The bundle on the floor wiggled furiously, emitting muffled squeaks of pure, incandescent rage. We all stared at the very angry, bespectacled caterpillar that was a high-ranking official from the infernal bureaucracy.
"Well," Kephriel repeated, a slow grin spreading across his face.
"It seems we've captured a bureaucrat."
He circled the cocooned form, looking immensely pleased with himself.
"I suppose we should see what she has to say for herself. Preecha, if you would."
Preecha gave a slight nod and unclenched his fist. The threads of the rug loosened, retracting back into the carpet until all that was left was a very disheveled woman in a rumpled red dress, her glasses askew.
She shot to her feet, vibrating with fury. "You! You imbeciles! Do you have any idea the severity of your actions? Assaulting a duly appointed Contracter is a class-3 metaphysical felony! I'll have your souls audited for a millennia! I'll—"
"What is your name?" Dao's voice cut through the tirade, calm but firm.
The woman stopped, blinked behind her magnified lenses, and straightened her dress with a sharp tug.
"Lamia," she snapped, as if it were a threat.
"Senior Contracter, Third Circle of the Pandemonium Processing Department."
"Okay, Lamia," Dao continued, using the same tone she'd use on a feral cat. "Explain. From the beginning. Without the screaming."
Lamia took a deep, shuddering breath, looking like she'd rather swallow acid.
"He—" she pointed a trembling, ink-stained finger at Kephriel,
"—filed a fraudulent celestial edit. He altered this one's—" a jerk of her head toward me,
"—existential data without proper authorization, creating a cascading paradox in the spiritual ledgers. I was dispatched to locate the error, neutralize the source, and repossess all affiliated assets to balance the karmic debt."
"Neutralize?" Niran asked, his voice hard.
"Metaphorically!" she squeaked, though she didn't look entirely sure.
"Mostly! The point is, the paperwork is a nightmare! My performance review is ruined!"
We all just stared at her. The sheer, absurd pettiness of it—cosmic horror driven by bad performance reviews—was somehow more terrifying than any monster.
"Yeah, we couldn't care less," Niran said, summing up all our feelings perfectly.
Lamia's face flushed a deep red.
"You… you insolent mortal specks! You think this is a joke? The balance of the afterlife is at stake! I'll… I'll…"
She raised her hands, and her quill, now back in her grasp, flared with angry green energy.
"I'll place a lien on your very souls! I'll freeze your spiritual assets! I'll—"
She was cut off as Preecha raised his hand again. The rug threads twitched threateningly.
She froze, lower lip trembling. The furious bureaucrat facade cracked, and for a second, she just looked… terrified.
"If… if I go back without resolving this… without balancing the ledgers…" she whispered, her voice small. "My superiors… they don't accept failure. They'll… decommission me."
The threat of "decommission" hung in the air, cold and final.
A tense silence fell. We'd been ready to fight a cosmic threat, not adopt a stranded one.
Kephriel sighed, sounding profoundly bored.
"Useless. Fine. You can stay. Until we find a use for you." It was less an offer of sanctuary and more a statement of ownership.
Lamia looked from our faces to the still-twitching rug threads, and her shoulders slumped in defeat. She was stuck.
In the quiet that followed, my own thoughts finally broke through. Lamia talked about the afterlife like it was a office building. About souls like they were files.
"If…" I started, my voice quiet. Everyone looked at me.
"If the afterlife is just… a system. A place with ledgers and departments…"
I looked at Lamia.
"Do you… know where souls go? Specifically? Could you find someone?"
Lamia adjusted her glasses, slipping back into the comfort of data.
"The Soul Ledger records all transitions. Location, status, karmic balance. It is… theoretically possible to request a records search. With the proper forms filed in triplicate, of course."
My heart hammered against my ribs. The hollow space inside me ached.
"My parents,"
I said, the words feeling both terrifying and hopeful.
"Could I… find them?"
The room went still. That was the real question, wasn't it? The one that had always been there.
Lamia looked at me, and for the first time, her gaze held something other than fury or fear: a flicker of professional curiosity.
"A post-life familial locator request is notoriously difficult to authorize. But…"
Her eyes darted to Kephriel.
"...possessing the entity who caused the original data breach could be considered significant leverage for negotiation."
Kephriel rolled his eyes.
"How tedious...
dont worry, woman, i'll make it up to you in a way or another..."
But the idea was already taking root. It wasn't just about survival anymore. It wasn't just about breaking my contract.
Dao reached over and put her hand on mine, her voice a low whisper,
"Then that's it,"
I said, feeling a certainty I hadn't felt since before the crash.
"We find a way into the afterlife. We find the Soul Ledger."
I looked at my friends.
"We find my parents, and we fix whatever's going on."