"He's got nothing to do with me… we just happened to eat at the same place…" She tried to stare the two girls down, but her gaze faltered here and there.
I raised an eyebrow at her words, as if I couldn't believe what she just said.
Should I admire the courage it took not to drag me into this, or pity her for worrying about others before herself?
"Huh, is that so?" one of them said, folding her arms.
She nodded in response, lowering her eyes.
The tension was thick in the air. Not really my business, but still—if someone tries to help me, I'm not ungrateful enough to ignore it.
That said, just looking at them makes me think I'll get dragged into trouble with these two attention-starved girls. Putting both options on the scale, neither side really wins.
I picked up a bit of my lunch with my chopsticks, but to my annoyance, the food had already gone cold.
"Let's go already—we'll talk about this back in class!" The blue-haired girl ordered, as if it were obvious. She shot me one last look of disgust before turning away.
Well, if I can kill two birds with one stone, I might as well take her up on that offer.
There are a few things I can't stand—one of them being worthless people looking down on me.
I let out a long sigh.
"Hey! I think I've had enough of this shit."
The three girls in the little corner of the room turned to stare at me in surprise.
I picked up another bite of food, but the taste wasn't what it had been. Part of me knew it wouldn't be once it got cold.
"Huh? What the hell did you just say!?"
With arrogant types who think too highly of themselves, it's best to start by knocking them off that fantasy pedestal where they're the number ones, the so-called beauties everyone supposedly dreams of.
"Are you deaf or something?" I asked with a mocking look, like she was nothing but an idiot.
Her expression slowly twisted back into irritation.
"Who the hell do you think you are, talking to me like that!?"
"Just an average student you could find anywhere." I shrugged, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.
"You—!"
The other girl joined in the oh-so-friendly conversation.
"Me?" I tilted my head.
"Don't play dumb! You're mocking us!"
"Am I?"
"Of course you are!"
"How strange. I had no such intention, but if you're taking my words that way, maybe your tiny brains just can't interpret them properly."
"What the hell's that supposed to mean!?"
One of them looked ready to lunge at me, but she knew I'd swat her hand away without hesitation.
"Nothing. It's just that only idiots go digging for deep meaning in words that don't have any. Of course, you're not idiots… right? …Although, now that I think about it, haven't you been doing exactly that with everything I've said?"
I stared at them in mock amazement, as if they were exotic animals in a zoo.
"Are you calling us idiots!?"
"Not at all. In fact, you're imbeciles—because calling you idiots would be an insult to idiots."
"Who the hell do you thi…"
"I already said it a minute ago. But if you can't even remember, then you really do have a serious attention problem. Which, honestly, just makes it even clearer why you're a pair of complete imbeciles." I said this with a wide, cheerful, genuine smile.
I've never had a problem saying exactly what I think.
"That's it—we're not putting up with your insults anymore!!"
"Insults? When did I insult you?" I tilted my head in doubt, trying to recall. "Ohhh!" I smacked my fist into my palm. "You mean our little chat just now? I was just telling you the truth—something I'm sure everyone else is thinking but too spineless to say. So, on behalf of the student body, I took it upon myself to let you know. No need to thank me!"
I scratched the back of my head sheepishly.
"Bastard!!!"
Quick as a flash, I caught her wrist before the blue-haired girl could slap me. No way I was letting that slide.
Looks like she's way more hot-headed than the other one.
"Come on, come on, we're just having a friendly little chat. No need to throw punches, right?"
I tightened my grip slightly on her wrist, narrowing my eyes as I looked at her.
Does she not realize the situation she's in?
We're standing on the stairs—a dangerous spot. Just one light push would be enough to send her tumbling down, and I doubt she'd walk away unscathed. Luckily for her, I wouldn't actually do anything reckless inside the school. It's just an empty threat, though it clearly doesn't feel that way to them.
The other girl—the one whose wrist I wasn't holding—stared at me with pure hatred, but did nothing.
"Looks like we understand each other. Isn't it easier when we talk like civilized people?" I released her wrist. "So, I assume you both have better things to do, don't you?"
I stressed those last words with a sharper tone.
