Since the incident, I never spoke nor went to the duchess again. It's been well over two week ever since and I've heard the maids whisper about how the old hag had deeply regretted what she's done. But I was not up for any interactions with her, it's not because I didn't want to but because other pressing concerns had surfaced. For three weeks now---nights in a row, that traumatic experience with Lupa's father--my father in the field kept haunting me throughout my slumber every single night. I had not a moment of proper sleep, that's why I revealed my frustrations.
It was like he had come back to life to hunt me again in those nightmares, the wounds I saw on myself felt so real in my dream like they were now back on my body that I ended up feeling what I had felt that night so physically. I'd wake up in the middle of the night feeling those wounds on my body had opened up once again. But they weren't.
On the third night, I looked through my outline and realized that my deal with the 7th of him beseeching me trauma had now fully taken effect. Perhaps, it had been for a while now, I just wasn't aware of it. The more my mind becomes paranoid, it will take a toll on my health which I think, is what he had intended when he made that deal. Perhaps he figure out that I am the reincarnate? Hardly, but he is a clever scum, maybe he sniffed something out.
I stared speechless into the night sky as I contemplated on my balcony, 'Since when'?. I failed to notice--no, I didn't even notice it take effect. I rubbed the area to where the scar of my cut ankle was. Is this how it is going to take effect? In the form of a very surreal nightmare which physically makes me suffer? That's a problem I have no solution for because I'll never know when it would occur. Will it have the same effect every time? Will it be a constant occurrence from now on? How can I escape it? I'm scared to fall asleep now.
The consequence is starting to show. I'd fall asleep during the day which I never usually do. And when I'd fall asleep, I'd forget the flow of the story all over again. I'd wake up feeling like I've already met Drazhan again or that I'm back in that village. Situations that haven't happened yet felt like they already had. This is what I feared the most…forgetting the storyline. I clung to my outline every day fearing the worst. I'm sure what the duchess did triggered it. But how do I fix it? I need to get back on my peaceful slumber.
"So? How is she?", old mother inquired just as the doctor puts down his stethoscope.
The doctor sighed. "If she continues to refrain from eating, she will revert back to being malnourished, your ladyship"
Looking up at the old hag whose arms are crossed and rubbing her chin seemingly puzzled with her pose, I doubt she is even sober to have functioning thoughts even though it is still this early in the morning.
"No we can't have that. Do you have any prescriptions for her?"
"I will prescribe her with some supplements and vitamins, she must take these once before every meal", the doctor hurriedly opened up his gladstone bag to get the pills and handed them over to Fina after she stepped up offering her hand.
I reverted my gaze to looking at the pills which I could already tell has a foul taste, I heard old mother sigh and massaged her head.
"Thank you for your service doctor, we may require your assistance every now and then from now on", the doctor fixed his posture into a proud stature when he heard the old duchess praise.
"Thank you, my lady", he politely bowed after being handed his payment for my check up.
Rika assisted the doctor on his way out of the mansion while Fina and Gora started putting away the dishes and silverware that was served. I also stood up and fixed my dress but as I turned my back, "Daughter! The sun's out today would you like to go on a stroll with me around the mansion?", she enthusiastically offered.
I paused and looked outside before sighing. "It's cold mother, I would only like to retreat back to my studies in the library", I politely did a courtesy before walking away. I didn't bother to listen in on what she further said and went to the library by myself.
That awkwardness continued on for days and as the night went on, so did the nightmares. I've been wrecking up my head trying to find solutions to end it but none had proven to be successful. I kept on avoiding the duchess despite her advances because of that reason. Maybe if I keep my distance, the night terrors would also end?
I'm constantly hungry but for fear of the texture of the food, I've grown wary of eating. Not to mention, the foul smelling pills I have to take before every meal. I am heavily sleep deprived but sleeping would only make things worst for me. In my soul I feel so old yet this body is so new.
I have constantly been hoping for things to get better, my worries progressed until one day it had finally taken a toll on my body when my nose bleed a midst my study session in the library, luckily I was alone at the time. I wiped the blood away but it dripped down on one of the pages of the book that I had been reading. It was only then that I realized I am about to have a fever. So, I sighed and put my studies into a halt. I went to lay down on the couch in the grand hall.
As I am spacing out with a headache and heavy eyelids, staring into the paintings on the wall and the chandelier, I heard footsteps approaching but I didn't bother to get up and check, they're coming my way anyway.
"Young miss, no shoes on the couch please", Gora nagged as she looked down at me with her hands on her waist. I sighed and groggily got up, it was hard not to roll my eyes at her so I closed them instead.
"Hello Gora", I sighed as I put my legs down.
"Are you done with your studies?"
"Taking a break", I say while taking off my shoes.
"Oh dear, you're so diligent. Please take more rests", she coped her face with her palm looking concerned as she stood behind the couch.
"I will", I gave her a false hopeful smile. It seemed to reassure her as she sighed and smiled back softly.
I am about to lay back down but paused because she handed me a small box tied with a red ribbon. "What's this?", I looked up at her.
"A small gift", she shrugged. I took it and admired the beautifully decorated box before taking off the ribbon. A small box encased in a royal blue fabric that feels rigid on the skin and quite heavy with its borders carved with vines and flowers in gold. It smelt like the old hag's cigar and when I opened it, it revealed to be a music box.
As I turned it, the tune it played feels oddly soothing in my ears.
