"Ugh... where am I?" I try to ask aloud, yet my voice makes no sound.
Around me is only darkness.
I lift up my hands only to notice that it is too dark to see them, even when they are right in front of me.
With my hands held out in front of me I carefully walk around, trying to find a wall without running into anything.
I walk, and walk. For what seems like hours, I walk in a line, yet I have not met a wall.
I don't feel tired or hungry no matter how much time passes, I just keep walking on, even though I'm starting to give up. until, in the distance, a tiny spark lights up.
Excited, I walk towards it until i can make out a figure. A shadow standing at an anvil, hammer in one hand and large backsmith's tongs in the other, in front of the shadow is a forge.
Inside, a pile of white glowing coals and a golden fire reaching out from within them, yet the darkness is still there. Even at the edge of the furnace's mouth, it is pitch black.
Even where the fire should illuminate there is only darkness like living ink is trying to paint everything black.
The figure, though it stands right in front of the furnace, is still covered in a shadow and impossible to make out, yet its anvil, hammer and tongs look bright as though a spotlight is shining on them.
Beside the figure is a second set of tools, exactly like the ones the shadow holds, but this set is yet unmanned.
I try to reach for the figure but when my hand approaches its shoulder I get a sudden, unsettling feeling that I REALLY shouldn't disturb it.
Instead I turn my attention to the second set of tools, I pick up the hammer and tongs and the figure, which until now had stood still, suddenly moves to reach into the coals with its tongs and from inside it pulls a small bar of glowing hot metal.
It puts the small bar of metal on the anvil and it seems to get stuck on the center, as though a magnet holds it still.
Soon after it begins to strike the bar with its hammer, I expect it to flatten into a pancake or to go flying from the impact yet somehow, it doesn't.
In just a few strikes the metal reshapes unnaturally, until all that is left is a perfect golden ring, already cooled down to room temperature.
It tosses the ring away into the dark and starts over, doing the exact same thing like a record stuck on repeat.
Seeing as it is only repeating the same exact movements I figure I can try repeating its actions, its not like there is anything else here to do.
I put my tongs into the coals and as if by magic, a perfect little bar of metal appears when i pull them back out.
I could just hold the piece of metal still with the tongs while hitting it, but something tells me I should follow the exact instructions of the shadow.
So, I put it on my anvil and smack it with my hammer. Predictably, it bounces off the anvil and disappears into the darkness right next to it.
Frustrated I try again, I pull another bar out of the forge and again I hit it with my hammer, yet it still just bounces off the anvil.
I take a step back in frustration and take a good look at the anvil and forge, trying to find some kind of button or clue as to how to make the bar stick.
Unfortunately though, nothing can be found anywhere, it all appears completely mundane and entirely identical to what the shadow has.
Not seeing anything else to do in this dark world, I decide to try again. And again.
...
-much later.
Finally it clicked, I don't know how long it took. I do know I kept trying for far too long, I lost count after about a million attempts and kept going for a long time after that.
Metal always appears anew in the forge and the failures just get swallowed by the darkness before even hitting the ground.
Furthermore, I don't feel hunger, thirst, exhaustion or even boredom in this place, nothing to stop me from trying forever.
I am starting to doubt if time even exists here or if it perhaps exists but is just meaningless.
Eventually though, I figured out how to get it to stick, it had nothing to do with the hammer or the anvil or anything else external, it was entirely my 'will' alone that made it stay in place on the anvil.
It wasn't something that could be learned from books or words or drawings, you just keep trying until you figure it out, until your soul grew strong enough to make it work.
The moment I first felt everything fall into place I also became aware of something else.
Somewhere in the back of my mind is a blue world, there is nothing but a deep blue sky in every direction and at the very center of that world was a floating seed, it had been there this entire time but I was never aware of it.
Somewhat like how you don't really know what your organs are doing but if they were to suddenly disappear or multiply, you would certainly become aware of that.
Like that, I became aware of this seed.
The moment I figured out how to command my will to make the metal stay still on the anvil is also the moment that the seed sprouted, 2 small leaves bursting from the top.
It was just a start. A tiny sprout not yet identifiable but I think, perhaps, it was not my success that made the seed sprout but maybe the sprouting of the seed is what allowed me to succeed.
After taking the first step I now knew at least the direction I needed to go.
In order to manipulate the metal the way the shadow does I need to control the kinetic energy of the hammer striking the metal and make it go exactly where i want it to.
This means I could strike the top of the metal and have the force of the strike act on the side of the metal instead.
It's roughly the same principle of using my 'will' or 'soul' to affect the real world, a little like telekinesis.
Actually mastering it is something else though, it's like trying to control a 'limb' you never had before.
...
-unknown amount of time later
I stopped bothering to count my attempts because when I count them I feel like I have been doing this for far too long, yet once I stop counting and focus, it feels more like I spent only 5 minutes.
Time remains strange in this place and it is quite beneficial for me, If time passed normally I would have long given up on trying, but if it feels like I have been here for only a few short moments then I am motivated to continue trying.
Either way, I succeeded in making a flawless ring, I even figured out how to feel the internal structure of the metal and I could carve impossibly intricate designs into it if I so desired.
