The MACUSA Aurors had vanished into the night with their prisoners, leaving behind a wake of official documentation that would undoubtedly spawn entire academic dissertations on international magical law violations. The birthday celebration had resumed with the electric energy of a successful family defense, though conversations now carried the strategic undertones of people who'd just watched their world shift on its axis.
Hercules lounged in his chair with the kind of casual elegance that suggested supreme confidence in his ability to handle whatever chaos life threw at him next. The torchlight caught the sharp lines of his jaw as he surveyed his chosen family with serpentine eyes that missed absolutely nothing—a predator entirely at ease in his territory, surrounded by people he'd die to protect.
"Right then," Sirius announced, settling into his patio chair with the decisive energy of someone who'd spent the last hour calculating seventeen different contingency plans, "I think we can safely conclude that returning to Britain is about as appealing as volunteering for a dementor's kiss. Dumbledore's little theatrical performance tonight has made it crystal clear that the political situation back home has gone completely mental."
"Oh, completely," Hercules agreed with silky precision, his voice carrying the kind of aristocratic drawl that could make agreeing with someone sound like an elegant insult delivered at a dinner party. "Because nothing says 'reasonable educational authority' like dispatching international law enforcement to arrest your former students at birthday parties. Truly, the height of pedagogical sophistication. I'm sure the American authorities are absolutely charmed by Britain's innovative approaches to diplomatic protocol."
His tone could have frosted champagne glasses at fifty paces.
Wednesday's pale lips curved in what might have been approval, or possibly anticipation of future carnage. "The theatrical timing was particularly amateurish. Any competent antagonist would have waited until after the birthday cake to maximize psychological impact. The sugar crash would have made everyone more vulnerable to emotional manipulation."
"Noted for future reference," Hercules replied with evident amusement, his eyes glinting with something that suggested he was filing away Wednesday's tactical observations for potential later use. "Though I suspect our dear former headmaster lacks your appreciation for dramatic timing—or competent strategy, for that matter."
"Most people do," Wednesday observed with clinical detachment that suggested she'd conducted extensive research on the general population's strategic deficiencies. "It's a persistent character flaw that explains why so few people achieve their desired levels of widespread terror and respect."
"Speaking from personal experience?" Ginny asked with the kind of innocent curiosity that had historically preceded her most devastating pranks.
"Naturally," Wednesday replied without hesitation. "Though I find that most people overestimate the difficulty of inspiring appropriate levels of fear. It simply requires commitment to excellence and attention to detail."
"Right," Ron interjected with obvious fascination, "remind me never to get on your bad side."
"Everyone is on my bad side initially," Wednesday informed him with matter-of-fact precision. "Some people work their way up to 'tolerable' through demonstrated competence and interesting conversation. Very few achieve 'acceptable company.' None have yet reached 'friend.'"
"Challenge accepted," Ginny said with obvious delight.
"It wasn't a challenge," Wednesday replied with monotone certainty. "It was a statistical observation based on historical data."
"Even better," Ginny shot back with growing excitement. "I love proving statistics wrong."
"This," Hercules murmured to Sirius with elegant amusement, "is either going to be the most entertaining friendship in recorded history, or we're going to need significantly more comprehensive insurance policies."
"Why not both?" Sirius replied with obvious pride in his daughter's ability to immediately identify kindred spirits in the most unlikely places.
Ron, who'd been unusually quiet since the Auror incident, suddenly perked up with the expression of someone who'd just realized something momentous. "Wait, are we seriously talking about staying here permanently? Like, forever permanently? Never going back to Britain permanently?"
"Why?" Ginny asked with the kind of innocent curiosity that had historically preceded her most devastating pranks, "Were you planning to pop back to Britain for tea with Dumbledore? I'm sure he'd love to discuss your recent association with international fugitives. Probably serve cucumber sandwiches while explaining how disappointed he is in our life choices."
"International fugitives," Ron repeated with dawning delight, his voice carrying the kind of wonder usually reserved for discovering hidden chocolate stashes. "Bloody hell, we're actually international fugitives now. That's... that's actually quite brilliant. Do we get official papers or something? A certificate?"
"Language, Ronald," Mrs. Weasley said automatically, though her tone lacked its usual conviction and carried notes of someone who was possibly reconsidering her position on appropriate vocabulary for extraordinary circumstances.
"Oh, let the boy celebrate, Mrs. Weasley," Hercules said with lazy amusement, his transformed voice carrying warmth that would have been impossible during his Harry Potter years. "It's not every day one achieves genuine outlaw status. Rather liberating, actually. I find it's done wonders for my perspective on social conventions and appropriate responses to bureaucratic overreach."
"Liberating," Wednesday agreed with monotone precision that somehow managed to convey deep satisfaction. "Like releasing laboratory animals from particularly inadequate research facilities run by incompetent scientists who prioritize political compliance over ethical treatment protocols."
