"Are you sure?" Seth raised an eyebrow.
"Yes. I'm sure."
He shook his head. "You already know the dangers-"
"Yes I already know. Get on with it."
A concerned look crossed his eyes. "If this is about you feeling guilty for what happened to your brother-"
"Get on with it, Seth!"
Seth looked conflicted. His hazel eyes searched her features for a few more seconds before he closed his eyes and sighed.
Bella let out a breath she didn't realize that she was holding.
Don't think about it.
Don't think about it.
Once again, like a weed it rooted itself in the dusty hills of her mind. The weed multiplied. One. Two. Three. Bella bit her lip to cease the guilt ridden thoughts that zipped past her.
It was not your fault-it was the revenant.
She did it. She did it. She did it.
The mantra echoed but barely brought any relief. Her lungs felt heavier in her chest. Her stomach clenched like barbed spikes were closing around it.
"Fine then. If that's what you want."
She snapped out of her self loathing thoughts. It took a moment for her to catch her breath-to still the shakiness in her voice.
She swallowed "When next would it strike?"
The rage from yesterday resurrected again, tearing through her organs. Her blood rang in her ears.
"In five days."
Five days.
Five days to prepare.
Five days till another murderer died.
Five days till she met the abomination that killed Miles and her father-and sent it back to the ghost plane.
Adrenaline shot through her veins. "What are we going to do?"
Seth licked his lips. "First things first-you have to know what happened to Miles. To avoid any further....mishaps."
Her hands curled into fists.
Dead.
The air in her lungs became led. Cold. Sharp like the knives that poked through her chest, impaling her with each passing breath.
It's all your fault!
Why couldn't you have died instead of him?
"Claire shared a memory with him. Revenants can sense when someone has had a similar experience to what is driving them-the reason for their thirst for blood. In Claire and Miles' case, the abuse."
The abuse.
The saliva in her mouth turned sour. Her throat clogged. It was difficult to swallow as the rising mounds of bile pushed back.
Her father abused Miles.
It happened-no matter how hard it was to digest.
Another wave of guilt floored her. For the first few weeks, she had taunted him-despised the fact that he must have had everything easy. Despised the fact that he had lived with their father while she worked her ass off to please her greedy mother.
Now at least you're doing what's right.
But he's already dead.
Her shoulders trembled.
"Bella? Are you okay?"
He sounded concerned.
She lowered her gaze and stared at her curled fists on her lap.
Bella bit her lip.
How do I release myself from the weight-the possibilities that he may have lived if I had not been irresponsible?
How can I get these thoughts out of my head?
How can I be free?
Yet, she didn't voice it-not them anyway. Her tongue moistened her chapped lips. The wooden chair pricked her arms. "I just- I don't know. It just feels so strange. The abuse. The fact that he's dead."
Her mind traveled back to when she found out what happened. The broken plates. The blood. Her shattered phone.
The voice. She looked up at Seth again. "Something happened the day you told me about-"
Seth nodded in understanding, encouraging her to continue.
"I heard a voice. It sounded like Miles. But he wasn't... stuttering. It almost felt like he was there. Like he was right beside me."
Bella remembered the soothing brush on her cheek. The warm voice. The laugh. The freedom it carried as though death had released him from the weights that wore him down.
"Oh. That's a normal thing. There's something called the tender period. This is a time frame where a ghost can still talk to their loved ones. It's usually between 24-72 hours."
So that really had been Miles.
Bella tried to recall all he had said but came up short. Her mind was blank.
"But if you want to see him you can." Seth offered.
"You mean..... see his ghost with the seeing eye chain?"
Bella's stomach flipped. She didn't think she could bear to see him at this moment. Especially knowing fully well that she could have prevented it.
She shook her head.
Seth gripped his cane, his fingers drumming on it. "Back to the case- Miles contained her too early. And the jar exploded."
Pins pricked her skin. She inhaled sharply.
"As a result, trying to contain the revenant and bring her back for cleansing is out of the question."
"What? Why?"
"There's no other jar. That was the last one I had. And it takes at least two weeks to collect the materials needed for the jar, talk-less of making it."
"So what are we going to do then?"
"I'd have to send her to the ghost plane directly. Without the jar."
Bella raised an eyebrow. "But I thought you said you couldn't. That's why you needed us."
"I didn't say that-I said I couldn't fight the revenant head on. Ghostreaders' abilities are not suited for direct combat. Besides, I can't keep up with her. She'd kill me within seconds." Unlike other times, he was completely serious. Without the jokes or the witty lines.
Maybe it was Miles' death.
The picture of his unrecognizable corpse flashed before her eyes.
It gave her chills.
"But, I can do a calming ritual-that would completely drain her of all negative energy and send her directly to the ghost plane. It'd take about 15-20 minutes to pull off. I need to be there with her. The downside is as I do that I have no knowledge of my surroundings so you'd have to cover for me and make sure to distract her."
"Distract her? How do I distract a revenant? Is it even interested in human things?"-something that can't differentiate between the guilty and the innocent.
Then she muttered. "All I know how to do is play the piano and sing anyways."
