Falville to host US Open this year!
Follow the money: Reveals from former Senator Diego Paolo's trial.
Pandi had fallen into a comfortable routine with Zay over the past few days, and it instantly brightened his day when Zay pushed the office door open and poked his head in first. It was so cute and playful, and Zay had not changed that routine yet. Pandi hoped he never would. He often surprised himself at the intensity of his own thoughts. Words like always and never had somehow made their way into his daily Zay vocabulary, along with almost constant thoughts of Zay's innate beauty.
Zay did not compromise himself, and that became more and more apparent with each passing day. When Pandi did not react negatively to the addition of a nearly nude eyeshadow, Zay showed up the next day with something a little darker. He was testing the waters, but never in a way that felt like he was scared of Pandi. He was just experimenting, seeing how far he could take it.
Pandi would let Zay take it as far as he wanted. He was genuinely curious to see Zay wear whatever he wanted with a full face of makeup. The clients would be horrified, but Pandi could care less.
Zay was ravishingly gorgeous, and he deserved to show it off. It seemed like he wanted to show off but he did not know how Pandi would react. He was effortlessly elegant in the way that dancers usually were, even in shoes Pandi knew from experience were not at all conducive to graceful movements. And he definitely got his pants tailored because his ass looked great in everything he wore and he walked like he knew it.
And why the hell was Pandi noticing Zay's ass? Well, he could say for certain he was not straight. Not now, at least. He had never really noticed men before. He had only had eyes for Aimee though, so he had probably convinced himself that anything he felt for anyone else was false. But he had not loved Aimee for much other than the money she had given him so he could finish grad school and get his doctorate. He had been so sure that he had fallen in love with her along the way, but now he was pretty certain he had just been telling himself lies the whole time.
And Aimee had not loved him. Maybe she had at the beginning, but she had fallen out of love along the way. The worst part was that Pandi could not blame her for that. Yeah, she had been a bitch about it, but she at least had seen clearly that they were not right for each other, that they were two pieces of a puzzle that would never fit together to form a whole picture.
Pandi jumped when a hand settled on his knee.
Zay was crouched in front of him, looking concerned. "You okay?"
Pandi blinked, realizing he had zoned out in the middle of a conversation he had been having with Zay during a slow period in the afternoon. "Oh, sorry. I just zoned out."
Zay did not move or lose his concerned expression. "Whatever you were thinking about must've been heavy. You looked almost ready to cry."
Pandi wanted to open up to Zay. He really did, but if he did, he would definitely cry about something and he did not need his next client to see that. "Maybe when we're not on the clock."
Zay's answering smile was a touch sarcastic. "What's the use of being in a therapist's office if you won't open up?"
Pandi laughed bitterly. "Yeah, see, the thing about being the therapist is that you don't really have anyone to talk to about yourself."
Zay frowned. "That's messed up. I mean, I'm sure a bunch of therapists need therapy too. Even if you don't need to work through trauma, it can be nice to have someone you can talk to without having to filter anything." He hesitated, something rare for him, and then said, "I'm not licensed, but I'd be willing to listen if you ever do want to talk about…whatever. I think I'm at least good at doing that."
Pandi put his hand on top of Zay's and relished the feel of Zay's skin against his. He always got stupidly courageous when he was sad. "I'll think about it. I'd have to swear you to secrecy." He winked to let Zay know he was joking…a little bit.
Zay smiled again. "Don't worry, I'm not a gossip, despite being gay." His eyes shot wide for a split second, and then he recovered. "Ha, surprise. Didn't mean to come out to you right then."
Pandi kept his hand over Zay's. "I'm not surprised. I kind of suspected when you came in that first day. Also, Noah recommended you, and Noah doesn't know many straight people outside of his work."
Zay laughed. "No, he doesn't. But I'm not entirely a…normal gay."
Pandi raised an eyebrow. "Can you explain?"
Zay looked away, suddenly so timid and uncomfortable that it was like he was not even himself anymore. "I'm gay most of the time, but sometimes I'm straight."
"I think the term for that is bi," Pandi said gently, trying his best to be understanding.
Zay shook his head. "I'm not bi. I'm, um, genderfluid."
Well, that had come out of left field. Pandi had never met a genderfluid person before, so he was unsure how to proceed. "Okay, so tell me what that means."
"Well, I'm a guy most of the time, and I like other guys, so that makes me gay. But sometimes I'm not a guy, but I still like guys, so that makes me kinda straight?" Zay was fidgeting now. How often did he come out like this? It did not seem like a frequent occurrence. He was probably out as gay, but genderfluidity was a whole different experience.
Pandi tried to express understanding so Zay would not spook. "No, that makes sense."
Zay looked up, clearly hopeful. "It does?"
"Yeah. You like guys. Period. It doesn't matter who you are in the moment. You're only attracted to guys."