Hermione shot her a sharp look that suggested she wasn't entirely comfortable with being compared to laboratory animals, regardless of context. "We're not laboratory animals."
"Of course not," Wednesday replied with deadpan certainty that could have convinced international courts of her complete sincerity. "Laboratory animals receive more ethical treatment from their captors, comprehensive veterinary care, proper nutrition, and aren't expected to demonstrate gratitude for systematic psychological manipulation disguised as educational guidance."
The silence that followed carried weight as multiple family members processed this observation and found it uncomfortably accurate.
"Well," Hermione said finally with intellectual honesty that had historically gotten her into trouble with authority figures, "that's actually quite a valid comparison when you examine the power dynamics and consent issues involved in traditional British magical education..."
"Hermione," Ron said with obvious alarm, "please don't start agreeing with Wednesday about everything being terrible. We'll never get anywhere if you two start collaborating on systematic critiques of institutional authority."
"Systematic critiques of institutional authority are how civilizations improve," Wednesday observed with clinical precision. "Though most people prefer comfortable delusions to accurate analysis of systemic problems."
"Most people," Hermione agreed with growing intellectual excitement, "lack the analytical frameworks necessary for comprehensive institutional critique, which explains why problematic systems persist despite obvious ethical violations and practical failures..."
"And there they go," Ginny said with fond resignation. "Five minutes of conversation and they're already planning to revolutionize society through academic analysis."
"Could be worse," Hercules pointed out with elegant amusement. "They could be planning to revolutionize society through practical demonstrations involving carnivorous fish and water polo teams."
"That was educational intervention based on behavioral modification principles," Wednesday clarified with deadpan precision. "Revolutionary social change would require considerably more comprehensive methodologies and broader target demographics."
"Noted," Hercules replied with obvious appreciation for her attention to accurate terminology. "I'll be sure to distinguish between educational interventions and revolutionary activities in future conversations."
"Right," Sirius interrupted before that particular philosophical discussion could develop further into planning sessions for systematic social reform, "Which brings me to some propositions that might interest everyone, assuming we can focus on practical family logistics rather than comprehensive societal restructuring."
His dark eyes swept across the assembled group with the systematic precision of someone calculating optimal resource allocation for maximum family security while preventing his chosen family from accidentally overthrowing multiple governmental systems through excessive intellectual enthusiasm.
"Arthur," he continued, focusing on Mr. Weasley with genuine professional respect and the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for discovering ideal job candidates, "this estate requires a proper manager—someone who understands both magical and mundane systems, can coordinate with American governmental agencies, and has experience managing complex family logistics without losing his mind in the process or requiring extensive psychiatric intervention afterward."
Mr. Weasley's face lit up like a child discovering a room full of unexamined muggle artifacts combined with comprehensive instruction manuals and unlimited research time. "Estate management with governmental coordination? That would involve extensive research into American magical-mundane integration systems, wouldn't it? Regulatory compliance frameworks, inter-agency communication protocols, bureaucratic interface methodologies..."
His voice carried the kind of intellectual excitement usually reserved for religious experiences or unexpected inheritance notifications.
"Plus liaison work with MACUSA, ICW representatives, and possibly some very fascinating congressional committee staffers who handle supernatural affairs legislation," Sirius added with obvious satisfaction at Arthur's enthusiasm and growing excitement about the prospect of enabling someone to pursue their professional passions without financial constraints.
"Supernatural affairs legislation," Mr. Weasley breathed with the kind of reverence most people reserved for discovering lost religious artifacts or winning lottery tickets. "Congressional committee staffers... Arthur, you're practically drooling," Mrs. Weasley observed with fond exasperation and the long-suffering patience of someone married to an enthusiast for forty-odd years.
"Can you blame him?" Hercules asked with elegant amusement, his aristocratic drawl making Mr. Weasley's enthusiasm sound like perfectly reasonable professional development. "The man's being offered the opportunity to professionally examine the intersection of magical and mundane governmental bureaucracy. It's like offering a potioneer unlimited access to rare ingredients, or giving Wednesday unlimited opportunities for creative problem-solving involving people who need attitude adjustments."
"The comparison is apt," Wednesday agreed with evident approval. "Professional satisfaction through optimal resource allocation for pursuing specialized interests."
"Exactly," Hercules confirmed with warm appreciation for her analytical precision. "Plus Dad gets to indulge his fascination with American administrative systems while ensuring our family has proper legal protections and governmental liaison capabilities."
"The position," Sirius continued with evident satisfaction and growing enthusiasm for the project, "comes with full salary, comprehensive benefits, housing on the property, and unlimited research budget for investigating whatever fascinating administrative systems you encounter, including access to governmental databases and professional consultation with agency specialists."
"Unlimited research budget," Mr. Weasley repeated with increasing excitement, his voice rising several octaves. "For investigating administrative systems... comprehensive governmental database access... professional consultation opportunities... Molly, did you hear that? Administrative systems research with unlimited budget and database access..."
