Raina POV
The cursor blinked at me like it was mocking me.
"Write a reflective essay on a moment that changed you"
Seriously?
I leaned my cheek against my hand, the blue glow of my laptop the only light in my room. My fingers were poised over the keyboard, but the words wouldn't come.
Because all I could see was them.
Ryder and Aubree.
The kiss.
I shut the laptop with a sigh and tossed it to the side of the bed. My chest felt tight, like I'd been holding my breath since the gym. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling.
This was dumb.
So dumb.
He was my best friend. Not my boyfriend. Not mine.
And yet… it felt like something had been taken from me anyway.
I sat up, rubbed my hands over my face, and decided water might help. Cold, clear, emotionless water. That's what I needed.
I padded quietly down the hallway in my socks, the house mostly dark except for the faint flicker of light coming from the living room.
Weird.
I thought Mum had gone to bed.
As I passed the corner, I slowed. The kitchen was just ahead, but something about the silence felt… off.
And then I heard it.
A soft, shaky breath.
I turned slightly and froze.
My mother was sitting on the edge of the couch, a cigarette hanging between two fingers, her other hand hidden under the throw blanket bunched around her lap. Her eyes were closed. Head tipped back.
It took me a second. A beat too long.
Then I saw it.
Not the cigarette. Not the wine glass on the floor.
The... movement under the blanket.
Her wrist.
I stepped back instantly, a gasp catching in my throat too loud.
Her eyes snapped open. Her head jerked toward me.
For a second, we just stared at each other. Her lipstick was smudged.
Neither of us spoke.
I turned and rushed back upstairs without a word, my heart pounding so loudly it echoed in my ears. I locked my door. Backed away from it like it could burn me.
My lungs struggled to keep up.
I felt sick. Confused. Embarrassed. Angry.
Why did that feel worse than the kiss?
I climbed back into bed, pulled the covers over my head, and curled into myself.
There were some things you couldn't unsee.
And tonight… I saw two.
I hadn't moved from under the covers.
The room felt colder than before. Or maybe it was just me hollow, floating in some awkward pit of disbelief.
Was this really my life now?
Heartbreak from Ryder…
And that scene downstairs?
A soft knock on my door.
I didn't answer.
A pause.
Then the door creaked open, followed by hesitant footsteps. The bed dipped slightly as someone sat at the edge.
Her perfume hit me before her voice did, lavender and smoke.
"Raina..."
I stayed still.
She sighed. "I didn't mean for you to see that. I'm sorry."
Silence.
She continued, her voice low and tired. "I guess I'm not winning any awards for Mother of the Year."
I slowly pushed the blanket down from my face and looked at her. Her eyeliner was smudged, and the same blanket she had downstairs was now wrapped tightly around her shoulders.
"Why?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "Why would you even…?"
She looked at me. And for the first time in a long time, I didn't see my mother. I saw a woman. Wounded. Lonely. Unraveled.
"Your dad left me, Raina," she said quietly. "He didn't just divorce me. He married someone ten years younger, moved out of this house, and started a new life like we were some old season he didn't want to rewatch."
I sat up slightly, still listening.
"I spent a whole year trying to pretend I was fine," she continued. "Smiling in front of you. Telling everyone I was moving on. But the truth is… nights are hard."
Her eyes met mine, watery, vulnerable.
"I miss being touched. I miss being wanted. I miss feeling like a woman, not just someone's mother or someone's mistake."
The room fell into a fragile silence.
"I wasn't doing it to be careless or gross," she added, swallowing hard. "I was trying to feel something. Anything."
I didn't know what to say. I was still shocked… but I also understood in a weird, uncomfortable way.
Pain doesn't always look like crying on the floor.
Sometimes, it wears lipstick.
Sometime, it hides in routine.
Sometimes, it clings to pleasure like a life raft.
"I get it," I finally whispered.
Her eyes widened slightly, as if she hadn't expected that.
"I mean... I don't get all of it. But… I get the loneliness."
She reached out, brushing hair from my face.
Her touch was gentle, motherly again. "I didn't mean for you to be part of that moment, baby. You deserve a safe space."
I nodded slowly.
"And I'll be better," she said. "I promise."
"Okay," I said.
She stood up to leave then she walked out, closing the door gently behind her.
I had just pulled the blanket tighter around me when my phone lit up on the nightstand.
