I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, pinching the skin around my cheeks. Too round, too plain, too cheap.
Months of swallowing those side comments like they were telling me that I'm less than them - "She's only here because of her grades." "Did you see her outfit? So last season." "She'd be pretty if she could afford plastic surgery."
My eyes were swollen, burning with shame, resentment, and a bone-deep weariness. Mom would probably tell me to be grateful for the opportunity, to prove them wrong, but it was hard to feel grateful when I felt like I was drowning.
Aish!
How was I supposed to face them when I knew they were just waiting for me to fail, to prove that a scholarship kid like me could never surpass them?
I splashed cold water on my face, trying to wash away the feeling of being judged, of being unworthy. But the face staring back just looked... trapped.
Eotteoke... how was I supposed to break free when they had built a cage around me with their words, their judgments, their money?
And it all started with her. Kim Winter. It really wasn't about her being perfect, or rich, or popular. It was about that thing she did, that little push that turned me into Public Enemy Number One.
It wasn't that one big dramatic event, not at first. It was more like a series of small things. Like... she planted a seed, and suddenly everyone was looking at me differently. A snicker here, a side-eye there, those nasty side comments that totally ruined my day.
Before Winter, I was just another nobody, trying to survive high school normally, then after her, I was... the scholarship kid, the one who wore the wrong clothes, said the wrong things, and basically just didn't belong.
It was like she had flipped a switch, turning me into a target for everyone else's insecurities and frustrations. And now I was here, in this tiny bathroom, staring at a reflection I barely recognized, all because of Winter and her manipulations.
A light knock snapped me out my thoughts.
"Jimin-ah... are you alright in there? It's getting late. Oh, and be careful with that cast, okay? Do you want me to help you take it off?"
I sighed and quickly splashed more cold water on my face.
I quickly dabbed at my eyes with a corner of the towel, trying to hide the fact that I'd been crying. But it'll be no use. 'Cause Mom always knew. "Ne, Mom, I'm fine..." I called back, forcing my voice not to crack. "Just... washing my face."
"Are you sure, Jimin-ah? You don't sound so good. Is everything alright at school?"
"Everything's fine, Mom," I lied, hoping she wouldn't press further. "I'm just... tired. I didn't sleep well last night."
A pause.
I could almost feel her gaze through the door. "You know, Jimin-ah... those children, they don't know what they're talking about. You're smart, you're strong... don't let their words get to you, arraseo?"
It was hard to believe her, hard to feel strong when I felt so fragile. "I know... I'm coming. Just give me a minute."
I heard her footsteps faded away.
I glanced down at the cast I'd taken off earlier, the rough edges scratching against my skin. We couldn't afford a proper removal at the hospital, not with Dad's medicine and everything else. I'd managed it myself, a pair of scissors and a whole lot of courage.
I was lucky enough that Mr. and Mrs. Kim took care of my hospital bill and gave me an 'apology money' that helped us more than I wanted to admit. It had paid for Dad's medication, kept the lights on for another month. Though I don't want to accept it, for a fact that their daughter won't like the idea of it. But what choice did I have? Pride was a luxury we couldn't afford.
I fixed myself, not pretty, not like others, but acceptable. Enough to face the day, just enough to survive.
"Mom I'm leaving." I called out.
"Be careful Jimin-ah... and... remember to eat your lunch, arraseo? I put extra kimchi in it, just the way you like it. It'll give you strength."
"Okay, Mom." I said, grabbing my bag and headed towards the door.
Well, good luck to me again.
~•~
I spotted Yeji and Hyunjin waiting by the school gates, looking like they were ready to throw down with anyone who dared to look at me the wrong way.
"Yah, Jimin-ah!" Yeji shouted, running over and latching onto my arm. "Gwaenchana? That crazy Hyeri, what's her problem?"
Hyunjin nodded, while looking at me, his face dark. "Did she do anything to you? Tell us, we'll take care of her."
I sighed, trying to reassure them. "Guys, it's okay, really. I'm fine. She just said some stuff, that's all. It's not a big deal."
"Not a big deal?" Yeji exclaimed, her eyes widening. "She posted a video of you online! Are you kidding me?"
I shook my head, knowing they were just trying to help, but also not wanting to make things worse. "Guys, seriously, it's okay. I don't want to cause any more trouble. Let's just forget about it and go to class, okay?
Yeji and Hyunjin exchanged a worried glance. But they knew me well enough to know when to back off.
"I heard that there's a school assembly today." Hyun informed.
"Ugh, jinjja!?" Yeji groaned, rolling her eyes. "What's it about this time? Another lecture about school spirit? I swear, they think we have nothing better to do with our lives."
"I don't know, maybe it's about the incoming exam" Hyunjin shrugged. "But I heard someone said it's about some new school policy or something. Apparently, it's mandatory."
We shuffled towards the gymnasium, the crowd getting thicker and thicker.
As we walked in, it felt like everyone was staring at me. I tried to avoid eye contact, but it was impossible. It was everywhere!
"Isn't that the girl from the video?" someone whispered loudly.
"Ew, she looks even worse in person." another one snickered.
My face burned, and I wanted to disappear into the floor. I sped up, trying to get away from the judging eyes.
While Yeji and Hyunjin were right there with me, shooting glares at anyone who dared to look our way.
"Don't even worry about them, Jimin-ah. They're just jealous 'cause you're way more interesting than they are." Yeji said eyeing some students on the side.
"Yeah, if anyone says anything, just tell me. I'll shut them up real quick, arasso?" Then here's Hyunjin who's in the verge of punching someone square in the face.