"I heard, dear," Mrs. Weasley replied with the long-suffering patience of someone married to an enthusiast who'd just been offered unlimited resources to pursue his professional obsessions. "And before you get completely carried away and start planning comprehensive research projects that require seventeen different governmental clearances, what about the children's education? Ron and Ginny still need to complete their schooling, and Hermione..."
"Actually," Sirius interrupted with the kind of strategic timing that suggested he'd anticipated exactly this concern and had prepared comprehensive responses to all possible objections, "that brings me to my next proposition."
He turned his attention to Mrs. Weasley with the focused respect due to someone who'd successfully managed complex family logistics while maintaining sanity despite continuous exposure to teenage pranking schemes, experimental magic, and various catastrophic events that had historically defined their family experiences.
"Molly, this property requires someone with extensive experience managing large households, coordinating meal preparation for individuals with supernatural dietary requirements, and ensuring that family gatherings proceed smoothly despite their natural tendency toward organized chaos and occasional magical incidents."
Mrs. Weasley's eyebrows rose with obvious interest and the expression of someone who was potentially discovering that her life skills had professional applications beyond "keeping the family fed and preventing the twins from accidentally destroying civilization."
"Organized chaos?" she asked with growing curiosity.
"Have you met this family?" Hercules asked with dry precision, gesturing toward the assembled group with elegant amusement. "Between Dad's tendency toward dramatic gestures, my newfound appreciation for theatrical entrances, Wednesday's recreational activities that require cleanup protocols, and the twins' experimental phases that historically involve explosions, I'd say organized chaos is an optimistic description of our typical daily routine."
"The twins haven't even begun yet," Ron pointed out with obvious anticipation mixed with preemptive terror.
"Exactly my point," Hercules replied with elegant horror that suggested he'd been contemplating the implications of twin collaboration with available resources and unlimited creative freedom. "Imagine the chaos levels once they begin collaborating with Wednesday on creative projects. We'll need professional disaster management or we'll accidentally level half of California through collaborative enthusiasm."
Wednesday's expression showed what might have been anticipatory satisfaction, though her pale features made it difficult to distinguish between anticipation and her usual expression of mild homicidal contemplation.
"Collaborative creativity could prove... educationally beneficial for everyone involved," she observed with deadpan precision that somehow made educational benefits sound like threats to public safety.
"See?" Hercules said to Mrs. Weasley with charming desperation and the kind of aristocratic panic that suggested he was genuinely concerned about the structural integrity of their new home state. "We need professional chaos management or we'll accidentally create an international incident involving teenage creativity, unlimited resources, and Wednesday's definitions of appropriate problem-solving methodologies."
"The position," Sirius continued with obvious amusement at the family dynamics and growing satisfaction at the prospect of providing Mrs. Weasley with actual resources for her domestic management skills, "includes full authority over domestic arrangements, comprehensive budget for whatever supplies and staff you deem necessary, private family quarters, and guest accommodations for visiting relatives who may arrive unexpectedly with complex explanations for why they need somewhere to hide from various governmental authorities."
"Full authority over domestic arrangements," Mrs. Weasley repeated with growing interest and the expression of someone who was beginning to process the implications of having actual power and adequate resources for the first time in decades. "That would include meal planning according to my standards, safety protocols that actually make sense, guest accommodation that doesn't involve sleeping bags in the sitting room..."
"Everything," Sirius confirmed with evident satisfaction and parental pride in offering someone the opportunity to exercise their considerable capabilities without financial limitations. "Plus coordination with house-elf staff, magical security systems, and whatever additional personnel you determine are necessary for optimal household functioning. Essentially, you'd be running the domestic side of a small magical estate according to your own specifications, with actual resources to implement your ideas properly instead of making miracles happen with inadequate supplies and constant improvisation."
Mrs. Weasley's expression cycled through surprise, consideration, and what appeared to be growing excitement as she processed the implications of being given actual authority and adequate resources after decades of managing complex family logistics through creative problem-solving and sheer determination.
"Mum," Ginny said with obvious delight and growing appreciation for the transformation in her mother's expression, "you could finally have a kitchen that doesn't require constant repair charms and a budget that extends beyond 'whatever's on clearance this week at Diagon Alley.'"
"A kitchen," Mrs. Weasley said with the kind of wistful longing usually reserved for impossible dreams or winning the lottery, "with adequate counter space and appliances that don't randomly explode or require percussive maintenance every third Tuesday..."
"I could arrange for you to consult with professional kitchen designers," Sirius offered with evident enthusiasm for the project and obvious pleasure at the prospect of enabling someone to have their ideal working environment. "Both magical and mundane specialists, unlimited budget for equipment and renovations, whatever you need to create your ideal domestic management system with proper storage, adequate counter space, and appliances that function according to their intended specifications."
"Professional kitchen designers," Mrs. Weasley whispered with increasing excitement and the expression of someone who was beginning to believe in practical dreams becoming reality. "Unlimited budget... adequate counter space... appliances that work properly..."