Ryder
10:52 PM
My breath hitched.
I hesitated for half a second, thumb hovering over the screen, the image of him kissing Aubree still burned into my brain.
But I answered.
"Hey."
He didn't speak right away.
All I heard was a faint shuffle, a sniff, and then his voice low and broken.
"Can you come?"
That was all he said.
But it was enough.
Five minutes later, I was out of the house in my hoodie and sneakers, phone in one hand, keys in the other. My mum didn't even ask where I was going, she just watched me with sad eyes and nodded.
I knew exactly where to go.
Ryder lived just three blocks away. I took the side streets, my pace fast, breath turning to clouds in the cool night air.
By the time I got to his place, the porch light was off. But I didn't need it. I knew this house like my own. I climbed the steps and knocked once.
The door opened almost instantly.
He stood there in his sweatpants and a faded band tee, face puffy, eyes red.
He didn't say a word.
Neither did I.
I just walked in and closed the door behind me.
We moved automatically like we'd done this before. Because we had.
I followed him up the stairs to his room, where the only light came from the lava lamp by his shelf. His room smelled like his usual mint cologne and something… off. Burnt, maybe. Or whiskey.
He sat on the edge of his bed, running a hand through his curls.
I sat beside him.
Still silent.
Then, his voice cracked. "He started again."
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Your dad?"
He nodded.
"He came home drunk. Said I was a useless child. Said if I didn't want to end up like him, I should stop pretending I'm worth something."
I closed my eyes, biting the inside of my cheek.
"He slammed the door so hard, the photo frame fell. It's still there, shattered on the floor." He pointed toward the dark hallway.
My chest ached.
This was Ryder, the boy who everyone thought had it all. The boy who could make a crowd laugh with one smile, who girls lined up for.
But only I knew the weight he carried behind that grin, not even Skye knows.
I reached for his hand warm, shaking and laced my fingers through his.
"I hate that he talks to you like that," I whispered.
Ryder looked at me, eyes glossy. "I hate that it still hurts."
"Because you still care," I said. "That doesn't make you weak. It makes you human."
He leaned into me slowly, resting his head on my shoulder like he had a hundred times before. But this time felt heavier. Sadder. Like something inside him was cracking.
"I don't know who I'd be without you, Cookie."
The nickname stung again but I didn't flinch.
Because right now… this wasn't about me.
It was about him.
So I stayed, held his hand, let him lean.
Let him break in front of the only person who truly saw him.
Me.
He was quiet again. Still leaning on me. Still holding my hand like it was the only thread keeping him from falling apart completely.
Skye's voice echoed in my mind from earlier.
And I had wanted to. God, I'd almost done it.
But sitting here now, with his breath shallow and his heart cracked wide open...
Now wasn't the time.
He didn't need a confession.
He needed comfort.
"Rai?" His voice pulled me back to the moment.
"Yeah?"
He sat up, eyes scanning my face.
"Can I ask you something?"
I nodded.
He looked almost nervous like the question had weight.
"Why haven't you let any guy in yet?"
I blinked. "What?"
"You're always alone. Always... you. You don't go out much. You don't let anyone get close. Why?"
My throat tightened.
"You deserve to have fun," he continued. "To let loose. Live a little. Fall in love maybe..."
I smiled sadly.
If only he knew.
If only he knew that the reason I hadn't let anyone in was sitting right in front of me, asking questions like these with no idea he was the answer.
But I didn't say that.
I never did.
So I just shrugged. "Maybe I'm just waiting for the right person."
He gave a lazy grin, stretching his arms behind his head. "Well, I hope he finds you soon. You deserve someone that sees you."
"It's you I want…"
"…but you're not even looking at me."
I wanted to scream it.
But instead, I smiled again. Bit my lip. Looked away.
He would never know.
Because right now… he was still too broken to notice the pieces of me slowly falling apart.
His phone lit up on the bed beside him.
Aubree calling.
He reached for it immediately.
And he smiled.
Something inside me cracked but I kept my face still. I kept smiling.
"Hey, Bree," he said, voice suddenly lighter, like the weight he'd just handed me a second ago was never there.
I stared at the wall, pretending not to listen.
Pretending I didn't feel like I was disappearing.
I didn't say a word.
Just nodded when he glanced at me. Gave him a thumbs-up like I was okay.
