I died flopping into a fountain like a human pancake, only to wake up in a glittery pink world with a voice in my head calling me the "Vessel of Desire." Oh, and apparently touching women is now my life skill.
I stood in the middle of a clearing that smelled faintly of wildflowers and wet moss, my pants still mostly on, wondering if life could possibly get more humiliating.
It did.
"Welcome, Lynx. It is time to begin your training."
"Training? Wait… training in what? Flailing? How to die spectacularly? Because I feel like I'm already a natural."
System Notification: Insufficient wit. Initiating Tutorial Mode.
I groaned. Tutorial mode. In this world, that probably meant something absurdly sexual.
A floating holographic screen appeared in front of me, pink and pulsating. A tiny, sarcastic avatar popped out. It looked like a mix between a devil and a cat in a tuxedo.
"Good evening, Vessel of Desire. Let's assess your skills. First test: flirtation. Objective: Seduce the nearest sentient female. Bonus points for style, not death."
I blinked. "You're joking. This is a test?"
System: Deadly serious. You will fail spectacularly if you don't comply.
Nearby, the swordswoman from before stepped into the clearing. She didn't speak, but her sharp gaze drilled into my soul. Oh, perfect. My first test would be under the observation of someone who looked capable of literally killing me with a glare.
System Tip: The subject of your flirtation will also serve as a live combat dummy if needed. Recommendation: Don't get killed.
I cleared my throat and attempted a suave bow.
"Uh… greetings, m'lady! I am Lynx… the… uh…" My mind froze. Smooth. Real smooth.
System: +2 points for awkwardness. -10 points for charm.
The swordswoman blinked once. That's it. One single blink.
"Name?" she asked, voice as cold as freshly forged steel.
"Lynx! Lynx Brian. Born… uh… yesterday? Metaphorically speaking. I mean… not literally. Okay, literally. But who cares, right?"
Her eyes narrowed.
System: Desperation levels rising. Warning: Potential for extreme humiliation detected.
I panicked. "I mean, who doesn't like a confident man? Right? And confidence is… sexy. Did you know? Sexy. Very. Look at me. Admire… me?"
I gestured wildly and accidentally flailed into a nearby bush. Leaves stuck to my face. My pants threatened rebellion. I could feel my dignity slowly evaporating.
The swordswoman finally moved, but not aggressively. She walked with measured steps, each one deliberate. My heart thumped in a rhythm that was probably audible from space.
System Notification: Heart rate detected. Flustered state: Optimal for Desire Points accumulation.
She stopped a mere foot away, arms crossed. I could smell faint leather and metal — dangerous, intoxicating. My thoughts went blank.
System: Suggestion — touch the subject to gauge response.
"What? Touch?" I whispered, staring at her chest. Oh no. System. Bad idea.
System: Recommended. High reward for beginners.
I panicked. I reached out, flailing in a completely accidental, probably horrifying way, and my fingers brushed her arm. She stiffened. My brain short-circuited.
"Uh… sorry! Totally intended!" I lied.
She blinked once. Her mouth twitched slightly. Was that… amusement? No. Definitely annoyance.
System: Desire Points +5. Skill unlocked: Clumsy Seduction. Bonus: Embarrassment immunity + temporary.
I nearly fainted from the combination of the system's gloating and her proximity.
The System wasn't done.
Next Objective: Advance flirtation through verbal tease. Failure results in mild humiliation and minor spanking.
"Wait. Did you just say spanking?" I whispered.
System: Yes. Proceed.
I opened my mouth. "Uh… you look… deadly? And sexy. And… hmm. Can swordswoman and deadly sexy co-exist? Asking for a friend."
Her eyes narrowed again. "You are a disaster."
Yes. That was exactly the reaction I was aiming for. Disaster. Success.
The next hour was a blur of:
My fumbling hand gestures.
System pop-ups mocking me for every twitch.
Her sharp corrections, glare, and occasional accidental brush against me.
At one point, I tripped over a small root and ended up with my face in her chest again.
System: Critical hit. Virgin Status Confirmed. +20 Desire Points.
"Stop moving like a fool!" she snapped, though there was a flicker in her expression that didn't quite belong to anger. Maybe annoyance. Maybe… curiosity?
System: Observation complete. Recommended Action: Continue Training.
By the end of the "session," I was sweaty, flushed, and more aware of my virginity than ever. The swordswoman turned and walked away silently, leaving me panting and flustered in the clearing.
System: Good progress, Vessel. First training complete. Bonus Objective: Survive emotional damage. Status: Failed. New Skill: Flustered Hero. Effect: Makes females more likely to respond to clumsy flirtation.
Next Chapter Preview:
Next chapter: I try to train in private, but the system has other ideas — including "solo practice" that is not as innocent as it sounds. And the swordswoman… she's watching again.
CTA:
If you enjoyed watching me stumble my way through flirtation under life-or-death observation, leave a review or power stone! Each click fuels my survival… and apparently, my budding sexual education.