Kana's eyes flicked toward the shadowy northwest building, but her hand snapped in the complete opposite direction, hurling a card southeast like a goddamn throwing knife.
BOOM!
The explosion ripped through the air, smoke and debris everywhere.
Three figures strolled out of the dust cloud without a single scratch.
Leading the pack was this chick in a shredded, once-fancy black ballgown. Skin so pale it was basically see-through, and she flashed a cruel, mocking grin. "Heh… clever little bitch, huh? Using a fake-out like that?"
Kana's pupils shrank. "That attack did jack shit?!"
To the lady's left was a gray-green dude wrapped in dead vines and creepy-ass flowers, glaring with milky, pupil-less eyes. "These stupid whores… dared to blow up my beautiful babies… I'm turning them into the ugliest fucking fertilizer!"
"Calm the hell down, Gardener," the guy on the right muttered. Dude looked like a broke-ass scholar holding an antique pocket watch. His voice was flat and cold enough to freeze booze. "Their power… is nothing to scoff at."
The second he finished talking, FWIP-FWIP-FWIP-FWIP-FWIP!
Five flaming, wind-wrapped magic arrows shot out of the shadows behind Kana like pissed-off hornets, aimed straight at the zombie trio.
Gardener roared and threw up a wall of vines, but the arrows were way too fast.
Just when they were about to turn the fancy-dress chick into a pincushion, Gardener and Clock-boy dove in front like meat shields.
KABOOM!
Half their heads vanished in a fireball.
Lucy stepped out in her Sagittarius spirit dress, bow still drawn, smirking like a badass. "Hell yeah, two down—"
Her smile froze.
The two headless zombies started regrowing. Wriggling meat tendrils and chunks of brain stitched themselves back together in seconds like some nightmare time-lapse video. A couple breaths later? Good as new, just a little more corpse-pale.
Lucy shrieked, "WHY THE FUCK ARE THEY STILL ALIVE?! HALF THEIR HEADS WERE GONE!"
"It's the chick in the middle!" Kana growled, eyes locked on ballgown zombie. "Gardener yelled 'Undead' earlier, and they both tanked hits for her. She's gotta be the one giving them bullshit regen!"
Lucy looked like she'd bitten into a lemon. "That's just the SS-class trash?! What the hell is the SSS-class gonna be?!"
Right then, Clock-zombie raised his little hammer and tapped the watch.
Ding—
No loud noise. Just a wave of pure wrongness rippling out.
Kana reached for a card, then her brain slammed into a wall. Nausea hit like a truck.
Lucy clutched her ears, screaming, "I CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING BUT THERE'S THIS DISGUSTING NOISE DRILLING INTO MY SKULL!"
"Subsonic brain-fuck attack!" Kana gritted her teeth, fighting the urge to puke.
Before she could pull a card, the air in front of them folded like goddamn origami. Space itself crumpled like someone was wadding up paper with them inside it.
The Undead chick bowed toward the shadows. "As expected of you, my lord. Those pests are finished."
A massive, jacked, dark-red zombie stepped out, muscles bulging like he ate dragons for breakfast.
He frowned at the empty, shredded ground. "No. They're not dead. Right at the end, weird spatial fluctuation. They got teleported."
He turned, voice like gravel. "You two guard the Undead. I'll hunt them."
500 meters west, abandoned building – storage closet
Lucy and Kana were crammed face-to-face inside what looked like the guts of an old grandfather clock, squished so tight they couldn't even twitch.
Kana, muffled: "What in the actual fuck—"
Suddenly the pressure vanished. They flopped onto the floor like wet noodles.
Lucy rubbed her bruised ass. "Ow! Did we log out of the illusion or what?"
A robotic voice echoed. "Detected fatal spatial attack on Lady Lucy. Emergency evasion protocol activated."
Lucy whipped around. There stood Horologium, the giant clock spirit, looking calm as ever.
"You came out on your own?! And what the hell is 'emergency evasion protocol'?!"
"After Lady Lucy's magic power increased, I gained the ability to autonomously manifest and teleport you when death is imminent. This use is now expended. Please be careful."
Then he poofed away like it was nothing.
Kana got up, brushing dust off. "Holy shit… what kind of spirit is that? I don't remember any zodiac spirit being a walking get-out-of-death-free card!"
Lucy scratched her cheek awkwardly. "Uh… silver key. Bought him at a random magic shop."
Kana's jaw dropped. "You're telling me the most broken life-save spirit in existence was on a fucking store shelf? That's straight-up cheating!"