I just nodded.
We found a spot near the back, trying to blend in. But even in the shadows, I could still feel the stares and hear their annoying whispers.
Suddenly, the lights on the stage brightened, and the murmuring crowd began to quiet down.
Principal Im walked up to the podium, looking like he was about to give us the lecture of our lives.
"Alright, everyone, settle down, settle down!" he said into the mic, his voice booming through the gym."Please take your seats. We have important announcements to make today."
A collective sigh swept through gym, but everyone started to take their seats. The whispers faded away, and all eyes turned towards the stage.
Principal Im cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses, looking out at us like we were a bunch of unruly puppies. "As you all know, our school is a place where we value respect and good behavior," he began, his voice serious but calm.
My stomach dropped. What was this about? And why did I have a feeling it was about to get really awkward?
"Yah..." Yeji whispered, nudging me with her elbow. "Since when did our school care about 'respect and good behavior'?"
Hyunjin snorted. "Right? It's like he's talking about a different school. This is so weird."
"Recently, however, we've had a few incidents that have caused some concern. Incidents that have threatened the very values we hold dear."
Values we hold dear?! Are you kidding me?
"I'm talking, of course, about the inappropriate behavior that has been circulating online. Behavior that is not only disrespectful but also a violation of our school's code of conduct."
I almost choke on my own spit. This was it.
He was talking about the video!
"Let me be clear. Such behavior will not be tolerated at our school. Not anymore. We will not allow our students to be subjected to harassment, bullying, or any form of online abuse."
Yeji and Hyujin glance at me in sync. I knew that they're as confused as me and all the other students inside this gym.
"And now," Principal Im continued, his tone shifting slightly, "I'd like to invite one of our students, Ms. Kim Winter to share her thoughts on this important matter."
A hush fell over the gymnasium. Everyone was holding their breath. Even me.
As Winter stood up from her seat, Yeji gasped. "Wait, is that Winter? What's she wearing?"
I followed Yeji's gaze and saw Winter walking towards the stage in a full white suit attire. A full suit! The Winter I knew would never be caught dead in something like that.
I was frozen in place, my eyes glued to Winter as she confidently walked up to the podium. She thanked the principal with a polite bow and a warm smile.
Standing beside her was Giselle, but unlike Winter, she seemed incredibly nervous. She kept fidgeting with her hands and her eyes darted around the room.
Winter adjusted the microphone and looked out at the sea of faces before her. Then, with a bright smile, she began to speak.
"Good morning, everyone! It's such a pleasure to be here with you all today." Her voice was clear and confident, and her English was flawless.
Before Winter could continue, Giselle stepped forward, a microphone suddenly appearing in her hand. "G-Good morning, everyone..." she said, her voice still a bit shaky. "For those of you who may not be as comfortable with English, I'll be translating Winter's words into Korean."
Winter nodded to Giselle and took a deep breath. "When Principal Im asked for a student to speak about the recent incidents in our school, I knew I had to volunteer. Because this is something I feel very strongly about. I wanted to talk to you all today about something that's been on my mind a lot lately. It's about the... incidents that have been happening in our school."
[***]
Volunteer? I scoffed inwardly.
She paused, her smile faltering for just a moment. "The... bullying. The... harassment. The things that, everyone seems to be talking about."
[***]
Beside me, Yeji leaned in and whispered, "What is going on? Why is Winter talking about this?"
Hyun scoffed. "I don't know, but it's creepy. It's like she's trying to gaslight us."
"But why? What does she even gain from this?" I asked, not taking my eyes off the stage.
"I have no idea," Yeji replied, shaking his head. "But I don't trust it. Not one bit."
Winter continued. "I know that some of you may be feeling scared, or angry, or even hopeless. But I want to tell you that there is always hope. We can create a better school environment for everyone, one where respect and kindness are the norm, not the exception."
[***]
Hope? Coming from her?
Winter looked out at the audience, her eyes gleaming with what seemed like sincerity. "It starts with us. It starts with each and every one of us making a conscious decision to treat others with kindness and respect, even when it's difficult."
[***]
What's she really after?
My suspicion growing with each passing second.
Winter stepped away from the podium, a long pause stretching out as she seemed to gather her thoughts.
Finally, she spoke, her voice softer now, almost hesitant.
"Look, I... I know I haven't always been the best person," she said, her gaze sweeping across every student in the gym. "I know that I've made mistakes, that I've hurt people. And for that... I'm sorry. I truly am."
Giselle froze.
Is Winter apologizing?
[***]
Then, in a move that no one saw coming, Winter slowly sank to her knees, she bowed her head on the stage. A ripple of shock went through the gymnasium. A few teachers shifted uncomfortably, and Principal Im straightened up in his seat. A wave of whispers started to build among the students.
What is she doing?
Giselle just stood there, frozen, the microphone dangling from her hand. Her eyes darted between Winter and the audience, clearly unsure of what to do.
Winter lowered her head, bowing deeply towards the ground.
"Yu Jimin..." I froze, my breath catching in my throat. "제가 당신에게 한 모든 일에 대해 사과드립니다. 제가 초래한 모든 고통에 이 모든 것이 결코 충분하지 않을 거라는 걸 알고 있습니다. 하지만 제발... 제 자신을 증명할 기회를 달라고 부탁드리고 싶습니다."
[Translate: "I apologize for everything that I've done to you. I know this will never be enough for all the pain I've caused. But please... I beg you to give me a chance to prove myself."]