Like I wasn't watching my heart shatter... while still smiling at him.
___
"Wait. He said that?" Skye asked, eyebrows shooting up over her iced latte as we sat under the big oak tree behind the school the next day.
I nodded slowly, picking at the corner of my sandwich.
"He asked why I don't let anyone in," I murmured. "Like I don't know how to live or fall in love or whatever."
Skye blinked, mouth hanging open. "Ryder said that?"
I nodded again.
She leaned back against the tree, crossing her arms. "Wow."
"Right?"
"Girl, that boy is bold. He's literally the reason you haven't let anyone in! And he's sitting there talking like he's not the elephant and the circus in the room."
I gave a dry laugh, even though my chest still ached from last night.
"He doesn't know," I said softly. "He doesn't see it. And I'm tired of feeling invisible."
Skye was quiet for a second, then sat up straighter, eyes lit with mischief.
"You wanna stop being invisible?"
I looked at her. "Skye..."
"No, listen." She leaned in, lowering her voice like we were planning a heist. "Ryder's too comfortable. He's gotten used to you being there, always on standby like his emotional support blanket."
I bit the inside of my cheek. "I am his best friend."
"Exactly. That's the problem. He doesn't think he can lose you."
She raised an eyebrow. "So maybe it's time to shake things up."
I frowned. "What do you mean?"
She smirked. "Get a boy."
I blinked. "A real boy?"
"Well… not necessarily." She shrugged. "Could be fake. Just someone to make Ryder see what he's about to lose."
I stared at her. "A fake boyfriend? Seriously?"
"Think about it," she said, voice picking up speed. "You start hanging out with someone new. Laughing. Posting pics. Acting different. He'll go nuts."
"I don't want to play games, Skye."
She softened. "I know. And you're not. But Rai… you've been in the same position for years. Waiting. Hoping. Hurting. Maybe it's time to stop waiting and start doing."
I looked down at my hands.
Could I really do that?
Could I pretend to move on... just to make Ryder feel something?
Would it even work?
But then I thought of last night.
Of Aubree's name flashing on his phone.
Of the way he smiled when he picked up.
Of how I sat there, heart breaking quietly, while he drifted away again.
And just like that… the maybe became a yes.
"Fine," I said, finally. "I'll do it."
Skye lit up. "Fake boyfriend time?"
I nodded, a little fire flickering in my chest.
"Let's see how Ryder likes it when I'm the one who's not looking at him."
I shifted uncomfortably on the grass, brushing invisible crumbs off my lap.
"Okay…" I said slowly, "let's say I do this. Who exactly is going to be my fake boyfriend?"
Skye's lips curled into a devious grin.
"Oh, I've got someone in mind."
My heart stuttered.
Her eyes flicked toward the open schoolyard, and I instinctively followed her gaze.
There, leaning casually against the lockers, was him.
Nick Carter.
Tall. Tatted. Dangerous grin. And the only person in school who hated Ryder with a passion that could burn a city down.
I blinked.
"You gotta be kidding me," I breathed, eyes snapping back to her.
"He and Ryder aren't even cool," I added, voice climbing an octave.
Skye sipped her drink, eyes never leaving her target. "Exactly."
I gawked at her. "You want me to fake-date the guy Ryder can't stand?"
"He stole Nick's girl last summer," Skye said with a shrug. "Ryder started the war. Maybe it's time Nick got even."
"Skye," I said, mouth dry, "I just want Ryder to see me. Not start a literal fistfight in the hallway."
Skye looked at me then, all playful glint gone. "He'll see you, Rai. Trust me. You walk in with Nick even once, Ryder's whole world will tilt."
I looked back at Nick.
He was laughing at something one of his friends said, head thrown back, confidence dripping from every movement.
He was nothing like Ryder.
This was dangerous territory.
But something in me… craved it.
Craved being seen for once.
Craved making Ryder pause.
Craved stopping the cycle of him hurting me without even realizing it.
I took a deep breath.
"You really think he'll do it?"
Skye smirked. "Oh, honey. He's already looking this way."
I froze.
Our eyes met.
Nick raised a brow slowly and then flashed me that cocky half-smile that made girls trip over their shoelaces.
My stomach flipped.
"Oh god," I muttered.
"This is either going to be a disaster…" I whispered.
"Or the best move you've ever made," Skye finished with a grin.