"She's gone," Ron observed with fond amusement and obvious appreciation for his mother's reaction to the prospect of having proper resources. "Lost to fantasies of properly organized pantries and functioning appliances that don't require daily repair charms."
"Can't blame her," Hercules said with warm understanding and aristocratic appreciation for the value of proper domestic infrastructure. "After years of making miracles happen with insufficient resources, the prospect of actually adequate support must be intoxicating. Like discovering you can afford quality ingredients instead of making gourmet meals from whatever's about to expire."
"Percy," Sirius continued, turning his attention to the third-eldest Weasley son with genuine professional interest rather than polite inclusion, apparently recognizing actual capabilities that had been historically undervalued, "your experience with governmental procedures, regulatory compliance, and international magical law makes you exactly the kind of person we need for coordinating our legal and political affairs with American authorities."
Percy straightened with obvious pride, his expression transforming from resigned patience to professional excitement as he processed the implications of being offered real responsibility that matched his actual skill set and interests.
"Legal and political coordination with American authorities," he repeated with evident fascination and the kind of intellectual enthusiasm he'd historically been forced to suppress around family members who found governmental procedure discussions boring. "That would require comprehensive understanding of MACUSA regulatory frameworks, ICW treaty obligations, diplomatic protocol procedures..."
His voice carried professional excitement mixed with the relief of someone who'd finally found an audience that appreciated his specialized knowledge.
"Plus extensive opportunities for advancement within American magical government systems," Sirius added with obvious appreciation for Percy's systematic thinking and growing satisfaction at the prospect of enabling him to pursue career development without the political complications that had historically constrained his professional opportunities in Britain.
"Advancement opportunities," Percy said with growing excitement and the expression of someone who was beginning to believe in professional futures that actually utilized his capabilities appropriately. "In American magical government systems... That would involve policy development, inter-agency coordination, possibly legislative support work..."
"Percy's practically vibrating," Ginny observed with sibling amusement and obvious affection for her brother's professional enthusiasm.
"He's discovered professional advancement opportunities that might actually utilize his capabilities appropriately," Hercules said with warm approval and aristocratic appreciation for competent administrative support. "Rather like offering a master craftsman proper tools instead of expecting him to build cathedrals with bent spoons and unlimited optimism."
"I resent that metaphor," Percy said with mock indignation, though his expression carried genuine pleasure at being recognized for his actual abilities rather than dismissed as overly enthusiastic about boring governmental details.
"You shouldn't," Wednesday observed with clinical precision and the kind of analytical detachment that made professional assessment sound like forensic evaluation. "Cathedrals built with bent spoons would demonstrate remarkable engineering innovation, creative problem-solving skills, and exceptional determination to achieve architectural excellence despite inadequate resource allocation."
"Thank you, Wednesday," Percy replied with obvious surprise at receiving approval from such an unexpected source and growing appreciation for her analytical perspective.
"You're welcome," she said with characteristic monotone delivery that somehow managed to convey both sincerity and mild confusion about why people found professional competence surprising. "Though I should clarify that I was primarily impressed by the structural engineering challenges rather than commenting on your specific capabilities, which I haven't yet had sufficient opportunity to evaluate comprehensively."
"I'll take it," Percy said with evident amusement and obvious relief at finding someone who appreciated precision in communication and analytical accuracy.
"You should," Wednesday agreed with deadpan certainty. "Accurate assessment of capabilities requires extensive observation and evaluation over time. Premature professional judgments are typically based on inadequate data and social bias rather than objective performance analysis."
Xenophilius had been listening to these propositions with the kind of dreamy attention that suggested his mind was processing implications on multiple dimensional levels simultaneously while possibly contemplating the cosmic significance of career transitions during astrologically significant periods.
"The Quibbler," he said finally, his distinctive voice carrying notes of profound consideration mixed with growing excitement about previously unconsidered possibilities, "has always been constrained by British magical publishing restrictions, governmental pressure on our distribution networks, and advertising boycotts orchestrated by Ministry-friendly businesses who disapprove of independent journalism that challenges official narratives."
His pale eyes focused with increasing intellectual excitement as he processed the implications of operating in an environment with different regulatory frameworks and potentially more receptive audiences.
"American magical media operates under considerably different regulatory frameworks," he continued with growing enthusiasm. "First Amendment protections, stronger independent journalism traditions, readership that's generally more skeptical of governmental propaganda and appreciative of alternative perspectives on complex issues..."
"Plus," Luna added with evident satisfaction, her dreamy voice carrying undertones of genuine strategic thinking mixed with obvious excitement about research opportunities, "American magical creature populations are considerably more diverse than British ones, which would provide extensive opportunities for field research and investigative journalism that we've never been able to pursue properly due to geographical limitations and Ministry discouragement of comprehensive supernatural fauna documentation."
Her pale blue eyes sparkled with the kind of intellectual curiosity that suggested she was already planning comprehensive research expeditions to document previously unstudied supernatural phenomena and possibly discover entirely new species classifications.
