The sounds
of skin to skin to contact filled the creaky dimly lit room, a kiss landed on
my chapped lips, one that felt like it was practiced.
The stuffy
room and her cheap perfume clogged my nostrils and made it hard to breathe.
Pulling my
head up from her lips and arms I took a deep breath, my eyes were blinded by
the moonlight reflected from a cracked mirror, in the mirror I saw a loser, a
person with hair so long and messy it hid his eyes and the deep black bag under
his eyes, pale skin like he hadn't ate properly in forever and fuzzy unshaven
mustache that looked like a homeless man's.
Then I
realized, it was me, all my memories of what led me to this desperation swirled
in my head as I moved against her body with blank eyes and short breath.
My name is
Takashi Ishida. My parents gave me this name hoping I'd achieve great things in
my life. But just like my last name, I turned out to be ordinary.
Grunt then
another I was close, her body got faster as if she was in a hurry to rid of me.
My head
sank back into memories, a memories of me acing every test throughout my
childhood. Everyone marveled at my talent and I achieved everything with no
effort I was supposed to be… effortless.
Finally,
with one last heavy thrust I came undone.
She avoided
my gaze and hurriedly pulled over the cheap blanket over herself. I too quickly
put on my wrinkled work suit that was stained with coffee and smelled like
sweat.
As soon as
I stepped into the corridor of the run down motel the cold air hit me in the
face. The broken down roof did little to protect its self from the heavy downpour
and water dripped down everywhere in the corridor.
Stepping
out I was faced with the neon pink and red lights of the red district once
again, shallow pools everywhere drowned the neon lights and spat out the
reflection.
As I tried
to walk my body fought me, the 5 beers I had after work had other ideas for me.
In the heavy rain I stumbled against the buildings of Tokyo a step then another
just to fall down face first into a puddle of water.
The curbs of
the road didn't make it any easier for my shaken legs. I got up and walked for
a long time searching and looking for a destination that exists nowhere and
anywhere.
Tears stung
my eyes and mixed in with the rain as it steamed down my face blurring my eyes
even further.
An unknown
emotion, a sorrow had grasped my heart and I trembled. Wether it was from the
rain or this burning in my chest I didn't know.
Salty and
blurry tears streamed down my face as I stumbled my way through the well lit
neon street of Tokyo.
'Takashi,
please use your talents well.' I remembered my relatives telling me and patting
my head when I was a child.
'…maybe you should try a different subject..?"
Then I also
remembered the hollow disappointment in their eyes which always followed me ever
since I was a teen.
'Please get out Takashi… we simply can't afford to keep you anymore.'
Snot ran
down my unkempt mustache and down to my chin as I remembered the kast of the unpleasant
memories.
My mom didn't make much noise but her body trembled slightly and she sniffed evey once in a while as my dad talked to me.
my dad had a tired expression on his face as they gave me my one and only bag
of clothing.
'…us men always figure it out so-..' His eyes darkened for a second like he almost admitted his creation was shameful to him.
'..Takashi. Take good care and try to be a good man.'
The door slammed on my face with a soft bang like an end to his shame.
Then I finally
came to the place I had been looking for, a 20 floor run down construction site
greeted me in the darkness. Graffiti all over the walls as well as the unpleasant
smell of human waste greeted me as I made my way through the construction site using
the cracked old stone stairs.
My eyes didn't reflect the moonlight anymore. even if it was shone directly on it these dark
pupils of mine would swallow it.
'Takashi…
dude I'm really sorry but I simply can't let you stay…'
Those who I
once called my friends all suddenly had urgent business to take care of when I knocked
on their doors. After being kicked out.
Finally the
wind snapped me out of the black sorrow that had swallowed my mind. I was now standing
at the top of the construction site.
The sight
of Tokyo was breathtaking, but more importantly my mind had finally been put to
ease as I came to peace with my decision.
I didn't look
any more nor did I second guess my actions. I sped up as fast as I can and ran
to the edge of the roof, as I reached the end I jumped up and let out a scream.
"UWAAAAAHHH!"
Finally, at
last I could laugh again, as wind picked up and made it impossible to breathe I
still couldn't keep my face from making the biggest smile I had ever worn on my
face.
The impact echoed
through the empty street like a loud gunshot, crimson dark red blood spilled
out and mixed in with the water painting the street red.