I took a deep breath, doing my very best to regain control of my limp muscles. I was currently sitting on the sidewalk, finding myself feeling more than thankful that someone had taken the initiative to evacuate the chapel and its' surroundings. The only people who were hanging around, were the groomsmen, who all seemed like they were more than happy keeping everyone away from us.
And by us, I meant me and my fiancé.
It felt so strange thinking in that manner. After all, this had been what could have been referred to as a shotgun wedding. After all, neither of us had ever even done so much as meet one another before. And now, our wedding was called off, because my father had a heart attack. The only thing that had been missing in this situation, was the fact that I was not actually pregnant. There was no real reason for these things to happen in the way that they were, but there was nothing that I could do about it. Everything was beyond my control.
I knew that I had practically been begging for this to happen, that I had been begging for a reason to call off the wedding. But one thing that I was willing to admit to, was the fact that I hadn't been expecting something like this to happen. It was the perfect example of 'careful what you wish for'. And there were no words to explain the amount of guilt that I felt washing through me. I couldn't help but feel like this was somehow my fault, like it could be blamed on me. I knew that my mother would likely find a way to do it verbally.
I buried my head in my hands, feeling a fresh wave of tears rush up to my eyes, and I couldn't keep myself from feeling like a fool. If I had just agreed to all of this since the beginning, then perhaps none of this would have happened. Perhaps my father wouldn't be laying somewhere in a hospital bed with no one with him. Perhaps he would not have all of this stress and pressure on him. But no. I had been insistent on making things difficult and look at where it had gotten us. Definitely not somewhere good.
Ezekiel was sitting beside me, as he had been doing since the very moment that all of this had begun. It had become somewhat obvious to me that he had no intention of leaving my side, despite how strange and foreign I considered all of this to be. While everyone else had erupted in panic, he had calmly guided me through all of this, despite the fact that I had felt like I was on the verge of a mental breakdown at any moment. And yet, somehow, I had managed to stay stable. I did not know if it was something that was completely to blame on his support, but I did not think it to be.
"How do you feel?"
My head snapped in his direction as soon as he spoke, and I was willing to admit that I had been rather caught off guard by the fact that he had decided to break the silence between the two of us. We had been sitting like this for so long that I had practically forgotten that it was possible to speak to those around you. I just hoped that I wasn't going to make a fool out of myself when I did so. And I could only hope that his intentions in terms of this conversation were going to be better than his intentions with marrying me.
And I didn't even want to begin thinking of what was going to happen now that the two of us hadn't gotten married today. That was a whole other can of worms that needed to be opened. And the only person who would really be able to open that, was my father. And that was not going to be good for him, especially not in the state that he was in. Would Ezekiel be considerate and allow my father to recover before he jumped the gun with his demands and his contracts? For goodness sake, I hoped so. I did not want to think what would happen if my father woke up to a mess like that.
"With my hands."
I lifted my shoulders in a shrug, hoping to portray an emotion of carelessness that I wasn't really feeling. Truthfully, this conversation was draining me to a point of no return, but I knew that I couldn't portray that emotion, not while we were still out here. And that was a lot, considering the fact that the two of us hadn't even been speaking for a long time.
I didn't miss the way that the corners of his mouth turned upwards, something that I was only able to take note of through the corners of my eyes. I had been avoiding turning to look at him, because personally, I didn't feel like I was anywhere near ready for that.
"I didn't think that you would be able to make jokes so soon."
"I'm capable of many things."
"I don't doubt it."
The silence between the two of us was what I considered to be somewhat awkward. I had no doubt in my mind that it was going to have everything to do with the fact that anything that could have been said as small talk, was now done. There was nothing to be said, for exception of the two of us actually addressing the elephant in the room. And if I was being entirely honest, that was not something that I was willing to do. I refused. But then again, I did not think that I had refusal rights at this stage in time.
It was quiet between the two of us for a while. I watched as the street emptied, less and less people hanging around to see what was going to happen. I guessed that it was only going to be a matter of time before there was no one here. They seemed to be realizing that there was going to be no extra drama that takes place here. If they had missed the first round, then they had been unfortunate enough to miss the only round, and I could only hope and pray that it was going to remain that way. It had to.
"I have to admit that I'm having some difficulty thinking of something to say to you. It is not every day that I find myself sitting beside a pretty girl on the sidewalk."
"Do you talk to all of your fiancé's like this?"
I turned to look at him, finding myself looking at him for the first time since all of this had settled down, and the one thing that I could say, the one thing that I would not have been able to deny at any costs, was the fact that pictures did not do him justice. This was not some ordinary man who happened to be associates with my father. No. This man was handsome. His eyes were a blue that was so striking that I felt like he would be able to look right through my soul if he tried to.
His features were sharper than I expected them to be, but I guessed that it had something to do with the shape of his jaw, which was covered in a neatly trimmed stubble, although, it was too long to be considered a stubble. I looked away, deciding that I needed to keep my wits about me. It was not going to help me if I found myself developing a crush on this man, not when I did not even know him. The fact that I was going to be marrying him, at some point or another, did not make it any better. It did not give me a get out of jail card.
