"What the fuck is love?"
Jamila's frustrated tone catches the three of us off guard.
Chloe was reading her medical book while crunching on walnuts and lying on the plush couch. Beatrix was on a steamy scene of some dark romance on Wattpad while rolling on the carpet and giggling like a teenager.
And I was just scrolling through my Instagram reels while Jamila was typing furiously on her laptop until she threw a question in the air, expecting us to reply.
"Where is that coming from?" Chloe takes off her specs with a curious gaze.
"Just answer," Jamila whines while wiggling her toe, clearly a sign of impatience.
"Why not just date instead of asking us?" Beatrix says while smirking, not looking up from her screen.
Jamila throws a pillow at her face, making Beatrix whine, and Chloe laughs, munching another walnut.
"Okay, okay, Ms. Born Single, you want to know what love is?" Beatrix sits up, crossing her leg. I put my phone away and look at Jamila. "What do you think love is?"
She closes her laptop and inhales sharply. The three of us lean forward to hear her answer.
Among us, she is the only one who has never been on a date or in any situationship.
Curiosity makes me blink fast as she answers, her voice soft and thoughtful, "Love is when you yearn for someone so much that only a simple glimpse of them across the road would give you a reason to survive even at the moment of your last breath."
All of us hold our breath together. Her idea of love hangs in the air.
Even Beatrix, who was in a joking mood earlier, now has a thoughtful look on her face. Chloe is no longer munching on walnuts.
Yearning for someone so much that they give you hope to live... somehow it sounds like the purest form of love. Not possessive, not obsessive. Just loving for the sake of loving.
Something so rare in this world, you have to be born under lucky stars to have it in your life.
But that's not my idea of love.
"The most dangerous kind of love is when you become a monster to the world to become a hero to your beloved."
The room falls silent. My words hang in the air.
Chloe leans back against the couch, narrowing her eyes. "That's not dangerous kind. It's called toxic love."
I roll my eyes and let out a huff, annoyed. "How so? I think it's perfectly normal."
Chloe pops another walnut in her mouth, nonchalant as usual. "Listen, if a guy is a jerk to everyone, he's a jerk."
Jamila nods with Chloe. "Agree. Any guy who says people misunderstand him basically means he's the problem if everyone has a problem with him."
I hiss at their words. These two share the same realistic mind. One is a doctor, the other a lawyer.
I roll my eyes again, annoyance and irritation looming in my stiff body language.
"What if he has a past that makes him difficult but he is actually a good person?" Beatrix's voice lacks her usual playfulness, her eyes calm, almost lost in some deep thought.
"What if..." she pauses, her voice dropping lower, almost a whisper in the silent room with only four girls breathing and the air conditioner humming, "he simply never had anyone whom he could trust and lean on?"
My chest tightens listening to Beatrix, my mind drawing back to two nights ago when I saw the scars on Aaron's body... the abuse he had to receive from his mother, the woman who was supposed to love him unconditionally.
My grip on the pillow tightens. My jaw clenches so hard I can feel pain down my throat.
"Then he needs therapy from a professional," Jamila says calmly, her voice low and knowing. I see Beatrix flinch.
"What if all he needs is love?" she whispers, her fingers fidgeting with her hair.
"That's bullshit." Jamila's voice gets cold. It's one of the few times her tone is this chilling and dark, leaving no room for argument.
"A man changes because he wants to. You cannot beg him to change, nor should you," she digs her thumb into her palm, her eyes fazed, staring into somewhere in her memory which we aren't aware of.
I shift on my seat, leaning forward a bit, my voice coaxing. "Why are you always so against the idea of trying to love a mentally broken man?"
Chloe is observing her closely. Beatrix lifts her head and nods. "That's right. Unlike us, you never had any past relationship. Why do you think it's the biggest sin to love a man who might have troubled relationships from the past?"
Jamila laughs low, almost resentful. "Such things only work in your Wattpad, Betty. In real life, an unhappy man makes you an unhappy woman."
She looks up, her eyes stormy and unfazed by the three pairs of curious gazes on her.
"I agree with you on that. I see so many patients at the hospital, men or women, regardless of gender," Chloe throws her head back, her tone neutral as if we aren't discussing one of the major ideals of our lives.
"When your partner is mentally unstable and refuses to get professional help, they ruin you. Just like once a cheater, always a cheater. You can't expect them to change for you."
I part my lips to argue but Beatrix speaks first, her tone two octaves high.
"You never know what a person goes through in life. If there is someone you like and they just have a troubled past, it doesn't mean they'll be the same to you. Maybe you are special."
Chloe lowers her head and frowns. She runs her fingers through her hair. "Betty, believing that you are special is the biggest mistake most girls make before getting into a relationship with a lunatic."
Beatrix's shoulders stiffen, her hands curl into fists, her cheeks flush red in anger.
"And what if you simply want to get ruined by such a lunatic because, in your life, other than that lunatic, nobody else loved you?"
Jamila and Chloe both stiffen instinctively. I let Beatrix's words sink into my mind.
Laying on my back, I stare at the white ceiling of our living room. The cold air from the air conditioner makes my body feel chilly.
Yet the war in my head grows louder.
Because Beatrix isn't wrong.
The desire to be loved by a man who never loved before — loved by a man who has the guts to love even after a miserable past — the obsessive and possessive kind of love... it sounds dangerous, forbidden, yet the most intoxicating thing.
Because it gives you the guarantee — that man will never cheat, never leave, never hurt you.
"You should run then..." Jamila speaks, breaking the silence.
Beatrix snaps her head angrily at Jamila. "You know, you are the most heartless woman I have ever seen, Mila."
Both Chloe and I shift uncomfortably.