Lucy looked away. "I… only found out today he could do that…"
Kana shook her head hard. "Focus! He mentioned spatial fluctuations. That SSS-class zombie has space powers. Combined with the Undead chick's regen, we're totally fucked unless we oneshot the healer!"
Lucy clenched her fists. "I've got a plan. Remember the spell I stole from the Oración Seis? Red Zone. Slows enemies down, speeds me up. If I get a speed buff from Wendy first, I can blitz the Undead chick before the space zombie reacts."
Kana slapped her shoulder hard enough to sting. "Hell yeah. I'll be the bait. You snipe the healer. Let's pass this damn exam!"
They fist-bumped, whispered the details, then split up like ghosts.
Kana reached a rooftop, crouched low, reaching for trap cards—
The air in front of her rippled.
BAM!
The giant red zombie appeared two feet away and threw a punch that screamed through the air.
Kana barely crossed her arms in time. Magic barrier + Gemini buff + defense card.
Still got launched like a cannonball, smashing through a wall on the opposite building.
She crawled out of the rubble coughing blood, arms numb. "That punch almost turned me into paste…"
But she grinned through the pain. "Gotcha, bastard. I felt the ripple right before you popped in."
Another tiny ripple behind her.
She dodged on pure instinct, the fist grazing her shoulder hard enough to tear her sleeve.
The zombie actually looked surprised.
Then Kana slammed down a card.
"Forbidden Ground!"
Golden chains exploded from the roof, wrapping his legs and locking down his space jump.
"NOW, LUCY!"
Far away, a red-and-white flash.
Lucy in Cancer's spirit dress, dual-wielding crimson and white katanas, appeared behind the three SS-class zombies like a damn assassin.
"Double Dragon Flash—Erza-style!"
Three heads hit the ground in perfect unison.
SS-class remaining: 0
The SSS-class zombie roared, veins popping, snapped the golden chains like string, and vanished.
Reappeared next to Lucy, fist already descending like a meteor.
"Crap—!"
FWOOMPH!
A tidal wave of fluffy pink wool exploded out of nowhere, wrapping his arm and torso like cotton candy from hell.
The punch lost most of its power. Lucy blocked the rest with her blades.
"Nice one, Aries!"
Aries peeked out, blushing. "I-I'm just glad I could help…"
The zombie ripped free and jumped back, only to step in a puddle of rainbow slime.
Then the sky started raining slimes. Thousands of the gooey bastards.
He punched dozens into paste, but more kept falling, gumming up his joints, blinding him, mixing with Aries's wool until even his space jumps started glitching.
Kana was yeeting slime cards like a dealer on crack. "Never underestimate the power of infinite trash mobs, asshole!"
"Lucy! Finish him!"
Lucy slammed her foot down. A massive golden magic circle bloomed beneath her.
She crossed her fingers, eyes shut, magic power exploding off her like a golden hurricane.
"All 88 modern constellations—answer my call!"
The world turned into a pink starry sky.
Thousands of golden meteor-like orbs appeared.
"Urano Metria—!!!"
Every single "star" turned into a goddamn railgun round and screamed down.
At the same time Kana threw her final card.
"Meteor Shower!"
A flaming magic meteor joined the barrage.
BOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!
White light swallowed everything.
SSS-class remaining: 0
The illusion shattered.
They were back in the cave.
Roger was still lounging on his couch, sipping his drink like he'd just watched a movie.
Lucy blinked, looked at her hands, then at Kana.
Then she screamed and tackled Kana in the biggest hug ever. "WE DID IT! WE FUCKING DID IT! WE PASSED THE S-CLASS EXAM!!!"
Kana laughed, voice cracking with relief, hugging her back just as hard. "Hell yeah we did…"
She pulled back, grinning like a maniac. "But seriously, that Urano Metria was insane! When the hell did you get that strong?!"
Lucy rubbed the back of her neck, cheeks red. "I've been secretly practicing every night because it's my first real super magic… still can't use the full version yet though. When I get enough magic power it's gonna be way bigger."
Kana whistled. "Already terrifying."
Then the curiosity kicked in again. "So about Horologium… silver key my ass. That thing's more clutch than half the zodiac combined."
Lucy laughed nervously. "Yeah about that… I mostly used him as a portable heater, taxi, rain shelter, panic room… oh and apparently he cures bug bites and dry skin—"
Kana stared at her like she'd grown a second head. "You never once asked the clock spirit… what time it is?"
Lucy froze.
Dead silence.
Then the realization hit her like a truck.
She slowly turned pale. "…I… I really never did…"
Kana facepalmed so hard it echoed. "Poor Horologium, man. Following a master who uses a celestial clock spirit as a goddamn Uber and a skincare clinic… that poor bastard's been suffering in silence this whole time."