The pads of my right hand's fingers rubbed the sensitive injection spot on the inside of my left elbow.
Anna shook her head. "The subcutaneous injections were leuprorelin, a female reproductive hormone suppressive medicine, to delay the onset of your menses."
I stared at her, having no idea that was possible. "And these?" I hissed through gritted teeth and held out the silver circles on my wrists, offering myself like an enslaved submissive.
"Those, like your muscular injections, were low dosages of silver nitrate and wolfsbane administration."
The words burned into me and my nails sunk into my palms.
She reached out, pressed a small key into each, and released them as easily as if she removed two pieces of jewelry. At the cool air that kissed my skin, I recoiled. Rolling my wrists inward until they crossed my chest, I clutched them close and rubbed at the red indentations left behind.
"Silver nitrate and wolfsbane," I muttered these unfamiliar words as if hearing them in my voice provided meaning, some context to them. The only reaction they spurned was heat flamed over my face and I dipped my chin down.
I'm so... ignorant.
"And what were those for?"
Without a flinch, Anna offered, "Suppressing your inner werewolf from appearing earlier."
Well, that clears everything right up.
"But... why?" My voice squeaked, high-pitched like an anxious child, a nervous habit.
My feet swung over the bed and grounded them flat. I curled my toes into the plush carpet, tickling the skin between them, and stood up. The gravity, the seriousness, of the conversation struck into my chest with each hard beat, weighing down my limbs like they were pumped full of lead, but I stared straight into Anna's serious, stormcloud gray eyes.
Nose to nose, she didn't blink.
Inner werewolf? She's... not kidding.
She... What. The. FUCK.
"I still don't believe you, but if I am a " Through the cracks and rasps of my voice, I couldn't say the word 'werewolf.' " that I'm... what you say I am, then why not let it happen naturally?"
They both looked at me, showing two different expressions that showed the same lack of information. Anna's eyes remained gray and expressionless as usual. Elena's eyes flickered with sympathy, but she remained silent. I couldn't tell if she was shy or unaccustomed to my father's withholding of information policy.
I didn't need them to respond, knowing the answer was that my father requested this chain of events. And if their relationship with him was like mine, then they didn't know his underlying motivations. And if they did, then due to their loyalty, they wouldn't have told me anyway.
My knees buckled. I sank down into my bed under the weight of this conversation. Part of me clung to one last shred of denial and I didn't know if I was ready to let it go.
It can't be true. I'm a weak, isolated little girl. I can't be a monster.
The other part of me, that grew with every breath, curled my hands into fists at the obvious manipulation of my body over the past five years. I knew nothing about werewolves, but what my father had done, how he left me in the dark, was wrong. The thoughts did little but clenched my teeth so tight that my molars ground over each other.
I hate him.
My eyes narrowed at my supposed caretaker.
I hate Anna.
Shifting my gaze revealed Elena had dropped hers to the floor space between us.
Elena, I know we just met, but if you had anything to do with this then I hate you too.
They're the monsters.
My eyes closed, remembering how earlier today I was that silly, stupid girl, sitting in front of her mirror and asking who she was. This wouldn't have ever been a consideration. Never in a million years. I'm a monster.
With a small sting, my nails pinched into the flesh of my palms. With straightened legs, I slid off my bed and walked over to that mirror. Each step marched closer to the death sentence of my former life, which would have filled me with uncertainty if my skin wasn't flushed warm, my breath short and sharp, and my eyes drawn so narrow that blackness vignetted my vanity.
Like two aquamarine gemstones, my blazing eyes stared back, as I had done so many times. One hand clutched the top edge of the dresser tightly, as if I could press my anger out through my fingertips. The other hand coiled against my leg, so tight that my wrist compressed. My reflected eyes shifted as the striations of green overtook the light blue backdrop.
I took a deep breath, then released the most primal scream I could muster. It tore through my throat, one piercing vibration at a time, leaving my mouth dry and breath spent. Clenching my stomach and hurling my shoulder, I punched a fist dead center of my reflection.
It really fucking hurt. And punching my reflection didn't help me feel better at all. And didn't help me feel better at all.
The glass shattered into a small spiderweb pattern around my knuckles and sliced into the skin. With the exception of a few hairline cracks, the mirror remained intact. Elena's reflected mouth gaped. Tiny pieces tinkled down to my dresser top, like pieces of my false conspiracies shattering.
A few shards weren't enough.
Thick, stifling silence enveloped the room, as the weight of reality bore upon me.
There is no mafia. I'm an idiot. A stupid, clueless idiot.
I looked down at tiny red marks on my knuckles, hairline scratches like the mirror's damage. After a few silent minutes, my fingers released from my fist and my eyes closed. The harshness of my choiceless reality flowed unobstructed through my mind.
Doesn't matter. I have no choice... I've never had any choices, so why start now?
"When?"
A whisper escaped my lips as hot tears pricked the corners of my eyes, blotting my lashes. The heat in my veins subsided and simmered into a dull ache centered in my chest, to be replaced with doubt and apprehension of what would happen next.
"We have little time, Miss Zira." Anna rushed at me, reaching for my hand, but I pushed her away. She looked down, checking her watch as if she counted down the minutes.
"Elena here is a pack historian from the library. She'll get you up to speed on background information. But now, Damien is expecting you for your new afternoon training."
My only answer was hanging my head until my chin dipped into my chest.