Chapter 264: I Don't Want That Kind of Thing
"Mmh ah..."
Shunsui Kyōraku yawned as he walked through the streets of Seireitei.
Along the way, patrolling Shinigami who encountered him quickly stopped to bow in respect.
Kyōraku smiled and waved to them in acknowledgement.
After the patrolling Shinigami left, he couldn't help but yawn again.
Seeing his state, Lisa Yadōmaru cast a suspicious glance:
"Captain, you didn't sneak out to drink secretly last night, did you?"
Shunsui was startled: "Lisa, you shouldn't make such accusations! I, Shunsui Kyōraku... am still the captain of the Eighth Division, a veteran noble, and the Head Captain's direct disciple. How could I do something so shameless?"
Lisa let out a soft "hmph."
If it were about anything else, she might have believed him 0.01%.
But that last part about being "the Head Captain's direct disciple" had absolutely no persuasiveness.
Among the Head Captain's three direct disciples, two were notoriously troublesome.
Especially Satoru, who constantly caused major disturbances.
Not long ago, he was chased halfway across the Seireitei by the Head Captain, causing massive destruction along the way.
If the two involved weren't both high-ranking officials who couldn't be easily dealt with, Central 46 would probably have wanted to lock them both up.
Compared to Satoru, her own captain—who just liked to slack off during work and sneak drinks during leisure time—seemed somewhat reliable.
The moment this thought crossed her mind, Lisa couldn't help but click her tongue.
To think someone could surpass her own captain in terms of unreliability... truly impressive, Satoru.
As she reflected, the two arrived at the First Division barracks.
Lisa quickly put on a serious expression, falling one step behind Kyōraku and adopting a respectful posture.
However casual they might be within their division, when outside, she had to give face to her captain.
This was the philosophy of being a subordinate.
Kyōraku entered the meeting room, while Lisa waited outside.
She glanced around.
Most of the vice-captains were standing here.
The most conspicuous among them was a tall man with long hair.
The Eleventh Division's vice-captain, Kenpachi Zaraki.
This generation of the Eleventh Division was truly absurd.
The captain wasn't called Kenpachi, but the vice-captain was.
In previous generations, this would be considered outright treasonous.
Zaraki leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, eyes closed as if dozing.
Through his open collar, one could see his well-defined muscles.
Lisa unconsciously recalled when Satoru had visited the Eighth Division years ago and commented on this vice-captain's physique.
She heard that when Zaraki first joined the division, he was quite skinny.
Satoru had instructed the cafeteria to give him extra meals every day, telling him to eat without worrying about calories.
At the time, she thought Satoru wasn't raising a vice-captain—he was fattening a pig.
The Eleventh Division might have its first "flying pillar" vice-captain.
Unexpectedly, this Zaraki hadn't gained any excess fat at all—all the food he ate turned into muscle.
Chubby guys would probably cry with envy.
As she entertained these random thoughts, Zaraki suddenly looked up at her.
In that instant, Lisa's entire body tensed.
This guy's gaze... was pure beast!
Though he was merely looking at her, she felt targeted, unable to escape.
Overwhelming terror nearly made her reach for her sword.
Fortunately, Zaraki only glanced at her before losing interest and lowering his head to resume his nap.
Lisa let out a long sigh of relief.
The Eleventh Division was truly a gathering of monsters.
Just then, a figure approached Zaraki.
Zaraki frowned slightly and looked up.
There stood a handsome man with silver hair accessories, smiling faintly.
"Vice-Captain Zaraki, hello. I'm Sōjun Kuchiki, Vice-Captain of the Sixth Division."
"Satoru and I are good friends. Since you're his vice-captain, we're naturally friends too."
"Pleased to meet you!"
As he spoke, he extended his hand toward Zaraki.
Zaraki ignored his outstretched hand, simply staring calmly at him.
After a few seconds, he reached out and gave a perfunctory handshake.
"You seem decent. Can fight."
"But, too weak. Boring."
Having said this, he closed his eyes and spoke no more.
Sōjun revealed a wry smile.
Can fight, but too weak.
In just two short sentences, all his frustrations were perfectly summarized.
Truly worthy of being Satoru's vice-captain...
...
...
In the conference room, Yamamoto stood at the head, both hands resting on his cane.
"Today, I have gathered everyone to discuss the candidate for Captain of the Second Division!"
"Several days ago, the Shihōin Clan submitted a letter stating that family head Yoruichi Shihōin has completed her training and is ready to assume the position of Captain of the Second Division."
"Vice-Captain Marenoshin Ōmaeda of the Second Division has already expressed his approval."
