Maybe this is what I deserve.The silence. The distance. The emptiness.
I spent so long pushing people away that I forgot what it felt like to be held close. I told myself I didn't need anyone — that I was better alone. But it wasn't strength. It was fear. Fear that someone might see the truth of me — the selfish, angry, jealous side I tried to hide even from myself.
I used to think people were weak for caring too much. I mocked kindness, twisted affection into pity, and called my cruelty "honesty." Meera tried to stay. She really did. She saw the worst in me and still tried to find something worth saving. But I made sure she left. I always do.
I told myself I didn't need her. But the truth is — I didn't deserve her. Or anyone.And now, here I am. Alone. Unchanged.
I thought guilt would fix me. That knowing what I'd done wrong would somehow make me better. But it didn't. Guilt without change is useless — just another excuse to keep being the same.
People say everyone changes with time. I didn't. I just got quieter, colder. My anger became silence, and my words turned into thoughts that never leave my head. I look at others laughing, building lives, finding warmth in each other — and I realize I gave that away, again and again.
Maybe this is what I wanted — peace without people. But it doesn't feel like peace anymore. It feels like nothing.
Still, I can't change. Not because I don't want to, but because I no longer know how. The person I was supposed to become — she never arrived. And now it's too late.
So I'll stay as I am — a quiet storm that never passes, a person remembered for the pain she caused.And when the world forgets me, maybe that will be mercy.