Seth's eyes widened. "Really?"
Bella nodded slowly. "Yeah. I can. Well I just recently-"
"That's perfect!" Seth clapped, the light returned to his hazel eyes.
Her brows furrowed. "Okay...."
Seth pulled the crystal ball towards himself. It glittered, sparks of silver spurting out of it like hissing fireworks. "There's something called imprints. Each of the dead has one-some have more than others. It's what they loved during their lifetime. Hobbies. Talents-you name them."
Bella tilted her head. "The way my father loved being around people?"
"Exactly! The dead still respond to these imprints even after they die. It's similar to the way certain smells can jog your memory-the way they remind you of certain experiences."
Her mind crackled.
The stench of charred flesh. Miles and her father's corpse.
She shivered and the cold air in the cave suddenly sunk through the thick sweater she was wearing.
"So... we can use these imprints to our advantage. But how? How do we even know it's an imprint?"
Seth shook his head. "Simple. As I said, not only can we see how people actually died-whether by natural means or not, human or revenant. But, we can also see these imprints."
Seth rubbed the crystal ball. Sheens of silver burst through the air, rippling like disturbed water. At first the silver bursts were uneven-shaky.
But within seconds, it evened out.
The silver bursts showed glimpses of different ghosts. Eerily human yet dead-untethered to the real world.
Through the glimpses, Bella noticed the flickers of little colorful dots inside of each of them. Some ghosts had about five while some had only one. Some burned brighter than others.
"You see those colorful flames inside of each of them?" Seth pointed at them.
Bella nodded.
"Those are the imprints. Each color means something completely different. Red usually signifies someone who liked adventure-who loved going outside of their comfort zone. Green stood for gardening, nature-everything that had to do with the natural environment."
The silver spurts glossed over again. It blanked then rippled.
Then she saw it. A picture of the revenant. Dark, soulless eyes. Tangled, matted locks. Black bulging veins.
Her imprints were not as evident as the ghost. It flickered before it spurted out-the lights pulsed in erratic flashes as if it were also suffering from the corruption in her system.
Her belly churned with disgust.
"What do you see?"
Bella squinted. They flashed too fast for her to catch on. It took several moments of careful concentration before she caught it.
The brightest out of the three.
"Purple."
"And that purple signifies music. Singing."
"Okay... But how would this help in the end?"
"Revenants have almost completely lost all consciousness. They're like zombies-they are driven by only rage. Blood lust. But, there's still fragments of humanity. And we can leverage on that."
"You drain her energy but anytime she tries to attack you, you sing. Any song. But it's best to sing songs that hold sentimental value-that have emotional weight. The revenants are very sensitive to emotions too."
The most sentimental song she could think of was the one she's sang at Willow Crest-the elderly home that Miles volunteered in.
Her father had written that song before her parents' divorce. It was their favorite song.
It was an anchor when she was scared-calmed her when she was frightened.
That was the performance that Miles had encouraged her to try-pushed her when she couldn't believe in herself.
At least before he'd pushed her away and began to avoid her like the plague all over again.
She sagged, trying to release the tension in her taut shoulders. "My only job is to sing then?"
"Not really. You'd still have to drain her energy. Protect and cover for me until I'm ready."
"Do you know how to fight?"
Bella shrugged. "No but I'm good at throwing things. And damaging objects."
Seth chuckled. "Fair enough."
***
The four days went faster than she would have liked.
It was blurred with routine throws, rehearsing the song in her head and sleepless nights. Every minute felt like a weight that hunched her shoulders. The thoughts worsened. The nightmares-his screams, the revenants burning her alive.
She wished she could back out-throw in the towel. 'Cause now, it felt like the scales had fallen off her eyes. The adrenaline infused rage-still present-but depleted to give room for guilt and fear.
But it was too late to back out. Because tomorrow night, they'd be back in Squalor square. Not just to save Asher lin but to avenge Miles-to show him his life was not a waste, his sacrifice was not unseen and his voice was not unheard.
Not anymore.
Throw. Dodge. Throw.
Her arms throbbed with pain. Her shoulders were aching from rolling on stone. Bella licked her lips.
Even her throat was hoarse.
The sun set in the horizon, bathing the sky in a violent orange-flickered with specks of red.
It almost looked like blood.
Her breath caught in her throat. The cool air slathered her sweaty skin giving small comfort to her shaky arms. Her stomach rumbled.
I'm so hungry.
But Bella knew that even if she tried she couldn't eat. Everytime she ate, ash filled her mouth and she'd throw everything up seconds later.
You're both a disgrace!
Her lips curled in twisted amusement.
Despite what Heidi said, Bella knew her mouth would be proud to know that Bella was still slim. She'd be proud that she was not just slim but the calories were constantly dropping.
Her mother would have been proud of her starving herself-eating tiny portions.
"The classy are picky. Selective. They don't just eat anything and everything."
If only she could dismiss the balant rejection-if only. Her stomach knotted.
Bella looked down at the watch.
6:10pm.
She should be going home.
But she didn't want to. It reminded her too much of Miles. Her nightmares were horrible-each more terrifying than the last.