"American magical creatures," Xenophilius repeated with increasing enthusiasm and the expression of someone who was beginning to contemplate research possibilities that had previously seemed impossible due to practical constraints. "Cross-cultural magical traditions from immigrant communities, First Amendment protections for controversial reporting, diverse supernatural ecosystems... Luna, the research possibilities would be extraordinary."
"Extraordinary," she agreed with dreamy satisfaction and obvious anticipation. "Like discovering an entire library of books that no one's ever catalogued properly, except the books are actually living creatures with fascinating behavioral patterns and possibly telepathic communication abilities."
"Xenophilius," Sirius said with obvious enthusiasm for supporting independent journalism and growing satisfaction at the prospect of enabling genuinely free press without governmental interference, "I'd be delighted to provide startup capital for establishing American operations for the Quibbler. Full editorial independence, comprehensive operational budget, access to distribution networks that aren't subject to British governmental interference or Ministry pressure campaigns designed to discourage inconvenient investigative reporting."
"The funding would cover everything," he continued with evident satisfaction at the prospect of enabling genuinely independent media operations, "Equipment, staff, office space, printing facilities, distribution networks, plus comprehensive research budget for investigating stories that might require extensive travel or specialized expertise, including access to magical creature habitats that are restricted in Britain but accessible through American supernatural preserve systems."
Xenophilius's distinctive features transformed with genuine delight and the kind of professional excitement that suggested he was beginning to believe in journalism opportunities that had seemed impossible under British regulatory constraints.
"Independent investigative journalism with comprehensive research capabilities and First Amendment protections..." he said with growing wonder. "Luna, we could finally pursue all those stories that British authorities have been discouraging us from investigating through advertising pressure and regulatory intimidation."
"All those stories," Luna repeated with obvious pleasure and dreamy satisfaction, "Plus new ones involving American magical creatures, immigrant supernatural traditions, conspiracy theories involving different governmental agencies, and possibly interdimensional phenomena that British magical authorities refuse to acknowledge exist."
"American conspiracy theories," Xenophilius mused with professional interest and obvious anticipation of discovering new research areas. "I imagine they have some fascinating variations on familiar themes..."
"Oh, they do," Hercules said with evident amusement and aristocratic appreciation for the complexity of American governmental supernatural cover-up folklore. "Wait until you discover American government supernatural cover-up folklore. Makes British magical secrecy protocols look positively transparent and refreshingly honest by comparison."
"Positively transparent," Xenophilius agreed with increasing excitement and obvious professional satisfaction at the prospect of discovering entirely new areas of investigative journalism. "Luna, the research possibilities..."
"I know, Daddy," she said with fond patience and dreamy certainty, "We could spend years documenting American supernatural phenomena, governmental conspiracy theories, and magical creature behavioral patterns and still barely scratch the surface of available research opportunities."
Hermione had been listening to these family planning discussions with obvious intellectual excitement, though her expression also carried notes of concern about practical implications and the welfare of people who weren't present to participate in major life decisions.
"This all sounds wonderful," she said with systematic precision and the kind of careful consideration that suggested she was evaluating multiple complex factors simultaneously, "but what about my parents? They have their dental practice in Britain, their entire professional network, their established patient base... They can't just abandon everything they've worked for to accommodate my educational and residential preferences."
"Hermione," Sirius said with gentle warmth that carried undertones of absolute determination and parental protectiveness that suggested he was prepared to solve any logistical problem that might prevent family members from remaining together, "I will personally ensure that your parents receive whatever support they need to establish themselves professionally in America. Complete practice setup funding, comprehensive insurance coverage, introductions to American dental professional networks, whatever they require to build successful careers without financial stress or professional isolation."
His expression carried the kind of determined affection that suggested he was prepared to personally relocate entire professional industries if necessary to ensure family unity.
"Your parents aren't just welcome here," he continued with profound sincerity and obvious parental affection, "they're family members who deserve whatever support and resources they need to build successful lives according to their own specifications. No compromises, no limitations, no expectations that they sacrifice their professional achievements for family logistics."
Wednesday had been observing these family planning discussions with analytical interest, her dark eyes cataloging social dynamics while apparently processing information about the adults' professional backgrounds and possibly evaluating everyone's potential usefulness for various unstated purposes.
"Your parents practice dentistry?" she asked Hermione with focused attention that suggested genuine professional curiosity rather than polite social inquiry. "That's quite fascinating. Dentistry represents one of the few socially acceptable forms of controlled infliction of discomfort for therapeutic purposes, which requires sophisticated psychological manipulation techniques and exceptional patient management skills."
Her pale features showed what might have been approval, while Thing provided enthusiastic commentary about the psychological implications of medical procedures requiring patient cooperation despite natural self-preservation instincts.
