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Chapter 3: Spoon Versus Shadows
The Shades moved like nightmares given form—skeletal arms stretching too long, fingers clawing at the air, eyes glowing red as dying coals. Each one radiated an aura that made Derek's skin crawl.
The panel hovering in Derek's vision flashed warnings.
[Demonic Shades Detected]
Realm: Qi Disciple (low-tier)
Quantity: 8
Recommendation: Run. Preferably screaming.
Derek muttered, "Well, that's reassuring."
Kael, however, looked ecstatic. His black sword hummed in his hands, qi crackling around its edge like lightning trapped in steel. "Ahhh, Disciple-level trash. Perfect for warming up!"
"Warming up?!" Derek snapped. "These things look like they eat mortals for brunch!"
Kael grinned, then blurred forward. One heartbeat he was beside Derek, the next he was among the Shades, his sword howling through the air. The first creature barely had time to shriek before it was cleaved in two, dissolving into black mist.
Derek blinked. "...Okay. He's insane."
The remaining Shades hissed, splitting apart to circle Derek. Their movements were jerky but fast, like broken marionettes yanked by invisible strings. One lunged, claws flashing.
Derek barely raised his spoon in time. The creature's claws met silver light with a clang. Sparks exploded. The Spoon of Eternal Mockery vibrated violently in his hand, but it didn't break. Instead, a wave of sarcastic energy burst outward.
"Seriously? You're attacking me before breakfast?" Derek shouted instinctively.
The spoon pulsed, and to his shock, the Shade recoiled as though struck by lightning. The golden panel updated:
[Mockery Effect Triggered]
Insult Level: Mild
Damage Multiplier: x2
Enemy Morale: Reduced (Shame Applied)
The Shade screeched, stumbling back, its form unraveling slightly.
Derek gawked. "Wait… the spoon literally weaponizes sarcasm?"
Another Shade lunged from the side. Derek ducked, swung wildly, and smacked it across the face with the spoon. It let out a distorted wail, dissolving faster than the first.
Adrenaline roared through him. His heart pounded, but not entirely from fear. The spoon thrummed in his grip like it was alive, its glow synchronizing with his pulse. Power surged through his veins—hot, electric, undeniable.
"More!" Derek shouted, surprising himself. "Come on then, you creepy freaks!"
The Shades shrieked and rushed him. Derek danced clumsily at first, swinging like a man trying to swat wasps. But with each strike, his movements sharpened. The spoon wasn't just guiding him—it was teaching him. He learned to angle his wrist, to push qi with his breath, to insult mid-swing for maximum effect.
"Your claws are overrated!" Smack.
"Nice glowing eyes, very original!" Slash.
"You look like discount Halloween decorations!" Bam.
Each insult drew laughter from the spoon's engravings, a faint echo that only Derek could hear. Each taunt made the Shades falter. And each strike landed harder than the last.
The panel pulsed again:
[Combat Insight Gained]
Qi Circulation Efficiency: +15%
Mockery Synchronization: 34%
Breakthrough Possible.
Derek gasped as qi flared inside him. His veins burned like liquid fire, his lungs filled with lightning. He staggered, spoon trembling in his grip.
Kael appeared beside him, having reduced three Shades to mist. "Hah! You're glowing already, spoon-boy. First breakthrough!"
"What do I do?!" Derek shouted, barely parrying another Shade's claws.
"Simple! Don't die!" Kael laughed madly, cutting another Shade in half.
Derek swore. The qi inside him churned violently, demanding release. The spoon pulsed harder, urging him. Instinct screamed at him to breathe—not shallow gasps, but deep, rhythmic pulls that matched the cadence of his swings.
He inhaled sharply. The air itself seemed thicker here, saturated with invisible rivers of qi. He drew it into his lungs, into his blood, into his bones. The pain sharpened, then… softened.
The panel blazed:
[Breakthrough Achieved]
Realm: Mortal → Qi Disciple (1st Layer)
Qi Reserves: Awakened
Spoon Resonance: Strengthened
A pulse of energy exploded from Derek, blasting the Shades backward. The ground cracked beneath his feet, and for a heartbeat, Derek felt like he could smash mountains.
He raised the spoon high. "Breakfast is canceled, you shadowy bastards!"
The Spoon of Eternal Mockery roared with him, silver light blazing. He swung downward. A crescent wave of qi burst forth, wide as a cart, slamming into the Shades. Three disintegrated instantly, shredded by glowing mockery-infused force.
The last Shade hissed, half its body unraveling, and lunged at Derek in desperation.
Derek smirked. "You're not even scary anymore."
He jabbed the spoon forward. Silver light pierced the Shade's chest, and it shrieked one last time before dissolving into smoke.
The battlefield fell silent. Derek's chest heaved, sweat soaking his pajamas. His whole body trembled—not from exhaustion, but from exhilaration. He'd done it. He'd actually fought and won.
Kael sheathed his sword with a satisfied grunt. "Not bad, spoon-boy. Not bad at all. Your form is trash, your insults are juvenile, and your outfit is offensive to the heavens—but you broke through. That counts."
Derek collapsed onto a rock, panting. "So what you're saying is… I'm awesome."
Kael grinned. "I'm saying you're still trash. But you're trash with potential. And that's dangerous."
The panel shimmered one last time before fading:
[New Title Acquired: The Insulting Disciple]
Effect: Enemies who understand language take 10% extra damage when mocked.
Derek laughed weakly. "Even my cultivation path is a joke."
Kael clapped him on the back hard enough to nearly knock him over. "Then make it the funniest joke the world has ever seen. Demons, gods, and cultivators will hate you for it." His eyes gleamed with battle lust. "Which is perfect."
Derek groaned. "Why do I feel like I just signed up for the worst comedy tour in history?"
The spoon pulsed in his hand, warm and satisfied, as if agreeing.
And in the distance, unseen by either man, the horned demon from the temple stirred in its prison, laughing darkly.
"The vessel grows," it whispered. "Good. Let him. The higher he climbs, the harder he'll fall."
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