Phawat was like a giant wave eroding the shore, gradually expanding andinfiltrating the space in Khemika's heart.
The place that should have belonged to Chayot.
But reality was harsh, and Chayot couldn't deny that he couldn't matchhis brother in any aspect - be it looks, education, or career. Thus, all hecould do was watch as their love grew beautifully and steadily.
Finally, the opportunity he never thought he'd get came about when thetwo were forced to part ways.
Chayot seized that opportunity to get close to Khemika again, doingeverything he could, directly or indirectly, for better or worse. He didn'tcare what others thought of him, whether they labeled him as vile ordespicable, as long as he could stand by Khemika as her lover, it wasenough.
However, tragically, things didn't go as Chayot had hoped. Not only washe unable to replace her brother, Phawat, but he also ended up destroyingthe person he loved the most, Khemika, bringing her to a sorrowful end.
Khemika died holding a forged letter created by Chayot to deceive her,and that image haunted Chayot like a nightmare, leading to his depression.
Every breath he took was filled with pain and suffering, eating away at hiswill to continue living in this world until he was worn down.
Five years after Khemika's departure, on the calendar date of October12th of that year, Chayot decided to end his life by jumping off a building.
That day was marked by heavy rain, the same weather as when Chayotfirst met Khemika at the playground, and the last time he saw her at hercremation.
Khem opened his eyes, tears streaming down his face after witnessingthose scenes, now understanding why Chayot chose to linger and wouldn'tleave.
Chayot loved Khemika deeply, more than anyone else in the world, more than himself.
But because Chayot had never received proper love and upbringing from his family, he didn't know how to be a good lover, leading to this tragic end.
Pharan slowly opened his eyes. The scenes Khem had just seen were possible because Pharan had previously communicated with Chayot's spirit, which was trapped in a jar, and had once delved into Chayot's memories.
What happened was a transfer through Pharan's memories, acting as a medium.
Of course, there were scenes too terrifying for Khem to handle, so he slightly adjusted his own memories, making what he saw less unbearable.
"Once you've come to terms with it, light the incense." Pharan continued.
Khem quickly wiped away his tears and took one incense stick from the stainless steel tray prepared by the monk, lighting it. He then clasped his hands together with the incense and began his invitation, as the monk went to unveil the red yantra cloth from the pot.
"Chayot...it's me, Khem."
Suddenly, a cold breeze swept through Khem's body and distorted the smoke from the incense, even though the room was sealed without windows, making it impossible for outside air to enter.
Khem thought that Chayot must have heard his voice but was too afraid to show himself.
"Chayot, I've never been angry at you. I understand you didn't mean it, so don't be scared, okay?"
"..."
"Come out and have another meal cooked by me." He finished saying, then placed the incense into a small pot in front of him.
Looking up, he saw the figure of a young man in a khaki civil servant uniform once again through the incense smoke, and gradually everything became clearer.
Chayot looked quite normal, not as terrifying as in the dream, just pale and lifeless. He was kneeling, his head bowed, gripping his pants tightly with both hands, filled with fear, sorrow, and pressure.
Khem took a deep breath and slowly crawled closer to Chayot, sitting down beside him.
"Chayot." Khem called out again, reaching out to place his hand on Chayot's, which was cold and pale.
Chayot looked up with a start, surprised that Khem would dare to touch him like this, especially after he had created such terrible memories for
Khem.
And then there was the matter of their past life, for which he felt he shouldn't be forgiven.
Khem met Chayot's eyes and smiled, his large round eyes curving into crescents, before tears began to stream down his face.
"Chayot, thank you for everything you've done for me."
"..."
"I was so stubborn in our past life, and in this one, I've been weak. You must have been exhausted, always protecting me." Khem said, his lips tightening before he slowly bowed his head.
"..."
"I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused you, Chayot."
"..."
"Even though, hic, I really wanted you to live a happy life, just like I did, hic, I'm so sorry, Chayot." Khem's words were like a warm stream soothing Chayot's heart, and the small hands now holding Chayot's were free of fear, filled instead with goodwill and a guilt that no one had ever shown him before.
Khem had never harbored resentment against Chayot and was always ready to forgive him, yet Chayot had committed numerous vile acts against someone who deserved the utmost care.
Chayot wept silently, his sobs nearly breaking his heart as he recalled the nightmarish events, slowly lifting his fragile hands to his forehead, resting it against that warmth, and tears flowed incessantly.
"I'm sorry, Khem, I'm sorry for making you suffer waiting for yourbrother's letter, sorry for causing your death when you didn't deserveit, sorry for not letting you be with the one you loved as you alwayshoped. I'm sorry."
Chayot's voice echoed in Khem's mind, conveying his deep regret and sorrow for what he had done.
Khem's heart gradually lightened as he let go of everything. With his free hand, Khem reached out to touch Chayot's shoulder, gently comforting him before accepting Chayot's apology.
"It's okay. I forgive you. From now on, Chayot, you don't have to feel guilty or be bound by anything to do with me anymore."
That's right. The reason Chayot lingered and never left wasn't because he wanted to possess Khem, but because he felt guilty for causing Khemika's
death and wanted to protect and watch over Khem, ensuring he was safe from all dangers in this life.
Chayot just wanted Khem to live as long as possible, that's all.
Chayot nodded in acknowledgment, even though his tears wouldn't stop flowing, before the scene before him changed from Khem to his brother, who had been reborn.