And the better I got at controlling my new 'limb' the more the little seed grew, now its a tiny sapling with 5 healthy green leaves, still no roots though.
With a completed ring in hand I turn to my side to find the shadow looking right at me.
Its gaze was heavy, but not in a malicious way. It felt like that time I hid under my weighted blanket as a child, trying to hide from the monster I thought lived in my closet. At that time, to my young self, the heavy blanket felt like a shield.
This entire world felt like that, dark but not evil, heavy like that blanket.
It stares at the ring for a while, evaluating, judging.
Without a word it turns its attention back to the anvil, to the ring it was previously working on.
It resumes striking the ring, even after it is completed.
Unlike previous times, it does not discard the ring, instead continuing to hit it with its hammer as some kind of scrip begins to appear on the ring, a script I recognize all too well.
Some form of elvish which I can somehow read. Cuilë roughly meaning 'life' or 'being alive'.
My knowledge of this language surprises even me, I recognize it yes but I don't recall ever learning it so, how do I know this?
And does this mean I am somewhere on Arda.
Not giving me time for my minor existential crisis, it picks up the ring and puts it on and for just a moment, the darkness is pushed back and plants and flowers bloom on the ground, before just as quickly being consumed by darkness once again as everything returns to normal.
...
-much, much later
Something I have noticed recently is the lack of sound, once I learned to control the force of the hammer perfectly, it stopped making noise.
In that absolute silence I have begun to hear a faint song.
My attempts at making a ring of power have been unsuccessful, the words themselves seem to bear no real power, I have carved them countless times, it has had no apparent effect.
...
-Even later
The song is getting louder, it is coming from the shadow, has it been singing the entire time?
I have noticed myself singing along, though my mouth doesn't move, nor would sound come out if it did, this music comes from the soul, not the body.
My attempts are yet unsuccessful but something feels different now.
The sapling in my mind has grown into a small tree now but seems to be stuck at that stage and still has no roots, but an aurora has begun to appear above the tree, moving in rhythm with the song.
...
Into the fire.
Out of the fire.
On the anvil.
Hit it with the hammer.
Repeat.
That's all I have been doing, controlling kinetic energy and matter have become second nature to me now.
And of course while doing this I have been singing the song, gradually getting better at it, the aurora above the tree growing to cover all of the blue word.
With ever strike I feel a kind of pressure building in my mind, like something is trying to break free.
Until, eventually, it does.
The outer shell of the seed, which had not yet given way to roots now dissolves into glimmering particles of light, giving way to a single root that had been steadily growing underneath.
The moment it breaks free, it begins growing at a rapid pace, extending out into the blue world, at the end of the root, a ring appears that looks like an exact mirror to the ring I had been working on for a long time, it looks as though the root is fused directly into the metal of the ring essentially making it a permanent part of the tree.
The shift is instantaneous, a connection is made with the ring and its name echoes through my mind.
Nolwë, the literal meaning of the word is 'wisdom' or 'secret lore'
Nolwë was formed by my thoughts and will during the long forging process, something I had been pondering in the back of my mind, it had become stamped on Nolwë giving it its form and function.
I had been questioning where my ability to understand elvish came from, I could read it, write it and, although I currently cannot speak, if I could I would be confident in speaking it fluently.
And yet I had never learned it, so where did my knowledge come from?
I had a theory that it was this place itself that held this knowledge and I had been pondering on that this entire time, that focus on the secrets and the wisdom that might be hidden here made Nolwë what it is.
Its function is somewhat hard to describe, it can 'collect' secret lore and by doing so grow more powerful .
That is the way it grows more powerful but the power it actually grants is related to magic and understanding the world as well as giving me access to the wisdom it collects, like a pocket library
The second of its birth, Nolwë begins to do its job 'feeding' on the strange knowledge that exists in this darkness, language, magic, forgotten craftsmanship and even history, inside the blue world its figure begins to expand to reflect its growing power, the larger this ring grows the more powerful its counterpart in the real world is.
Once again the shadow stops what it is doing to look over at me, pausing for a moment before letting out a satisfied smile, barely visible because of the darkness in this place.
With a flick of its hand it catapults me upwards until stars become visible and slowly grow brighter.
When I exit the darkness and look below me to see where I came from I see only a massive pupil, surrounded by an iris glowing with shifting colors like an aurora.
Its face and body are made of golden fire and from top to bottom the giant is about as tall as a planet.
I notice something strange in the corner of my eye, my legs, they are transparent and so are my hands, and arms and presumably my entire body.
In the dark I never noticed, but now under the overwhelming light it has become clear that I don't have a body.
The being, whom I am pretty sure is Eru Ilúvatar also known as the creator god of Arda, the world in which 'the lord of the rings' and 'the hobbit' take place.
He raises his colossal, flaming hand so that I am floating above his palm, from his fingertips extend streams of golden fire, the same fire he is made of, and the same fire from in the forge I had been using.
The streams of fire meet in the position where my heart would be if I had a body, from there the fire expand out, taking the form of a body.
I can feel the fire solidify to bone, blood and flesh, when it is completed I can feel a connection forming between my soul and my new body.
"Cordan" He speaks for the first time since I arrived in this world.
I can feel it carved into my soul, that is my name now. Cordan.