"Does anyone have any objections?"
Upon hearing this, many captains showed surprised expressions.
It wasn't unusual for the Second Division captain to come from the Shihōin Clan.
But Yoruichi was somewhat too young.
Normally, even prodigies wouldn't become captains until they were over a hundred years old.
Satoru was an exception—he wasn't a prodigy, but a monster.
Ukitake spoke up: "Master, has Lord Shihōin mastered Bankai?"
Yamamoto shook his head: "Yoruichi Shihōin abandoned her Zanpakutō long ago to focus on her clan's secret techniques."
At these words, the captains exchanged glances.
Without Bankai... it would be difficult to guarantee her strength.
For the Fourth Division, it wouldn't matter much.
For divisions like the Fifth or Tenth, which saw relatively little combat, requirements could be more lenient.
But the Second Division was a genuine combat unit, frequently facing major incidents.
If the captain's combat ability wasn't strong enough, serious problems could arise.
Bankai was a basic requirement for becoming a captain!
Oh, except for Satoru—such monsters weren't considered within normal parameters.
Speaking of Satoru...
After some quiet discussion, everyone turned their gaze toward Satoru.
"?"
Noticing everyone looking at him, Satoru tilted his head.
Shinji, with his hands tucked in his sleeves, spoke up: "Satoru, what's your take on this?"
After thinking for a moment, Satoru responded:
"I sparred with Yoruichi a few days ago."
"She's quite capable—she gave me quite a beating."
"I think she's qualified to be captain."
Shinji: "..."
Why did that sound so irritating?
After giving his opinion, Satoru secretly yawned.
As expected, this meeting would likely continue for a while.
He had stayed up late playing LSP2 last night and was now extremely tired.
Time to activate his secret technique—sleeping while standing!
But just as he was about to close his eyes, the other captains began speaking one after another:
"In that case, I have no objections."
"I approve of Yoruichi Shihōin's appointment."
"No objections here either..."
Under Satoru's somewhat surprised gaze, the captains who had been hesitant moments before now cast their approval votes one by one.
Satoru frowned and moved closer to Ukitake.
"Senior, have I already become such an influential figure in the Gotei 13?"
"There was so much debate earlier, but my single word turned the tide!"
"Is this a sign that I should rise up and overthrow our instructor?"
Jūshirō Ukitake couldn't help but chuckle.
He shook his head and whispered:
"Satoru, your opinion is certainly important, without doubt."
"But everyone agreed with you so quickly because they trust your judgment."
Although Satoru often did incomprehensible things, his attitude toward friends was evident to all.
If Yoruichi wasn't strong enough, Satoru would never let his friend take such a dangerous position.
After all, throughout history, numerous Second Division captains had died in the line of duty.
With all captains having voted, Yoruichi's succession was officially decided.
Three days later, Yamamoto convened another captains meeting to distribute the official appointment documents and captain haori.
Looking at Yoruichi wearing the captain's haori, Satoru nodded.
Not bad—though usually a wild child who'd climb roofs at the drop of a hat, she actually looked quite fitting in the captain's haori.
The pure white haori, worn by Yoruichi, added a sense of tranquility to her presence.
The valiant and dashing beauty, combined with the solemn white haori, created a unique noble aura that made it impossible to look away.
Yoruichi lowered her head to look at it, then raised her hand slightly.
"Hmm... it's a bit cumbersome. Doesn't feel very suitable for combat."
Hearing this, Satoru chuckled lightly: "No worries, feel free to use it."
"Later when we return, I'll have a hundred identical ones made and delivered to your home."
"Satoru Garment Factory specializes in high-end replicas—even the Captain-Commander would struggle to tell the difference!"
"If any of the rest of you are interested, feel free to contact me. Absolutely insider prices!"
Satoru clasped his hands and gave a promotional pitch for his factory.
Yamamoto: "?"
The damn captains' meeting wasn't even over yet, and he was still right here!
His blood pressure spiked.
...
...
Sporting a large bump on his head, Satoru walked out of the First Division headquarters as if nothing had happened.
Back in the day, Yamamoto's iron fist felt like a mountain crashing down—one punch would send him crawling home.
Now... it could only leave a bump.
Satoru felt somewhat sentimental.
Should he perform a "Satoru weeping over the staff" act to show his respect for Yamamoto?
Perhaps if the old man saw his performance and was deeply moved, he might willingly step aside and not intervene when the time came for Satoru's uprising?
"Hey, what're you thinking about!"
While he was lost in thought, Yoruichi approached with a smile and asked.
