I feel myself floating through a dark, thick fluid. I break the surface and find I'm standing on solid ground. My body is covered with dripping goop that slides down the length of my person , creating a kind of veil that I have to gaze from behind. It tinges the world around me with a dark hue, as though the whole of creation is bathed in darkness.
I raise my hand and wipe away the ooze from in front of my face, allowing me to see the scene as it really is. The bright sun is shining above all, warming the otherwise cold world comprised of waving, green grass which sits beneath a crystal clear, blue sky. Most of all though, I can see my sweetheart sitting on the crest of a nearby hill.
She turns her head in my direction and smiles directly at me. I step forward into the light, and feel as though my skin is peeling away, leaving behind the figure that I am, for a more pleasant visage. I climb up the hillside, finding it slightly difficult to deal with the more than slight incline, but I am determined to reach her and nothing will stop me.
I make it to the top and, for a moment, just breathe in the scene spread before me. My sweetheart, my Disandra, is sitting on a checkered blanket, with many types of delicious foods and a bottle of wine directly in the center. It is the perfect kind of repast for so moving a reunion as the one we now share with each other. All of which is nestled quite comfortable beneath the shade of a sprouting sapling.
I could stare at her all day. She is dressed quite simply in a green frock that all but matches the lush carpet that spreads all around the scene. Her skirt goes down to just below her knee and she keeps it tucked within her folded legs. She a modest kind of girl who does not even show off the ample bosom that hides beneath her chest wrap.
Disandra's eyes sparkle a radiant blue from the deep pools that swim within her pupils while a cascade of auburn lochs spill down her back and is fastened in place with a pale blue ribbon. Her skin peeks out from beneath her folds and is a lovely olive. She is simply radiant and I am so taken by her beauteous complexion that I completely forget myself and gape slack jawed.
She smiles at my stupid composure and motions for me to sit right beside her. I do as I am bidden and together, we enjoy a most delectable meal and savor the wine. After which, we cuddle up beneath the sapling's deceptively sturdy trunk. The perfect spot to take in the filtered sun without fear of too much exposure.
All afternoon we lay enfolded in each others embrace, simply enjoying one another's company while the rest of the world lies in complete stillness. Not even the sun dares to move for fear of disrupting our intimate moment. If I could I would freeze this moment and boil it down to its essence which I will then place inside a bottle and keep handy for when I am lonely.
I hug Disandra tightly to my body and delight in her warmth as she nestles her head against my shoulder and pours her hot breath upon the nape of my neck. This excites me to no end and had I my way I would have her, here and now. But I must respect her wishes and wait upon our wedding day. Though it does give me the ache.
I run a hand through her hair and feel something gritty and grainy touch my skin. I pull away and find a handful of sand tucked inside my palm. In that moment of two minds. One is sheer confusion while the other, not quite as strong, understands exactly what is happening and what it means to me. It's a reality that is quickly dawning upon me.
Disandra pulls away as she sense my apprehension and is not certain how she should feel, for she does not know what I know. I stare upon her person and can see already the change. Her body is slowing changing into sand with bits of her person breaking away from her and falling to the ground. But she doesn't seem to notice her plight, just my suffering.
"Not now!" I shout to the heavens and feel my body pulse at the consequence unfolding. "Please no! Give me more time!" I throw myself forward and wrap my arms around her as the fire leaves me. "Please, stay with me." I whisper into her ear.
I keep my eyes shut, but it doesn't matter. I know what is happening and my mind plays out the scene in graphic detail.
The food, the wine, the blanket, the grass, all of it is turned to dust and blown away by the strong wind that finds its way through the projected barrier that is breaking down. The sky is growing dark and the sun dims, as a kind of weight settles on me. All is as it has always been and there is naught I can do to reverse the course of fate.
"Please, stay with me," I plead with her all the more as tears run from my eyes, but I know it is no use.
I hold Disandra as best I can as she slowly slips through my fingers, until all at once she collapses.
It's then that I feel my old skin, my protective suit, creep back onto my body, separating me from the rest of the world. I look up and see a pale sun that barely peeks through the dark, heavy clouds which fill the entirety of the sky. This is my world, my true world and its bleakness cannot hope to be measured. Such is reality and nothing can change it.
I squat down and reach my gloved hand into the ground, and come up with a handful of ash, the very same stuff that covers every last inch of the land. I hold there, just staring out into space, as my mind tries to wrestle with the conflicting stimuli bombarding my brain. All the while the soot leaves traces on my outer shell as it slips through my fingers.
I reach down to my kit and unfasten the strap that holds it closed. It pops open and hangs from the fabric that keeps it one piece. Inside I find two needles, one empty the other full. I pull the latter out and line it up with the circular opening that allows for such implements to be injected directly into the blood stream.
I hold for a second. "One last hit," I muse to myself and push the needle inside. "I had better make it count." It isn't long before I find myself plunge into thick liquid.