Zay heaved out a sigh. "Oh my god. Finally. Someone who understands. Don't get me wrong, Camille does his best, and so does Noah, but they don't really get it. Camille can tell when I switch genders, but he doesn't ask about my sexual inclinations." He made a disgusted face. "Not that I want him to or anything."
"No," Pandi agreed. "Sometimes it's awkward to share things like that with a close friend."
"I don't think he'd assume I like him or anything. I mean, he's married. Quite happily. Noah gives him the world every single day." Zay sighed, and it sounded sad and wistful. "I've never had anyone like that. I'm too weird, I guess. It also doesn't help that I'm a virgin and alphas want their omegas to be skilled at pleasing them." Zay glanced up with another awkward smile. "Sorry. I'm dumping a lot on you."
"I'm a therapist. People dump on me all the time."
"I'm not one of your clients though." Zay pushed up and turned to go sit back down at the front desk.
"You don't have to be my client to tell me how you feel."
Zay paused but then took the last few steps to the desk and sat down. "I'm not usually an open book, Pandi."
"I'm not illiterate."
Zay glanced at him again, one eyebrow raised.
Pandi smiled gently. "If you ever decide to open up to me again, just know I'll understand." He got up and headed back to his office. He spent the rest of his break reviewing his finances. Anything to get his mind off of everything Zay had just trusted him with.
But his mind did not get the memo. The harder he tried not to think about Zay's revelations, the more his mind dwelled on every little minute detail of Zay's expression while he had talked. Pandi hated when his own body betrayed him. It made him feel weak. Useless. Horrible.
There was a knock on the door, and Zay poked his head in. "There's a client waiting for you." As soon as Pandi nodded in acknowledgment, he was gone, vanished like a wispy sprite from an ancient fairytale.
Pandi got up and headed into the therapy room. He was not surprised that it was a new client, because his practice was expanding, but he was surprised when he recognized the person, even if the recognition came from the dozens of news outlets that had gushed over his wedding outfit a little more than six months ago. "Hello," he said, keeping his greeting calm as he sat down. "I'm Pandi Yaruban. It's nice to meet you."
The man accepted Pandi's handshake and introduced himself. "I'm Luca Holt, but you knew that already."
Pandi smiled. "Do you automatically assume people know you?"
Luca Holt returned the smile, but there was pain deep beneath it. "No. But your expression when you came in said it. I'm very good at reading people."
Pandi had learned by experience that all of the Holt and Holt-adjacent boyfriends (husbands now, actually) had suffered some sort of unspeakable trauma, so he was a little scared to learn where Luca's pain came from. "Talk to me about that. Why are you so good at reading people?" When Luca hesitated, Pandi asked a different question. "Do you feel unsafe?"
Luca drew back in surprise. "Unsafe? In what sense?"
"In general."
Luca frowned. "I feel perfectly safe with my husband. He's the sweetest guy in the world."
Pandi nodded. "That's good. What about your in-laws? Do you feel safe with them?"
"Yeah. Gabriela's sweet like Sario, and I'm friends with Darius. And Rowan's the best. He's amazing."
Pandi smiled at the way Luca's face lit up when talking about his brother-in-law. "So I've heard."
"Oh, yeah, you work with Camille and Noah, right?"
"Yes," Pandi answered, "but there's no crossover. I'm not going to be telling them what you say or telling you what they say. Confidentiality and all."
"Of course."
Pandi brought the conversation back to what they had been talking about. "So, you feel safe around your husband, his family, and close friends?"
Luca nodded. "They'd never hesitate to protect me, so of course I feel safe around them."
"What situations make you feel unsafe? Even if you just feel a little unsettled, that counts."
Luca's fingers caught the hem of his shirt and pulled on it, dragging the fabric tight against a stomach Pandi could see was rounded, like the tabloids were speculating, with pregnancy. He looked healthy, though, so Pandi would not worry too much about that aspect of Luca's life unless he specifically brought it up. "I don't like going places by myself. It's just…" His voice trailed off. After a moment, he cleared his throat and continued, "Sario said I'm supposed to be honest, so I'm gonna tell you that I don't like going places by myself cause I was kidnapped in high school. And the guy who did it was a real bastard." He swallowed hard. "Everything that you're imagining, he did that to me and more." He shook his head, looking down into his lap. "So now I'm paranoid anytime I'm alone that someone like him is going to grab me and hurt me."
Pandi had heard many horrific things in his career, but he had not become callous to them. His heart still broke every time. "You're right to be cautious, especially in your position. You're the husband of a famous, influential man, so you do need to be careful and aware of your surroundings, but paranoia is never healthy. What do you think would help relieve your paranoia?"
Luca frowned and stared at one of Pandi's potted plants. "I honestly don't know. I've just lived in fear for so long that I guess my mind still isn't synced up with reality."
"And you're here because you want this endless loop of fear you're caught in to end?"
"Yeah. That and Sario really wanted me to try this."
Pandi crossed his legs and folded his hands in his lap. "Tell me about that."