With no choice but to grit their teeth in anger, unable to say or do anything against me, they turned and stormed down the stairs, leaving reluctantly.
The rage on their faces was priceless. Playing the part of the unpleasant guy had been worth the effort.
I sat back down and opened my lunch box, picking up a bit of food with my chopsticks and placing it in my mouth; still cold. Accepting that it wouldn't heat up on its own, I just kept eating.
Finally, a moment of peace to enjoy my lunch. Or at least, that's what I'd say—if I didn't feel someone's gaze fixed on me.
Her face showed a mix of emotions, but what stood out most was her look of surprise and admiration.
"Something wrong?" I asked without looking at her, focused on finishing my meal.
"Please… teach me to be like you!" Her excitement was unlike anything I'd ever seen from her before.
"…Huh?" Her words caught me off guard. I expected her to say many things, but not that.
"Tell me how to be like you!"
Living twenty-three years, dying, and then being reborn to live another fifteen—I don't think I can explain that to her.
"Like I told those girls, I'm just an ordinary student you could find anywhere." My voice was flat, making it clear I had nothing else to say.
I have no reason to tell someone how they should live their life. I'm hardly the one to give advice. In the end, the only person who can deal with your problems is yourself.
"…I see."
Her mood deflated at my answer, since I had indirectly told her this wasn't my problem. Which was true. Even so… I do have certain habits I've never quite managed to shake.
"I have a bad habit—sometimes I like to monologue out loud." I said, staring off into the distance.
Her eyes widened as she looked at me, as if eagerly waiting for what I would say next.
I wasn't going to advise her. Her problems are hers to overcome. But if she happens to pick something up from my words, that's on her. It's just my bad habit of voicing my thoughts.
"Humans are selfish by nature. Those were the words of an old philosopher, and I think he was right. From the beginning, society has taught us to care more about ourselves than others. Of course, you might say that's not true, since as children we're taught to get along, to help those in need. But tell me—when it comes to getting a job, or earning recognition, is it something collective… or is it all about the individual?"
"Do you already know the answer? Then you understand that society itself is built on individual recognition. Each person shines with their own light."
"And as I said, since everyone looks out for themselves, competition is inevitable—which is a good thing. But… not everyone plays fair. If you can sabotage someone else to win, why wouldn't you?"
"Because someone told you cheating is wrong? Everyone's reasons differ, and they always tie back to personal interest. For example, a student wants to rank among the top three in an exam, but he doesn't study or put in the effort. Naturally, he goes for the easy option—cheating. He succeeds, and is rewarded with a new game console from his parents."
"What's wrong with that? He achieved his goal, so everything's fine, right? Except… there's another student. This one works hard, spends hours studying, and consistently earns third place. Because his family struggles financially, the school awarded him a scholarship—on the condition that he always stays within the top three."
"You can already imagine the outcome: someone gained an advantage by cheating, while someone who worked hard ended up at a disadvantage. Now, let me ask you—was that unfair? Some would say yes, since one student cheated and another suffered because of it. Others would say no, because that student did everything possible to reach their goal. The method doesn't matter, only the result."
"In the end, everyone is responsible for their own decisions. The student who lost out could have studied harder and aimed for more than just third place. Instead, they settled for that spot, knowing there was a big gap between them and fourth place, and only put in the effort needed to secure that result."
"We tend to settle when we're comfortable, or out of fear of change. We want to believe that if things seem fine, we should leave them as they are—doing nothing to improve or seek change. But sooner or later, that will harm us, because someone else might take advantage of it."
"Human beings are good by nature, but society corrupts them—or so another great philosopher once said. Some people are more easily deceived, taken advantage of for their kindness or shyness, while others exploit them."
"Fear, doubt, anxiety—these are normal feelings we all have. But if you don't learn to face them, I can assure you that you won't grow as a person. Every time those emotions control you, they'll hold you back, keeping you from aiming higher."
"The path to overcoming these emotions isn't easy. The more you dwell on them, the harder it gets. Still, if you never take the first step, how will you ever begin to walk your own path?"
"In conclusion, if you just sit and do nothing, don't expect a miracle to fix your problems. Stand up, fight, face the struggles weighing you down. And if you fall, get back up. It doesn't matter how many times you fall, only how many times you rise again."