"P...Phii." Chayot swallowed hard, trembling, then lowered his head to avoid his brother's sharp gaze once more. His brother in this life was not as kind or gentle as in his past life.
But no matter how different they were, Khem's heart belonged to this person once again as if it were predestined.
In any lifetime, he could never outmatch this man...
It was at that moment that Chayot felt a gentle hand reaching to stroke his head lightly.
Chayot opened his eyes wide at the tender touch, reminiscing about his childhood when he constantly followed his older brother around, clinging to his legs wherever he went.
This was the love and attachment Chayot had for his brother, without any conditions.
Then came the day when his brother won a scholarship to study abroad at the age of thirteen. Slowly, they began to drift apart.
Before he realized it, Chayot found that he could no longer keep up with his brother. The pressure and comparisons from family and relatives made him feel inferior, which transformed their once close relationship into one of distance and coldness.
When Phawat returned after finishing his studies, everything had changed. The younger brother who used to run and cling to him every time they met now just smiled, paid his respects, and went off to spend time with friends outside the home. When he returned, he would lock himself in his room instead of watching TV together like they used to.
Phawat withdrew his hand and spoke softly,
"I'm sorry I wasn't a good brother to you back then."
In their past life, Phawat was so consumed with chasing his dream of becoming a doctor that he neglected his younger brother, leaving Chayot to face pain he had never known before.
Even when Chayot died and news was sent, Phawat was still treating patients on the battlefield, never looking back.
"If I had known how our parents treated you, I would have taken you with me."
"..."
"If I had just asked you what was happening, if I had cared more about you, things wouldn't have turned out like this."
"..."
"Everything that happened is my fault for failing you."
"..."
Chayot stared into Pharan's eyes with disbelief, but those black, calm eyes were filled with sincerity and steadiness, every word uttered from true heart without embellishment.
"But I won't ask for your forgiveness. Just tell me what you want. If I can do it for you, I will do everything."
Chayot's eyes grew hot once more because he had been waiting for these words from his brother for so long. He had wanted protection, he had wanted care from his real brother just like other children.
At the very least, if his parents didn't love him, having his brother's love would have been enough.
But just as water cannot flow backward, time cannot be turned back.
Now, Chayot, receiving an apology from his brother, felt as if all the suffering in his heart had been released. He no longer needed love or care.
Chayot lifted his arm to wipe away his tears and nodded, his voice still trembling with soft sobs. With his pale hands clasped together, he bowed at his brother's feet in place of asking for forgiveness.
"Thank you. I thank you, and I apologize for everything I havedone."
"..."
"I ask for your forgiveness, hic, and please take care of Khem for me,can you do that? I promise I'll go to where I should be and not disturbyou or Khem anymore." Chayot said through his tears, still sniffling. His only remaining concern now was Khem; that vengeful spirit wouldn't relent until it got Khem's soul.
Pharan placed a bowl of rice in front of Chayot, followed by two dishes, and spoke softly, "I forgive you. As for what you've asked, I promise to do what I can. You don't need to worry."
Khem bit his lip gently, unsure if what the master said was to encourage Chayot to let go and depart peacefully or if there was some truth in it, but
he couldn't help but feel a bit of joy deep down.
Chayot wiped his tears once more before nodding, then picked up the chopsticks and took a bite of the food Khem had prepared. With just one mouthful, he felt the warmth of the food spread through his chest.
Chayot hadn't had such a good meal in a very long time.
Tears flowed down Chayot's cheeks again before he turned to compliment Khem with a smile.
"It's so delicious, your cooking still tastes the same, Khem." Khem smiled back and nodded.
"Uh, eat a lot then. After this, we'll make merit together often, so don't worry, Chayot." Chayot beamed with joy upon hearing this, despite the sadness in his heart at the thought of parting.
But this was for the best.
After finishing the meal, it was time for their final farewell before Chayot would return to the pot, so they could take it to the temple for the monks to perform the spirit-sending ceremony the next day.
Chayot reached out and gently stroked Khem's head.
"From now on, take good care of yourself."
Khem nodded in understanding.
"I understand. You too, Chayot."
Chayot smiled gently. His face seemed more radiant after the meal, then he turned to his brother to say, "I'll go now."
Pharan nodded, replying simply,
"Good luck."
With that, Chayot stood up and stepped into the same clay pot, and Pharan then covered it with the red yantra cloth, placing it back in its spot before returning to Khem, who was standing with a lamp, saying in a calm yet gentle tone,
"When you wake up early tomorrow, I'll take you to make merit at the temple."
The next morning, Pharan and Khem arrived at the village temple together. Pharan wore a long-sleeved black shirt, well-fitted grey trousers, black leather shoes, and the same sunglasses. Khem was in a traditional white cotton outfit that he had bought with Jett and Chan a few days earlier.
Today, neither of Khem's friends came along as they were sent by the monk to run errands outside the village.
On the way, they stopped to offer alms with Uncle-Lah's family. Upon arriving at the temple, they handed over the pot to the abbot, as they had done before, and together they offered a large container of monastic requisites, dedicating the merit to Chayot. Then both of them slowly poured water from the brass water-pouring vessel, reciting the water-pouring chants in unison as instructed by the abbot.
"May all this merit lead to forgiveness for those who have been wronged.
May all those who have been wronged find happiness."
As the words were concluded, a gentle breeze softly blew through the two figures, as if in acknowledgment.
Khem sat listening to the abbot and Pharan talk for a short while longer.
Then, both of them bowed in respect and took their leave.