"The psychological dynamics are remarkably complex," Wednesday continued with clinical precision and obvious intellectual appreciation for professional competencies that aligned with her own interests. "Patients must trust medical professionals sufficiently to allow invasive procedures despite anxiety responses, while practitioners must maintain appropriate emotional detachment while deliberately causing temporary discomfort for long-term benefit. It's essentially therapeutic torture with proper medical licensing."
Hermione blinked several times, clearly processing Wednesday's unique analytical perspective on her parents' profession and probably reconsidering several aspects of routine dental procedures she'd previously taken for granted.
"I... hadn't considered the psychological complexity of routine dental procedures from that particular analytical framework," she admitted with intellectual honesty and growing fascination with Wednesday's systematic approach to professional evaluation. "Though there are interesting elements regarding patient anxiety management, pain tolerance variation, and therapeutic relationship dynamics that would transfer to other situations requiring cooperation despite discomfort..."
"Exactly," Wednesday said with evident satisfaction at Hermione's analytical flexibility and immediate recognition of broader applications for specialized skill sets. "Medical practitioners who specialize in potentially uncomfortable procedures must develop sophisticated understanding of fear management, pain tolerance variation, therapeutic communication techniques, and methods for maintaining patient compliance despite natural resistance to deliberately induced discomfort."
"Plus," she added with what might have been genuine respect, her monotone delivery making professional assessment sound like forensic evaluation, "the precision required for successful dental procedures suggests excellent fine motor control, attention to detail, and steady nerves under pressure, which are valuable skills that transfer to numerous other activities requiring manual dexterity and psychological composure."
Her tone suggested those "other activities" might include pursuits considerably more alarming than routine dental work, though her expression remained clinically neutral.
"I have the distinct impression," Hercules said with elegant amusement and aristocratic appreciation for Wednesday's analytical thoroughness, "that Wednesday has just elevated your parents' profession to the status of specialized psychological warfare training with medical applications."
"Psychological warfare training," Wednesday repeated with monotone precision and the kind of analytical certainty that suggested extensive research into comparative professional methodologies, "is an apt description for many medical specialties that require patient cooperation despite natural anxiety responses, pain tolerance management, and therapeutic compliance with uncomfortable procedures."
"Wednesday," Ginny said with obvious fascination and growing appreciation for her analytical perspectives, "what do you think about Quidditch players? From a psychological perspective, I mean."
Wednesday considered this with analytical attention and the kind of thoughtful evaluation that suggested she was accessing comprehensive databases of behavioral assessment criteria.
"Individuals who voluntarily engage in high-velocity aerial combat while pursuing a small golden object demonstrate either exceptional courage, significant psychological dysfunction, or both simultaneously," she replied with clinical detachment. "The willingness to risk serious injury for recreational purposes suggests either inadequate risk assessment capabilities or psychological profiles that prioritize adrenaline stimulation over rational self-preservation instincts."
"That's... actually quite accurate," Ron admitted with surprised respect and obvious appreciation for her systematic approach to sports psychology analysis.
"Most of my observations are," Wednesday replied with characteristic confidence and deadpan certainty that suggested extensive experience with accurate behavioral assessment.
"Right," Morticia interjected with elegant timing, her smoky voice carrying notes of maternal satisfaction and obvious pride in her daughter's analytical capabilities, "speaking of educational considerations, I should mention that Wednesday has recently concluded her tenure at her previous institution under circumstances that were... educationally beneficial for all parties involved."
Her tone carried profound satisfaction that suggested whatever had concluded Wednesday's previous educational experience had been both dramatic and entirely justified, possibly involving creative problem-solving techniques that had permanently improved the institutional learning environment.
"The school's water polo team," Wednesday added with monotone precision that made systematic behavioral modification sound like routine academic methodology, "demonstrated remarkably poor judgment in their treatment of students who failed to conform to their narrow definitions of acceptable social behavior, which required comprehensive educational intervention to improve their understanding of appropriate community dynamics."
Thing provided what appeared to be enthusiastic commentary about specific details of whatever educational intervention had been implemented, complete with expressive gestures that suggested the intervention had been both thorough and memorable.
"The introduction of carnivorous fish to their practice facility," Wednesday continued with clinical detachment that made aquatic ecosystem modification sound like reasonable academic methodology, "provided valuable lessons about predatory behavior patterns, ecosystem management principles, and the importance of treating all community members with appropriate respect regardless of unconventional characteristics or alternative social preferences."
"Carnivorous fish," Ron repeated with obvious admiration and growing appreciation for creative problem-solving approaches, "In the water polo pool? That's absolutely brilliant. Did they actually eat anyone?"
"Nobody was seriously injured," Wednesday clarified with precision that suggested serious injury had been carefully avoided through proper planning and comprehensive safety protocols, "Though several team members developed improved understanding of appropriate social behavior in educational environments, along with enhanced appreciation for students whose recreational interests don't align with conventional team sports."
"Several team members," Ginny repeated with obvious delight and increasing excitement about Wednesday's systematic approach to social education, "developed improved understanding... Wednesday, I think we're going to be excellent friends."
