"Waters Run Deep, Yet Guilt Will Drown You Further."
I have always been a lover of the waters. Ironically, I couldn't swim and would hate to drown. Despite the fear, I still loved the water.
I have always thought there was a single kind of drowning. The one where you enter a body of water, helpless from the overwhelming depth and lack of knowledge when it came to controlling your movements. The thought of liquid in your lungs eventually killing you by turning it into a reality. The fear eventually controlling you, swallowing you whole.
Though.. there is another type of drown. Instead of water, you're being drowned by a weight of guilt, sadness, anger, or any other heavy emotion. It could be all at once. It could be neither. Doesn't matter, it'll kill you either way. One mistake and it is over.
This is especially true if you're emotionally illiterate and surrounded by the same kind of people. Neither of you want to admit you were wrong, nor do either of you want to apologize.
You don't know how to approach the other. Is it guilt, the fear of them being unable to forgive and trust you again? Or is it that lion's pride holding you back?
What is it? SELFISH It was never about you What have you done?
I want to cry.
I wish I was more deadpatient.
selfish What is wrong? You caused them to say those things
God, help me. I wish I was dead better If only I was stronger
Speak, don't you have lips? Why did you say that?
selfish SAVE ME
Please, save me. Are they zipped by how you feel? If only you had acted quicker
I'm too much. I'm not enough It's unrealistic to expect them to apologize.
That's quite selfish.
The most common thing that strikes guilt is conflict. It could be anything. From a lack-of-seriousness petty dispute, to one that causes you to drastically feel depressed and suicidal from guilt. Feelings are strange, no? Well, let's talk about what causes the conflict in the first place.
When there's conflict, most of the time, not one is fully at fault. Ah, ah, before you can point fingers and say, "Well, Person A started it!" Aren't you only proving my point? You're refusing to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, you had a wrong in the situation as well. I'm not saying what you said or did was invalid, because it completely depends on what caused the argument in the first place.. haha. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes, if not, most of the time, both people have contributed to the argument. One may have started it, but you could've added fuel to the fire by responding in a manner they didn't like. Then again, completely depends on what had happened. Though, I really hope you understand what I'm trying to get at here.