"The duchess left early this morning so she could not personally hand it to you, she hopes to make it back in time before dinner so both of you could have a meal together", Gora sighed and fixed my dress for me as I lay down. The music box played on the side table just within my arms reach as I continued to stare at it. The gold shines as it reflects the afternoon sun outside.
"You only need to turn it once and it can play forever"
"Really? How so?"
"Well, it's enchanted with a light spell by an alchemist", she explained. So that is why it drew my attention.
When I didn't respond, Gora took it as an initiative for her to finally leave.
"Well then, I still have some chores to do, my lady. Please excuse me", she slightly bowed before leaving.
As her footsteps disappeared into the corridors and I am now simply left alone with this music box echoing in the empty hall of this vast mansion, I stared at the ceiling as it played. The atmosphere is starting to feel eerie because it sounded like a lullaby and the only song I know was the one my mother used to sing. Minutes felt like hours as my thoughts began to spiral into memories of being Lupa. With every tick of the clock, my eyelids are growing heavier as it passes but I don't want to fall asleep. I don't want to forget the progression again.
…...
** **
It was early morning when the old Baroness left for the Capital visit and now, as she returned to her estate, it had already been sunset. Just enough for her to make her way and see the snowy road leading to her mansion. When she had arrived, her servants had already began to lit up lamps. Her stallion's neigh echoed as she steady's him, announcing her arrival. The old head shivers as she got down from her horse and a servant greets and took care of her belongings. Her hot breath puffs a small cloud of smoke from the cold. She could not help but sniffle feeling the runny snot numbing up her nose.
As the horseman lead her pet horse away, she ponders to the doorway wondering why there was no child to greet her. She was sure to rush back here and made it in time for dinner, so she couldn't be in bed now. But there was no sign of her daughter when she usually would be the first to greet her whenever she'd return from somewhere. She paid it no mind until she got inside and took off her coat as she slumps on a chair near the fireplace in the dining room. The little critter still hadn't followed her.
It really had been dinner time or maybe even perhaps they are behind schedule as the servants had hastily began plating the table and serving meals for dinner.
The old widow pondered by the fire while the sound of plates clang her ears, she sighed and tilted her head over to a servant. "Where is she?", the servant turned immediately. "The young miss still hasn't awoken from her afternoon nap, your ladyship", her response was sloppy. One of the newer maids, no doubt.
The Baroness raised her eyebrows as a nod and got up from her seat. She was about to leave to her daughter's room when she heard the maid follow through with, "She's in the grand hall, my lady". Upon hearing it, her forehead formed a frown. For why could her daughter be in such an open area at this hour when it is cold.
She hurries to the grand hall and lo and behold was her daughter. The small thing was curled up like a ball under a blanket on one of the couches, alone in this dimly lit, spaciously empty cold hall. It was a peculiar scene, especially knowing that for a child, she never usually takes afternoon naps. The harsh howling of the forming snow storm could be heard rattling the windows while only the music box echoes its tune. It looked like it had been playing for a very long time so the old baroness sighed and closed the box before she carefully sat beside her daughter. The silence that followed felt suffocating. She knows she had brought in a stray, looking at her, she sees nothing but a stranger's kid but it tugs on her heart upon realizing how much she is depending on this child for her own selfish wishes. She was desperate for a companion, someone new, someone kind, and someone who would only know her as the pathetic old woman that she is. Not out of respect for his rank, her territory, her servitude to the king, or her love story.
When her back started to ache, she realized she had been staring at the child for quite a while. A small snicker escapes her lips when she realized what an awkward position she had been sleeping in, this child must be very tired. But when she brushed the back of her hand unto her cheek, she froze. Her daughter was sick.
Before she could lash out in anger at her negligent servants, her trusted maids came rushing with a bowl of water and a towel.
"Your Grace! You're back", Rika and Gora bowed before rushing to the little girl's aid.
"How long has she been like this?", with a worried frown on her forehead, she demanded answers.
"For almost the whole afternoon, your grace", Gora answered as she place the wet towel on Nicaise's forehead.
"Yet you have not taken her to bed??", the Baroness raised her voice.
"We tried but she would adamantly refuse to do so"
"We apologize for not trying harder"
"And why is that?", when she asked, the two maids looked at each other before reluctantly answering.
"She…is afraid to sleep in her room"
The Baroness fell silent, she never expected such answer. But upon pressing her maids for more, they revealed to her the truth that her daughter had hid from her--or for that matter, from everyone. A while back when they tried to take her to her bed, in between her heavy breaths, the poor lass confessed how she had been terribly troubled at night with terrors. Thus, the reason why she had been severely lacking sleep. And when they had asked why, her mere response was, 'I don't want to see my father'.
She was angry at her servants for their negligence but even more so, she was angry at herself. Who knows what the little girl meant. They could only ponder as to what caused her to have such terrible dreams but deep down, the baroness knew that she was ultimately the cause of it. Urgent questions and desperate regrets filled her mind but at the moment she could only hopelessly and shamefully remain silent. She had finally tried to make an effort into reconciling with her daughter after much delay and avoidance through the supposed dinner. She wasn't ever ready in the slightest and now, her daughter is sick.
Without waking her, that night, the old widow personally tucked her daughter to bed. She wishes to let her daughter sleep in her room but the current state of it was unfit for a child so she could only take her to a different room. Her servants voted against it, only when she proved to them that she was sober did they reluctantly agree.
She was told that the music boxed helped and put her to sleep, so she turned it once more and had it play endlessly. Throughout the night, the baroness stayed on guard and awake while her daughter slept peacefully for the very first time since her nightmares began.