"As a matter of fact, I do. Luckily for you, you're my current one."
I turned to look at him, feeling the way that my face was pulling into a frown. He was staring at me, and I did not know if it was because he was waiting for a reaction, or what the case was, but I was willing to admit that I did not like it. I did not like it one bit. It made me look away again, and I realized that this was going to be the indefinite future. I was not going to be able to look at him, and that was going to be all that there was to it.
It was not something that left me feeling very hopeful for what was to come.
"But I think we should stop walking on eggshells around one another, shall we, Rebecca? I know that this must all feel quite overwhelming for you, but the priest is still inside, and he will be able to complete the paperwork on our behalf. My agreement with your father states that I am to marry you today. And it would be a shame if his end of the bargain cannot be upheld."
I clenched my jaw, looking at Ezekiel, and just like that, I felt the anger start to flair through my body. I should have known that everything that had passed between us until this moment, was nothing more than his attempt at buttering me up. He had had no intention of leaving things be, and unfortunately for me, it seemed like that was going to be the case here. I was going to have to get married to him today, regardless of what else happened. I believed that even if I had been the one who had found themselves lying in a hospital bed, he would have found a way to force my hand.
"Are you genuinely going to do this?"
"I am."
It almost seemed to me like there was a new streak of defiance that slammed into my body, and every fiber of my being was fighting with me and telling me to put an end to this madness. My father had just had a heart attack, and this man thought that it would be acceptable for the two of us to get married. Who did he think that he was? Which planet did he come from, where such barbaric things were considered as normal? He definitely couldn't have been from around here.
I stood up off of the sidewalk, and started to dust off my dress. If he wanted a bride, and he wanted to get married, then so be it. I would give him one. And I just needed to hope and pray that he was not going to end up doing something foolish, something that I was not going to like - even more than I did not like our current situation. There was so much unfairness about all of this. But what did it matter? The world was not fair.
"Well? What are you still sitting around for? Let us get this over with."
I knew that my willingness to just accept the situation at hand, caught him off guard. And I had to admit that I was happy about that. I wanted to make sure that he could never know what to expect when it came to me, no matter how difficult it was for me to maintain all of that. If my mother wanted to label me as the docile daughter, then so be it. But she was quickly going to learn that I was going to be putting an end to that. And this marriage, was the way that I was going to do it...
I just hoped that I was not doing something foolish, that I would not be able to get myself out of at a later stage in time.
He got up, and in the same way that I had taken the time to straighten out my dress and dust it off, he did the same thing with his suit. And if I was being entirely honest with myself, I was willing to admit that it was something that worried me slightly more than I was willing to admit. It was a similarity. A single similarity. And similarities usually meant that there were going to be some things that we were going to be seeing eye to eye on, and if I was being honest with myself, that scared me a little bit.
To my surprise, he held out his arm for me to take. I looked up at him, debating whether or not it was going to be a wise decision for me to take this olive branch that he was extending. I did not want to get myself too involved, too fast. It was like my brain was trying to get me to hit the breaks at every opportunity, and yet, there was a part of me that knew that that was not going to be possible. I needed to take things as they came and unfortunately for me, they seemed to be coming at a pace that would have startled anyone.
"I don't bite."
"I might."
The corners of his mouth curled upwards again, and I was glad to see that I was serving as a source of amusement for him, while it felt like my heart was about to burst out of my chest at any moment now. I knew that feeling this way, was not normal. But even so, I did not think that it was abnormal, either. Maybe this was just the way that people felt when they were getting married, regardless of whether it was to a stranger, or to someone who they knew.
I linked my arm through his, and allowed him to start leading me back into the chapel. I could feel the way that everyone around us had turned their attention to us, clearly curious to see what was going to happen, what we planned on doing. I wondered if any of them were considering the possibility that we were going to be getting married, regardless of everything that had just happened. Somehow, I did not think that it would be on anyone's bingo card.
"Do you want me to call someone for you? To be our witnesses?"
"No, that will not be necessary. We can just grab someone from the inside."
I did not want to make this little interaction of ours more personal than it needed to be. For all I cared, we could just sign the paperwork and be done with it. But of course, I did not think that that was going to be as possible as I thought it to be. Things tended not to be simple. And if he was already asking about witnesses, then it made me wonder whether or not he was willing to do the whole deal, regardless of the fact that he had already seen me, and that we now had an empty church awaiting us.
He stopped walking just outside of the doors, and I could feel the panic start to rise up inside of my chest. I did not even want to look at him, did not want to dare consider the possibility that he was going to say something else. I did not know how much longer I would be able to keep my composure, especially not with him standing so close to me, not with my arm wrapped in his as if it was meant to be there.
"What?"
"I'm just taking in the moment. After all, you only get married once..."
Sure, pal. If that was what you want to believe, then who am I to burst your bubble?