"Friendship requires sustained social interaction, mutual respect for each other's recreational activities, and demonstrated competence in collaborative problem-solving," Wednesday observed with analytical consideration and the kind of careful evaluation that suggested she maintained specific criteria for personal relationships. "Your apparent appreciation for creative approaches to behavioral modification suggests potential compatibility, though comprehensive assessment requires extended observation periods."
"Creative problem-solving," Ginny agreed with growing excitement and obvious anticipation of collaborative opportunities, "I have extensive experience with creative problem-solving, particularly involving people who need improved understanding of appropriate social behavior and the consequences of poor decision-making."
"This friendship," Hercules murmured to Sirius with elegant horror and aristocratic concern about potential property damage, "is going to result in educational experiences that traumatize entire institutions, isn't it?"
"Probably," Wednesday agreed with evident satisfaction and deadpan certainty.
"Definitely," Ginny confirmed with obvious pleasure and growing anticipation.
"Wonderful," Hercules replied with fond resignation and the kind of aristocratic acceptance that suggested he was prepared to handle whatever chaos resulted from teenage collaboration on creative projects. "I'll alert Dad to establish a legal defense fund specifically for academic incident management and possibly international diplomatic damage control."
"As a result of this comprehensive learning experience," Morticia continued with maternal pride and aesthetic appreciation for well-executed educational interventions, "Wednesday will be attending Nevermore Academy, our alma mater, which specializes in students with exceptional capabilities and unconventional perspectives on traditional educational methodologies."
Her dark eyes sparkled with genuine excitement about institutional connections and ensuring appropriate educational opportunities for students whose requirements extended beyond conventional academic programming.
"Nevermore Academy," she explained with smoky precision that could make academic descriptions sound like romantic poetry combined with subtle threats, "specializes in individualized approaches to intellectual development, particularly for students whose talents and interests extend beyond conventional academic boundaries and may require specialized facilities for optimal learning experiences."
Hermione's face transformed with intellectual excitement usually reserved for discovering previously unknown libraries containing rare manuscripts and comprehensive research databases.
"Nevermore Academy," she repeated with evident fascination and growing excitement about educational opportunities she'd previously assumed were impossible, "I've encountered references to American institutions specializing in advanced supernatural education, but detailed information about their academic programs, research facilities, and admission requirements has been remarkably difficult to obtain through conventional research methods."
"The academy maintains extensive collections of rare texts," Morticia replied with obvious pride in her educational background and genuine enthusiasm for academic excellence, "provides access to research facilities that conventional institutions can't accommodate due to safety regulations and insurance limitations, and offers coursework in subjects that standard schools consider too specialized, potentially controversial, or insufficiently mainstream for general student populations."
Her tone suggested "potentially controversial" was considerable understatement regarding some of Nevermore's more specialized academic offerings.
"More relevantly for your specific interests," she continued with growing enthusiasm and maternal satisfaction at Hermione's intellectual response, "many faculty members are practicing researchers in comparative supernatural anthropology, advanced magical theory applications, international magical law, historical analysis of magical-mundane cultural integration, and interdisciplinary studies involving complex theoretical frameworks that require extensive background preparation."
Hermione's eyes widened with academic enthusiasm that had historically made her legendary for finding educational applications in absolutely everything and pursuing research projects that terrified her professors through sheer thoroughness.
"Comparative supernatural anthropology," she breathed with increasing excitement and obvious intellectual hunger, "Advanced magical theory applications, international magical law, historical analysis of cultural integration... those are exactly the interdisciplinary research areas I've been hoping to study but couldn't find proper academic programs for in Britain due to institutional limitations and Ministry educational restrictions."
"Plus," Morticia added with obvious satisfaction at Hermione's intellectual response and growing pride in her alma mater's distinguished academic heritage, "one of their most distinguished alumni was Edgar Allan Poe, who developed many of his analytical methodologies, psychological investigation techniques, and aesthetic theories during his academy years under faculty mentorship."
The silence that followed was broken only by Hermione's sharp intake of breath and what might have been a small sound of intellectual ecstasy combined with the kind of academic excitement that suggested comprehensive research projects involving unprecedented primary source access.
"Edgar Allan Poe," she whispered with reverence usually reserved for religious experiences or discovering lost libraries containing original manuscripts, "Edgar Allan Poe attended Nevermore Academy and developed his analytical methodologies there under faculty supervision..."
"The academy's library," Morticia confirmed with evident appreciation for proper recognition of institutional significance and obvious pleasure at Hermione's intellectual enthusiasm, "contains extensive collections of his personal papers, early manuscripts, theoretical writings that were never published commercially, and comprehensive documentation of his analytical development process under academic mentorship."
"Personal papers," Hermione repeated with increasing excitement and the expression of someone who was beginning to believe in research opportunities that had previously seemed impossible, "Early manuscripts, unpublished theoretical writings, comprehensive documentation of analytical development... that would include his investigative methodologies, psychological character development approaches, theories about systematic logical thinking and deductive reasoning processes..."
