The armored goose advanced, each step a dramatic clank of its little metal boots. Its beady eyes gleamed with the fury of a thousand bread crumbs denied.
"THE SACRED ACORN CROWN BELONGS TO THE ORCHARD!" it honked, unsheathing its sword.
Hazel puffed out her chest. "You'll have to fight me for it, feather-butt!"
Mina grabbed her arm. "Are you insane?! That goose has a sword! We don't even have sticks!"
Hazel whispered back, "Doesn't matter. Rule number one of adventuring: never back down from a goose."
Liora, entirely unfazed, stepped between them. She bowed politely to the goose knight. "Mighty warrior, forgive us. We did not know the crown held such importance."
The goose honked, wings flaring. "Silence, pale sorceress! My oath binds me to retrieve the crown, even if I must face three foes at once!"
Hazel's eyes sparkled. "See? He thinks we're foes! Real adventurers!"
Mina slapped her forehead. "We're going to die."
With a dramatic cry, the goose charged.
Hazel yelped and leapt aside. Mina screamed and tripped over her own feet. Liora, with the grace of a patient librarian, calmly sidestepped and stuck out her foot.
The goose squawked, stumbled, and faceplanted into a bush.
Hazel blinked. "…did we just… win?"
The goose flailed, pulling itself out, leaves stuck in its helmet. "Nay! You have not bested me! Round two!"
It charged again, sword raised. This time Hazel grabbed a fallen branch and held it like a club. "For Nutwood!" she cried, swinging wildly.
Clonk.
The goose froze. Its helmet now had a big dent shaped exactly like Hazel's branch.
It wobbled.
Then it dramatically fell onto its back, kicking its little armored legs in the air. "Defeated… by peasants… my honor… tarnished…"
Hazel threw her branch into the air. "Victory!!"
Mina, shaking, pointed at the goose. "It's still moving! That means it's not dead. It's going to come back for us, Hazel, I know it!"
Liora knelt down beside the goose and, with surprising gentleness, adjusted its crooked helmet. "You fought bravely. Rest now."
The goose groaned dramatically. "If you seek the Orchard… beware… the next guardian… is far stronger than I…"
It coughed. Once. Twice. Then lay still, one wing draped over its chest like a fallen knight.
Hazel whispered, wide-eyed, "That was the coolest thing I've ever seen."
Mina shrieked, "Cool?! Hazel, we're in a goose war! What part of this is COOL?!"
The forest went quiet again. But in the silence, the crown of acorns pulsed faintly. It seemed to be guiding them forward… toward the Orchard of Whimsy.
Hazel grinned. "Looks like we're on a roll! First the squirrel court, now a goose knight. What's next, a lizard with a trombone?"
Mina paled. "Don't say things like that. The universe is listening."