Lyriq (thinking):
"…Okay. I was just born. Can I get some peace and milk? Nope. Outside the window it looks like a fireworks competition. Are they celebrating me, or did someone just declare war?"
BOOM!
Another explosion shakes the walls.
Lyriq (thinking):
"Fantastic. I'm five minutes old, and the castle already sounds like it's under siege. Great childhood At this rate, I'll be an orphan by dinner. Or worse, still alive but in debt."
Zaren Raveline (dad, holding him like a potato)
"Veronica, look! Our fifth child!"
Lyriq (thinking):
"…Fifth child? Hold on. So I'm not even unique? ."
Veronica (smiling tiredly):
"He's beautiful…"
Lyriq (thinking):
"Lady, it doesn't matter how cute I am if I get flattened by falling ceiling stones."
Zaren (to baby, proudly):
"You're Lyriq Raveline, my son!"
Lyriq (thinking):
"…Cool name. But why is this man doing a family introduction when the castle is being bombed?"
BOOM!
The windows rattle again. One of Zaren's older kids barges in.
Sinon (eldest son, panicking):
"Father! The kingdom is under attack!"
Lyriq (thinking):
"Why does bro reacting so late, the attack was already started five minutes ago?"
Zaren (snapping):
"Can't they wait?! I just had a child!"
Lyriq (thinking, glaring at the top):
"Just who put me in this situation, why my life is always ruined "
Cricus (looking at Lyriq, wide-eyed):
"So this is the Child of Destiny?"
Lyriq (thinking):
"…Bruh, don't dump that title on me. I can't even control my neck muscles yet."
Suddenly, the creepy old lady prophet enters, holding a suspiciously fat cat.
Creepy Lady (dramatic):
"The Child of Destiny is born! His cry shall shake kingdoms, his steps shall-"
Lyriq (thinking):
"Oh no. Not this clown again. Who invited her? And why is the cat looking at me like I'm lunch?"
Zaren (angry):
"You said he's the Child of Destiny! Then WHY are we being bombed like it's festival night?!"
Creepy Lady (calmly, petting cat):
"…That is destiny."
Lyriq (thinking):
"…Woman, that's not destiny. That's someone actively trying to kill me. Please learn the difference."
Veronica (hugging Lyriq tightly):
"Don't worry, little one. You'll bring peace to this land."
Lyriq (thinking):
"Yeah, sure. But before world peace, can someone bring the peace to the room, so I can nap?"
BOOM!
Another explosion. Dust showers down.
Cricus (pointing to Lyriq's head, covered in dust):
"Look! Even the heavens crown him with holy ash!"
Lyriq (thinking):
"…Brother, that's not holy ash. Its the sand of the castle. We're all doomed."
The creepy old lady raises her cat to the ceiling dramatically.
Creepy Lady:
"This child will carry the fate of kingdoms!"
The cat yawns.
Lyriq (thinking, glaring at the ceiling):
"…Seriously. Who put me in this situation? Why is my life ruined before I even learned how to blink properly?"
BOOM!
The loudest blast yet shakes the castle. Everyone freezes. The baby sneezes.
Creepy Lady (eyes widening):
"Did you hear that sneeze? Truly divine!"
Lyriq (thinking):
"Somebody, please, just throw this lady away."