Her voice carried intellectual passion that suggested comprehensive research projects utilizing unprecedented access to primary source materials and possibly revolutionary advances in literary and psychological analysis.
"The academy would be delighted," Morticia continued with growing satisfaction at Hermione's enthusiasm and obvious maternal pride in enabling exceptional educational opportunities, "to accommodate students with your particular combination of intellectual capabilities, research interests, and appreciation for interdisciplinary approaches to complex problems requiring systematic investigation and theoretical synthesis."
"Plus," Wednesday added with what might have been approval, her monotone delivery somehow conveying both professional respect and analytical satisfaction, "the student body includes individuals from families with similarly unconventional approaches to education, social interaction, and recreational activities, which would provide extensive opportunities for field research and observational studies that I've never been able to pursue."
"New species," Ron said with obvious interest, "What kind of new species? Anything particularly dangerous or interesting?"
"Both, probably," Luna replied with dreamy satisfaction, "American magical ecosystems are considerably more diverse than British ones, which suggests fascinating biodiversity that's never been properly documented."
"Fascinating biodiversity," Wednesday observed with analytical attention, "that's never been properly documented suggests excellent opportunities for original research projects involving direct field observation of potentially dangerous phenomena."
"Exactly," Luna agreed with obvious pleasure at Wednesday's understanding of research methodology, "Plus American magical creature folklore includes numerous species that British texts dismiss as impossible, which suggests our magical creature classification systems might be considerably more limited than we've assumed."
"Limited classification systems," Hermione said with growing intellectual excitement, "inadequate documentation of species diversity, opportunities for original research... Luna, that represents unprecedented opportunities for advancing magical creature studies through systematic field research."
"Unprecedented opportunities," Luna confirmed with increasing satisfaction, "like discovering entirely new categories of magical phenomena that nobody's properly catalogued."
The evening stars had grown brighter as celebrations continued, and Hercules found himself surrounded by family members who were actively planning permanent American relocation rather than treating their current situation as temporary exile.
"You know," he said to the assembled gathering, his transformed voice carrying warmth that had been impossible during his Harry Potter years, "when I made that birthday wish about having everything I wanted, I didn't expect it to include watching everyone I care about voluntarily choose to build new lives in the same place I've decided to call home."
His serpentine eyes reflected warm torchlight as he studied faces carrying excitement, anticipation, and genuine enthusiasm for major life changes undertaken by choice rather than necessity.
"Though I probably should have expected it," he continued with fond amusement, "considering this family's historical tendency toward comprehensive dramatic gestures when faced with significant life decisions."
"Comprehensive dramatic gestures," Sirius repeated with obvious pride, "are a Black family tradition. We don't do anything halfway."
"Clearly," Hercules agreed with elegant satisfaction, "which is why we're currently planning the relocation of approximately fifteen people, two professional practices, one publishing operation, and at least three different academic careers, all within the space of a single evening's conversation."
"When you put it that way," Ron said with dawning realization, "it does sound rather mad, doesn't it?"
"Completely mad," Hercules agreed with warm affection, "which makes it absolutely perfect for this family."
"Absolutely perfect," Wednesday observed with monotone precision, "Like discovering that your recreational interests align perfectly with available opportunities for creative expression."
"Creative expression," Ginny said with obvious anticipation, "I'm really looking forward to American educational institutions' approaches to creative expression."
"American educational institutions," Hercules said with elegant amusement, "are going to require considerably more comprehensive insurance policies once you and Wednesday begin collaborating on creative projects."
"Probably," Wednesday agreed with evident satisfaction.
"Definitely," Ginny confirmed with obvious pleasure.
The California evening breeze carried scents of jasmine and ocean salt, while somewhere in the distance, wave sounds provided peaceful counterpoint to the happy chaos of multiple families planning comprehensive life changes that would keep them together by choice.
"This is," Hercules concluded as he settled back into his celebration surrounded by people who'd chosen to be his family, "considerably better than anything Harry Potter ever imagined possible, but exactly the kind of future that Hercules Black was apparently destined to achieve."
"Apparently destined," Luna said with dreamy satisfaction, "like discovering that all the seemingly random events in your life were actually leading toward exactly where you needed to be."
"Exactly where we needed to be," Mrs. Weasley corrected with maternal authority that encompassed the entire assembled group, "All of us, together, building something better than what we left behind."
"Something better," Hermione agreed with intellectual satisfaction, "with better educational opportunities, better professional prospects, better legal protections, and considerably better birthday celebrations."
"Considerably better birthday celebrations," Hercules confirmed with profound contentment, "featuring dramatically fewer arrest attempts and significantly more family planning sessions that actually result in everyone staying together."
The stars wheeled overhead as the celebration continued, and for the first time in his life, Hercules Black was absolutely certain that his future was going to be exactly as extraordinary as he'd always hoped it could be.
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