, disappeared. I gave up, closed my eyes, let myself be swallowed by the darkness.
...
Suddenly, I woke up. My body was trembling, cold sweat ran down, my breathing was rapid. I opened my eyes, looked around - this was not the hospital, nor the eternal darkness I had been waiting for. This... was my familiar rented room.
I was bewildered, my trembling hand touched the edge of the bed. Was I dead...? Why was I still here?
A vague premonition rose up.I rushed to the table and snatched the calendar from the wall. When my eyes met the clearly printed number, my whole body froze.
The year on it… was three years ago.
At that moment, I was breathless. I pinched myself to see if it was a dream and then I let out a soft "um" sound because of the pain in my arm.
All sounds disappeared, leaving only the sound of my heart pounding in my chest. What did it mean three years ago? It meant that Xie Junxing was still alive. It meant that the tragedy had not happened. It meant that I… could do it again.
My legs buckled, hot tears welled up. I bit my lips until they bled, my chest felt like it was being torn apart by countless emotions. Pain, shock, but also a thin ray of light.
This time… I will not let him go.
This time… I will prevent all tragedies.
Even if I have to face the darkness deep within my heart, even if the whole world turns its back on me, I will protect you.
Xie Junxing…
In this life, I will definitely hold on to you, with everything I have.