Huh?
It's dark.
Why… do I hear a baby crying?
Who is it?
Where am I?
The moment I open my eyes.
"It's a boy, my lord."
"…Good. How is the mother?"
The voices felt distant, blurred, yet heavy with weight.
"Unfortunately, my lord… the lady has lost a great deal of blood."
My vision swam. The ceiling wasn't white, not the sterile brightness of a hospital… but wooden beams, rough and uneven. A faint glow from a crystal lamp flickered above.
My mother?
What do they mean...my mother?
Am I in the hospital? No… that can't be right. My mother in Japan..she's already gone for years. Then… what do they mean my mother!?
I turned my gaze, slowly, and saw her.
A woman.
Beautiful, but pale, her body trembling from weakness. Yet even in that state, she smiled faintly. Her hand lifted, unsteady, reaching as though she wanted to hold me.
"My lord?" a voice asked cautiously.
"…Give him to her," another voice answered firmly. "We don't know if she can survive this night. Let her hold him. And inform me if anything happens. I am going home."
"Yes, my lord."
Survive? What do they mean she can't survive?
Then it came, the touch of her hand. Fragile. Warm. She pressed me to her chest, pulling me into a hug.
Who is she?
And why do they say she won't live?
The room shifted. After placing me in her arms, the others quietly left, one by one, as if granting us this final moment.
Why? Why leave her alone?
Her arms trembled, but she held me close. Warmth spread through me, a warmth I had long forgotten. It wasn't just heat.
It was gentle, protective, alive.
And then I heard it. A whisper, faint, yet heavy with love.
"Jarius… my baby… Mother is here. I'm sorry… if I can't be with you, watching over you. I'm sorry, Jarius…"
Her voice quivered, faint as if carried by the wind.
"I'm sorry, Jarius… forgive me… I wish… I could stay with you…"
Her arms shook harder, her breathing shallow, uneven. Yet she held me tighter, as if afraid I would vanish if she let go.
"Live well… my child... know that your mother loved you."
Her embrace tightened for the briefest moment.
Weak, fragile, but full of feeling. I could feel her warmth, her tears falling against my skin.
No…
Don't say it like that.
Don't speak as if you're already leaving.
Her hand caressed my head, trembling.
"Shh… don't cry, Jarius. You must be strong… stronger than me."
Her voice faded. Her arms loosened.
And yet, her smile..weak, fleeting, but beautiful.
Remained etched into my sight.
The first gift she gave me…
"I love you… my child..."
And then I noticed.
Her hand, once trembling but firm, suddenly weakened. The strength that held me so close slipped away, fingers curling as though even lifting them was too heavy. Her eyes, once full of life and fragile warmth, dimmed before me.
And I don't know why…
But inside...
My chest hurt.
It was a pain that went beyond the body I had now. It wasn't the shallow lungs of an infant nor the fragile heart of a newborn. It was something deeper. A pain from the soul itself.
Is she my mother?
The thought echoed again and again. This woman, pale and exhausted, had looked at me with such warmth.
Like I was her whole world, even in her final moments.
Am I being reborn?
If yes… then why?
Why was I brought back here, into this fragile body?
Why did she have to suffer like this, bleeding and trembling, just to give me life?
The questions tore at me.
And then I heard it.
A cry.
A loud cry.
It was me. The voice of this body, this fragile newborn throat, breaking the silence with desperate wails. My tiny chest rose and fell violently, as if trying to scream out everything my mind could not say.
And still.
My chest hurt.
From something I couldn't put into words.
No…
This shouldn't be the beginning. Not with loss. Not with her fading away in front of me.
Yet no matter how I struggled, no matter how fiercely I tried to fight against it, only my cries filled the room.
Thin. Weak. Helpless.
Crying, as if mourning her already.
As if begging the world to give her back.
No!
No! NO! NO!!
I don't care if I was reborn into this world.
I don't care if I didn't get any blessing.
I don't care if I never become a hero or someone great.
Please!
Don't take her life!
Not because of me!
Not as the price for my birth!
I'm begging you...please!
Save her!
The words roared inside me, but outside, only the shrill cry of an infant burst forth. Thin, raw, desperate. Yet in that helpless sound, I poured everything....my regret, my rage, my plea to whatever power ruled this cruel world.
And then.
Light.
It surged from me, faint at first, then brighter, flooding the room in a gentle radiance. My newborn body burned with warmth, my skin tingling as if something deep within me had been torn open.
I noticed her face, her eyelids heavy, her breathing shallow.
Bathed in that mysterious glow. My cries echoed louder, shaking the silence.
Then, all at once....darkness.
The weight of exhaustion pulled me under. My eyelids closed, heavy as stone, and my voice faltered.
The last thing I heard was my own cry, echoing, fading into nothing.
And then...silence.
( End Of Chapter )