"Hey guys, it was just some light talk, no need to get all seri—" I get cut off by Jamila, who couldn't just zip her mouth.
"You are right. I am heartless, and I have no wish to become a Mother Teresa and let a man ruin me," Jamila says coldly, and it only adds fuel to Beatrix's sudden anger, the source of which remains unknown.
"No wonder you don't know what love is," Beatrix scoffs bitterly, running her fingers through her blonde hair. She glares at Jamila like she's committed a murder or something.
Jamila just smirks and leans closer, almost mocking. "Betty... at least I know my boundaries. And I won't accept anything less than I deserve."
Chloe sighs and stands up. She pulls Jamila by her arm before things escalate any further. I get off the couch and pull Beatrix away — but fuck, these two are glued to their place.
"Mila, Betty, that's enough for tonight," I say calmly, pulling Beatrix, who is glaring at Jamila with eyes glistening in anger, while Jamila looks unaffected by it all.
"Mila, stand up and go to your room," Chloe speaks with an authority we've come to follow in moments of seriousness.
Jamila stands and grabs her laptop. She looks at Beatrix and drops the last bomb — which makes Beatrix freeze on her spot.
"The faster you snap out of your delusion, the better. Or else you will find yourself at the pit of the abyss, and that guy won't be there with you," her voice drops even colder. I can feel chills in my spine from her tone. "Because he would be the one who would throw you into the abyss."
"SHUT UP!" Beatrix stands up, flaming in anger. I gasp and hold her back.
"Betty, relax! Mila didn't mean it that way!" I try to coax her.
I look at Jamila pleadingly, who stands calmly at Beatrix's outburst.
"You two are fighting like little girls!" Chloe's voice is clipped with annoyance.
"SHE IS INSULTING MY BOYFRIEND!" Beatrix screams.
"Who is married with two kids and a wife..." Jamila scoffs and looks at Beatrix in disdain. "You are his mistress, Beatrix Wolff."
My eyes widen. My blood runs cold — so does Chloe's.
Beatrix's lips tremble, her tears falling, her bright blue eyes red from anger and pain.
"What did Mila say, Betty?" I ask in disbelief, my throat bitter, my stomach twisting.
Beatrix whispers, "I am not his mistress..." she whispers again, "We love each other!"
Jamila scoffs and turns to Beatrix properly, her face contorting in anger, her voice rising. "YOUR LOVE IS GOING TO BREAK A FAMILY! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA, BEATRIX WOLFF?"
My hands go limp at my sides. The memory of my ex-boyfriend's cheating, leaving me for another woman, my miscarriage at four months into pregnancy — the brutal, unbearable pain that still makes me freeze and go cold — makes me step back from Beatrix.
"Betty," my lips tremble as I smile nervously, "Mila is joking, right? You aren't the type to..."
Beatrix's eyes widen as she looks at me, her hands shaking. "No, Nini. Please listen to me—"
My breathing catches in my chest. A cold shiver spreads through my heart.
"You are... dating a married man with kids."
Beatrix gasps and shakes her head vigorously. She grabs my hand, her eyes full of fear and pain. "No, no! It's not like that, Nini. He is married, but it's a marriage of convenience. There is no love between them!"
Beatrix exclaims desperately.
Chloe bites her lower lip and closes her eyes. Jamila next to her is flaming in anger and disappointment.
"Betty," I whisper painfully, "it doesn't matter if he is married out of convenience..." I pull my hand from hers and grab her shoulder. She is sobbing, shaking her head.
"You don't understand. Sebastian... Sebastian is in a hellish marriage. His wife is horrible. He has tried to divorce her, but she always cries, does drama, uses her kids as threats to keep him married to her," she chokes on her words.
My heart breaks a little bit more.
I always thought of her as one of my closest friends — probably my best friend. And never in my wildest dreams could I imagine her being the mistress of a married man.
Beatrix looks at me, pleading through her eyes, and I can only see the flashback of my broken self three years ago.
"You... you want to build a life on the broken heart of a woman who cries for her husband and kids who beg for their father's love?"
Beatrix freezes. A broken whisper leaves her mouth. "But... he isn't happy in that marriage. He is happy with me."
A bitter chuckle leaves my mouth. Suddenly Chloe and Jamila's earlier words make sense to me.
A man who is a jerk to all will be a jerk to me too.
"Betty..." I whisper. "How long have you been with Sebastian?"
Beatrix gulps and licks her lips. "Four years."
"Four years..." I whisper, a pained smile playing on my lips. All this time, I always wondered why Beatrix never let me or any of us see a picture of her boyfriend.
Now I know. She was hiding.
I look at Jamila. "How did you know?"
She inhales sharply. "Have you heard of the Von Klest family?"
Chloe's eyes snap toward Jamila in shock. "Hey, you gotta be kidding me?"
Von Klest... the most powerful money in Germany, whose history goes back to the 1880s. The Von Klests are like modern-day royalty of Germany.
"That's right. Beatrix is the mistress of Sebastian Von Klest, heir of the Von Klest family and one of the highest-paid actors in Hollywood," Jamila confirms. "Sebastian is one of the major clients of my law firm, and I saw Betty's number flashing on his phone during our meeting — saved as Vixen."
Beatrix's head drops, trembling in anger and shame.
"Sebastian Von Klest is married to the current Chancellor of Germany," Chloe says, her voice neutral yet carrying a rough edge as she adds, "He's been married for ten years, Betty. He has two kids — one is eight, and the other is two..."
Beatrix whispers, denying the weight of the matter. "Doesn't matter... doesn't matter. We love each other. He will choose me at the end..."
I face-palm, looking at her in disbelief. This is fucked up.
Sebastian Von Klest!!
I've heard his reputation in my previous workplace.
He is a fucking psychopath.