"Thinking about Suì-Fēng." Satoru adopted a solemn expression.
"The Captain-Commander went too easy on you." Yoruichi sighed.
After exchanging a few words with the other captains, Satoru found Zaraki.
"Zaraki, return to the division and find Chizuru. Bring him to the Second Division."
"Alright!"
Zaraki nodded and turned to leave.
"Wait, hold on."
Satoru suddenly stopped him.
Under Zaraki's puzzled gaze, Satoru said gravely:
"Ask for directions along the way—don't rely on your own sense of direction."
"If you have to, just grab someone and have them lead you there the whole way!"
Zaraki grinned widely.
"Don't worry, boss! I won't get lost!"
With that, he strode off in the direction of the Eleventh Division.
Satoru watched for a few seconds, nodded slightly after confirming Zaraki wasn't heading the wrong way, then walked with Yoruichi toward the Second Division.
Returning to the Second Division barracks, Satoru felt a wave of nostalgia.
Unconsciously, many years had passed since he left the Second Division.
A Shinigami's perception of time differs greatly from that of humans.
Their long lifespans make them largely insensitive to the passage of time.
In the original story, captains often remained at the same power level for decades or even centuries—the epitome of stagnation.
Only when emergencies arose would they cram training at the last moment.
When they went all out, they could advance several levels in just ten months.
Much like web novel authors who slack off at the beginning of the month only to frantically meet deadlines by month's end.
During his early days after transmigrating, Satoru could still maintain a human-like perception of time.
But as years passed, he too grew numb.
Even though he'd been away for many years, returning didn't feel unfamiliar.
It was as if he'd only been gone for a month or two.
"Lord Satoru!"
Many Shinigami showed delighted expressions upon seeing Satoru's return.
Then their eyes fell upon the figure in the haori walking beside him.
When they recognized who it was, everyone was astonished.
"Corps Commander!"
"Welcome back!"
"Wait... not the Corps Commander—it's the Captain!"
Seeing Yoruichi wearing the haori with the character "Two" on it, the squad members grew excited.
The Second Division had been without a captain for a long time. Although the squad operated without issues thanks to Marenoshin Ōmaeda's efforts, it still felt somewhat uncomfortable.
Now that they finally had a captain, it was truly worth celebrating.
Before long, Marenoshin rushed over.
Seeing the haori on Yoruichi, he couldn't hold back his tears of emotion.
"Wonderful... Lady Yoruichi, you've finally put on this haori!"
"If the former head of the family could see this, he would be overjoyed..."
Watching Marenoshin's tearful expression, Yoruichi smiled.
Amid the excited gazes of the squad members, Yoruichi went to the captain's office to handle the handover of duties with Marenoshin.
At first, she managed to patiently listen to Marenoshin explain various precautions.
But soon, Yoruichi grew completely bored.
This couldn't go on.
Becoming a captain wasn't about holing up in a room every day dealing with all this paperwork!
Yoruichi turned her head and looked at Satoru with innocent eyes.
"Satoru, think of something to help me handle these~"
Seeing Yoruichi rarely showing this side of herself, Satoru chuckled.
"I anticipated this might happen before coming."
"Don't worry, I've already prepared a solution for you!"
After speaking, he walked out of the room.
A moment later, he returned dragging a Shinigami by the collar of their uniform.
Under Yoruichi's somewhat surprised gaze, Satoru smilingly tossed Kisuke in front of her.
"This is my invention... the fully automatic official document processing device!"
"Just provide food and water, along with some fist threats, and this device will continuously handle all kinds of official documents."
"It's truly the essential tool for slacking off!"
Yoruichi: "..."
Looking at Kisuke sitting on the floor with an expression of complete resignation, she couldn't help but show sympathy.
As a captain, how could she possibly evade her responsibilities and dump all the suffering onto her subordinate?
She put on a solemn expression:
"Third Seat Urahara, I leave these to you!"
Kisuke: "..."
Blood pressure rising.
Seeing Kisuke's depressed appearance, Satoru—who well understood the carrot and stick principle—immediately dangled a carrot before him.
"Don't be so unhappy, Kisuke. I have good news for you."
"Twelfth Division Captain, Kirio Hikifune, will likely step down within the next few decades."
"When that time comes, I'll recommend you to become the Twelfth Division Captain!"
"Consider handling these documents now as getting a head start on familiarizing yourself with the work. Isn't that wonderful?"
Hearing this, Kisuke grew even more despairing.
Didn't that mean... he'd have to handle the work of three captains simultaneously?
Please, not that!