His burnt corpse. Those blank sockets. The blood splatters.
Her breathing shook. Her fingers trembled.
Keep yourself together-
Breathe-
It's your fault! It's your fault!
You're a disgrace! No wonder mother let you go so easily.
"I thought you left." Seth voice snapped her back to reality.
She swallowed. She didn't reply. She just stared at the sunset and hoped that he didn't see the way her hands shook-the way tears glossed over her eyeballs.
"Are you okay?"
Bella chuckled bitterly. She wanted to say she was fine. Lie that everything was cheesy. That nothing was wrong.
But that wouldn't solve anything.
It didn't for Miles.
Neither would it for her.
"I-" Bella swallowed. "I just- I haven't been able to unsee it. His dead body. His corpse. It haunts me in my sleep. I can barely eat-I can't do anything else."
Seth laid a hand on her shoulder. "This wasn't your fault-"
"But it feels like it was!" She gripped the stairs to anchor herself.
Her vision faded in and out.
"I don't think I can even face him. I should have been there. I should have tried to help. I should have done something. But because of me-"
Her throat bobbed. Her eyes burnt. Tears pricked the back of her eyes.
She heard Seth settle down beside her. Seth didn't say anything for a while as Bella battled with the thoughts that raced through her mind.
"I got my scar from an accident." Seth started.
Bella didn't look up.
Was it the scar on his leg?
"My dad and younger brother were both in the car." Pain bled through his voice. It sounded so unlike the jovial Seth she knew.
"I.... I just got my abilities some days before so I was still new to everything. The constant bombardment by ghosts. Everything felt too loud-too bright. Just... uncomfortable. It always felt like my senses were on overload. Every. Single. Day.
Another inhale,
"We were returning from the amusement park. My dad was sick so I had to man the wheel. Everything was fine initially. We were singing songs. We shared stories. I was able to suppress my abilities."
She could feel the the heaviness in his voice. The way he fought to keep himself from shaking-from crying, from screaming into the dead night.
"Then I.... I lost control. Both of them died. I was the only one that survived."
Bella winced. Her heart twisted. Heat seared her chest.
"My mother was hysterical. She didn't even care that I was alive-all she could see was her dead husband and baby boy. As soon as I was concious, she disowned me. I haven't seen her since."
That stung. Her lips curled. An acid taste filled her mouth.
Mothers are just the best.
"For weeks, I could barely do anything. If not for my mentor-the one who'd helped my ghostreading abilities-I wouldn't be here. I'd probably have killed myself too."
Bella looked up at him. He was staring at the sky. His hazel eyes drooped and Bella watched a tear escape.
She patted his shoulder."Sorry about that."
Seth sighed. "I haven't seen them in years."
"You mean their ghosts?"
Seth nodded. "I still don't know whether they'd be angry. I can't bear another rejection-especially from them."
Silence settled between the both of them before Bella spoke up again. "I also don't think I can see Miles too. I feel like I failed him-like he'd be alive if I were more competent. If I were like him." Her world blurred.
Look at you-bawling before a complete stranger.
Don't you have any shame?
She ignored the thoughts.
"But you are competent."
"What?"
"You are. You are competent. You are hardworking. You are passionate. Just like your brother." The sincerity in his eyes as he said it made her stomach twist.
He doesn't mean that.
You're nothing. You're nothing without your father. Nothing without your mother. Nothing without Miles.
You are useless.
"You don't know what you're saying."
"Breadsticks! What a ghostreader can see from a cave, a girl can not see from the highest mountain."
Bella raised a brow. "That doesn't make any sense."
"Pish posh. But on a serious note-"his words softened. "-you may not have his skills but you're very good. If not for you, this won't even work out."
"Anyone can sing."
"Really? My bathroom songs shatters glass as fast as it does hearts."
Bella snickered.
Seth threw his hands up in the air. "I'm serious. My girlfriend in highschool left me because my voice left everyone crying in the stage play. Crying in absolute horror." His cheeks warmed.
Bella cackled. And Seth joined her.
She watched Seth as he entered into the story of how his girlfriend had ruined him for life.
The way his eyes glinted. The easy laughs and jokes. The way he made her feel so..... relieved. Free, even.
For a brief second, she saw her father. Bright. Loving. Jovial.
Bella blinked.
Seth paused, confused. "What is it? Is there something on my face?"
She didn't answer for a few seconds.
Then she shook her head, amused.
Connection.
Even if she no longer had her father or brother-that didn't dismiss her to a life of loneliness. Rather it opened her up for new relationships.
"Can we make a deal?"
"Shoot."
She exhaled. "After we capture the revenant, I will see Miles. Both him and my dad. And you'll see your father and brother."
Seth tensed. "But-"
"No buts." Bella shook her head. "Besides, I thought you were a knight back in your prime."
"I don't actually mean everything I say-"
"Nope. You said it-so act like one. Deal?"
Bella held her hand out. Seth stared at her in shock as though still unable to comprehend what was unfolding then he sighed.
"Kids these days are so manipulative." He shook her hand.
Now, they just had to survive the revenant.
One last time.