"And if you can't even take that first step, why complain? No one is forcing you to carry that heavy burden but yourself."
With nothing more to say, I stood and walked down the stairs.
"Maybe I should change that bad habit." I turned back and looked her in the eye. "See you."
My words didn't say anything directly; anyone could interpret them however they wished. Still, judging from the thoughtful look in her eyes, I'd like to believe she at least understood what I meant to convey.
And what exactly was I trying to convey?
Even I don't know.
Maybe they were just empty words, spoken to make others feel better—or maybe, just maybe, it was the voice inside me, trying to comfort myself.
Not that it really matters to me.
As I walked away toward my classroom, just as I was about to turn the corner, I heard a voice strong enough to carry its meaning clearly.
"Thank you…!"
I smiled without meaning to when I heard it. As if some part of me was genuinely glad for her.
…
Finally, Friday. You know what that means?
Meeting up with friends, grabbing a few beers, and complaining about how exhausting work or university has been.
That's what I used to do before I died. God, how I miss beer…
It's not that I had a drinking problem, but nothing beat cracking one open after a long, exhausting day—especially with friends. Of course, I also drank alone sometimes. Our schedules didn't always line up.
Now, though, it's impossible for me to drink, since alcohol sales are forbidden to minors. It's not that I can't wait until I'm older—it's just that I wanted to know if I inherited more of my mother's genes or my father's.
My father can't handle alcohol at all; after just a few drinks, he's out cold. My mother, on the other hand, has a strong tolerance. I know because of a few family gatherings where she mentioned that her father—and grandfather—were heavy drinkers who rarely got drunk.
And after a little "test" a few years back, I found out I definitely take more after my mother. Not that it was intentional, but… well, "she" really was a bad influence.
Even if I can't drink now, that doesn't stop me from enjoying Fridays—whether it's reading in my room, buying snacks and Max Caffé, or playing video games.
Pretty normal stuff for someone my age.
That's why, when I got to school early and found a letter in my shoe locker, I was genuinely surprised.
I'm not popular, I'm not handsome, I'm not even remotely attractive—so finding a letter telling me to meet someone after class was completely unexpected.
Is this the part where I become the protagonist of my own rom-com? Where's the hidden camera?
As if something that good could happen overnight…
No matter how I look at it, this letter doesn't point to anything pleasant.
Normally, I'd brush off the idea of going to that place, but I won't lie—it does spark a bit of curiosity. Maybe, just maybe, a girl actually wants to confess to me. I lose nothing by showing up.
While I was mulling that over, I heard footsteps. A few seconds later, I saw someone who's already become quite familiar these past few days.
"Hey!"
It was the girl I met last Saturday at the hospital. Here she was again, showing up in the spot I'd chosen to eat lunch—near the rooftop, by the stairs.
I nodded at her words, noticing with some amusement how her expression and tone were bursting with energy.
She sat down on one of the steps, pulled out her lunch, and started eating.
It's not like I was waiting for her, but this time she took a bit longer to arrive.
Her head swayed lightly side to side as she hummed a tune in good spirits, glancing at me from time to time.
That attitude reminded me a little of my adorable younger sister. When she wants me to ask why she's in such a good mood, she makes the same kind of gestures this girl is making now.
From what I've gathered after interacting with her a bit, and after my little monologue yesterday, I can guess she finally decided to face her problem.
Sometimes I don't even fully understand myself, but maybe that's the fun of this thing called life—or so I think.
"Something good happen?" I asked, still looking at my lunch, not showing much interest.
The cheerful girl—so different from the version of her I saw just days ago—lit up with a big smile at my question.
"Yeah, I finally managed to sort out some issues I had with certain people." She scratched the back of her head, as if to say those problems I could imagine were now behind her.
"Is that so?"
"It wasn't as impossible as I thought before. But thanks to some words I heard yesterday, I found the courage to face my problems." Her face was glowing with resolve and joy.
"I see." I replied, continuing to eat.
For the rest of the lunch break, she stayed in high spirits, humming different songs. And even though I prefer eating in silence, I found the moment oddly pleasant.