I blurred through the lantern-lit streets, trying to make sense of the situation. Yes, I had an in, but the forces stacked against us were staggering. House Durough was nothing to scoff at.
I wanted to cry foul, tell everyone I knew, try to convince them. If Reilin was ready to come forward, that might carry some weight, but I'd seen others with similar tales of impropriety silenced by public opinion. The biggest issue was her sister, still surviving between those jaws. Reilin had sought an escape, but this was a loose end I didn't know how to tie.
I knocked on my office's door and heard shuffling inside. Reilin opened it, trying to play nonchalant.
All I could do was ask, "How can I help?"
"Am I- Did it?" Reilin stumbled.
I wanted to just say yes, wanted it all to be over. I didn't have a full grasp of the situation. How could she accept her escape while surrendering the black-haired girl?
"I got us time," I said, and held out my arms. I didn't want to pressure her with touch, but still wanted to be there.
She collapsed into me, her face wrenching against my chest. I felt hollow, the events of the last two days ate at me, "I'm sorry I was so harsh..."
I needed her forgiveness, but didn't deserve it. I'd given her every bit of contempt I harbored for men like her father, unaware she'd suffered the same.
"You weren't- harsh," she let out, "I'm as bad as him." Reilin's nails dug into the back of my blouse. She didn't want the apology. Somehow despite her torture she'd forged an identity for herself that carried a similar heat. I could tell now, that wasn't her flame, it was the lick of something she shouldn't have tasted.
I didn't know how to convince her of it. I'd only suffered similar circumstance, and my shell carried the same char. She'd mimicked my approach, stumbling upon it just like I had.
Be strong. Make your own place. Escape.
It wasn't right, but at this point, it was the best I had to offer.
I wanted better.
"I... I met, I don't know her name." I said, and winced.
Reilin broke, sobbed into me. My legs crumbled onto the floor, dragging her down. We were both caught in something insolvable, something she'd tried to escape.
She hadn't abandoned it. She'd fled the aftermath. She shouldn't have been burdened with this and didn't know how to deal with it.
Her face was buried between my breasts. I wasn't her mother, their mother. I scooted back, pulling her with me, backing against the wall. My fingers weeded into her curls.
Just let it out.
That's the best I had. I could be the person that wasn't there for me.
She pulled herself closer, inching across my thighs, "Rei,"
Her breath was shallow, she reached down to my skirt and tried to make me rise.
"Reilin," I insisted. I knew the urge. Shutter the truth through physical act. She wanted me as distraction.
My protests were in vain. Reilin was offering comfort, and a way that I could help, even if it was misguided.
I wrapped her wrist and brought it to my mouth, kissed the back of her hand, "You don't have to do that, I'm here regardless."
She wrinkled her eyes, "I don't- I don't want you to treat me different. I'm not ruined..."
"Come here," I embraced her. I didn't know how to answer this question. How to reconcile my own desire. How to respect the part of her that wants, without harming the part that hurts.
"We can take things easy for a while, relax the-" her arms wrapped tighter.
"No, please," she shook her head, "I'm not weak. I need to push through this."
"You're not weak." I reassured her, "I just need you to rest, that's your next step. Once you're whole I'll work you just as hard as the others."
I also needed this. A break, to reconcile how I'd approached her, how blind I'd been.
"Can we please?" Her heat was tight against my lap, "I just want to feel you again. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't want to wait."
If I was to give in, there would have to be a line. Something that separated me from her pain.
"Why?"
She was silent. This girl could frame a reason, bargain for what she wanted. I wasn't here to cater to a want. I needed to hear a need.
I clarified, "Don't tell me what you think I want to hear."
The silence crept for minutes, if it weren't for the picking of her fingers I'd have thought she'd fallen asleep.
"Because you let me choose."
That was real. I still wasn't ready to move on her, but if this was something that could help, I would be present for it.
My hands rose to her shoulders, and I gave her permission, "Take what you need from me."
"You mean-" she righted herself, straddling me.
"Anything, whatever it is you need to reclaim." This wasn't an easy give. My coda was control, and this was a girl who naturally pushed at limits. I had to prove to her that there was no harm here, she was safe to explore.
Reilin rose to her feet and began to wrestle out of her still-damp leathers. They caught against the angles of her form and made her contort to get loose, grunting in frustration.
"How do you want me?" I asked.
"Can you, please strip with me?" she asked. I nodded and began to unbutton my skirt.
Our clothes formed two piles beside us. I remained on the floor, looking up at her. She soaked in my gaze and the imposition of my growing arousal. Reilin's body was built of sin. Hourglass waist, wide hips that framed a neatly trimmed bush. Her breasts angled wide to cold-hardened peaks.
"You meant it? Anything?" She asked, lowering onto her knees.
"You're not going to hurt me," I fought the urge to place my hands on her thighs. This had to be her process.
My sack pulled tight in the chill night air, and my length pointed up to her belly, she moved closer, working her legs around mine, finding a position, "Can you hold me?" she asked.
"Show me where." Reilin grabbed my left and brought it to the ledge of her ass. I settled my fingers into her downy flesh as she brought my right to a matching position.
She angled herself on top of me, and the thick convergence of her heart-shaped cheeks set to rest on my tip.
"Reilin-" I didn't want her to hurt herself.
I promised.
"Sorry..." she said, and began to push back, bringing me forward to her sex.
"No-I..." I tightened my grip, held her in place, "I'm not saying no."
She frowned.
Damn-it.
I couldn't say the thought hadn't crossed my mind. Reilin's rear was one in twelve-thousand, but I tried to avoid anal. My length, and girth were a lot, and it'd been a painful process for past lovers.
Why choose that?
It sickened me to think this was something she needed to take back.
"If you need this, we'll get through it."
Her eyes welled and she placed her palms on my chest, "It's my duty."
"No, it's not." I brought my hands up, into her armpits, refusing to touch her like that to this narrative, "You don't owe that to anyone."
"I-" she turned away, the clammy skin of her arms clinging to me.
"No." That was not my practice. Discipline and sex were a tool, not a burden, "I'm sorry this happened to you Reilin, but we're not doing that here."
I pulled her to my chest, and she came undone against me for the second time that night.
"I just don't want to be afraid of it," my student sobbed.
"We're going to fix that, let me show you the right way."